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Video of Jing Ke’s assassination of King Qin

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Funny version of script 1: Assassination of Qin: The King of Qin was having fun in the Chinese Super League and Jing Ke was assassinated

2004-10-25 02:14:01 Xinhuanet

(It was just daybreak when Jing Ke walked up the road carrying a huge roll of maps. In the Jinluan Hall, Reporter Qin, Reporter Wu, and Reporter Yang were following behind him. Hundreds of civil and military officials stood solemnly with their sabers in hand. Mechanical police officers lined up on both sides. King Qin yawned loudly, and Zhao Gao gave an order: Bring the kid with you----! )

Reporter Qin: What are you doing? I have to get up early in the morning, but I haven’t brushed my teeth yet!

Journalist Wu: According to my experience, we are going to do an assassination. After being gone for so many days, when will Jing Ke treat us to morning tea?

Reporter Yang: Bring me the money! I lost money last night and you said you would pay it back this morning.

Reporter Qin: I can’t pay it back. Look, there isn’t even a bubble machine in the hall. How can I get rid of it?

Journalist Wu: Since we can’t pay back the money, we have no choice but to continue playing cards. The odds have been opened, I bet on whether Jing Ke can assassinate him!

Reporter Yang: Don’t worry, the dealer will definitely make adjustments before the stabbing. Do you want to win money? Just ask Jing Ke himself. Anyway, people from Sohu are doing live broadcasts inside. Let’s play cards first, and then we can go online and copy the manuscript and revise it later.

(Jing Ke walked to the front of the main hall and suddenly found that there were no reporters behind him. He suddenly lost his confidence and ran back angrily.)

Jing Ke: Three missing ones and one unexpectedly You don’t even call me, it’s so unfaithful!

Zhao Gao: Good morning, dear friends! Welcome to the world of King Qin. Now our king is engaged in the super cause of unifying China and merging the six countries into one, which is referred to as the Chinese Super League! If you have money, please help with a money burner, and if you don’t have money, please help with a crematorium. Hey, who is this stranger? immortal? monster? Thanks!

Jing Ke: I am Jing Ke, who came from the State of Yan specifically to assassinate me.

Zhao Gao: I didn’t ask you, don’t answer nonsense, that person below!

Jing Ke: Those are my three assistants, they are fighting the landlord.

Zhao Gao: I didn’t ask you, don’t answer nonsense, that person next to the landlord!

Audience A: I am a fan of Jing Ke. I heard that King Qin was finally willing to talk to the assassin today. On behalf of the majority of movie fans, I came here to support the warrior. That's our slogan, Luke----!

(Audience A showed off a Yan Army jersey and wrote a few lines of black text: Firmly support Jing Ke in assassinating Qin!!! The King of Qin was brutal and dismissed immediately!!!)

Jing Ke: Don't rush, don't rush, take your time, everyone has a share. Brothers in the back, please show your guy! Take two steps, come up and take two steps!

(Audience B, Audience C, Audience D, etc. came to the stage holding banners that read "Rebellion is justified, assassination of Qin is not guilty")

Audience A, B, B, Ding (singing): My family lives in, II Inside the ring road, I have not provoked anyone or provoked anyone...

Jing Ke: Everyone is laughing! These are all from Nagada in our village. Please come out today for no other reason than to act as a supporter for Jing Ke and vent your anger. The King of Qin is indeed too shameless! Each of you represents 1 million people, which is 4 million!

(Reporter Qin Wuyang rushed up and scanned with cameras, camcorders, and recorders respectively.)

Zhao Gao: According to last year’s census data, there are only 1.3 million people.

Jing Ke (hitting Zhao Gao on the head): I didn’t ask you. Don’t answer nonsense. What’s wrong with a few more million? If your parents work harder, they will be born sooner or later!

(The walls on both sides of the Jinluan Hall are already covered with slogans: "You shoot one, I shoot one, if you strike at will, you will be punished." "God gives everyone the power to brag at will" "Penalty points and fines" "If one person gets a red card, the whole team will be honored." "If you stop kicking, picking, or blowing, you will be severely punished.")

Jing Ke: Qin Wuyang, the atmosphere in this room is very strange! I have an ominous feeling.

Reporter Qin Wuyang: Nonsense! If you think about it with your heels, you will understand that this is the territory of King Qin!

Jing Ke: I am kao! I am convinced YOU!

(Above the high hall, King Qin was in a daze, Zhao Gao was flipping through the book, and Jing Ke hurried in.)

Zhao Gao: King, be careful! The assassins of Yan Kingdom have already arrived with daggers! !

King of Qin: Xie Te! If you don't have a dagger, would you still be called an assassin? Jing Ke, apart from assassination, what else are you good at?

Jing Ke: Come back to your Majesty, dance!

King of Qin: Come on, come on, let’s dance a song and walk towards our acquaintance. The love between King Qin and Jing Ke is long, just like the sound of running water day and night, singing one or two!

Reporter Qin Wuyang (booing): No dancing! We went all the way to Xianyang, specifically to see how Jing Ke assassinated the King of Qin!

Jing Ke: Xie Te! Only when the map is poor can you see it with a dagger. Now King Qin doesn’t want to look at the map. What can I do?

(Tai Zi Dan holds the Qinglong Yanyue nail clipper and hums "Prelude to Fighting Tigers on the Mountain", with blood coming from the nose and mouth)

Audience A: I'm KAO! Come and watch the gods fight!

Tai Zi Dan (hugging King Qin): I’m just here to start a fight, don’t make any noise! Jing Ke, why don’t you take action quickly?

Audience B: What a bias! Prince Dan, what’s your motive? Revolution also requires qualifications!

Jing Ke: The map is too long, and the dagger is clamped too tightly and cannot be pulled out.

Audience C: If you don’t want to prick, then don’t prick. You have a personality problem, why are you pretending?

Zhao Gao: Jing Ke! The King of Qin has given you enough face, you are also a member of the Standing Committee after all!

Audience Ding: Those in front, please move out of the way, be careful not to get blood all over your body!

RoboCop: Jing Ke, do you want to kill him or not? To kill or not? To kill or not?

(Prince Dan picked up the atlas dropped by Jing Ke and opened it to the audience. There was a line of large characters written on it: "Emperors will take turns to come to my house next year.")

Prince Dan: Mom’s revolution in Jing Ke was not complete, I loaded my gun and let him go, it’s up to me! There are 13 files here, which is overwhelming!

King of Qin: Jing Ke’s assassination of Qin was both a bad thing and a good thing! Prince Dan’s attitude is also positive.

RoboCop: King, be careful! What he is holding is not a map, but a dagger!

King Qin: Want to play with documents and spell out charters with me? mock up! Have you forgotten where I came from?

Zhao Gao (standing in front of Prince Dan): How can you kill a chicken with a bull's knife! I, Lao Zhao, can withstand thousands of armies from the Six Kingdoms alone.

(Zhao Gao held a hardcover document in each hand, one was the "Articles of the International Assassin Federation" and the other was "Fighting Methods". He flew up and down and knocked down the 13 documents in Prince Dan's hand to the ground one by one. )

King Qin: Okay, okay, stop making trouble. Reporter Qin Wuyang is still waiting outside to hear the results. He will think about it carefully when he gets back and write a review of more than 2,000 words

Send it to me for reading, let’s go!

Reporter Qin: It turns out they settled out of court a long time ago. It’s so boring!

Journalist Wu: The arms can’t twist the thighs, and they can’t stab people anyway.

Reporter Yang: Go back to Sohu and copy the manuscript! Next time whoever calls me to interview Jing Ke, I will fight with you, just like Prince Dan stabbed Qin!

************************************

Script 2

Characters in the play: King Qin, Zhao Gao, Li Sisi, Jing Ke, Meng Jiangnu, warriors

Location: Palace Hall

Time: 228 BC< /p>

As soon as I came up, it was dark, and I looked like standing and sitting: windy, strong wind, strong wind, windy, strong wind, strong wind, blowing, blowing.

My head hurts.

After light up, the emperor shook the phone and shouted in a layered manner: Hello (with a twisted expression), hello (look at the two people next to him)

Hey! (Hysterical)

The other three people answered the phone: Hello, yes! Hi!

The emperor slapped his legs (no one paid attention). The other emperor, who continued to say that I am very busy now, slapped him again and shouted angrily that he would not go to court.

The two of them are like little bitches. The emperor's warrior was still answering the phone with a silly smile

Li Sisi kicked him over. The warrior immediately raised his sword in a very arrogant manner

Samurai: Yes, I have my book. . . . morning. . . There is no basis for retreat, retreat, retreat, and dynasty. . .

(Speaking coquettishly like a girl)

Samurai: Hey, hey, (can use gestures) Yes (stuttering sound)

Li’s cell phone rang

Your Majesty :oops! Yeah yeah yeah yeah!

Zhao: A big white face. Close to the emperor. Your Majesty, do you have a toothache? ()

The Emperor: You have a toothache!

Li: The original words are on the paper

Huang: He looked surprised and jumped up on the stool exaggeratedly. What happened again? wenmi.net So how is the progress of the Great Wall I asked you to build?

The samurai was playing with his mobile phone, and Li stepped forward and kicked him again

The samurai stepped forward and reported: King Qi, four hundred kilometers have been repaired a month ago.

The Emperor: Why four hundred kilometers? Didn’t I ask you to repair eight hundred miles?

Samurai: Yes, it’s four hundred kilometers! (Voiced)

The Emperor: Eight hundred miles! (Yelling childishly)

Samurai: Four hundred kilometers!

The Emperor: Eight hundred miles! ()

Samurai: Four hundred kilometers!

Zhao: Your Majesty, he is playing tricks on you! (Said very slyly)

The Emperor: Oh! (sudden realization) Come here! (Shouting loudly while pulling the bow and arrow)

Samurai: Ah, no~~~

The emperor quickly called the contractor to urge the progress

Zhao and Li said at the same time : Your Majesty, they are in arrears

Your Majesty: They are in arrears? Didn’t they ask you to give them recharge cards? Where's the card? !

Zhao Li gave it away

The Emperor: Did you give it away? Is the little Xiang who I gave you all ready?

Zhao Li: No~~

The Emperor: Look at you, you are like a raging army with a raging army.

Zhao: Your Majesty, calm down! I invented a new object

The Emperor: What is it?

Zhao: This new object can achieve communication effects without spending a penny!

The two sang: Two little dolls, let’s talk on the phone together. Hey, hey, hey. Where are you? Ah, ah, ah. I’m in the mall.

The Emperor: Good stuff! What's your name?

Zhao: Line talk

The Emperor: I will remember your great contribution and mass-produce it immediately! For military use and construction.

The warrior's cell phone rang again

The Emperor: Oops! Yeah yeah yeah

Zhao: Your Majesty, do you have toothache again?

The Emperor: Go, go, go!

Samurai: Come forward and report at this time! (Original word)

Li: Oh, that’s just right. ah? Doesn’t that make me cry? What about that woman?

Samurai: We have been captured, please forgive me.

The Emperor: Bring that woman up to me.

Zhao Li: It is said that Meng Jiangnu went to the palace!

Dae Jang Geum’s music + clothes (Korean dance warriors followed her happily and helped her hold up her gauze skirt)

Meng Jiangnu sang: Hula la hula la hula la la. . . .

The emperor followed the beat beautifully at first, but suddenly he felt something was wrong and shouted: Stop it!

Samurai: Your Majesty, it’s her!

Meng Jiangnu: (Suddenly took out chopsticks from her arms and tapped the rhythm) My little girl, I have been very kind since I was a child. I married a man named Wan Xiliang. We entered the bridal chamber three days ago. My poor Wan Lang was arrested to repair the broken city wall. I don't know who started the rumor, saying that if you want to make the Great Wall live forever, you must pay homage to the wise man? Flash? Night donkey groans and kills? Yi dispatches Yi Lai Naizhi to wipe the mark? Shan? Lei Kun? Runzi? Pry? Suppress? Pry? ㄖ Chen ship to participate in the remaining core? Pry? Suppress? Pry? Dredge? He is the one The stinky king who is worse than pigs, dogs, chickens, ducks, toads and cockroaches, the stinky king!

(Others stretched their necks to follow the rhythm)

After Meng Jiangnu finished speaking, the warrior suddenly shouted: OK! (Suddenly realized something was wrong and said again) You are such a bold Meng Jiangnu, you dare to scold the emperor!

Meng: Just scold me, scold me, tyrant, tyrant, tyrant, tyrant. (Make a gesture of contempt)

Zhao: Still scolding!

Li: Just curse!

The Emperor: Yes! She despises me, she is a Meng Jiang girl, she cried down my Great Wall, and she is still so arrogant, (Telling to the person next to her, then taking out the dick, the two of them immediately pulled him) I, I, I am going to chop you up! (The emperor was excited) Li next to him pulled him, but he couldn't hold him back.

Samurai: Report to the Emperor~~~, the contractor Jing Ke wants to see you!

The Emperor: What? Jing Ke, bring me here!

Samurai: Yes!

Jing Ke came on the stage, rushed up and knelt down, dyed his hair, wore fashionable clothes and goldware, he was very narcissistic and sang in his ears: Please give me a chance, don’t say it doesn’t matter about the salary anymore! I have been in arrears for so long, will you give me your money? (Putting out daily necessities, toothbrushes and toothpaste, and combing your hair, like a gangster boss)

The Emperor: You. . . . ?

Jing Ke: (speaking in Northeastern dialect very banditly) Let me tell you, if you don’t give me money today, I won’t leave today! (Looking at the alarm clock to adjust the time) I’ll take a nap!

Samurai: (suddenly angry) You are so manly!

Jing Ke: Get out!

The Emperor: Yeah! (To the two people next to him) Then lower his head and dig out the guy!

The two of them knocked down the emperor (the emperor fell under the chair and sprawled on his back), and then took out the guy together

Zhao and Li: walked in front of the emperor to block him, and took out kitchen knives and machetes.

The emperor got up and said: Don’t mess up!

Jing Ke: Give me my wages

Meng Jiangnu: Give me back my husband

(Pause four times. The emperor pretended to be cute and beat time in the middle. Suddenly he realized something was wrong and shouted. Stop! Everyone was stunned. The emperor shouted for money)

(Four Steps of Yangko)

Jing Ke: Give it to my husband

Meng Jiangnu: Pay me back my wages

The people next to him sang along to the rap tune

The emperor snatched the knives from Zhao and Li's hands, took it himself, and shouted: Get up!

Meng Jiangnu Leng Buting gave the emperor a knife, and the emperor asked: What is this?

Meng Jiangnu: The sword is as precious as autumn water

The Emperor: How dare he stab me? Suddenly he fell to the ground!

Jing Ke approached the emperor, ah, he is dead (SHI). Press and play.

Meng shouted: ah! Jing Ke assassinated Qin!

Everyone came closer and said, "Come here, make two blows, and discharge each other." Zhao Li stood up, held hands, "Jing Ke stabbed Qin"

Warrior: Ah, he stabbed Qin! Then run away