Slogan of civil affairs walking

Yesterday, I brushed Baidu and saw a question: "You and your wife walked to the door of the Civil Affairs Bureau, but in the end they didn't get divorced?" I was curious about the answer, so I clicked in and took a look. Most netizens left messages: They said that they and their partners went to the Civil Affairs Bureau for divorce, but they didn't have the experience of divorce in the end. I found the messages of several netizens quite interesting.

Message 1: I found that couples who divorced in the civil affairs bureau, if they were crying and quarrelling, often did not divorce in the end. Instead, those who were calm or talking and laughing eventually really divorced.

Message 2: My husband and I went to the Civil Affairs Bureau for divorce three times, every time it was Sunday, and the Civil Affairs Bureau didn't go to work.

News 3: To get a marriage certificate, my husband suddenly asked the civil affairs personnel, where is the divorce processing window? In case you need it later.

News 4: On the way to divorce, one of them sneaked away for various reasons, and the result was unsuccessful.

Message 5: the civil administrator said that we didn't have all the materials, so we went again the next day and then we didn't go.

Message 6: On the way to the Civil Affairs Bureau for divorce, I began to think about each other's good feelings all the way.

After reading all the messages, I feel that many couples may not really want a divorce, but when they quarrel, both of them are very angry and impulsively say that they want a divorce, but when they really arrive at the door of the Civil Affairs Bureau, they are reluctant to part.

In addition, after reading these messages, I have a doubt: "Why do people sometimes have to wait until they are about to lose it, or have already lost it, before they know how to cherish it, and then they begin to think of each other's goodness?"

?

Those who are satisfied are easy to see and feel.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory holds that people have five different levels of needs: 1, physiological needs; 2. Safety requirements; 3. Love and sense of belonging; 4. Respect for needs; 5. Self-realization needs; And the order of meeting these five needs will be different.

Judging from the above five basic needs, the attachment relationship of "independence and dependence" between husband and wife will inevitably produce some needs for each other, and they are eager to get satisfaction from each other. This will lead to two situations. First, the other party's unmet needs are always restless in their hearts, and they are eager to get "psychological compensation" through other means, or look for demand satisfaction outside. Second, once the needs are met, these satisfied needs will "disappear" in the hearts of the satisfied; The eyes are also "invisible". The more you repeat, the more satisfied you are, and the more "invisible" you are.

It seems that most people have this kind of psychology, thinking about unmet needs in their hearts and always being stimulated and pulled by unmet needs; However, once the demand is met, it will be ignored or turned a blind eye, even disapproved, even disgusted.

For example, when you are thirsty, what is in your heart, what is in your mind and what you see in your eyes are all "water". Once you drink it, you will be satisfied, and there will be no water in your heart, mind and eyes; Sometimes I even drink too much, and I still have some dislike and disgust for water. So, sometimes if you are too kind to others and meet their needs too much, they will easily ignore you and even get bored with you.

Husband and wife get along in the same way. When the other party meets some of our needs, we often ignore and turn a blind eye to the goodwill of the other party. Sometimes the other person is too kind to us, and we even dislike each other. At the same time, we are used to staring at each other, and we are dissatisfied with each other's failure to meet many of our needs, so we hope that the other side will improve to meet most of our needs.

Therefore, when husband and wife live together, it is easy to ignore each other's good, but often see each other's bad, and the other's bad is actually that their needs are not met from each other. So when two people get along for a long time, there will always be conflicts because the needs of the other party are not met.

However, once you divorce at the Civil Affairs Bureau, it means that the needs previously met by the other party will be completely emptied to zero, and these needs will be solved by yourself in the future. From the previously invisible "satisfied demand" to the eager "unsatisfied demand", I began to think of each other's goodness. For example:

In the past, my wife took care of the children with a handful of excrement and urine at home, but in the future she may have to take care of the children herself.

There was a hot meal before I got home, and then it was cold and cheerless when I got home.

……

So at this time, I will begin to realize and recall all the good things of my wife, and I don't want to divorce.

Some young people often feel: "When we were together, I didn't cherish his/her kindness to me. After breaking up, I feel that I missed the best person for me. "

Not only love and marriage, but also the psychological set of "you can't see if you are satisfied" and "you can't move if you are not satisfied", which affects all aspects of us. For example:

I didn't spend much time with my parents when they were alive. After my parents left, I felt unfilial.

When children are healthy, parents will project their own needs to their children and ask them to learn this and that. The child is seriously ill, and parents expect that as long as the child grows up healthily.

I can't see myself when my body is healthy and my limbs are sound. It is a good thing to realize that you are still alive after a serious illness.

I can't see what I have at present. After I have nothing, I think it would be nice to have a full mouth and a comfortable bed.

……。

Many people, including me now, always can't see it, and only after being "deprived" will they know how to cherish it. In addition, what is even more frightening is that sometimes, after the "deprivation" demand is met again, they don't know how to cherish it, they become the same, "forget the pain after healing the scar" and so on.

For example, when a couple quarreled, one party made a mistake, and then sincerely repented, and the other party forgave him; Maybe after a while, he will make the same mistake again.

To sum up:

(1), we should realize that people are "invisible" when they are satisfied and always "restless" when they are not satisfied.

(2) Sometimes desire is: I can't see what I have, I can't feel it, and I am eager to be stimulated and satisfied by new demands. And desires are constantly being satisfied and constantly being upgraded. Desire is a derivative of satisfaction.

(3) The happiness of a poor person eating a delicious meal may be equivalent to the happiness of a rich person earning 100 million dollars.

(4) If we can't see what we have, no matter how strong our desire is, how high our pursuit is, how much we get, and how satisfied we are, once we are satisfied, even if there are more things, we won't feel, and we will naturally experience the happiness we have. It's like having money now is not as happy as getting a lollipop when I was a child.

3. Several ways to improve "knowing how to cherish"

We have been playing a psychological game, in which we are constantly satisfied and constantly seek new desires to stimulate, but the happiness index has not improved much. Through the following simple methods, we can know how to cherish what we have now and feel happier.

(1) "Happiness lies in contentment": Through further understanding of cognition, I know how to consciously discover, see and feel what I have. At the same time, reduce or avoid the desire of unreal demand; Many years ago, I often thought about what I had and wrote them down to adjust my state of mind, and the effect was very good.

(2) "Appropriate deprivation of demand": occasionally experience hard life or hard work. For example, I am too tired after a day's walk and want to give me a bed. I feel very happy; Another example is "it is better to get married than to break up", which is also an appropriate deprivation of demand.

(3) "Sometimes I have been thinking": When I have a lot of things at present, I often think about how I felt when I had nothing in the past.

(4) The more unhappy you feel, the more you feel that you have nothing. The above three points are worth learning.

Finally, when two people get along, they should see and feel each other's kindness to themselves and express this kindness to each other. Maybe the future story will be different.