Talk about the original family

I want to talk about the problems of the original family

The formation of a person's cognition and core beliefs involves many aspects such as personality, early experience, major events, social culture, family education, etc. Influence is not caused by a single factor.

My family of origin is an unavoidable obstacle for me.

I admit that there is no perfect family of origin, and no child is immune to some harm from the family of origin.

There is no absolute perfection, but it does not mean there is no difference. The size of the injury is different, the degree is different, and the duration is different.

My family of origin has caused us much more harm than ordinary families. We are more imperfect than the average family, and we have shouldered more misfortunes.

We, three siblings, have more problems than an average family.

We feel the same way about our parents.

I say this not to complain or to vent my anger, although there are also such emotions. It’s to see, to see the truth.

The original family is different from the original family, and the harm is different. It is true that some families cause greater harm to their children. We come from families like this, families with more problems and situations than the average family.

If you don’t admit this truth and insist on seeing the difficulty of your parents from a rational point of view, you won’t be able to truly get over it in your heart.

Acknowledge these, give yourself an explanation, give yourself fairness, file a complaint on your behalf, and other things can happen, otherwise you will not be able to cope with it psychologically.

Okay, I have told you that they are indeed not good enough. As parents, there are indeed many things they do that are not up to standard.

So can we only be immersed in hurt and complaints and unable to get out of it?

Now I will try to look at my parents and my family of origin from other angles to help me come out.

1. But, but, no matter how bad they are, they brought me into this world. Only they can give me this life. This is the biggest fact. Because of them, I am able to come to this world, have everything, see this beautiful world, and experience the ups and downs of life.

No matter how bad this family is, she allowed me to have my own family in this world, with my own parents, brothers and sisters. My mother is gone, my father is unconscious, and I still have a brother and sister who are blood relatives. When I get home, my brother is there, I think of my relatives, and my sister is there. Although they all have hardships and problems, with them, there are family members.

This home is where I was born and grew up, and where I come from. No matter how bad they are, they all want us to live well with each other, which is our constant concern.

2. Mom and Dad did their best in raising us.

My mother tried her best to transfer me to another school, adjust my job, and encourage me to take the postgraduate entrance examination. When I got married, she prepared my dowry and made plans for me. After I got married, I stopped working at home to prepare for the exam. My mother asked my sister to send me money, and made dumplings and steamed buns for her to bring to me. She was afraid that I would be wronged. She didn't realize the hurt she caused me. But in her consciousness, she was afraid that I would not make money and would be wronged.

When I was a kid, my house was flooded with salted duck eggs. Some of them smelled bad, and I loved eating them. Dad would say, I love eating rotten eggs. I also love to eat stinky tofu. I have a fever and have a bad appetite, so my dad will buy me stinky tofu. My father went to Shanghai on a business trip. My father, who is always careful and thrifty, bought me beautiful T-shirts and leather shoes. I had classes in the evening, and my father said he would pick me up. My bike was out of air, and my dad gave me some air. Dad rode his bicycle to contact me for suitable jobs. In order to give me a good job, my father was willing to go back and do things he didn't want to do. I went to see my father in the hospital. He said it was getting dark and urged me to leave early. Every time I need him to help me take care of Niuniu, my father will come all the way over by bus as soon as I make a phone call.

I always ignore these, these are the facts on the other side.

I believe that no matter what they do, they have done everything they know how to do to create the best living and growing environment for us.

3. Mom and Dad are just themselves.

Parents have a great influence on their children.

When I was a child, my parents were my child’s heaven and world. You can't choose what kind of heaven they give you, and they themselves don't know it, but without this heaven, you can't survive.

Mom and Dad not only gave you the environment in which you grew up, but also gave you the way to think. Subtly, you inherit your parents' way of treating people, dealing with the world, and looking at people and things, and internalize it into your own thinking pattern.

How you feel about your parents is how you feel about the world. You regard your parents' attitude towards you as the world's attitude towards you. You extend your beliefs about your parents to your beliefs about the world. Your parents' denial and attitude towards you also internalizes into your denial and disapproval of yourself.

You regard the sky that your parents support you as the whole sky. Although in the future growth, you will continue to integrate various information from the outside world, such as school, work, society, books, the Internet, etc. into your own cognition, but it will be based on the core beliefs you formed since childhood.

If you don’t consciously notice and identify, your core beliefs affect your thinking and lifestyle, and you won’t even know what’s going on.

As we grow up, we have not completed the separation from our parents mentally and spiritually. Their influence on us becomes the undertone of life.

Mom and Dad’s way is just their own way. It doesn’t have to be your way, it doesn’t have to be the same as them. Not the way of others or the way of the world. Mom and dad are parents. They are just individuals in life and only represent themselves. Just because they are like this does not mean that the whole world is like this. You can give up your love and abandon their ways. Heaven and earth are our greater parents. The world treats me much more gently and lovingly than I thought. The world is full of love, as long as you are willing to love, discover and see.

The way they see you becomes the way you see yourself. In fact, you are you. Your parents only see you as they think you are, not the real and complete you. What they think you are is just their opinion. It doesn't matter how they criticize you. The important thing is that you can be yourself, be yourself, you can get to know yourself again, and see that you are beautiful as you are, and the way you run hard is the most beautiful. Without what they think of you, you are zero, and zero also means infinite. You can write and describe yourself freely. How you are has nothing to do with how others see you.

I am careless and stupid. Foolish people are blessed!

What’s wrong with me, I can’t wink or speak, my life is good!

When we were young, our parents held up the sky for us, which was our entire sky. We are like frogs sitting at the bottom of a well. We only see this piece of sky at the mouth of the well. We cannot see or know that there is a wider sky outside, a starry sky, a blue sky filled with white clouds and sunshine.

Now, it is no longer our entire sky, but we are used to just staring at this piece of sky, without looking, and we cannot see the broader sky.

In fact, we have grown up a long time ago. We can jump out of the well, look at the broader sky, and see a larger, more real, and more vivid world.

Maybe we are not in the well at all, but we made a well for ourselves and trapped ourselves here. There was no well in the first place.

We inherently belong to ourselves and the world. We are inherently in love and are free. We have a vast sky, and the sky brings vast beauty to everyone.

When we stare at the sky at the mouth of the well, we see the wider world and the wider sky outside. The piece of sky we once had is no longer the entire sky, but just a point in the vast sky.

When we have a broader mind, a broader vision, and a more lofty pattern, we see more beauty in the world with a historical, comprehensive, and objective attitude, and we also know how to accept that the world is not the perfection in your mind. The pain of the past will gradually fade away. When it is small, the pain will be diluted. As the saying goes, when your mind is big, things will be small.

My parents, heaven and earth, give me more, and nature gives me more.

The broader and more beautiful you see, the more grateful you will be to your parents for bringing you to this world.

4. Today I saw a passage on the WeChat public account, which made me look at things from another angle. She sees the wider world. An excerpt:

Among people’s evaluations of me, the word that is most commonly used is “transparent”.

I have also thought about this question, am I really transparent? Do I really live my life as a sensible person or even an expert? ......

This "transparency" is actually a kind of "unnecessary" and "what can be done". If you think about it carefully, there is really no need and there is really nothing you can do.

The mountains that we have today once lurked in the deep seabed hundreds of millions of years ago. What was once a vast ocean became today’s desert hundreds of millions of years later.

We will all die, it’s just not determined when. Just as all things will eventually fall into silence, all living beings will eventually sink into silence.

This is the nature of everything. The sun will disappear, the earth will disappear, not to mention us.

When we think that in the future, each of us will be nothing more than dust returning to dust, we will feel that life is futile, and we will feel that only death is the real "home".

...

I'm not saying that I really don't care about anything like a saint, or even have any emotional fluctuations. No, not at all.

My mood swings have not diminished at all, but my focus has changed.

Spring buds and summer grass, autumn wind and winter leaves, a cluster of charcoal fire, two taels of wild tea, the curious eyes of the cat, the puppy running happily, the sun that appears and disappears, and the moon that waxes and wanes. ——All of these, almost every moment I see them, tears well up in my eyes, and tenderness and compassion ripple in my heart.

The simplest calmness of all things and the most common moments of life will bring me a sigh or emotion that is as endless as the ocean.

...

The important thing is that every moment I have lived cannot be replicated, and every inch of joy or sadness I feel in my heart is genuine.

And all of this basically has nothing to do with others.

All you need to know is: I always have love and warmth; I always have unbridled awe and sincerity towards life now.

In addition, what other reasons can make me love the world more?

The world has undergone tremendous changes. We watch the ancients talk about the past and the present. After a few years, we will also become the ancients.

How much is known in the mortal world is swept away by the waves.

Whether it is suffering or happiness, it is like a river of spring water flowing eastward.

I really like the phrase "Now that I know all the sorrow, I want to say it, but I still want to say it, but I want to say it, but it's a cool autumn."

All the pain has turned into old wine...

This is the sublimation of life.

@看水

Today’s text is particularly great! Dear [hug][hug][hug]

It’s getting to the core more and more, awesome!

Last night my daughter and I also agreed to start a 30-day gratitude diary [handshake][handshake][handshake]