In urgent need (lines from stand-up comedy to welcome the Olympics)~~

Welcoming the Olympics and being civilized

A and B: (Bow 90 degrees)

A: (Smiling and asking B) Have you had any soup?

B: Soup?

A: Well, this is the greeting before dinner in our hometown.

B: Oh, that’s right, I drank it.

A: What soup should you drink?

B: Rice soup.

A: How can you drink rice soup?

B: Can’t you drink rice soup?

A: Of course not, but you should drink mung bean soup.

B: Why?

A: Green and environmentally friendly.

B: Ah! Is drinking mung bean soup green and environmentally friendly?

A: Well, the Olympics are coming soon. Don’t Beijingers want to host a Green Olympics?

B: Yes.

A: So we should drink more mung bean soup to achieve the goal of Green Olympics.

B: Is it just so green? Just ignore civilized behavior?

A: Of course, having said that, I have to mention a common uncivilized behavior among us Chinese.

B: What, is there any other kind of uncivilized behavior?

A: Of course.

B: Is it a matter of littering?

A: This is uncivilized behavior, but that’s not what I mean.

B: What is that?

A: You know, we are China,

B: (thumbs up) Well!

A: That’s a great one,

B: (thumbs up) Well!

A: It has a long history,

B: (thumbs up) Well!

A: An ancient civilization!

B: (thumbs up) Yeah!

A: It’s the same one,

B: (thumbs up) Yeah!

A: A big spitting country.

B: (thumbs up) Yeah! Um? What did you say?

A: (Turns to face B) Did you know that on the streets in Malaysia, there are signs written in Chinese: Please do not spit.

B: Yes, I have heard of it too. I feel blushing. Who threw it?

A: Anyway, it wasn’t me who vomited.

B: Can you go?

A: That’s what you vomited.

B: I don’t know where Malaysia is!

A: That was vomited by some Chinese who went to Malaysia. Not only are foreigners unlucky, but Chinese people are even more unlucky.

B: (quickly asked) Did you step on it?

A: Oh, yes.

B: What’s going on? Tell me quickly.

A: (Adjusting clothes) That was this morning a long, long time ago.

B: This guy definitely didn’t learn Chinese well.

A: I am walking happily. An uncle walked past me. He was tall and handsome, walking forward with long strides. Unexpectedly, when he walked in front of me, there was a sound of "cannonballs" being loaded in the uncle's mouth, followed by a loud "pop" sound. The "cannonballs" flew out of the "cannon barrel" and fell to the ground, where I stepped on them. Go up, oh, so dirty!

B: It’s so uncivilized! I hope that my classmates will not encounter such bad luck in the future.

A: Do you know? There is a "killing" virus in sputum, which is mainly infected through our respiratory tract. Once you are infected, you are guaranteed to "GO" (fall to the ground after speaking).

B: "G O"? go?

A: Game over.

B: Cough. Then why didn't you go to the morgue?

A: (Jumping up from the ground) Because I have a good physique.

B: Good physical fitness and strong disease resistance.

A: Then I have to ask you, what should I do if I have phlegm now?

B: You should spit into paper and throw it into the trash can.

A: What if I have chewing gum?

B: That’s the same thing, vomit in the paper and throw it into the trash can, otherwise your feet will be ruined (pointing to your own feet)

A: (patted it happily) B’s head) Learn civilized etiquette very quickly!

A: Hey, I can’t lift my feet.

B: The chewing gum must have stuck to your feet.

A: Why is there chewing gum here?

B: (Preparing to run) Well, that seems to be me. I vomited when I went on stage.

A: (angry) You are such an uncivilized person, you really disgrace the Chinese people, just wait!

(End, B takes the stage for curtain call)

(Add more expressions!~)

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Olympic Dream

A: Recently, my body always feels tired.

B: What’s wrong?

A: I watched the Athens Olympics.

B: It’s been almost half a month, and you still haven’t recovered.

A: I watch it every day. These seventeen days have lasted me seventeen nights.

B: That’s tiring.

A: I can’t help it, why am I a sports fan? I'm obsessed with this...the women's volleyball final, can I not watch it?

B: Yes, that game was so exciting. We lost two games first and then came back to win the decisive game 15-12.

A: Huh? I didn’t pay much attention to the difference between a few and a few...

B: Then what did you pay attention to?

A: There is a No. 11 in Russia! OK!

B: Oh, you are an expert. Russian No. 11 plays the ball well and spikes the ball very hard...

A: I didn't pay much attention to how she spiked the ball...

B: What did you notice?

A: No. 11 Dianova, those two legs! A pair of jade legs...

B: Are you just looking at this?

A: I am a sports fan. Did you watch diving?

B: Look! How well that young man Hu Jia performed...

A: ...who? Hu Jia? I didn't pay much attention...

B: Who did you pay attention to?

A: Guo Jingjing!

B: Guo Jingjing is really good! The movements are also graceful, especially when entering the water, the pressure of the water splash...

A: How to enter the water, how to press the water splash, I didn't pay much attention to it...

B: What are you paying attention to again?

A: Look at her nose... the bridge of her nose, especially her eyebrows, are not tattooed! Born to grow!

B: You see quite carefully.

A: I am a sports fan. Did you watch the shooting?

B: I saw it. Veteran Wang Yifu is really unambiguous...

A: Did Wang Yifu participate this time?

B: Huh? ! He won the gold medal again.

A: Oh, why didn’t I pay attention...

B: Who did you pay attention to again?

A: Du Li! This little girl's mouth looks...so good! Especially how sweet a smile is...

B: Do you also pay attention to the way you smile?

A: I am a sports fan!

B: I’m talking about sports fans, have you watched the horizontal bars and parallel bars?

A: I’m not interested in the horizontal bars or parallel bars, but the uneven bars.

B: If he is a co-author, he will focus on the women’s project! Have you watched women’s weightlifting?

A: I don’t look at that!

B: What?

A: I don’t like weightlifting!

B: What do you like to watch most?

A: Women's beach volleyball...

B: Why?

A: Wear less!

B: Huh? !

A: Clean. The movements are vigorous and the lines are graceful.

Through this Olympic Games, I discovered that there are so many beauties this time, including Luo Xuejuan in the women's 200-meter breaststroke, Huang Shanshan in the women's trampoline, Khorkina, the queen of gymnastics, and Isinbayeva, the beautiful women's pole vaulter. ...How beautiful each one is...I love to see them all! I am a sports fan...

B: Is this a sports fan? Isn’t this a big sex fan? !

A: What is lust!

B: Why do you only look at women?

A: Looking at men? I don't like watching it! If you let me watch men's football, don't make me anxious to death!

B: Just watch whatever you want.

A: Watching the Olympics this time has enhanced my confidence and encouraged me. Now that I have a goal, I will take action!

B: What are you going to do?

A: What are you doing? Anyway, let’s not talk about cross talk! I suffer this! Dear viewers, today is my farewell performance! I'm ready to join the sports world! I want to be a coach!

B: Do you want to be a coach?

A: It’s good to be a coach.

B: How’s that?

A: I find that things are different now.

B: What’s the difference?

A: In the past, when athletes won medals, they would come over and shake hands with the coach, right?

B: That’s how it used to be.

A: It’s changed now! Hug instead! How great...I will be a coach...I will lead a group of female disciples...I will let them all get medals, and then they will come over one by one...

B: Why are you only thinking about this!

A: Let’s celebrate our victory.

B: You, give up on this idea.

A: What?

B: Coaches all come from athletes! Before you become an athlete, you want to be a coach! A: Then...then I will be an athlete first.

B: He is an athlete again.

A: Well, I want to be an athlete, I can also participate in the Olympic Games, and I can also win gold medals! I will stand on the podium when the time comes! Ho! How majestic! Thousands of spectators around me cheered and I waved to them! "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" (imitation)

B: He can speak English.

A: The presenting guest came over, followed by the hostess, carrying a tray with a shining gold medal on it. I shook hands with him first, then lowered my head, and he hung the gold medal around my neck. The gold medal was mine!

B: (slightly sarcastic) That’s not the case!

A: Tsk, that gold medal! Is that... is that... pure gold? (gnashing teeth) How much K is this? (Look at the color)

B: Well, here comes the gold test!

A: How great! How is it like now, now that I have grown so big, I don’t even have a waistband on my neck, let alone a gold medal.

B: Huh? Is there anyone who hangs a belt tag around their neck?

A: Although I have never worn it, I have touched it.

B: Have you touched it? !

A: I can draw the cards accurately! This is 50,000...catch the top five!

B: Mahjong tiles!

A: I understand! If you want to wear a gold medal, you have to be an athlete!

B: Oh, just for the gold medal?

A: Not only the gold medal!

B: What else?

A: There is also a bonus!

B: Award...

A: Didn’t you read the newspaper? For a gold medal, the country will award 200,000 yuan!

B: Oh, is that what you want?

A: Not only the country, but also the province and the city have to provide money for cars and houses! This time Tianjin gave each gold medal winner 500,000 yuan!

B: Hoo! Where else?

A: Where else? That’s a lot! There is a Fok Ying-tung in Hong Kong, you know?

B: I know.

A: He said that at every Olympic Games, whoever wins the gold medal will be given a one-kilogram pure gold medal and $80,000!

B: I found out quite clearly!

A: One kilogram of gold medals, do you know how much it is?

B: Huh?

A: Two pounds! One pound is five hundred grams, two pounds is one kilogram! The current approximate market price of one gram of gold is one hundred and fourteen, multiplied by one thousand, that is ten... one hundred and forty thousand! Takeaway $80,000! Ah, one US dollar is equal to 8.27 RMB. Eighty thousand multiplied by eight point two seven, ah, seven eight sixty six, add six, two eight hundred and nineteen, add five, and then eight eight ninety...

B: Don’t forget it. How much is it?

A: ...a lot anyway!

B: I said, when other champions compete for gold medals, they only want to win glory for the country, but you are better off because you are just looking at money!

A: Alas, not only will the country reward me, but when I win the championship, those big companies will have to come to me to shoot commercials!

B: Yes? Who are they?

A: Coca-Cola, right?

B: Such a big company must come.

A: And that McDonald’s, you have to come, right?

B: This is a chain store.

A: Anta sneakers, right?

B: I need you more for sporting goods.

A: And that...Rongchang Antai, is this necessary?

B: Well, I haven’t won the gold medal yet, I got hemorrhoids first!

A: This advertising fee is huge! I have money, I buy a house and a car, I find Xiaomi, I...

B: Please wake up first.

A: I didn’t fall asleep.

B: You are talking in your sleep! He's not even an athlete yet, but he's going to be a champion?

A: Isn’t it hard to say that as an athlete? I will become one right away!

B: Are you qualified to be an athlete?

A: What conditions are required?

B: First of all, you need to be in good physical condition.

A: I have a good physique!

B: What a good idea

A: How good, how can I say this, anyway... I can eat fifty steamed buns in this meal! B: Ah, want to eat steamed buns? !

A: (proudly) A meatball!

B: Idiot! A: So what are you talking about?

B: You have to exercise!

A: Oh, you still need to exercise?

B: How fresh!

A: Okay, let me practice! I practice! You say, what should we practice? Just draw the line (pretend)! B: Okay, are you here to start a fight? What you practice depends on what you like.

A: What project do you like?

B: Alas.

A: More, more!

B: What’s there?

A: What do you like... football, basketball, table tennis, tennis, baseball, badminton, horizontal and parallel bars, pole vaulting, boxing, diving, taekwondo, equestrian fencing, discus throwing, weightlifting, swimming, kayaking,...

B: Okay, count the treasures!

A: I like all these projects.

B: It’s not enough just to like it. With so many projects, can you practice it?

A: I am determined!

B: Oh.

A: Make up your mind! I want to allocate my exercise time scientifically! On Monday I do track and on Tuesday I do weightlifting! I do gymnastics on Wednesday! I practiced high jump on Thursday...

B: Counting again, I can’t forget about begging!

A: Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I will not be idle all day!

B: Hey, you don’t even have a day off on weekends?

A: Rest? There are gold medals lying there one by one, waiting for me to get them. Why should I rest?

B: Do you think the gold medal is a steamed bun? Just reach out and take it!

A: I can take it if I want. I didn’t go to Athens this time!

B: What if you go?

A: How many gold medals per ***?

B: One *** two hundred and eighty-five yuan.

A: If I go, 285 yuan, I will get at least 284 yuan back!

B: Hey, why did you keep a piece? Get it all back!

A: No, I want to leave a piece to the Greek people to show my friendship to the host people. B: That’s quite thoughtful!

A: Unfortunately, I didn’t make it to the Athens Olympics, but there is still a chance, so I’m looking forward to Beijing! B: By then, won’t all the gold medals belong to you?

A: No! I arranged it this way. All the countries participating in the competition will have a piece, and the rest belongs to me. People can’t let people say that we are bullying others! Let’s not let that go…!

B: Hoo!

A: Do you want it? Want me to give you a piece.

B: I don’t want it! Well, let’s make ourselves the president of the Olympic Committee!

A: Oh, yes! Many people say that I look like the president of the Olympic Committee. What is my name? What's it called? Luo... Luo Guo!

B: Is it Luo Guo? ! His name is Roger!

A: Yes! Roger! They all say I look like Roger.

B: I don’t think you look like Rogge!

A: What about me?

B: I think you are choking! Why don't you let Baozi get confused!

A: What’s wrong?

B: You can’t practice so many events by yourself.

A: Can’t practice? B: I can’t practice! A: Then I should practice less? B: Well, find the one you like best and practice first. A: Favorite? B: Alas. What is your favorite project? A: Favorite? ...that's... synchronized swimming! B: Synchronized swimming? A: Oh, how beautiful it is. Little girls, come on stage, stand there, pose first, and then jump into the water. Now your feet are up, now your head is up, now you are in this pose, now you are in this pose, how beautiful it is! Oh, yes, I just practice this, how about it! B: Practice this? A: Huh? B: Then you have to have surgery first! A: What? B: This is a women’s event! A: Oh, men can’t practice? B: How fresh is it? A: Then I’ll change it! B: What should I change? A: Let me change it to rhythmic gymnastics! B: Huh? ! A: Oh, let’s do some belt exercises, ball exercises, these...I have the foundation! B: Even if you have helpers! Can’t practice! A: What’s wrong? B: This is also a women’s event! A: Oh, this is also a woman? B: That’s right! A: Then...I'll change it! Change to a man! B: What should be changed? A: Oh, by the way, there is a man named Liu Xiang this time, do you know? B: I know. The champion of the 110-meter hurdles tied the world record and achieved a breakthrough for Chinese men in Olympic track and field. A: Well, I heard that he has the biggest bonus, so I will practice this! B: Oh, others practice this and you also practice this? A: What’s wrong? B: Can you outrun others? A: Sigh, tell me the truth and don’t flatter me. Do I still have hope of surpassing him? B: I don’t think there is much hope. A: It’s over, it’s over, let’s let him! Let him continue practicing while I change something else! B: Then what do you practice? A: I'll change it to 100 meters! How about it? I'm going to win the championship, and the prize money will be higher than him! B: If you practice 100 meters, your thigh muscles will be developed and your explosive power will be good. Why do you still practice 100 meters? A: One hundred meters is not enough? Then I’ll practice two hundred! B: You can’t do two hundred. I suggest you add fifty. A: I listen to you, then...then I will practice two hundred and five! B: Oh, that’s quite appropriate! A: It’s appropriate, right? Then I’ll make two hundred and five! I practice! B: You are suitable, but it’s a pity that this event is not included in the Olympic Games! A: Look, it’s hard to find a suitable one, but he doesn’t have one! B: Many 250 people are worried about this! A: Alas, it doesn’t matter what you practice, the first thing you have to do is name yourself a champion! B: What? A: Tong Youwei, listen to it, how vulgar it is! Is there anyone named Tong Youwei who won a gold medal in the Olympics in the past? B: Not really. A: If you want to win the championship, you have to change the name of the champion. B: Then what’s the name? A: Before the Olympic Games, there was a diving queen named Gao Min. Is there anyone? B: Yes. A: Oh, I will change it as she did! B: Change it to what? A: Her name is Gao Min. B: Ah. A: I want to surpass her...my name is...allergic! B: That’s going to give me a pimple! A: How is it? B: Not so good! A: It doesn’t matter if it’s not good, let’s continue to change it! B: What else should be changed? A: Table tennis is our national sport, so I will change it to the name of the national player! There is a man named Wang Nan, do you know? B: I know, Olympic champion.

A: Oh, by the way, I will win the gold medal in the future and be even better than her! B: What's your name? A: Niu... Niu Nan (potty)! B: This is good, suitable for braised in soy sauce! A: How about changing it like this? B: Not so good! A: It doesn’t matter if it’s not good, we will continue to improve it. B: Don’t change it! No matter how much you change it, you won’t be able to change it for the better! If you want to be a champion and win a gold medal, you have to work really hard! A: Well, I’m going to start working hard now! (to the audience) Goodbye, friends! I'm going to the training ground soon! I will devote myself to training with the spirit of not being afraid of hardship or tiredness! I will work hard to realize my Olympic dream with my strong will and unyielding faith. Friends, please believe me. Four years later, on the stage of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, I will stand on the highest podium again and again, with a gold medal on my chest, flowers in my hands, and applause and cheers ringing in my ears. , with tears in my eyes, I watched the bright five-star red flag rising again and again in the stadium, and my heart surged, listening to the passionate "March of the Volunteers" on the sports field! Playing again and again, we want foreigners to know that we are no longer the sick men of East Asia! We are Chinese athletes in the new era! We want to show the beauty of our motherland to the whole world! Achieve the great rejuvenation of our Chinese nation! I seem to have seen that exciting moment! I can't wait any longer! My dream will definitely come true! B: Really good. A: But... B: But? A: To put it another way, if I fail and fail to win the gold medal, I will work hard for the silver medal! B: Now I have to take ten thousand steps back. A: What happened to the silver medal? The silver medal is also given to 150,000 yuan! B: Still thinking about money! A: Taking a step back, if I couldn’t even keep the silver medal, I would definitely get the bronze medal! B: That’s 20,000 steps back! A: Let me take another 10,000 steps back. B: Return it? A: Even if I don’t get a bronze medal, I will definitely fight for a place and let my name be recorded in the history of the Olympic Games! B: Hoo! ...Well, I said, what if you don’t get anything by then? A: If I don’t get anything... don’t be afraid! B: Huh? A: ...I will continue to talk about cross talk! B: Still talking in sleep!