How did I betray my faith and run away from my marriage?

A good girl who has been obedient to her parents for 23 years can't force her to die in order to be with him and hate her family.

The reason for family members' opposition is nothing more than one sentence: "It's not right to be a family member." My family is in business and his family is in agriculture; I am a bachelor and he is a vocational high school; I am a lecturer with a monthly salary of 6000 years, and he is a webmaster with a monthly salary of 4000 10 years. ...

There is only one reason for me to knock him to death: it is good for me. For a girl who grew up in a single-parent family and is extremely insecure, this reason is enough to overcome all material conditions. Not any man can wait for his beloved girl to get off work at the bus stop in hot and cold weather and send her home hand in hand, but he did. At that time, for me, he was like a lamp, which touched my heart and made me believe that this was the life I wanted.

People who never make trouble are terrible when they make trouble. The less his family accepts it, the more pitiful he is and the more inclined he is to him. Their arms couldn't twist their thighs, so they finally had to compromise.

Speaking of marriage, his mother smiled from ear to ear when she saw me, and my mother wiped her tears at home every day. His house is an old peasant house, which seems out of place in the newly built small house around him. Considering that I won't live here in the future, I unilaterally promised him not to redecorate. When I got home, my mother knew that I was so angry that I didn't fall asleep for several nights, but I never did anything.

The wedding room is an old house where my family used to live, and a small three-bedroom apartment in the city center. Because of the marriage, it took 200,000 shovels to reinstall, and all the household appliances were changed (the old household appliances and furniture were what the man's parents wanted, so they found all the goods and took them to his house). The man didn't pay a penny. After the renovation, his parents came to check and said "very good". Of course my mother was angry and suggested that my children be named after her in the future. The man's family readily agreed without thinking, which made me particularly uncomfortable.

Worried about the future, the family used contacts to transfer the boy to a top 500 company in Shanghai for sales. It didn't take long for me to follow suit.

I seldom saw him when I lived together in Shanghai. He sold it in the south for a long time and only came back for a day or two. He seldom communicated with me these two days, either posting reimbursement invoices or replying to emails. I think being busy is a good thing. After all, what he used to do was a leisure job that didn't deal with people very much. In the new field, he always has to make up for his adaptation through diligence. After all, our food and clothing still depends on our family, and we need to prove ourselves urgently.

I have been trying to believe that everything will develop in a good direction. I didn't notice that he was not busy with his own business, but was inefficient because of unclear logic. Sometimes there will be English in the mail. He asked me if he didn't understand. After I understand the meaning, I will help him reply. I suggest that he seize the opportunity to learn English. He always says that he is busy and has no time. However, he has no idea how to deal with most Chinese mails. Many times, he can't understand what others are saying, and he can't organize language to express himself. He was plagiarized by his superiors and criticized by dozens of people. This situation has continued, even though the training practice has been adapted for one year. His ability to work is not recognized at all, and his poor sales performance has hit him as hard as mine.

I have always comforted myself that stupid birds fly first, and everyone has his own strengths. He gave up his comfortable job and chose a challenge for me. Now he can't bear all kinds of accusations of being poked in the spine, but he still bears it for me. Everything is for me, because of me. Considering this, the resentment of turning iron into steel has become a blind self Q.

After living together for half a year, the family began to urge marriage and set us a wedding date of 10 months. Every time I go home, my mother thinks that I lost money when I left home, and the man didn't give me anything, which particularly stimulated me. I started to discuss buying a car with him, and he agreed, but he never carried it out. Later, I didn't care. I began to save my own money, from cosmetics to clothes bags, bit by bit. I forbear to go anywhere and don't want to buy anything. I keep accurate accounts to my hair, so that he can buy a car with the money saved and look up in front of my parents.

The last straw that crushed the camel was his words. I asked him what your family was going to do after we got married. He said: "We only have 20,000 yuan at home, and I don't like my parents to borrow money!"

Yes, I don't like it, no one will, but there are too many things in the world, even if I don't like it until I die. You can say that you can't work hard, but you can't leave such a sentence without doing anything. Are your confidence and skills enough to bear your dislike?

I thought of the sentence that my friend advised me but I didn't agree: "Don't think that the countryside is simple. The richer you are, the more you will care about money. It will be even more shameful to tear it up." "You think he is a Phoenix man, but in fact he is just a deer chicken." "It is not easy for his parents to make money without money. Did your parents' money fall from the sky? " ......

I used to go to his house and his mother chatted with others in dialect. Suddenly, she said in Mandarin that a boy in the next village married a girl in the city, and the girl wanted nothing at home, saying that everyone had only one child and didn't have to give it back and forth. At that time, I thought there was nothing wrong with the big article, and now I think so.

When I think of the days to come, my husband is incompetent, my in-laws point to our family and don't eat anything, and my parents are cruel. I can only regret it. I began to hesitate, and he didn't mention me on the day I got the marriage certificate, so I deliberately dragged on.

We went through a long cold war. He doesn't contact me on business trip, and I'm used to it. When you are in love, you don't feel anything when you meet every day. Now you know how painful it is to chat with someone who can't express his thoughts or even know if he has any. We often talk alone 1 hour or more. No matter how many times I stop to ask him what you think and what you want to say, he always looks speechless and then shakes his head "I have nothing to say" and "I don't know what to say". It was really helpless. I found out at that time that the gap between him and me was so big that it was out of the question.

But now I'm riding a tiger. The wedding photos have been taken, the date has been chosen, the hotel has been booked, and the invitations have been sent out. I dare not retreat.

So I began to find all kinds of chicken soup on the Internet and books to comfort myself and escape from reality. At that time, the TV station was playing "Parents' Love". Didn't Guo Tao play a lout with little culture, and Mei Ting played a big lady of a melodramatic capitalist, and finally had a happy noisy life? During the day, I only relax when I watch that play.

I searched hundreds of posts that could not be combined because of parents' opposition, and I felt the same way about the narrator's mood. Their endings, good or bad, unknown, have become my spiritual pillar. I dare not and can't tell anyone, even my mother, I regret it. I'm afraid to hear their words: "Look, what we said at the beginning … it's all right now …" I want to comfort and rely on. I want an experienced person to help me make up my mind, tell me what to do and give me a little courage, but I drove everyone away for my self-righteous love.

I hesitated, wondering whether he didn't see it at all or pretended not to see it, or refused to communicate with me. I even told him about my worries about my future marriage, but he still didn't say anything, and his work was still a mess. I think it is really that this job is too heavy for him.

Then one day, my parents' superior friend invited me to have coffee alone. Complain to me about his poor ability to do things, which means that his current job is really hard to keep. He said it would make him feel painful to watch him do an unsuitable job. I didn't say anything. I asked my elders, "Is it possible for someone else, no matter who, to have such resources and get it done in one year?" Although it is sales, the customers he is responsible for are his parents' business partners for so many years. He doesn't have to run around, he just needs to maintain and explore new products. These are all companies in good financial condition. The elder answered me without hesitation: "Yes!"

I can't stop crying. "Do you think about it, if you really decide to be with him, you will be the only one with the burden of your life in the future. It is difficult for him to find a good job in Shanghai. He, his family and your children will depend on you to support them in the future ... "This was extremely cruel to me at that time. It deprived me of my vision for the future and any possibility. My happiness and my hope are gone, as if there is only one life in the future.

I still keep crying, and my heart is secretly cruel. At the end of the conversation, I begged my elder to promise me two requirements: one is to help me keep his job as much as possible; Second, don't tell my parents about my current situation.

When my boyfriend came back from a business trip, I punched a card with him to say goodbye. I said a lot, and I'm sorry. I thought I had made up my mind, but I didn't. I subconsciously hope that he can say something to me this time and stay. As long as I stay, my mind may change. Or talk about your job, say that you are beyond your power, say that you are willing to work hard, even if it is not suitable, change to a small shop and give me an idea. But in the end, there is still only the sentence "I don't know what to say".

I am desperate, and the sense of powerlessness that I want to solve the problem but the other party doesn't give me a chance is killing me. I am not a determined person. I played a big joke on myself when things got to this point and were overturned. I dare not call home. I just go to work in a daze every day and lie down when I come back. Shame and guilt tormented me deeply. I don't know how to face the comments of relatives and friends when I go home in the future, and I don't know how to relieve my guilt for him and his family. During that time, I felt like the worst person in the world, and I was going crazy.

In two weeks, I lost more than ten kilograms and looked like a terminally ill person. I can't do my work, so I call at home and pretend it's okay. The wedding day is approaching, and every day is like being tortured.

I want to jump off a cliff, which is a sudden thought in my heart and ended my life romantically and tragically. So I booked a plane ticket to Yunnan. Unfortunately, I didn't jump off the tiger cliff, but I had a tacky feeling that "the world is so small in this grandeur".

Later, I went to Shangri-La again. At the beginning of May, when the grass was not green, I really felt a kind of altitude sickness. What is masochism? The greater the reaction, the faster I want to walk. The state that I can't breathe and feel that I will die suddenly in the next second makes me long for it. I feel extremely uncomfortable and want to suck oxygen bottles. It turns out that I am still alive, and I want to live, so I want to live well! This is the last regret of a man who wants to die.

After a few days in Lijiang, I returned to Shanghai. I'm not depressed anymore. I know things are so confusing that no one can help me. If I want to get back on track, I have to clean up one by one.

I moved out of my original two-bedroom apartment and rented a small one-bedroom apartment. A person moves pots and pans bit by bit, and there is no elevator on the fifth floor of the rented house. I wish I had a plastic bag around my neck to hold more things. There is no washing machine in my new home. I took down the curtains and washed them in the old place where I haven't checked out yet. I wanted to hug more at once and fell from the fifth floor to the fourth and a half floors. I caressed the black and blue wound and cried in the corridor. After crying, I can only continue to recite. At this time, only I can pull you, I said to myself.

After cleaning up my new home, my heart lit up. I contacted my ex-boyfriend and told him that I had moved out. Maybe later, his superior felt that it was unnecessary for me to meet my parents to reimburse my room expenses when I left, and he didn't plan to live. He said he was in the south and asked me to help him with the old house. I lost my deposit because I checked out early. Later, when it was time to check out, he still didn't come back, so he called me to help him pack and send him back to his hometown. He planned to travel to the south and his hometown in the future, and insinuated that I should pay the freight first, so I did. After all, I broke the contract and I was sorry for him.

After dealing with the original house, one night, I got a call from his mother. Of course, I asked if there was any possibility of redemption. I have explained many things one by one, and his mother has nothing to say. Finally, I am worried that his son's job will be ruined, and I am worried that the gold ring and bracelet he gave me can be returned to her. I promised her that I would return it.

Then my parents. They didn't think I deserved it. After all, they think I am mature. My own mother left the check-out and dealing with relatives to her. Compared with watching me jump into the fire pit, losing face is nothing My own father was still worried about me, so he came to Shanghai for a few days and left when he saw that I was fine.

I seldom go back to my hometown with my relatives and friends. New gossip always replaces old news. Living well is the best dumb medicine to stop others from talking.

Everything is like a cold. It will get better gradually. It was then that I realized that "time is the best medicine to cure everything", which I once thought was nonsense, was so reasonable.

Later, I was like a different person, no longer scrimping and saving, but buying what I like. I work hard, sometimes work overtime all night, my salary has gone up, and I have the ability to take my family to travel abroad. Eating, drinking and being alone has become my life label.

I went to raise another dog and changed to an independent one-bedroom apartment. I never imagined that Miss Jiao, who had to rely on her parents all her life, would grow into what she is now. This incident, on the contrary, has made me better and stronger, and I am still alive after I die.

Be calm when breaking up, at least leave a good last impression on the other side. Later, I met him twice, but I don't know where to get my address. I dragged my suitcase and insisted on staying at my house, but I refused.

About four months after the farce of escaping from marriage ended, H Company advised him to go back to his hometown, but the elder still left him a seat and his salary would still be paid to him every month.

Later, I heard from my former colleague that he opened a dessert shop he joined.

A year later, he contacted me and asked me to return the mobile hard disk I left here and the gift I gave him before, and made a list.

Later, I learned on WeChat that he was married.

The story ended satisfactorily in such an unsatisfactory way.

Everyone's experience is different, and how to live is still their choice. But when you can't convince yourself whether to continue, promise me that you must stop and think about it. Things are not as good as you think, but they are not necessarily so bad.