A letter to my brother-in-law

The scene of your wedding still appears in front of me. SARS was catching up with it at that time, and the wedding originally scheduled for May Day could only be postponed to November. For the newlyweds, this kind of wait is such a long time. It seems that a happy marriage will always have some inadvertent little regrets. Our whole family rushed from our hometown to another city to attend your wedding. I still remember how sweet you both laughed at the wedding.

Falling in love is always sweet. In your love, you stayed together every day, and it was very sweet. In the end, you broke through the long distance between the south and the north and successfully joined hands. But now you have to deny your original choice ten years after your marriage.

I have always felt that once we enter into marriage, the couple will be independent from their original families. The husband and wife will be the most trustworthy people for each other, their confidants, and their friends. We can join hands for a lifetime and be entrusted for a lifetime. This kind of companionship transcends family affection, stays together longer than family members, surpasses friends, and has higher trust than friends. Whether a family is happy or not is the root of all good luck. To use a common saying, it is also my favorite. My favorite saying is: When the family is in harmony, everything will be prosperous.

We always hope that our family life will be happy, but happiness does not fall from the sky and fall on someone's head by luck. It is not something that can be encountered but cannot be sought. Why does marriage need to be managed? There is no happy marriage without business. There is a survey on the longest marriage in the world: the white-haired old man who now holds hands and walks in the sun every day has had countless impulses to kill each other during a marriage that lasted for nearly a century. Surveys show that all marriages are unhappy.

When two people go from strangers to familiarity, from acquaintance to acquaintance to love to trusting each other for life, which step does not contain the sincerity of both parties? It will be difficult to proceed without sincere care at any step. This is especially true for marriage. Elderly people, children, work, life, and all kinds of trivial matters make up our married life. Life is dull and lacks freshness. We have become accustomed to the good things about the other person, but the bad things about the other person are dazzling, and even the good points have become ordinary. There is a lot of sediment, but the shortcomings become "pearls". We can't see the sediment, we can only see a few, shiny "pearls".

There are so many sweetness and good things in marriage. In life, there are more dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction, so why don’t we move forward? We can think more about each other’s goodness and every bit of the happy life we ??once had, and know that the other person has also touched us in this way:

When you first started a family, you were still far away in the army, and your sister was alone. At home, in order to make family life better, my sister opened her own clothing store. She worked in the store from dawn to dusk every day, which was very hard. As a husband, he cannot be by his wife's side and cannot be of any help, but my sister has managed to make the clothing store prosperous by herself. Now that you have returned from the army, you are still holding on to the industry that your sister created. All your expenses come from here. When you buy a house or a car, you also need this industry to be well managed. You have to think about how capable your wife is and how much your wife has contributed to your family.

Later, my sister became pregnant. During the months when she needed her husband’s company the most, you were still in the army. Other pregnant women were raising their babies at home, but my sister still had to ride an electric bike to the store every day. Isn’t the purpose of opening a business to earn more money to support the family and children?

Brother-in-law, when I was chatting with you yesterday, I felt that you still have great feelings for your brother-in-law. I also felt that you didn’t want to divorce your sister at all, but why did you come to this point? As a bystander, I would like to say what I saw:

First of all, you lack care for your sister. Of course, this kind of care is not only about life, but also refers to ideological care. Your sister is sick and feels unwell. You go to the doctor with her. This is the most basic thing you need to do as a relative, but this is not enough. What we need is more emotional recognition.

Take the fact that my sister loves to talk. She has a lot to say about the store, home, children, and house. She needs to talk about it. What she needs more is for you to give her feedback, because what she is talking about is not her. It’s not your own business, but your family’s business, but what about you? You barely respond to her. Indeed, I know that my own sister is a bit nagging. She always talks about one thing over and over again, but have you ever thought about why she is so nagging? She wasn't like this before, and who wouldn't be tired after working in the store and talking to customers all day? She is also tired, and she doesn’t want to say more, but when she is with you, she wants to talk again, because you have many things to deal with at home, such as buying a house. You have been married for more than ten years now, and you still don’t have your own. Houses, working-class families live on wages and save money to buy a house; you open your own shop and do business, and the business is good. When you retired from the army, you also got money back, but you still haven’t solved the problem of the house. As a A woman is almost 40 years old. Can she not be anxious? She is in too much of a sense of crisis now. Her friends all have houses and cars, and her friends’ husbands have also made great achievements in their careers, and she Now she also has to face the pressure of house, car, children, and the elderly. As a younger sister, I feel huge pressure for her. Of course, many things cannot be changed after you listen to her nagging. Repeated nagging will only make people tired or even disgusting, but boredom and disgust cannot change the current situation, and avoidance and silence It is also a manifestation of refusal to solve the problem. The life belongs to the two of you, not hers. To live a good life is the result of the two of you working together. No one else can give you much help in how you live your life. The key depends on whether the two of you are good. Can work towards a goal. In today's society, if you work hard, you will definitely gain something. Although it may not be better than others, you will definitely live better than before. Therefore, when your sister nags you repeatedly, please be more patient and listen carefully to what she is saying. You must know that she is beginning to feel anxious about your current situation again. She hopes that your life will be better, so you should give her more Please give me some feedback. Talk about your thoughts and your plans for the road ahead. Let her feel confident. Don’t let her feel that she is fighting everything. She needs you to fight side by side with her. No matter how strong she is, she still hopes With your support and affirmation behind her, and planning tomorrow together with her, you will give her a backbone.

Secondly, my family may not have done well enough in some aspects, and I have not given you much help. It’s great to have elderly people at home who can provide some help, but wouldn’t we be able to survive without elderly people at home to help us? We cannot control whether the elderly are partial or whatever. Parents on both sides cannot provide some material and financial help. This is a reality. We live our own lives, not for others. Others do not give us the necessary help as we wish. Help, are we going to stand still? There was a rumor circulating on the Internet that a couple in Henan started a clothing wholesale business from scratch. Their family was so poor that they couldn't do anything to help them. So the couple took out loans and spent all their time on the business. In a few years, they were worth tens of millions. Although your peers are not as profitable, you are still in the clothing business. You have been working hard for several years, and you have a regular source of customers. Your daily business is also good. This is a good foundation. You can work hard and run it well. It will also bring you good economic income, and your life will definitely get better and better.

Once again, your son is already eleven years old and is about to face the entrance examination from primary school to junior high school. This is also a critical year for your child. If you are noisy at this time, no matter how innocent, naive and heartless your child is, You can tell that he is thinking about your affairs, so why should he focus on studying? For the sake of your child's future, you can't be so selfish, and you don't care about your child's feelings at all, making noises or even getting physical in front of him. As the fathers and mothers on whom your children rely most, you hurt each other in this way, and your children's sense of security is gone. Cun, the child has no performance on the surface. How do you know whether such an experience will have a shadow on the child's psychology, and what consequences such a shadow will have on the child's future? As parents, can you not consider your children's feelings? The child is your crystallization and has been carefully cared for and grown up by you. Look at what the child eats, wears, uses, and plays with that is not the best, but you only give the child so much materially and that is enough. Yes, what children need is a warm and happy family, and they need harmony and love from their parents. I believe brother-in-law, you must have heard this sentence: Dad's love for his mother is the best education for his children. Taking out the children does not mean using them to kidnap you. If there is really no love between you, then it is not good for the couple to barely maintain it for the sake of the children. But when it comes to your problems, you still have each other in your heart, but neither of you is willing to bow. I admit that I did something bad, but no one wants to admit their fault. They just wait for the other person to bow his head and stretch each other's strength until they collapse. I have always felt that it is not a shameful thing to admit that you have not done well in front of the people you love. If we do something wrong in the workplace or among friends, we will naturally admit it and be careful to avoid it next time. Do it again, but why is it so difficult to do it in front of your own family? You are people who are going to work together for a lifetime. Is it more embarrassing for you to lower your head than to lose your marriage?

My sister is a person who takes soft things rather than hard ones. To put it bluntly, she still has the heart of a little girl. Don’t look at her. She is always very strong. She always faces you in everything. She hopes You can give her some soft words. She also hopes that someone can pamper her and pamper her. She needs someone to give her a step down. Of course, what she did is not good enough. You also wait for her to admit her mistake, but you are a man. , you should understand that your wife needs to be cared for by yourself. After all, this is the wife you have worked hard to pursue.

You have a sister in your heart and you can’t let her go. Don’t you pretend to run away again and again in the hope that she can find you back? Don't you want to prove that you are still important in her heart? Give each other another chance, be more patient with her, pay more attention to her, listen to her carefully, and cook for her properly. There will obviously be no unsolvable knot between you!

The Chinese New Year is coming soon. It’s such a festive time. The bad things in the year will be forgotten with the new year. Do you still want to celebrate the New Year with anger? The God of Wealth likes a harmonious family. How can he make money if he is always noisy? I sincerely hope you are doing well and your family is very concerned about you.