Lines from Zhao Benshan and Fan Wei's sketch "New Year's Greetings"

The lines of Zhao Benshan's sketch "New Year's Greetings" are as follows:

Gao Xiumin: Why are you so slow?

Zhao Benshan: How fast, can I still fly?

Gao Xiumin: Why don’t you know how to be anxious? Our fish pond is about to expire, and the township chief's brother-in-law is anxious. He wants to take over the contract. Is it okay if we don't talk to the township chief about such a big matter?

Zhao Benshan: It’s useless to talk now that it’s expired!

Gao Xiumin: Let’s fight for it in the end!

Zhao Benshan: You are too stingy to fight for this Chinese New Year. It is embarrassing to lead two bastards.

Gao Xiumin: As for relying on me, I won’t take either of them.

Zhao Benshan: What are you going to get?

Gao Xiumin: It’s not fashionable to give gifts now. It’s all about communicating with emotions.

Zhao Benshan: What ditch?

Gao Xiumin: Use words and say something nice.

Zhao Benshan: It’s over. Let me play fish pond and let me play with languages.

Gao Xiumin: What is the comparison?

Zhao Benshan: You can’t find the North Pole even if you go to the South Pole with a blind pestle. You can’t split your legs even if you have a cerebral thrombosis. You can’t see the beauty of a monkey wearing a cheongsam. You asked Pan Changjiang to kiss Zheng Haixia. Can't even reach my mouth.

Gao Xiumin: I said you, you, you are doing this useless thing. Old man, listen to me. Let’s stop talking about things when we enter the house. We should wear Gao for him vigorously. Hats off, say a few more words of New Year greetings. As long as the mayor is happy, the communication will be almost the same.

Zhao Benshan: People wearing high hats just give you fun?

Gao Xiumin: Well, let alone the head of a foreign town, he would be happy even if the president put a high hat on him, de Gaulle!

Zhao Benshan: Oh!

Gao Xiumin: Knock on the door

Zhao Benshan: Oh, I’m afraid of meeting the leader!

Gao Xiumin: Remember, stop talking when you enter the room, and act according to my eyes.

Zhao Benshan: Well, knock on it!

Fan Wei: Oops, I’m back! Who are you?

Gao Xiumin: I am your old aunt,

Fan Wei: Old aunt?

Gao Xiumin: Ah, we used to be from the same family, fellow villagers. Xiaomi raised you, and your beard is full of stories. Have you remembered?

Fan Wei: Which family are you from?

Gao Xiumin: The Gao family in Dongtou is the first gatekeeper. It has three large tile-roofed houses, and my father Gao Mantang lives in the house.

Zhao Benshan: Nicknamed Tall Maozi!

Fan Wei: Oops, what is this?

Gao Xiumin: He is my old man.

Zhao Benshan: Gao Da Maozi is my uncle, no, I am his father’s father-in-law, no, his father is my father-in-law, we are the first couple.

Gao Xiumin: Township chief, if you were to discuss it here, you would still have to call him uncle! Come and get to know each other.

Zhao Benshan: Old uncle, how about the Chinese New Year?

Gao Xiumin: On the contrary, he calls you uncle.

Zhao Benshan: Haha

Gao Xiumin: Hahahahahahahahaha

Fan Wei: Haha

Zhao Benshan: Are you letting in?

Fan Wei: This old man?

Gao Xiumin: Mayor, please come in. What are you doing outside?

Fan Wei: Whose house is this?

Zhao Benshan: Sit down!

Fan Wei: Oh

Gao Xiumin: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Zhao Benshan: Hahahaha

Gao Xiumin: Mayor, what do you want? Are you up yet?

Fan Wei: Oops, I still didn’t think of it.

Gao Xiumin: Did I see you off on the day you left for middle school? When I saw you off on your way, you turned around and waved to the villagers. At that time, my heart was filled with tears of silence.

Zhao Benshan: Is the camel bell ringing in your ears?

Gao Xiumin: Don’t you remember this?

Fan Wei: Ah! I remembered the lyrics, but you still didn't.

Gao Xiumin: No wonder you can’t remember it. You said that when you left middle school, I was in my 30s and I am 50 this year.

Zhao Benshan: I am 56.

Gao Xiumin: Who asked you?

Zhao Benshan: If you ask me, I am 56. I am a chicken...

Gao Xiumin: You said you want to talk about this person and that, but there is nowhere to look. In the next 20 years We haven’t met, but you said you’re the head of the township, why should you go there to reason?

Fan Wei: As a township leader, I still haven’t been able to reason with you?

Zhao Benshan: What are you talking about? Township Chief Fan was born to be an official. Have you forgotten, Township Chief? Was I the village representative when I elected you as the township head?

Fan Wei: Ah, yes, yes,

Zhao Benshan: I remember it was raining continuously in July that year, and that guy never It rained all day long until noon, and then there was a big thunder, and Mayor Fan was born

Fan Wei: Didn’t you mean that I was struck by lightning?

Gao Xiumin: Oh, the township chief didn’t mean that. What he meant was: with a thunderous thunder, Xiao Fan came to be the township chief and led the farmers to make revolution...

Zhao Benshan: Ah, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

Fan Wei: Hehehehe, old uncle, what are you talking about? It’s not you, there must be something wrong.

Gao Xiumin: No, no, we have nothing to do, it’s all trivial matters. Head of the township, you said you have had too many things happen this year, why don’t you give me the answer? How many good things have been done in our entire township? You said that from popularizing scientific farming to developing grain projects, you go to the bank today and go to the Science and Technology Committee tomorrow. You have really broken your heart, worn out your mouth, and almost destroyed your body from exhaustion.

Zhao Benshan: I even carried water for the widow! The whole town knew about it.

Fan Wei: Ah, those are all small things, oh...

Gao Xiumin: There are also big things, big things...

Zhao Benshan: Big things have been happening every year. The return of Hong Kong, the Three Gorges flood control, the convening of the 15th National Congress, Chairman Jiang’s visit to the United States, you have been busy this year... Isn’t this what he did?

Gao Xiumin: That’s not right, he is responsible for releasing the spirit~

Zhao Benshan: Yes, when you get nervous, we all go crazy!

Fan Wei: Why am I so nervous?

Zhao Benshan: Keep your spirits up.

Fan Wei: I’m telling you, you don’t need to wear a hat on me. If you have anything to say, just tell me.

Zhao Benshan: He won’t let me tell you.

Gao Xiumin: It’s nothing, isn’t it? It’s the new year, your old uncle and I put it together, you said that Mayor Fan will be here for one year Since we have led our entire township so well, the two of us, on behalf of the basic masses, come to wish Mayor Fan a happy birthday.

Fan Wei: Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Zhao Benshan: Happy New Year!

Gao Xiumin: We sincerely wish the township chief good health and peace every year, happiness as high as the East China Sea, and longevity as long as the Southern Mountains.

Zhao Benshan: Will always live in our hearts.

Fan Wei: Haha, no, you always use the wrong words. If you have something to do, just talk about it. If there is nothing, hey, I have to go——

Zhao Benshan: Which of my words is wrong?

Gao Xiumin: Don’t keep talking nonsense,

Zhao Benshan: I said it has no other meaning,

Gao Xiumin: Go sit there and wait. , the defeat was noisy.

Zhao Benshan: Let’s talk quickly, we have to leave.

Gao Xiumin: Township chief, we have something to do.

Fan Wei: Just look at it and I know that something is wrong with you. Come on, talk about it.

Gao Xiumin: So what? Your brother-in-law went to our house yesterday.

Fan Wei: What did he do?

Gao Xiumin: He gave us an ultimatum, saying that we would not be allowed to raise turtles, and that if we didn’t agree to this, he would fish out our bastard and have him bled.

Zhao Benshan: So what, township chief, let me tell you, hee, I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not.

Fan Wei: It’s okay, just say it;

Zhao Benshan: Your brother-in-law has a bad influence on you, hee hee... He is a bit dominant... Hee hee... It’s hard to say, but it’s just a bad influence. He went to my house that day, and as soon as that guy came in Just tell me, who are you, are that old haggard and that old lady Gao at home? Get me two bastards! The two of us were just having sex. We drank more than a kilogram, and there was no way to listen to what we said.

Gao Xiumin: Oh, that guy is bragging, saying that he is negotiating in Russia to buy an aircraft carrier.

Zhao Benshan: Quickly empty the fish pond, so that I can come back and seize the time to train.

Fan Wei: Are you always the fish farming king Zhao Laowei?

Zhao Benshan: It is Your Majesty.

Fan Wei: I recognized you as soon as you came in.

Zhao Benshan: Oh my god, the mayor recognized me.

Gao Xiumin: Township Head, this is something we are here to ask about or to support the fish pond. Isn’t this due? Let’s ask who will be awarded the next issue?

Fan Wei: Oh, about this matter, you have to wait until the new year and the next township head will inform you.

Gao Xiumin: The next one?

Zhao Benshan: You can just tell me

Fan Wei: Didn’t the People’s Congress just finish? I am no longer the township chief.

Gao Xiumin: Are you down?

Fan Wei: Ah! Coming down, hahaha!

Zhao Benshan: Oh my god, are you down? Oh my god, you told me when you came down, you will make me and my wife tired. If this guy comes down, he will be on the same level. I don’t have to be afraid of you anymore. Hey, he’s coming down.

Gao Xiumin: Can you give us some water? This guy said that his throat was dry.

Fan Wei: Okay, okay!

Gao Xiumin: Oh my god, this guy is tired.

Zhao Benshan: Oops, this guy doesn’t even dare to breathe.

Fan Wei: Pour some water!

Zhao Benshan: That’s enough. We can split it up. No need.

Fan Wei: Haha!

Zhao Benshan: Do you have any cigarettes?

Fan Wei: Ah, ah, I don’t smoke, I’m sorry!

Zhao Benshan: Forget it.

Gao Xiumin: Oh, are you down?

Zhao Benshan: Well, why do you support me? Corruption?

Fan Wei: Ah, that’s the thing.

Gao Xiumin: Stop talking. We don’t care whether you get down or not. The two of us here today just want to know who our village has contracted this fish pond to.

Fan Wei: Didn’t I say that after the New Year, you will understand.

Gao Xiumin: Oh no, don’t celebrate the New Year. Who doesn’t understand? Now I understand. Then you don’t have to ask. It must be for your brother-in-law. The two of you will do it together. Yes, I said three fat guys,

Zhao Benshan: Three fat guys?

Fan Wei: Ah ah, my nickname is San Fatty, haha!

Zhao Benshan: Oh, my nickname is Gou Shengzi.

Gao Xiumin: Fatty Three, I’m not talking about you. As a fellow countryman, you are really not interesting enough! You said that you have had enough of being a township head for so many years. Before stepping down, you made clear the arrangements for your brother-in-law. If you offend people, let the next leader say that you pretend to be a good person on the outside. I am not saying that you are a fat person. A leader like you Cadres,

Zhao Benshan: Hey, hey, hey?

Gao Xiumin: That’s right, I’ll jerk you off.

Zhao Benshan: What are you doing? This is too much. Why are you like this? What you said just now is no longer right. If you say those nasty things when people come down, I don’t like it, right? Since this eldest nephew has suddenly become a fat man from the township head, we shouldn't give him a slap in the face, right? At this time, people need understanding and comfort the most, right? Who hasn’t made some mistakes in their life? If you make a mistake, correct it, and make it again after correcting it.

Fan Wei: Huh?

Zhao Benshan: Isn’t it true that after making a mistake, you should correct it, and after correcting it, you should make a mistake again? fine! Well, my old uncle will communicate with you. I haven’t eaten yet, so why don’t we have two cups?

Gao Xiumin: Cough!

Fan Wei: Ouch, that’s great! Hurry up, get on the kang, get on the kang;

Zhao Benshan: At this time, when people are most empty, don’t be like him.

Gao Xiumin: Why are you so big-hearted?

Zhao Benshan: How can life be so smooth?

Gao Xiumin: The money channels are blocked, so you still have the energy to drink?

Zhao Benshan: Just stay!

Gao Xiumin: Even if you give me Yunnan Baiyao now, you still can’t mend the trauma in our hearts~ Go home

Zhao Benshan: Why are you like this?

Gao Xiumin: I let you go home!

Zhao Benshan: I let you - stay! Beautiful? I can't control you anymore, just sit there and be silent! Sit down! ...All good things come from the same family, right? The earth has to revolve around you, are you the sun? What's the use of those ozone layers?

Gao Xiumin: Does his brother-in-law know how to raise fish?

Zhao Benshan: Will I be able to do it in my next life? Let’s learn! It's okay, Fatty Three. If you tell your brother-in-law that there is something he doesn't know how to do, ask your old uncle. If your old uncle can't do anything else, this is definitely fish farming. Let me tell you, why don't you come down? You just have nothing to do. You raise fish. You are exhausted from being the mayor of the township for a year. I sue you again, but you can’t do it! You raise fish! I have 50,000 to 60,000 yuan a year!

Gao Xiumin: Cough!

Zhao Benshan: If you cough, it’s still fifty or sixty thousand, so you don’t have to put it away! Especially raising soft-shell turtles can make huge profits. I'm telling you, I'll get you two. This is all about keeping an eye on the water and controlling the feed. I completely prepare the feed myself! After eating, you should love it for longer.

Fan Wei: Drink!

Zhao Benshan: Drinking is not good. Drinking will get on your head. If you give it wine, it won’t even eat the lees!

Fan Wei: I said we and I were drinking!

Zhao Benshan: Huh? Between the two of us, I wonder if you're plying that bastard with wine! Hey, drink!

(The phone rings)

Zhao Benshan: You did that!

Fan Wei: No, I can’t drink that. Phone number;

Zhao Benshan: I'll answer, who's coming? You did it, uh uh uh, you drink, I'll tell him to go. Who are you? Drinking. Stop doing it, don’t do it here, raise fish, hey, you said other things are useless, just don’t do it! Report to County Magistrate Fan? You go to the county magistrate or go to the township head's house to stop working. It's useless to talk to me about it. He reports to County Magistrate Fan...

Fan Wei: It's me.

(Benshan Landing)

Fan Wei: Hello! Hello! It's okay! It's okay, there is a guest here.

Zhao Benshan: Where are my shoes? It's over, it's over, the good news comes from the delivery room, I've been promoted... It's time! I said I won't let you come and I won't let you come. What's going on this time? I think you are a rat and will die by working as an escort for a cat to make money!

Gao Xiumin: Then you blame me?

Zhao Benshan: If you don’t blame, who do you blame? Did I get on the bed just now?

Fan Wei: Yes,

Zhao Benshan: Did I drink?

Fan Wei: Yes,

Gao Xiumin: Why are you eating other people’s food?

Fan Wei: That’s right!

Zhao Benshan: How can this be done?

Fan Wei: Let’s deal with it later!

Zhao Benshan: Oh my God!

Gao Xiumin: What should we do?

Zhao Benshan: Go back!

Gao Xiumin: Then our turtle is still in the house, and there is a basket!

Zhao Benshan: What turtle do you want!

Fan Wei: (comes out with shoes) Hey, here you go——

Zhao Benshan: You should stew this and eat it, it will taste so good, my God !

Fan Wei: Hehe, put it on and don’t catch a cold! Grandma, come into the house!

Gao Xiumin: We won’t cover the fish pond.

Fan Wei: Come inside!

Gao Xiumin: We really don’t want to cover the fish pond anymore.

Fan Wei: Come inside!

Gao Xiumin: We really don’t care anymore. Now we go back to the shack to dig out the bastard and bleed it. No more!

Fan Wei: Old lady, you are forcing me. To tell you the truth, you will continue to contract the next phase of the fish pond!

Gao Xiumin: Impossible, why didn’t I ask you in the room and didn’t say anything?

Fan Wei: Why don’t I want to tell you? You said that my brother-in-law wants to build a fish pond. Is he the same material? He can’t do anything and eat everything. I’m afraid that if I tell you, Now, the news came out a year ago that he drank some wine and went to this and that in our house. I annoyed him! Auntie, I have been busy for a year, and I also want to have a quiet year! Aunt!

Gao Xiumin: Then won’t he still have to make trouble with you after the New Year?

Fan Wei: Who is going to make trouble? After the Chinese New Year, I went to work in the county. There was a new leader in the township. Who was he making trouble for?

Zhao Benshan: Yes, if he is making trouble, stop him!

Fan Wei: Ha, that’s right!

Gao Xiumin: Thank you so much, mayor.

Zhao Benshan: Good person.

Gao Xiumin: Thank you very much. Then why don’t you come to our house for some food?

Fan Wei: It’s okay, are you two relieved this time? After taking everything, I still have to report.

Gao Xiumin: Hey, mayor, this is for you, you eat it!

Fan Wei: No, no, no, no, no, goodbye, old lady!

Zhao Benshan: Goodbye, old uncle!