Counselor's story: the funny jokes of counselors

After sorting out my diary, I found some interesting fragments of the counselor's work in the past, and I was in a hurry. Although these beautiful things are humble, I am still willing to share them with you to make you have a good time.

one

There are two counselors in Grade 09, one surnamed Zhu and the other surnamed Xie.

Once, a parent came to consult and came into the office with a little hesitation: Are you thanking me? Or Zhu?

Zhu Dao looked dignified: I am Zhu, I am Zhu ~

two

Some students have been extended from my grade 07 to grade 08. They come from the border of Yunnan and Guizhou, and their Mandarin is not very good.

I went to their dormitory, and at first glance, it was a mess, and the dialogue in the mess was even more tragic.

He asked, who are you?

I said, I am your new counselor. My name is Xu, and I'm Shuang Xu. If you need anything, just call me at any time, okay?

He nodded thoughtfully.

A few days later, the student came to see me in the office for something.

Door: Is Mr. Shuang there, please?

Everyone is surprised: we don't have a teacher named Shuang here.

He stressed: Yes, absolutely. He said his name was Shuangxu ~

Mao, everyone's chin fell off collectively.

three

At eleven o'clock in the middle of the night, the telephone in the office of the Institute of Mechanical and Electrical Engineering rang in a hurry, which gave me the willies.

The other is an anxious middle-aged man. He said that he had lost contact with his son for many days.

He just found the telephone number of the counselor's office online, hoping to help him contact his son. The whole family lives in anxiety.

His expression is not clear and some words are incoherent. It's no use comforting him several times. He said you should help me find it quickly.

I'm in danger, but I don't know the name. I led him to ask when the student entered the school. He said this September.

So I decided that he was a freshman and should be looking for a freshman counselor, so I dialed the phone of a freshman counselor.

After some hard work, the result came out. There is no such person among freshmen.

Continue to communicate with each other, saying that he has been in college for several years, and he can judge that he is a graduate student and has just entered school.

So, I called the graduate counselor late at night.

I looked for it, and all the graduate students in the school are not from the School of Mechanical and Electrical Engineering, saying that there is a freshman with the same name in the School of Economics and Management.

I said that you are also the father of the child after all, so at least you should know what major the child is studying.

Father apologized again and again, saying that the teacher had given you trouble and would pay attention in the future.

Instead, I felt sorry for myself, softened my heart, and in turn comforted myself.

Finally, news came from the School of Economics and Management that his son was from Hohai University.

I lost my jaw again ~

four

After coming to China Southern Airlines, I met three students who had taught in New Oriental before. The world is small.

One is a pilot of the Civil Aviation Academy; The other two are in the School of Mechanical and Electrical Engineering, one in Grade 06 and the other in Grade 08.

The most exciting thing is that my Grade 08 students, after my first freshman meeting, had such a short message conversation:

Student: Xu Dao, it's incredible.

Brother Chuan: What's the big deal?

Student: I took a class in New Oriental two years ago, and the teacher who taught reading at that time was also called Xu Chuan!

Brother Chuan: Oh, what a coincidence.

Student: That doesn't count. Coincidentally, he also graduated from East China Normal University! !

Brother Chuan: Oh, that's incredible. Do we look alike?

Student: That's not true. You are much more handsome than him! ! !

Brother Chuan: ...

five

At 8 o'clock in the morning, I work in the office of the Institute of Mechanical and Electrical Engineering.

Yang Jie, counselor of Energy and Power College, led the parents of students to come to me.

He said that there was a child in your college, Yang Yang, who didn't want to go to school, and his parents came to see him. I checked. It's your student.

Yang Jie told you to take your time and go.

When I was in danger, I got off work and started chatting with my child's mother.

I put the tissue ready and listened to her telling family stories, mother-child estrangement and inner anxiety.

The child's mother sobbed in front of me, with a runny nose and tears telling the bitter history of raising children.

From one year old to more than twenty years old, twenty years passed slowly, and my mother's mood gradually stabilized.

I thought I could do her son's ideological work, so I told Yang Yang to run to the office.

Yang Yang said he was practicing, so I asked him to ask for leave at once. What would you like to eat？

Sitting in front of me, I am earnest: your mother is here, too. Brother Chuan wants to hear your real thoughts today.

What makes you want to drop out of school, or what makes you unable to open it? Tell me about it.

He said, I didn't, I didn't have any ideas, I didn't have any problems, and I didn't want to drop out of school.

I'm angry, poor bear the wind. Mom has been worried for two days in Nanjing, and you still feel fine!

Mother stopped sobbing: teacher, who is this man?

I said, isn't this your son? Yang Yang, School of Mechanical and Electrical Engineering.

She said no, my son is from the Institute of Energy and Power.

Mao, I dropped my chin again.

six

In an extended school year, parents called once a week to ask about my child's daily situation, rain or shine.

The last time I said I didn't know, she froze: How could you not know!

I said I couldn't see the child every day. I have 500 children to see.

And we always have to give our children some free space, and we can't monitor him everywhere.

And I have no reason to stare at only one child, besides, he is not good-looking and can't watch all the time.

So, there is the following dialogue:

Parent: xu teacher, you can't leave our children.

Brother Chuan: I didn't say I didn't care. I'm just saying you can't let me watch him alone every day.

Parent: xu teacher, there is only one child in our family.

Brother Chuan: Yes, I understand, the family planning policy.

Parent: xu teacher, will you please treat the child as your own brother? Just recognize a kiss.

Brother Chuan: No, no, if I really want to get married, I have to discuss it with my parents.

Parents: Would you be such a disappointing brother?

Brother Chuan: I really don't have such a younger brother, and he doesn't have a disappointing younger brother like me.

Parent: I beg you, xu teacher.

Brother Chuan: I beg you, Mom.

Parents: ...

seven

You need an old mobile phone to get a mobile card, and it can be used for dozens of days. You can also ask counselors and colleagues everywhere, so ...

( 1)

Brother Chuan: Do you have an old mobile phone?

Dong Yu: Yes, but there is no battery.

Brother Chuan: ...

(2)

Brother Chuan: Do you have an old mobile phone?

Yida: Yes, what card are you?

Brother Chuan: Really? Great, I can move.

Yida: I will give it to you later. I am Unicom.

Brother Chuan: ...

(3)

Brother Chuan: Do you have an old mobile phone?

Xiaojie: Yes, I just lost a new one.

Brother Chuan: ...

(5)

Brother Chuan: Do you have an old mobile phone?

Guowei: Yes, but there is no sound. Not at all, but you can hear it when it's quiet.

Brother Chuan: ...

Well, the boat of friendship turns over when you say it. ...