Aunt, tell me something fun.

1. I heard that ugly people should read more books. No wonder my mother said that I was not cut out for reading when I was young.

2. Now I don't even want to set the password of the bank card. It's tiring to think about protecting two-digit deposits with six figures.

I hope that when the results come out, I will feel guilty that I don't deserve such a high score.

I finally understand the gap between me and Xueba. She is lying on the table in a bad mood. Two minutes later, she suddenly straightened up and began to do her homework. I was in a bad mood and fell asleep after two minutes.

Time will make you understand that you can't wait for anything except take-away, bus and express delivery.

God, if you can't make me thin, make my friend fat! Tell jokes for fun.

7. I don't know how others turn pressure into motivation. Anyway, I will only turn stress into appetite.

8. Just a week after I started work, my colleague Li Ge came to ask me if I was married. I said, I don't have a girlfriend yet! He said in a friendly way, then you must tell me when you get married, and I will give you 1000 yuan. My affection for him exploded instantly, and I replied, then you must tell me when you get married. As a result, the next day, I received his invitation.

Just now, a mosquito got the last applause in my life.

10. Wow, I'm so angry today. An unknown person asked me where I was going, and I said it was none of your business, and then he kicked me out of the taxi.

1 1. Don't use a honey trap on me, or I will accompany you.

12. Isn't the school divided into classes again? Teachers all want their students to get good grades. Two class teachers actually got into a fight because of me, arguing while fighting: why should he be assigned to our class and affect our average score!

13. I don't need everyone to be happy. I live to make people who hate me more and more unhappy.

14. I have a crush on a girl, but I always write her name online. Every time the courier calls her, I will say: My wife is out, just give it to me!

15. The university you want to go to and the person you like always go to the last one.

16. I had a quarrel with my daughter-in-law this morning. My daughter-in-law ignored me angrily. It's almost noon. I was so hungry that I wrote a note for my dog to take to my wife. After a long silence, I went to the living room to have a look. I saw my wife feed the dog a sausage and said, I know you are hungry. Eat more.

17. Books are rarely used, and there is not enough money to spend by the end of the month.

18. Whenever my parents tell me to concentrate on my studies and not to be with anyone, I feel very helpless: What can I do? There are so many people chasing me.

19. No matter how disappointing the world is, some things still need to be persisted. My principles and bottom line can be summarized in four words. What four words? You can't be hungry!

20. I like a girl in my class for a long time, and finally I have the courage to confess to her. I tried to tell her: I like a girl in my class. She is gentle and considerate, beautiful and lovely. Do you want to know who it is? She blushed instantly and bowed her head and said shyly, as long as it's not me!

2 1. I went to the hospital today. The doctor said that my blood sugar was low and I needed a few sweet words.

22. I helped my friend a little. He said, thank you. I'll treat you to dinner another day! I waved and said, you're welcome. You have spent a lot recently. Save it. It would be better if I invited you. I don't want him to take out his cell phone and say, when? I'm going to make a memo so that I can be prepared. Shit, don't play cards according to the routine ~

23. You are handsome when you smoke, but you will die young.

24. In order to improve my listening comprehension, I told my roommate last week: In the future, we will communicate in English, and whoever violates the rules will be invited to dinner. The roommate agreed and said, well, that's what I thought. After that day, we hardly talked.

Say sentences in a joke.

If you have never left, I will still treat you as before.

Second, you are like a love song that sings hoarse preferences.

Third, the best thing about my sister is that she can be a gangster and a writer without relying on alcohol and tobacco.

Fourth, when you want to scold me, scold me as much as you want, and don't wait for me to wake up.

I believe you won't leave when you come. If you leave, I will pretend that you have never lived in the future.

Six, no flowers, no tree height, I am an unknown single dog.

Seven, once naive, cruel reality, let me know: the hypocrisy of the world, people's indifference!

Eight, I was also the seed of infatuation, and I drowned in the rain.

Nine, a buddy's daughter-in-law gave birth to a baby in the hospital. He waited anxiously outside the door. An hour later, the nurse came out and said happily to him: XXX, congratulations, it's dad, you're going to be a son! My buddy shouted excitedly at that time: hahaha, I am finally a son! ! !

In this summer, only mosquitoes will never leave me.

I want to hold it in my palm, but it still flows through my fingers.

Twelve, the biggest pain in life is that I experienced a super storm, not only didn't see the rainbow, but also caught a cold.

Thirteen, Fu can't control your side leakage, you can try to see if the internal tube doesn't work.

Fourteen, this damn weather, if you want to eat anything, take it out to dry.

Fifteen, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to go to work, I just want to, I just want to sleep and get paid to eat a big meal.

I want to steal your keys and go to your house every day to please your parents.

17. Go to the toilet with your classmates. The classmate said: I got angry recently and peed like Fanta. I said: I am more angry than you, and I pee like a fruit orange. My classmate said: then you are great. Do I have to shake it before I pee?

Which is more important, food or figure? Eating food: What's your figure? Can I eat?

I just want to do four things with you, three meals a day.

Twenty, once, the class teacher asked for a long vacation, and the substitute teacher said that the class teacher was hit by a car and his bone was broken. So the monitor asked the whole class to pay for a wheelchair for the teacher. I don't have enough money. I seem to have bought a used car. Several class cadres carried wheelchairs to the teacher's house, knocked at the door, and then saw the head teacher come out to open the door with plaster in his hand.

Twenty-one, you still have to dream, otherwise you will tell people when you drink too much.

Twenty-two, the math teacher and the physical education teacher in senior three are husband and wife. Once in the last math class in the afternoon, the math teacher was doing a problem and suddenly got stuck. Just as he was embarrassed, the PE teacher passed the classroom, and the math teacher immediately stopped him and said in a very wronged voice, honey, I can't do this problem. The PE teacher immediately came in and patted the math teacher on the head: you little fool. Then I picked up the chalk and solved it for a while. I said to the math teacher, honey, hurry up and go home from class. I'm hungry. The math teacher immediately packed up, and the couple went out, leaving only the two of us. . .

As an angel, I shouldn't hide my wings.

Twenty-four, the heart is really going to die.

Twenty-five, Xiangyang: Some people say that insomnia is because you are busy in other people's dreams.

26. Reporter interviewed on the street: Aunt, what do you think the smog has brought to your life? Aunt: The impact is too great! First of all, you have to see clearly, I am your uncle!

Twenty-seven, I have been single for a long time. Today, I took the bus and a girl rubbed my shoulder. I even thought about where our children go to school.

Twenty-eight, I will try to save money! Try to buy an ATM!

Twenty-nine, no matter how hard and tired you are, think of yourself as two hundred and fifty, and no matter how hard it is, think of yourself as two-faced.

Thirty years old, I still can't get rid of eating after all. I love to eat, love to eat, love to eat, I am proud of eating!

3 1. Looks are not important, but looks are not good.

In an examination room, the invigilator was very strict and saw a white corner behind me. The teacher said, haha, I'll catch it. Say that finish fiercely took out my menstrual towel, suddenly there was no sound.

How dare you come to me after doing such a thing! Then tell me, what should I do to see you?

Behind every successful man, there will be a woman who is full and has nothing to do.

35. Men fantasize about me and I fantasize about heaven.

Since a clock was installed at the back of the classroom, our turn-around rate has increased.

Thirty-seven, why do fools claim to be foodies?

Children are happy when they are sad, but we adults can't We have to eat a good meal or buy something.

Talk about the funny mood.

1. If my life is a movie, you are a pop-up advertisement.

2. If I am not at home, I will be in the Internet cafe; If I'm not in the Internet cafe, I'm on my way to the Internet cafe!

Love is a road, friends are pigs, and there is only one road for people, but there are many pigs on the road.

I want to be a wing bird in the sky and a pig on the ground!

If you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit in the future.

6. I usually forget to scold you. You didn't know you were both civil and military until you hit him.

7. Eat tofu with meat, and eat meat with tofu; Only when there is no tofu and no meat will you miss someone.

8. Dare to curse me for buying instant noodles without seasoning packets? I curse you for buying instant noodles with only seasoning packets!

9. The price of the tomb has risen so fast that I can't afford to die.

10, finally got up the courage to send her a text message to express her confession. Three minutes later, the head teacher called: Son, this is no joke.

She is as aggressive in bed as she is under the bed!

12, she said: I want to play with feelings, not your organs!

13, Xtep goes down every day, unhappy every day, not studying well, down every day, invincible every day, and no one can resist it.

14, we always have endless work, endless tests, endless grievances, endless fat, endless shit, endless SB. Because of these, it is called life.

15, donated blood in the school square, 200CC gave a pair of manicure equipment, 400CC gave a watch. A MM in the next class felt very happy when she heard about it. She ran to the nurse and asked: What is 1000CC for? The nurse said quietly, send a coffin.

16, my relationship with my wife is like the high-speed rail and the Ministry of Railways. She exists to build your future. No, if I cheat, she will dare to bury me.

17. Is life easy in Guangzhou? Monday 30C, Tuesday 25C, Wednesday 19C, Thursday 17C, Friday 12C, Saturday 8C and Sunday 4C. What if we walk through spring, summer, autumn and winter in one week? So if you find a friend in Guangzhou suddenly lost news, then he may be: 1, freezing to death; 2, hot to death; 3, hot and cold alternate and tired.

18, you are not a VIp, not even a V, you are just a P.

19, your complex facial features can't hide your simple IQ.

20, on a whim, take your photo as a desktop, and TMD actually got a computer virus.

Funny, funny, talk about mood phrases

1, you are showing off in an ostentatious manner with your sisters. Do you believe me?

2. My sister gave birth to a washing machine. Dude, just dump it.

3. Spend money at school and work time.

If a man doesn't help you put on the wedding dress, you can give him a cassock.

I took a fancy to you because I was out of my mind, and now my brain is shaking dry.

6. People who can't lose weight are always in turmoil, and people who don't eat fat are fearless.

7. Your appearance is not accurate and your proportion is not good.

8. I have a heart to lose weight, but I live a life of eating goods.

9, clothes, it has two ways of washing, washing yourself and washing others.

10, who says I don't know anything? Let Shi and Dong Shi stand in front of me and have a try.

1 1. Have the ability to study atomic bombs, but have no ability to study tea eggs.

12, save water and try to take a shower with your girlfriend.

13, don't do anything wrong and pour all the dirty water on yourself. I have to save it for flushing the toilet.

14, I am arrogant and petty, so you can't afford to be hurt.

15, don't tell me to grow old together, I want to have black hair forever.

On the train, a white woman and a black woman are nursing their baby. Mom, mom, white baby, don't be a coquette. I want to drink chocolate milk, too.

17, you are the first song in my heart, which always makes me thrilling.

18, if one day I become a pervert, please don't forget that I am innocent.

19. How many children have been hurt by exams, and how many honest children have learned to cheat?

20, phoenix rebirth is nirvana, pheasant rebirth is corpse change.

2 1, I just found out that the way to attract a man is to make him never get it; The way to attract a woman is just the opposite, that is, to satisfy her.

22. Clear water makes no fish. If a man is cheap, he is invincible.

23, who is whose husband, are fucking temporary workers.