Daily humorous joke greetings for friends

In daily life, what humorous jokes can you use to greet your friends around you? Below I have compiled daily humorous joke greetings for your friends. I hope it will be helpful to you!

Daily humorous joke greetings for friends (2017 latest version)

1 , two freeloading friends met together.

A: Bro! I always see your pockets filled with old envelopes, toilet paper, and cigarette shells. What is the purpose of this?

B: ?I was eating together with my friends, and when we were finishing the meal and settling the accounts, I said: ?I'll do it! I'll do it/On the other hand, I took these old envelopes and shredded paper from my clothes, one by one. I took out the items, and by the time I was finished, my friend had already calculated and paid. ?

A: My method is different from yours. When I eat, I always chew it carefully. So when I eat with others, I always chew it carefully. Always the last to finish. This not only shows that you pay attention to hygiene, eat carefully, but also don't show off. ?

2. A pig said: Hello everyone, I am a pig. I am honored that I was born by a pig mother.

The dog felt something was wrong,: Tsk, I’m still a son of a bitch.

Rabbit changed the topic with one sentence: Mom called me Rabbit Paper.

　......

　3. A young officer wanted to make a phone call, but he had no change. So he stopped a passing veteran: "Do you have any change on hand?" Staff Sergeant. ?

?I’ll look for it for you. ?The veteran reached for his wallet.

?Is this how you answered the second lieutenant? Try it again. Do you have any change on hand? Sergeant! ?

? Report Sir, no! ? The veteran replied decisively.

4. This text message is made of metal and is very resounding. I wish you: success, a new high in your career, health and prosperity, a golden life, and a beautiful mood forever! Note: It is not a radioactive substance, so feel free to forward it!

5. A classmate seriously violated discipline in class, and the teacher took him to the corridor and wanted to beat him. The classmate yelled: Do you dare to hit someone? Teacher: Does anyone know if I hit you? Does anyone know? When the classmate thought about it, his heart went crazy? Later, the teacher was sent to the hospital!

6. On the Internet There are many frogs, but you might be able to find a frog prince. There are many dinosaurs on the Internet, but you might be able to find a dinosaur princess. To sum up? Online dating is similar to buying lottery tickets. If you meet the right one, you will win. If you meet the wrong one, you will win. Consider it a donation to charity.

7. Do you like confused women? No. ?

?I don’t like women who smoke all day long either. ?

?I don’t like women who can’t even cook. ?

?Then you must like women who nag endless nonsense all day long, I hate it. ?

?This is strange, then why do you always try so hard to please my wife?

8. Mr. Votini lives in a hotel.

Waiter, when I woke up at night, what do you think I saw? I saw two mice fighting in the middle of the house. This is really unreasonable. ?

?Sir, do you think that if you spend 36 crowns to stay in our hotel, I will hold a bullfight in Spain

for you?

9. Young Afanti met a beautiful girl on the street, so he set his sights on her. Wherever the girl went, he followed her. When the girl found out, she stopped and asked: Who are you? Why do you always follow me?

Your beautiful appearance attracted me. ?Afanti confessed.

?What can I do to attract you? the girl asked.

?You are like a blooming flower!? Afanti said.

Look at you, you look so ugly, like a spider, who cares about you? The girl said.

No, you are wrong, I am like a bee! Avanti replied.

10. 1. Coax a woman like hanging up on QQ, at least two hours a day. After a certain number of days, you can have sex?

2. The wife is the TV, and the lover is the mobile phone. Watch TV at home and take your mobile phone with you when you go out; sell your TV when you go bankrupt and buy a mobile phone when you get rich; watch TV occasionally and play with your mobile phone all day long; fixed TV and mobile phone; free channels but paid mobile phone. Men all want to watch TV with their mobile phones.

3. Others have a background, but I only have a back view~~.

4. Flowers often do not belong to the people who appreciate them, but to cow dung.

5. The difference between a lie and an oath is: one is taken seriously by the listener, and the other is taken seriously by the teller.

6. Gold that does not want to deform is not good steel!

7. If a woman is given a thousand yuan by her employer, she will tell the man that she has been given a thousand yuan and tell her friends If a man is given 500 yuan; when a man is given 1,000 yuan by his employer, he will tell the woman that he was given 500 yuan, and tell his friends that he was given 1,500 yuan.

Daily humorous joke greetings for friends (classic version)

1. The pilot of a certain flight landed the plane heavily on the runway during a landing. The airline has regulations that when passengers get off the plane, the captain must stand at the door and greet the passengers with a smile: "Thank you for taking this flight." ?Because of this bad landing, when he stood in the hatch and said this, he simply did not dare to look at the passengers for fear that someone would laugh at him.

All the passengers got off the plane, except for an old lady with a cane. She said: Son, I can ask a question code, of course. Madam, what question do you want to ask, did we land or were we shot down?

2. Tong Yanwuji: The teacher said, eggs are The duck eggs are laid by the mother chicken, and the duck eggs are laid by the mother duck. This pine flower egg must be laid by the pine flower. But I don’t know what Songhua looks like?

3. Zhengshuaiguo: Auntie, I am as beautiful as a fairy, Sister Sai Feng. I raise my hands and drool, looking for you in my dream to kick over the bed, and shyly eat all over the table. A smile will make you fall in love with the sharp brother. When you are anxious, you will smash a pot. I will send you a text message to ask for a handsome pot.

4. Teacher: ?Baker, why do rockets run so fast?

Baker: ?Whose butt is on fire and doesn’t run as fast as possible! ?

5. The husband and his wife were eating at a seafood food stall. Husband: "I need to eat more oysters. This stuff is an aphrodisiac!" Wife: "Well, it works quite well. It used to be 1 minute, but now it's 3 minutes!"

6. The teacher assigned homework and asked the students to make sentences using the word "exception".

The mistress didn’t know how to ask her father. Dad thought for a moment and said, "Let's write it like this:" Write it on graph paper, and you won't write it out of place.

7. I saw you that day, holding on to a telegraph pole, with an afro on your head, dancing with excitement and your face flushed. When asked what made you so happy, your lips trembled for a long time before you managed to squeeze out a sentence: I got the electric shock!

8. The leader of a certain company made a summary. He read: The monk who has obtained the diploma will not be able to say Cadres who have obtained diplomas! As soon as I read this, the audience laughed. The leader said angrily: What's so funny? Even monks can get diplomas, but cadres have to work harder!

9. A group of young people surrounded Afanti and said: "Uncle Afanti, I heard that you You have deceived Satan. We don’t believe it. You can deceive others but you cannot deceive us. Please use your deception! ?

?We will talk about it later, I don’t have time now. ? Afanti said.

?What are you so anxious about? The young man asked.

Hurry up, don’t stalk me. Otherwise I won’t be able to see her until I come back. ?Afanti looked very anxious.

?Tell us where you are,? the young man begged.

?I heard that a beautiful and radiant beauty in the neighboring village is getting married today. It will be a lifelong regret not to see her. I must see her before she is picked up by the groom. Please let me go. Let’s go!? Afanti said.

　......

10. Henry was driving a new car towards the suburbs at high speed. Suddenly, he saw a piece of wood standing on the intersection leading to the mountain road. Placard: Don’t gamble with your life? This is your last trump card.

Driving in dense fog is dangerous, especially if the fog is in your head.

Please remember that nature is not perfect. It has prepared spare parts for cars, but humans have not.

11. The coach comforted the boxer who lost the fight and said: It doesn’t matter. In the third round, didn’t you scare him too much?

?

?He is also afraid of me?

?Yes, he thought he had beaten you to death. ?

12. Lao Zhang is known for his wit in the office.

One day, Xiao Wang specially found a question to make things difficult for him.

Xiao Wang said: Lao Zhang! Do you know what is the most disadvantageous thing in the world?

Lao Zhang said he didn’t know.

Xiao Wang said: Even if a person dies, his money has not been spent. ?

Everyone looked at Lao Zhang, thinking that he had nothing to say this time!

Unexpectedly, Lao Zhang was stunned for a moment, and then said: "Xiao Wang! Then Do you know what is the worst thing in the world?

Xiao Wang said he didn’t know.

Lao Zhang said: "Even if a person has spent all his money, he is not dead yet." ?

13. A quack doctor is sitting in the clinic, feeling the pulse with two fingers, prescribing a prescription in a few words, four eyes shining green, five fingers reaching out to you, six digits is not enough, and you will be angry. Yes!

14. Two men and a beautiful woman swam to a desert island after the shipwreck. What would happen between them? If the two men were Italians, They would have a fight, and the winner would have the beauty; if the two men were French, they would get along and share the beauty; if the two men were English, they would try to murder her. If the two men are Singaporeans, they will do nothing and wait for Mr. Li's instructions.

15. The dove in Guanguan is on the river island; the graceful lady is poor and hard to find. Money and power are loved by the world; no one wants a graceful lady. I can't help but ask for someone who is willing to marry me. I am a single person. Who will love me when I want a wife?

16. 1. A male deer walked, faster and faster, and finally it turned into a highway (deer)!!

2. Two tomatoes were crossing the road, and a car was passing by. One of them couldn’t dodge and was crushed. The other tomato pointed at the squashed tomato and laughed: ?Hahaha! Ketchup

3. There was a duck named Xiao Huang. One day it was hit by a car, and it yelled: "Quack!" From then on, it turned into a small cucumber!!

4 .One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: Dad, am I a stupid boy? Dad said: Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?

5. Why did Xiao Ming fall? Please think twice. ?Because the floor is slippery!

6. The glass and the coffee cup crossed the road together. Suddenly someone shouted: "Car? Weights?" The glass was hit by the car, but the coffee cup was fine. Why? Because the coffee cup has ears!

......

17. I am the General of Rolling Curtains in the Heavenly Palace. To put it bluntly, I choose the door curtain for others when they come in. I remember when I was appointed as the General of Rolling Curtains, I was so excited that I didn’t sleep all night. The next day , only then did I know that the rolling shutter general was doing this, which made me so angry that stars were flying in my eyes.

Speaking of which, this Heavenly Palace is real. It has a small facade but a lot of rules. You said that the person who picks the curtains is called the curtain picker, and he calls him a general. How hypocritical. But then again , This gives people face. For example, if you burn boilers in the Tiangong, and people ask you what you do, and you say you burn boilers, they will look down on you. If you say you are the god of fire, they are sure to treat you badly. Look at things differently. This is the power of reputation.

That day, I went to work for the first time, and I didn’t want to mention the awkwardness in my heart. At this time, an old man came over with a board on his head, followed by an umbrella man. Later I found out The one holding the umbrella is called Marshal Tianpeng, and he is one level higher than me.

………

18. The weather these days is like the face of a girl in love, which changes at any time; like the face of a girl who is lovelorn, cold; like the face of a girl when they break up ,gloomy. Therefore, love depends on your face, the sky when you go out, and the quality of friendship. I wish you a wonderful life!

19. You are as light as the wind, you are as gentle as the water, you are as romantic as the moon, and you are as bright as the sun. Warm, you are as strong as an ox, and you are as tolerant as the sea. In short, in one sentence: There is nothing like you like a human being!

20. There are indeed many similarities between love and marriage and stock trading:

We have just made friends, and we call them “Explore the Market”

We call them “Enter the Market” when we get engaged;

We call “Contract” when we get married;

We call “Original Stocks” when we get married;

;

Divorcing after marriage, and being deprived of a lot of money by the other party is called "cutting the flesh";

After getting married, the relationship between the two parties is not harmonious, which is called "Takong";

A marriage that is dull and has no choice but to make do is called "stuck";

This kind of marriage that takes a lot of effort and finally breaks up is called "unstuck";

After three or five years of marriage , relationships go up and down, it’s called a “box consolidation”;

A marriage is completely broken down and irretrievable, it’s called a “collapse”;

Using stock market terms to describe marriage and love situations, it’s interesting and vivid Image:

When you are in love, you are often picky and picky, such as choosing a partner;

Daily humorous joke greetings for friends (popular version)

1. A brother went to the restroom and entered the women's restroom by mistake. After entering, he found that there was no urinal, which felt wrong. Fortunately, there was no one in the women's restroom. He walked out as if nothing had happened. When I was opening the door, I met a girl coming in. The girl looked at him, blushed, lowered her head, turned around and went to the men's room

2. Jiang Wen: Let the bullets fly. National Development and Reform Commission: Let prices fly. PetroChina: Let oil prices fly. Ministry of Housing and Urban-Rural Development: Let housing prices fly. Inland Revenue Department: Let taxes fly. Grain Bureau: Let grain and oil fly. Foxconn: Let employees fly. People: Let the tears fly.

3. A certain woman went to the fairgrounds with a lot of money to buy things, but she lost a

cloth bag she was carrying on the way. When she got home, she took the initiative to report to her husband: There were so many people at the fairground today. It was so crowded that many people lost their bags

Her husband asked her: "Then your bag is also lost." ?

The woman said: ?No matter how heroic you are, you will still lose it! ?

The husband was shocked and asked: ?Has the silver been lost?

The woman replied: Don't worry about this, I have tied the money tightly in the corner of the bag! ?

4. 1. If a love rival falls into the water , how would you pee?

2. Men who smoke smell, or do men who drink and don’t shower smell?

3. Your ex is married, you Are you willing to attend his wedding? I just want to attend Ya's funeral!

4. Someone is bastardizing you and saying: Don't worry, there is a secret to fully automatic, what should you do to hit him until he has kidney failure, right? He said, "Don't worry, there are Liuwei Dihuang Pills, which can treat kidney deficiency and don't contain sugar." ?

5. Seriously, have you ever had plastic surgery? I have a bulging belly?

6. Freckles, high myopia, pie face, elephant legs, thick waist, let If you choose one to be your wife, will you choose me or a man?

7. Liu Xiang: China’s speed! Yao Ming, China’s height! You! China’s weight?

.. ....

5. The drunkard went to the ATM to withdraw money. Unexpectedly, his card was eaten by the ATM. The drunkard was very anxious. As soon as an acquaintance happened to pass by, he gave him advice and quickly poured wine.

The drunkard asked: Why? The acquaintance laughed and said: He vomited after drinking too much!

6. The stingy A’s father had just passed away and wanted to find a Taoist priest to transcend the dead soul. The Taoist asked for 1,000 yuan, but A lowered the price to 800 yuan, and the Taoist agreed. So the Taoist priest recited: "Please go up to the east sky, go up to the east sky." Jia asked curiously: "Why not go to the Western Heaven?" The Taoist said: "One thousand yuan can go to the Western Heaven, but eight hundred yuan can only go to the Eastern Heaven!" Jia had no choice but to agree to pay one thousand yuan. The Taoist priest then changed his mind and said, "Please go to the Western Heaven. Please ascend to the Western Heaven." ?At this time, Father A's scolding came from the coffin: ?You unfilial son, you made me run around for a mere two hundred yuan. ?

7. 1. You are finally here. I have been looking for you for N years. Why did you go to Mars? I am going to Pluto now. I will tell you something later, don’t go away!

2. The user you are calling has not installed OICQ?

3. The owner is not here. Where are you? Just? I won’t tell you! If you really want to find it, please hold down the power button on your computer for 4 seconds and leave a message?

4. If you need anything, please yell!

5. Di? This is an automatic response. MM, please send it again, and I will contact you; JJ, please send it twice, and I will contact you; GG, DD, please do not send it again, because it will not work if you send it. Contact you!

6. You have the right to remain silent, and everything you say will be recorded. You can ask for a proxy server. If you can't afford one, the network will assign one to you.

8. Once, a president went to visit the queen of another country. The Queen and he paraded around the capital in a royal carriage drawn by six purebred royal herds. Suddenly, one of the horses farted very loudly, and the stench quickly filled the entire carriage. The queen in the carriage was embarrassed by this sudden situation.

I'm very sorry for this. After a moment, the Queen said embarrassedly, You know, even as a Queen, I can't avoid this happening. ?

?Oh, it doesn’t matter,? the president said nonchalantly,?but, before you explain, I thought it was a horse.

9. Someone’s mother-in-law died. He asked the private school teacher in the village to write a memorial for him. The private school teacher found a notebook and dug out an article dedicated to his father-in-law. He copied it word for word and gave it to him.

This man took the memorial text away for a long time and then returned it, saying that he had asked others to read it, and they said the memorial text was wrongly written.

When the private school teacher heard this, he said angrily: Who said I made a mistake? Take my notebook and ask him to look at it. I didn’t copy even a word wrong! Unless it’s your family. Wrong person died! ?

10. A portrait of your life: Able to take a bath at the age of ten? A pig is clean; a radiant person at the age of twenty? Hire a servant at the age of 1? A pig has a servant; can play basketball at the age of 50? A pig vote!

11. What a painful realization to see the news. Li Ka-shing continued to be the richest man in China with US$31 billion, equivalent to RMB 192.2 billion. What is the concept of so much money? After some calculation, for example, if you buy a two-color ball, you can win 5 million. The two-color ball is played three times a week, 52 weeks a year, and can be hit 156 times. That means you can win 780 million in one year. Finally, we came to the conclusion that it would take 246 consecutive years of winning without paying taxes to be as rich as Li Ka-shing? I thought I would become rich suddenly, but no, I just stared at your wealth and gave you my last blessing. Ah, what a painful realization? I wish you lots of money!

12. Entering the new year, hilarious slips of the tongue are constantly happening. Let’s take a look at these. Pay attention to the meaning of the last one, HOHO.

A buddy is getting married. Give him a red envelope. My friend politely said no.

I said: That’s okay, it’s only once a year, you must take it.

Once I borrowed money from someone, what I wanted to say was? I will pay you back when I withdraw the money?

What I meant was? When I have the money, I will withdraw it from you?

Khan

My classmate named Yu Jingbo received a letter one day. The dormitory guard shouted at the door of the dormitory: Qian Liangpi, Qian Liangpi’s letter!

Our Chinese teacher : Please turn the book to Yuan.

The whole class was stunned, and the teacher was nicknamed? Financial fan? Haha

One time, a friend was watching a CD at home, and the quality of the CD was not good. A friend said: Why are there so many Marxists? It took me a while to realize that he meant Mosek!

......

13. ^o^Rabbit and Giraffe Comparing beauty, the rabbit said: I am cute and charming, with soft skin; the giraffe said: I am tall and well-built, with a high neck and high sight. Rabbit replied: What should you do if you feel nauseated and want to vomit?

14. Provide a beautiful environment to build a bridge for your development; create a warm atmosphere to pave the way for your health. I will assist you in your glory; you will satisfy my wish. Please keep my hard work in mind and move towards the lucky road of world-famous dogs!

15. A man who thinks he is eloquent asked Afanti:? Afanti, when will human beings be born and when will they be able to die? What?

Afanti replied to this boring man: "Wait until heaven and hell are full." ?

16. A drunkard sitting in a small hotel saw a guy walking in with a duck under his arm, and asked: "What are you doing with that pig?"

The guy said: "This is not a pig, but a duck." ?The drunk man immediately pushed back: ?I said it to the duck. ?

17. Lao Liang is a scumbag who lives in the underworld. One day Lao Liang fell ill and had a stomachache and went to the hospital to see a doctor.

When I arrived at the hospital, the nurse who registered me asked: What is your name?

Old Liang: Ah Liang.

Nurse: What is Liang?

Old Liang went crazy: Gan Liliang. (Fuck your mother)

The nurse was shocked: -.-!! Mr. Liang.

Meet the doctor. Doctor: What's the matter?

Old Liang: Doctor, I've had severe stomach pain these past few days. I've been having diarrhea as much as I've eaten.

Doctor: Why are you so stupid after eating whatever you want?

Lao Liang wanted to get angry, but when he thought that he still had to rely on him, he endured it and took care of him.

He said politely: "Doctor, you are kidding me. I really have severe stomach pain. Please help me." ?

The doctor said: ?Let’s test the stool first. ?

18. An admiral led two cruisers to set sail. One day, after drinking, he went to the deck for inspection. While holding up the telescope, he said to his companion: "This fleet should have two cruisers. Why is the other one missing?" After waiting for a while, the general Seeing no one answered, he got angry and said: "What's the matter? Where is the other ship? Idiot!" ?

The companion mustered up the courage and stammered: "Report to the chief! Ship?" The ship is at your feet! ?

19. One day, a man walked into a bar and shouted: "Two glasses of wine!" ?

The waiter said:? Sir, why do you want two cups?

The man said: "One cup is for me and one cup is for my friend." He got seriously ill and was admitted to the hospital. I drank for him. ?

The next day, he walked into the bar again and said: ?Have a glass of wine! ?

The waiter said with concern: ?Is your friend dead?

The man was furious: "Nonsense!"

The waiter said: "Why do you only have one drink?"

The man said: "Because I stopped drinking." ?

　20. Oops, I’ve almost finished thinking about you. I forgot to pay for the things I bought. I’m not hungry for pork vermicelli anymore. 1 1=3 feels so hard. I’m crying so much that I can’t even see the Chinese yuan. It’s dollars!