The Story of Qipa

Qipa's debate has an interesting issue. "If you are unhappy outside, will you tell your parents?"

At first, most people chose not to tell their parents. The reason is that they are adults, and they can bear and deal with their unhappiness. There is no need to embarrass parents by telling their unhappiness. Besides, parents' values are different from ours. Many times, telling parents can't get their understanding and solve the problem. It is better to digest it alone.

People who agree to tell their parents unhappy things say that parents want to get a sense of participation in their own lives, and they should tell their parents all their joys and sorrows and let them share their lives.

Whether you tell your parents or not, the starting point is love, and I hope my parents can live well. Therefore, the arguments of both sides are understandable from the emotional point of view.

But in fact, most people with positive views are regretting it. A boy said that he regretted telling his parents that he had left graduate school and won the debate, but he didn't tell his parents that he had quarreled with his best friend when he was in graduate school. He stayed up arguing for two days in a row, and he was in poor health.

A debater said that he regretted most that he didn't open his circle of friends to his father when he was dying. He only reports good news instead of bad news. His father is not close to himself.

Therefore, they are rethinking and feel that as children, they should share their good and bad sides with their parents, so as to make their relationship with their parents more frank.

But in real life, no child has the heart to pass on the bad things that have abused him to his parents, so that parents far away from home can do nothing but worry. Time is a one-way street. I think, even if we go back to the original situation, those who choose to report good news to their parents instead of bad news will still not report bad news. Only after the result of the whole thing comes out, will they look back and feel sorry, and feel that if they had done so, some things would have had better results, which is more just an emotional guilt than a rational choice.

We are both adults for the first time in our lives.

There are many times when I encounter many sufferings and sorrows that I have never encountered before, and I will panic for a while, and I can't wait to rejoin my mother's arms and never come out again. Parents are also parents for the first time in their lives. Their nature is to block all unhappiness for their children, just like falling down as a child, and help you up quickly.

Think back to your first big fall on your way to adulthood, such as meeting a bad landlord and being alone in other places, such as not paying wages for several months and not paying the rent next month. What was your first reaction?

I think most people will tell their parents the truth about themselves. My father was distressed and quickly saved money. My mother is upset and can't sleep well. I can't wait to be with you right away.

But more often, the reality is that parents may not have more money to support you, and the family is too busy to leave, so they can't come to your side to accompany you. Far from hydrolyzing thirst, it brings them more remorse and guilt.

When you reach a certain age, you will find that at many critical moments, you are alone with yourself.

Why are we in this place and not elsewhere? Why are we doing this and not others? We ask questions over and over again, and finally only we can barely give the answer. Subconsciously, I hope someone can accompany me, and this person is of course my parents.

We stayed in the same place for a while. We hope to cry and coquetry on the ground, and hope that someone can make a decision for themselves.

But in fact, there are many subtle causes and effects, only you can think clearly, and others can't help you. You know in your heart that this is a world that adults should get used to.

The child's sadness is short-lived, and it will disappear in one night at most. Adults' troubles are long-term and coherent, just like the additional questions at the end of science papers, which need to be scratched. Sometimes you know you don't want to give up. You are just tired. I hope someone can listen to you, comfort you and get back on your feet after a short rest.

And parents are not used to you as an adult. I think that the bad things you confide in your parents are what you want them to solve. In their eyes, there is no trouble that can't be solved without saying "go home" If yes, say it again.

But many times, this is not what children want to hear. For too long, there is no day and night, and there is a long distance between them. This gap can't be filled in a few words.

So at a certain stage, the idea will evolve into, I won't talk about it, don't think about it, both sides are doing well, which is good.

My parents will never tell grandma anything in advance. If two people go home to visit relatives, grandma will never know until she steps into the yard. This is not bad news, but even with this kind of communication, they dare not do it directly, because they know that grandma has a bad heart, tell her how long in advance, and grandma will prepare the bedding in advance, and count the days to come every day, even at night.

It is said that affection is a decent outlet, but it is a constant worry in my life. I try my best not to disturb it, and finally it is difficult to avoid caring about it.

Not to deny parents' happiness and worry. After all, parents are the safest harbor in the world, and sharing their joys and sorrows is the most ideal state. But what happened between parents and children in China? Why do many children only dare to tell them good things and choose to digest bad things themselves?

A friend of mine said that he had an unpleasant time in a foreign country. When he talked to his mother, she kept sighing and even hugged herself and cried on the other end of the phone.

I think adults learn to be strong step by step under the tempering of society, while their parents are not strong at the same time. They are not vulnerable because they can't handle their children's affairs. I think most of the reasons are distressed and self-blame. I feel distressed that my children have suffered so much in places that I can't see, and I blame myself for my limited ability and can't help much.

Psychologists say that the premise of establishing intimate relationship is self-exposure, exposing all my good, bad, positive and negative emotions to them. From this perspective, it seems that modern children who hide their true feelings are deliberately avoiding establishing intimate relationships with their parents or alienating them.

This kind of reaction is precisely the subconscious treatment of children in the face of things, not a complete self-exposure, so that parents can maintain a sense of security and let themselves worry less.

But then again, the ability of * * * is not linked with blood relationship, even parents need to learn in the process of the day after tomorrow.

Favorite feelings gradually change from alienation to politeness because most people think they have passed the exam and don't need to learn this lesson again. And the closest person is often the easiest to take it for granted that he is the person who knows him best in the world.

To learn the feelings of * * *, put yourself in the other's shoes, first of all, parents and children should be regarded as independent individuals, and they need to constantly make choices in the process of self-positioning and doing things, move forward in time and retreat appropriately.

If parents really can't grow up with us, then as children, why don't we take a step forward and let our parents worry less? Learn to stop coquetry and learn to hold up a sky for yourself and your parents.

Borrowing Fu Seoul's words, I reported peace to my family and said, "I'm fine, don't worry." At some point, years later, this sentence is no longer a lie, but becomes the truth.

Figure | Integrated Network

Text | Ning Er