Nothing is meanest, only meaner.

1, there is no rehearsal in life, and every day is live broadcast.

2, after studying for more than ten years, it is better to mix in kindergarten!

Optimists see opportunities in disasters, while pessimists see disasters in opportunities.

4, no money, no power, no longer good to you, can you follow me?

5. It's not that I don't laugh, but my powder drops when I laugh.

When she was a child, her parents always believed that the ugly duckling would turn into a white swan at the age of eighteen! One day when she grew up, her father looked at her intently, and then said seriously, "Son, you'd better study hard ..."

7. Anyone who kisses crazily in front of the teaching building in the cafeteria can't afford a room!

After graduation, I had nothing to do, so I went to Massachusetts to dig for oil. Later, it was really dug, and the oil quality was too good to be purified! Two years later, Mobil oil company sued us, saying that we dug his oil pipeline …

9. I always wander between cow A and cow C.

10, I want to see the bright moon, and the bright moon shines on the ditch.

1 1, I am the most normal among abnormal people and the most abnormal among normal people.

12 is the blank white?

I don't usually dump ugly girls, but you are an exception.

14. If the son is disobedient, he can fight appropriately, otherwise he will not show his majesty. This is the case in Taiwan Province Province.

15, there is no meanest, only meaner.

16, there are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

17. Find a big job after graduation and earn 300,000 yuan after graduation. Look at the drawings and build a 40-meter chimney. It's all covered up, and people beat me at a glance! Shit, the drawings are down, and people want to dig wells …

18, four years in college, no girl asked for directions. Today, I drove my BMW back to my alma mater for the first time to do something. As a result, five girls came to ask for directions in a short time …

19, I won't say if I kill you.

20. Nothing money can solve is a problem.

2 1, even believe the advertisement, you are stupid to read it!

22. No matter how hard you are, you should think of yourself as 250. No matter how difficult it is to take risks, you should also regard yourself as a two-faced person.

When I reached the top of the mountain, I found that the wrong road and the right road were only a few steps away.

24. Being angry is to punish yourself with other people's mistakes.

25. Go to Google Baidu.

26. Better fight with wise men than talk to SB!

27. A big woman can't have no electricity for a day, and a little woman can't have no money for a day!

28. Youth is dedicated to the house and middle age to the children.

29. There are two ways to cheat: one is a cheat sheet copied on paper, which may be discovered and the result is to drop out of school; The other is a cheat sheet copied in my mind, and I can't find it. As a result, I got a scholarship.

Love is the meanest and meanest sad mood phrase.

1, want to see the past clearly, and then look down. That's all!

2. Your world has nothing to do with me; You only deserve to see my world.

Happiness is not given by others, but mastered by yourself.

4. Forget a person, not without thinking about it, but once you think about it, there will be no waves in your heart.

I have seen thousands of people who like your hair and eyes, but not your face.

6, you don't love me, it doesn't matter! I can always make you love me.

7, sister, very generous! I'm happy to fulfill your shameless happiness!

8, a person, just a person! Nothing, I'm fine!

9. I often change your signature, but you never look at it.

10, don't take the reason why I love you as your despicable reason-you don't deserve it.

My heart is lost in your world.

12, whisper to yourself: I'm fine, I don't hurt!

13, it will clear up after the rain, but when will my love clear up!

14, I'm not as gentle as you want, as considerate as you want, and I don't blame you for not loving me.

15, falling in love will not delay your study. If you find a good partner, your study will progress. What really delays learning is lovelorn and unrequited love.

16, sometimes, what we miss is not time, but feeling.

17, I love you, but I despise you, I won't care about you!

18, I don't need to compromise myself to please anyone, and I'm not that great. I don't care whether I like it or hate it.

19, a man who can bend down to help you tie your shoelaces is always better than a man who can only help you undress.

20. I don't understand. If you marry (marry), don't marry (marry). If you marry (marry), I will die!

2 1, ok! You don't love me, it doesn't matter! You will regret it one day.

22. When I don't want you, I just squat in the corner and cry!

23. Even the best things will always expire. So is love.

24. Isn't it just lovelorn? Who has never been lovelorn when he was young!

25. Your value to me is that I still love you. When I don't love you, you are worthless to me!

Talk a little cheap.

Talk a little cheap.

1. My husband and his daughter-in-law are sleeping in bed. He saw his daughter-in-law lose a hair, so he picked it up and put it on himself. Daughter-in-law said: Why are you pulling my hair? Husband said: pretend you interrogate me and ask me where this hair came from! She said seriously: Tell me honestly, where did this hair come from? The husband said calmly, What's on the pig?

Second, mom, give me some money to spend! Why? Today is Children's Day! You little brat, who said that Children's Day costs money? Don't! But when Grandpa Tomb-Sweeping Day was here, you burned money!

The doctor told the patient earnestly: If you want to live a long life, you really should give up smoking. Patient: It's too late to quit now. Doctor: How come! It's never too late to quit smoking! Patient: Well, then there is no need to worry.

Fourth, married for two years, no children. One day when I was shopping, I saw a pregnant woman passing by, and some envied to show my wife at once. My wife took a look and said that she was so big when she was full. I am speechless. .

My son is looking at the bear. I saw that the scene was winter, so I asked: Why don't bears hibernate in winter? Son: I have no time to film all day!

Sixth, the life of high-end people, ordinary people like me really can't enjoy it. Yesterday in a star-rated hotel, it was clear that I had finished defecation and wiped it clean, and the waiter at the door handed me a towel. I had no choice but to go back and wipe it with a towel, fold it and return it to him. . .

7. My colleague drives a new BMW to work. An unmarried female colleague asked whose BMW it was, and her colleague said it was his brother-in-law's. Hearing this, she immediately asked: Is your brother-in-law seeing someone? Introduce me.

Eight, when shopping, I bought a scratch music and won 400. I ran home happily all the way and told my wife that after a long time of happiness, my wife said, hand it over.

9. Take my nephew to our company to play. Colleague Xiao Zhang warmly brought my nephew juice to drink. I said to my nephew: Uncle brought you delicious food. What do you want to say to your uncle? Unexpectedly, my nephew pointed to Xiao Zhang and said that a drink is not enough. Go ~ ~ and bring me something delicious.

Ten, the neighbor child, that is, when he was seven or eight years old, his grandfather died, and his father cried. His brother ran over and said to his father: Dad, you don't have a father, I can be your father. . . It was a heavy blow for his father to hold him.

Eleven, received a phone call: eldest brother, I just got into a fight with someone, you call twenty brothers to come over. Okay, who? Buy some fruit baskets and sincerely apologize.

12. I met the manager of a construction company and was told that there is no project that our company can't eat! Gai Lou, install the elevator and paste all the tiles related to the building! I asked weakly, big brother, I want to install an elevator for Mount Everest. Make a price! Manager: Me: If you really can't do it, tile the Great Wall! As much as you want.

Thirteen, the miser's wife died, and the miser cried her eyes out. A undertaker was very moved and said to the miser: Look at you like this, I know you and your wife have a good relationship. Miser: Can you? When she was alive, she nagged about something every day, so I didn't have to buy TV and radio. Now that she is dead, who can let me watch TV and listen to the radio for free?

Fourteen, watching TV with my wife at home during the holiday, she suddenly said to me, dear, can we not be apart in this life? I was moved to nod, only to see that she took a pear from behind and chewed it herself. It was the first time that she was paralyzed, saying that eating alone was so sensational that life was all routine!

Fifteen, one day my father and brother went to pull goods, and when it was time to eat, they went to a restaurant for dinner. Dad fell down loudly as soon as he entered the restaurant; Boss, two bowls of Daoxiao Noodles. After a while, the boss brought two bowls of noodles. While eating, my brother looked at the menu posted on the dining room wall. When he saw that it said egg soup and ribs soup, he said, Dad, let's have a bowl of soup. My dad didn't look up and said loudly; Boss, a bowl of noodle soup.

Sixteen, Jiang Taigong was fishing. A passerby saw it and asked curiously: Why do you fish with a straight hook? Jiang Taigong gave him a white look and said, You haven't studied physics, have you? It will bend in water!

Seventeen, a man has a crush on a woman for a long time, and one day he finally got up the courage to confess to the girl. M: Please accept my love and be my girlfriend. Woman: Sorry, I don't like you! Man: I had feelings for you the first time I saw you. Don't you have any feelings for me? Woman: Yes! Thank god! Woman: It's just that I feel nauseous!

Eighteen, the doctor said that at 3: 30 in the afternoon, we should hold our urine and do color Doppler ultrasound. I am obedient, and I can't hold it any longer. . . Why are you telling me in front of more than 20 people? You want to suffocate me! ! !

Nineteen, a sister paper broke up with her boyfriend because of greed. I asked her: How do you feel now? She said: My heart is broken like a potato chip!

Twenty, my cousin is in hospital for surgery, and I will accompany him. At noon, the nurse took his temperature and asked him how many times he peed in 24 hours. He slept in a daze and asked, does the urine he took when defecating count?

On February1day, a new bath center was opened nearby. The guest asked the boss: Why is there no water in the swimming pool or in the shower? The boss said: the bathhouse I run is a dry cleaner.

22. A man wanted to go to the railway station, but he got lost. He asked a child with a schoolbag on his back: Hello, little friend, can you tell my uncle how you got to the railway station? Child: My parents took me there.

Twenty-three I went to buy a bag and gave him twenty dollars. The boss insisted on 2 1 dollar. I have no choice but to open a cigarette and hand it to him. I'll never forget the way the shopkeeper looked at me leaving.

Twenty-four, pick up the bride, be stopped, ask the groom to kneel down and bark like a dog. The groom relented and knelt down and cried. The woman continues to make trouble and has to pay 88888 to get in! Begging for a long time, the door won't open. The groom is helpless, bite his teeth and say, go home, don't pick up! So I really have to go! The woman was dumbfounded and quickly called the groom. The groom's father answered the phone and told her directly: Let the two children go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get the divorce certificate tomorrow! The bride is in pain.

Twenty-five, Lu Yu female colleagues on the way to work, female colleagues happily carrying a brand-new mink bag and I walked together on the road. I pointed to her bag, and she proudly said, new! I pointed to her bag again, and she said, it's not expensive, only over 20 thousand! I said, the phone in your bag has been ringing for a long time. Are you deaf? !

Twenty-six. Mrs. Li is 70 years old and her wife has been dead for many years. Not long ago, the neighbor wanted to introduce her to an object of similar age. Mrs. Li asked her neighbor: What's his personality like? Neighbor replied: character is absolutely no problem! Mrs. Li then asked, What does it look like? Neighbor replied: he is also very handsome! Mrs. Li asked again: Is it high? Neighbor replied: high, three high!

Twenty-seven, people with more money go home less, people with more looks wear less, people with more ideas succeed less, people with more success live less, people who study more have less thoughts, lovers have more peace and less sleep, friends have more difficulties, and jokes have more depression.

Twenty-eight, I finally got home after sitting on the train for eight hours. I can finally celebrate the New Year with my parents this year. My parents don't seem to like me very much. Just entering the door, my parents said, what are you doing back? Why don't you go back to the construction site? Me: I will accompany you for the New Year when you come back! Dad was angry and said, it's only May, so you don't want to go out to work?

The first time I went to a restaurant with my girlfriend, I was a little nervous. My girlfriend asked for a cold cucumber. After serving, I put a cucumber on my girlfriend's plate and said, come on, eat it while it's hot.

Wife: The woman in front is very beautiful. Dave: I don't think so. Wife: You are so lacking in aesthetics. Dave: Yes, that's why I often praise you for your beauty.

3 1. Pick a mobile phone. Later, the owner sent me a message saying: The mobile phone is yours, please give me the card back. Then I sent him a message saying: you can take the card, please give me the charger! He agreed, and we made an appointment to meet in the park, and then I was beaten and my cell phone was gone.

Thirty-two, a suspension spring. I dropped the second hand of my watch and took it to be repaired. After the repair, I asked the watch repairer: How could the second hand lose the master's eyes for no reason? You are shaking too much. Change hands over there in the future.

Wife: Honey, the season has changed. I want to buy clothes. Me: Are you obedient? Wife: disobedient! Me: I won't buy you a wife if I don't listen: then I will listen! Me: Be obedient! We won't buy it. Wife: Ni Mei, I haven't changed the season. It’s your turn. I dare say, buy buy, buy it.

Thirty-four, my niece is over 4 years old, and she often speaks amazingly. One day, her father was watching ghost movies in his arms, and my little niece probably didn't dare to sleep at night. After going in and out of the room several times, I went to see my parents, and then pointed to her father's nose and said, today you sleep on the sofa, and I want to sleep with your wife!

I'll never forget what the photographer told me when I took a photo: Beauty, please stretch your neck as far as possible. We can't repair your double chin.

Thirty-six. I went to see a doctor when I was ill. The doctor prescribed several medicines for me, but I was too bitter to eat. The doctor persuaded: How can I refuse to accept it? Then I still refuse to accept my stubbornness. I didn't expect him to hit me on the head with a brick: why the fuck did you hit me! The doctor sneered, hehe, bricks cure all diseases.

Thirty-seven, physical examination, urine test, everyone sent a small cup, just a little inside. But I saw a young man with a full cup in his hand, struggling to go to the doctor and carefully putting the cup down. The doctor looked at him straight and said, young man, are you here to propose a toast?

Wife: Honey, go down and turn off the lights. Husband: I have taken off all my clothes. Go down and turn it off. Wife: Oh, oh, you close your eyes for a minute. Wife: Well, I'm undressed now. You can go down and turn it off.

39. I haven't had a girlfriend before, and it's nice to see someone else have a girlfriend to persuade me to quit smoking. So I started smoking, waiting for the person who told me to quit smoking to appear. It was not until many years later that I met my present partner. I still remember that she opened the mouth first: hey! Give me a light.

M: I like coffee. W: I like drinking water. M: I like playing CS. W: I like reading novels. M: I like to look at beautiful women. Woman: Me too. M: We always have something in common. Woman: Yes. Man: I'm telling you, once I bumped into a beautiful woman and ran into a post. Woman: What's this? In order to see beautiful women conveniently, I even had sex change surgery.

Hello, I live in room 8 16. The quilt in my room is a little damp. Thank you, sir. You have a good eye. This is really the latest style this year.

Forty-two, blind date with my buddies, pure diaosi, and I won't say anything when I see a beautiful woman. As a result, I had a heated conversation with that girl. It was very cold and the girl sneezed. As soon as I saw the opportunity, I poked my brother: Show something. The goods scratched their heads for a long time and said, it will clear up when dogs sneeze. . .

Forty-three, a man went out and met a flower seller in Xiong Haizi. . Child: Uncle, uncle, buy a flower for your sister. Me:. . . It's my brother's child: uncle, uncle, buy a flower for my brother. Me. . .

Those cheap networks

1, mental patients have a wide range of ideas, and mentally retarded children have more fun.

2, since I hacked you, the internet speed is fast! ! !

3, cheese is power-bacon

If you are healthy, it will be a bolt from the blue.

My quilt is sick today, so I will stay in bed and take care of her.

6. Don't shock the world with coquettish, but seek shameless action.

7. Many people eat by their faces. I don't know. I depend on my mouth.

8. Every woman who laughed and said poof was a hard-working pea shooter in her last life.

9. I don't believe that my rural cucurbit can't be the Altman of your city.

10, do you want a straight coffin or a sliding coffin?

1 1. Women's paper like me has no weight that can't stand beauty.

12, computer, come on! Let me go! I have homework! ! !

13, if my life is a movie, you are a pop-up advertisement.

14, you must have been homeless in your last life, and you have to live like this in your life.

15, hello, I am very busy now, and I can't contact you in my life!

16, I have never met, I have never been masked, I have never met you, but I passed you by, I have never met you without a mask. Life is so wonderful!

17, I like that confident, proud and beautiful self, but I don't like this self-abased, sad and unattractive self now! Always helping others, disgusting yourself, so lucky to do anything, it is better to disgust others and help yourself.

18, one day, I got used to your frankness, and you guessed my duplicity. We smile at each other, hold hands and grow old together.

19, life is really short, I really want to cherish the present, but I can't stay in the past!

20. With a person, if the energy he gives you is to get up happily every day, sleep peacefully every day, be motivated to do everything, and be full of expectations for the future, then you don't love the wrong person. The most appropriate feelings will never torture each other in the name of love, but accompany each other and become each other's sunshine.

2 1, I hope to have a job that is not boring, meet an ugly person at a very old age, have a leisurely love, have a quiet wedding, have a lovely baby and spend my life peacefully. What I want is always simple.

22. People will meet about 29.2 million people in their lifetime, and the probability of two people falling in love is 0.000049. So you don't love me, I don't blame you.

23. Life is to joke with me again and again. Although it is not a thrilling life, it is also a hundred days of trauma.

24. There is no direction in my heart, and I am escaping everywhere.

25. The only thing you can't cheat in the world is your own heart, which always exposes your joys and sorrows when you least expect it.

26. Be brave enough to give up something for the life you want. There is no justice in this world, and you will never please both sides. If you want freedom, you have to sacrifice safety. If you want to loaf around, you won't get the grades evaluated by others. If you want to be happy, you don't have to care about the attitude of people around you. If you want to move forward, you must leave your present position.

27. When you have no choice but to be under too much pressure, remember to smile at yourself in the mirror and say: I'm sorry, but I will definitely make you happy.

28. Don't always evaluate your position in the eyes of others. To live in the eyes of others is equivalent to losing yourself.