What kind of psychology is it to care too much about what others say?

Hello, I care too much about what kind of psychology others are talking about. I think this is too much about the affirmation of the outside world and a sign of lack of self-confidence. Psychologically, this psychological state is called inferiority complex.

People with inferiority complex often show a lack of opinions in their daily communication.

A person with inferiority complex is not without ideas and opinions, but why can't he form his own opinions? Because he lacks self-confidence, his opinions usually want to be confirmed and recognized by others, and then he can confirm that this is a right thing.

In daily communication, I will pay special attention to what others say, hoping to find a point of convergence with my own point of view from others' point of view, and hope to find my confidence through the outside world.

When what others say is in line with psychological expectations and coincides with his point of view, he will be very confident and have the courage to express his point of view. On the contrary, if what he can express or say is different from your opinion, then at this time, he is likely to suppress his own opinion and force himself to agree with others' views.

To avoid this happening more often, you can learn to do this:

The more you know, the stronger your heart will become. When your cognition is broader, you will have your own opinions and opinions about things, and you will be more confident. You will also be able to better distinguish right from wrong and not blindly follow others' opinions.

Everyone has his own strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes strengths are weaknesses, and weaknesses will become strengths.

I'm a very introverted person, and I'm not good at expressing my opinions. Even when friends get together and chat, I seldom talk. You can interpret it as unsociable (weakness), and some people interpret me as mature and calm (strength).

Because you turn yourself into the night, other people's words and opinions become your fireworks, which makes you pay special attention. You should be a firework in other people's night.

Everyone is a unique individual, and the process of our life is to constantly improve this unique individual. If you pay special attention to what others say, you will lose yourself and lose your uniqueness. The opinions of others can only be used as a reference, and if you care too much, you will lose yourself.

It's not to block out all views different from your own, but to weigh the balance between yourself and life, to keep your independent personality in society, to modify and improve your cognition through feedback from society and others, and to shine your due glory.

people who care too much about other people's opinions will live a very tired life. Each of us is an individual, with our own independent thinking and thinking ability, and each of us has our own unique personality charm. As long as you don't do things that hurt others or harm their interests, you are not afraid of gossip behind others.

Introverts feel inferior and are easily influenced by others. Because a withdrawn person is introverted, timid and timid, and he has no opinion of himself. He often does what others say, has no thinking ability at all, and never considers whether it is right, right or wrong. This kind of person often finds it difficult to make a choice when he thinks about the right or wrong of an event by himself, and he is easily agitated and finally gives up. He thinks it is better to do things according to other people's opinions and opinions.

But if such a person is in the workplace, you will never survive an episode. Why do you say that? Because in the workplace rules, it is a cruel place to choose the strong and discard the weak. There are countless people in the workplace who are scheming. Everyone loves each other and kills each other only for their own petty interests. People with weak personalities are easily used by others and become a killing knife in others' hands without knowing it.

Introverts' personality can be changed. If you are a person who doesn't like socializing and talking, you can try to change yourself by selling for a period of time. Don't underestimate sales. Selling can be a very training job.

first of all, you have to speak boldly and say the first sentence to customers or introduce yourself and sell your first product. You will have confidence if you accumulate in this way.

The above only represents personal opinions, thank you for your adoption.

People who care too much about what others say and evaluate tend to have strong self-esteem and love face. This kind of person's self-confidence is based on external things, such as earning ability, ranking and other people's opinions. Otherwise, you will deny yourself and deny yourself. This kind of person's self-confidence is relatively fragile, and he lacks a correct understanding of himself. If the outside world doesn't give him feedback, he will doubt himself. In fact, this kind of person is not confident enough, not mature enough to realize, and he has not yet formed a stable understanding of himself. This situation has become mature with the growth of age and rich life experience. When you become mature and independent, you naturally don't care so much about other people's opinions and opinions.

In addition, paying too much attention to what others say has a great relationship with a person's cognitive style.

Cognitive style refers to the preferred way of information processing in cognitive activities, also known as cognitive style. Cognitive style is a relatively stable psychological feature, which has many manifestations and great differences among individuals. Up to now, there are many researches on cognitive style, such as field independence and field dependence, thinking and impulsiveness, and the concrete and abstract level of conceptual system.

field independence and field dependence

the concepts of field independence and field dependence were first put forward by witkin. During World War II, in order to study how pilots adjust their body position according to the clues inside their bodies and the clues of external instruments, witkin specially designed a tiltable cockpit. A seat with adjustable position was built in the cockpit, and subjects were required to adjust the seat when the cockpit tilted to keep their bodies vertical to the horizontal. Witkin found that some subjects mainly used clues from external instruments to adjust their seats; Others mainly use their own internal clues.

witkin called the former one a field-dependent way, and the latter one a field-independent way. Later research shows that field dependence and field independence are two common cognitive styles. People with field dependence often judge objective things based on external clues. People with field independence often rely on their own internal clues (experience, values, etc.). Field-dependent cognitive activities are easily influenced by the surrounding background, especially by authoritative figures, and it is often difficult to judge things independently, but to follow suit; The latter's information processing is not easy to be influenced and interfered by external factors, and can be carried out at a more abstract level and an analytical level, so as to judge things independently. Field-dependent people are socially oriented, sensitive, interested in others and fond of social activities; The behavior of people with field independence is non-social-oriented, with poor social sensitivity, not good at socializing, concerned about abstract concepts and theories, and fond of being alone.

Field independence and field dependence are related to students' learning tendency and characteristics. In terms of subject interest, field independents tend to like natural science, while field independents like social science; In terms of academic achievements, those who are independent of the field have good achievements in natural science and poor achievements in social science; However, field-dependent people have poor grades in natural science and good grades in social science; In learning strategies, field independents often adopt independent and conscious learning, and their learning is dominated by intrinsic motivation; Field-dependent people are susceptible to suggestion, lack initiative in learning, and their learning is dominated by external motivation; In terms of teaching preference, the field-independent person prefers the teaching with poor structure, while the field-dependent person prefers the teaching with strict structure.

The two cognitive styles have their own advantages and disadvantages. If your cognitive style is field-dependent, it is easier to care about other people's opinions. Such people are more sensitive to other people's emotions and are often more popular in interpersonal communication. Don't deliberately change yourself, accept yourself, give full play to its ability to feel the emotions of others, and get along better with others.

There is nothing wrong with caring about what others say. As individuals in society, we need to constantly correct and improve our behavior through feedback from others. But it is not a good thing to care too much.

People who care too much about other people's opinions generally have a low sense of self-identity, so they need to be recognized by others to enhance their sense of self-worth, and think that only excellent people can be liked by others.

Because I care too much, I can't objectively think about the correctness of what others say. Others' views on themselves are subconsciously raised to the level of authority, and they always want to obey others' views, and they think that if they don't obey, they won't be recognized.

When children are young, parents often use "You don't. . . I don't like you "to discipline children, will make children have the idea that self-worth needs to be realized by getting others' appreciation. When this concept continues into adulthood, it will make individuals pay too much attention to others' views on themselves and think that their value is generated by others' recognition.

When this kind of psychology occurs, we tend to ignore our own feelings and spend a lot of time and energy doing things that cater to others' expectations, so as to gain others' recognition. In the long run, our true self will be suppressed, and we may be able to enhance our value through the temporary recognition of others, but there are a thousand Hamlets in the eyes of a thousand people, and we will never be able to satisfy everyone. Tearing at the true self in different people's views will not only fail to truly enhance our sense of identity, but also lead to deep doubts about ourselves.

1. Transfer the source of self-worth from others to yourself and learn to accept yourself.

realize that only oneself is the source of self-worth, and no one can make everyone like it. We don't need to cater to everyone's point of view. When others question ourselves, think about it first. If it happens to others, will you question it? Replace others' opinions with your own, and build your understanding of self-worth on yourself.

2. Writing an emotional diary

mainly records two things.

① What has affected my mood today? What is my feeling now?

② What great things did I do today? A little thing like cooking a delicious meal can do.

At the same time, review the diary a week ago every day and do two things.

① Look at the thing that affected my mood at that time from the perspective of a bystander and make an objective judgment. At this time, after a week, you should be able to re-judge your self-worth from the perspective of a bystander.

② Review the thing that made you feel a sense of accomplishment, strengthen it constantly, and build a sense of identity with yourself.

Sartre said: "Others are hell" requires self-cultivation. It is certainly a good thing to care about other people's opinions and improve yourself, but at the same time, don't forget that you are also excellent, not only others are important, but you are the most important.

It is normal for everyone to care more or less about what others say when they live in this society. Because people communicate with each other, if you don't pay attention to understand what information the other party is conveying to you, there will be problems in communication. Therefore, it is normal to care about what others say properly. For example, the wife wears a skirt and thinks it looks good, but the husband says it looks better to add a sweater chain, so the wife can consider whether to add it or not. Or, the husband said, you are going to write a novel, and someone advised you to think it over carefully, because it is not so easy. If you think about it, it is within the normal range to stop writing.

However, if a person cares too much about what others say, it will affect his physical and mental health. Basically, what you care too much about is based on the following situations.

1. inferiority complex. I have never been affirmed since I was a child, or I have rarely been affirmed, and some even grew up under pressure. People who grow up in such an environment lack self-confidence in their hearts. Need to get recognition and affirmation from others. I once had a friend who was like this. What others say about her today, she wants to call me to ask what to do, and what to say about her tomorrow, and she wants to call me to ask what to do. Finally, I recommended a psychological counselor. Once or twice is within the normal range, but more times, you need to find the root of your inner inferiority. Although what others say is what others say, not everyone can face it easily.

2. Public figures. In fact, public figures live a very tired life, because their words and deeds will attract everyone's attention. If there is anything wrong with their words and deeds, they will be under pressure from all sides. It is impossible for them to care, because they still have to make a living. For example, those stars are glamorous on the surface, but they are under great pressure inside. Typically, every time there is any disaster, how much they donate often becomes the focus of many people's attention. Once someone is too few, they will quickly add more. So there is a saying, "Being a celebrity is exhausting".

3. Personality disorder. Personality disorder is a very special group, and they care about what others say differently. Take the most common performance-based personality disorder as an example. If you put it in a positive way, it will go in a good direction. This is because performance-based personality disorder is a three-or four-year-old child at heart, who doesn't know who he is or what he is doing at all. He only knows acting and regards life as a stage, so he is easily hinted. What they care about is whether they can get praise after performing. Paranoid personality disorder is different, because their minds are full of conspiracy theories, so they are looking for evidence that others harm him and discriminate against him almost all the time, and they live a very painful life.

The deep reason for caring about other people's opinions is that you will feel that some of your actions will hurt, hinder or be disliked. Being disliked accounts for the largest proportion. What will happen if you are not liked? Then you are an unwelcome person, a person who is not blessed, and then you will feel worthless, because the biggest motivation for everyone to live is to hope that you are useful, needed, and not needed, which violates the meaning of a person's life, so it is fatal. Perhaps under many defenses, it seems that you don't feel so serious, but you are uncomfortable and unhappy. This is because you dare not look directly at this fundamental reason.

sincere and single-minded: don't care too much about what others say, just do what you should do

If you have a low self-evaluation, you will easily rely on external evaluation.

I have a friend who always hears him say that he thinks someone looks down on him. The old man is sulking.

the reason is that his parents went abroad when he was a child and put him at home with relatives in the countryside. He always feels that he is not taken seriously. Later, although his parents came back, they always criticized him and didn't approve of him.

and people who have this idea are often particularly sensitive to some negative comments from others. With one look and one action, he can interpret the idea that he is not very welcome.

first of all, how others treat you is his behavior pattern, so don't affect your evaluation of yourself.

then, keep giving yourself positive hints. Don't always pay attention to others as if you look down on you. But pay more attention to what you have.