My boyfriend refuses foreplay every time he has sex with me.

Hello! I hope you can see this passage. Knowing that you are busy, I will try my best to talk about my current confusion simply and clearly.

My boyfriend and I met online. After chatting for more than two months, he asked me out to meet him. After meeting, he had a good impression on me and kept in touch. He and I are in the same city, but not in the same district. I usually contact with the internet by telephone and meet once a week on weekends.

Everything went well in the following relationship, but I slowly discovered a problem: he never said sweet words to me. Wouldn't it be more beneficial for men and women who have just fallen in love to say something sweet and warm? I think it's good that he doesn't talk about love stories online, because everyone doesn't know much about it and there is no definite relationship. But after determining the relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend, I think some appropriate sweet words are still necessary to increase the emotional appeal of life. But he won't say anything even if he is killed. I asked him why, and he replied, "I never said that." Every time I go home to see my parents, when I leave, my parents say what to take care of my son and take care of myself outside. I don't pick it up. "

One more question. He likes physical contact and doesn't like to do some preliminary work, but I can release my feelings as long as I warm up. If I don't feel happy before making love, my nerve endings seem to be unable to relax and are in a stiff state. I believe that sex like that is unpleasant. He doesn't like kissing me or my ears before doing it, but likes to touch my private parts directly and then enter.

I once said to him, "You can kiss me first, so I will be happier." He said that when he was a child, eat areca ate too much, which destroyed the lining of his mouth, so it was unsanitary. I said I didn't mind. But this problem has not been solved.

Recently, he asked me to live with him, and I agreed. He is a good man in every way. I want to develop and get married with him. If these two problems are solved, I think it will be really perfect. Although these two problems are not big problems, if we get along well, the rest of our lives will be very long. If we don't solve them, I'm afraid it will affect the happiness of our future life.

I look forward to your guidance. Good luck with your work!

Readers' questions

The teacher replied:

Most animals have courtship. In the courtship season, male peacocks will unfold gorgeous tail feathers, flamingos will dance enthusiastically on the water, and even low-level dragonflies (as the saying goes, "slugs") will have an exquisite courtship ceremony. At first, two dragonflies chased each other slowly. When they get close, they entangle each other, hold each other's tails with their mouths, and then twist and sway to form many beautiful styles. At the same time, their bodies will release pearls.

Of course, human courtship is much more advanced than slugs, but love words and sexual foreplay are definitely two important contents. The former is psychological and the latter is physical, but their essence is to show love, and at the same time let the partner enter a state of physical and mental pleasure and be able to accept himself comfortably.

It should be noted that when you ask questions, your boyfriend doesn't consider whether your words are reasonable. His first reaction was to find excuses, such as "parents are the same", such as "eat areca ate too much when he was a child", and so on. So, first of all, you have to ask yourself, is he with you just for sex, and he has no intention of falling in love and getting married with you at all? If he doesn't really love you, it's easy to understand that he doesn't want to talk about love with you and refuses to do some foreplay during sex.

If the answer to this question is no, you think he is serious and has a plan to last forever with you, but he doesn't know much about the way, then we will enter the next discussion.

On the question of love words, I think you should first look at his actions: does he usually care about your food, clothing, housing and transportation? Will you be caring and attentive? Do you care about your needs and care about you when you are sick? He is willing to listen to your feelings and want to know your parents and family? Shall I introduce you to his parents so that all relatives and friends know your existence? If he never says he loves you, but shows enough love with his actions, then I think it is acceptable.

As for foreplay, we must pay enough attention to it, because the quality of sexual life will directly affect the quality of marriage. You said that you "need to warm up before you can release your feelings", which is normal. Women's sexual impulses are relatively slow and need a process of awakening. If men are too uninterested and go straight to the point, then women are likely to be unhappy. Therefore, if he really loves you, he should understand that sex is a mutually pleasant process, and unilateral desire satisfaction is incomplete and even selfish.

If he really loves you, he should strive to improve and learn the skills of courtship. In this process, you should also try to strengthen communication and help him overcome some psychological obstacles. For example, he said that "when I was a child, eat areca ate too much, which destroyed the oral lining, so it was unsanitary", which sounded ridiculous. Even if you eat your mouth as a child, it won't leave any harmful substances for adults. But everyone may have some absurd and paranoid ideas. Maybe he really thinks so. Then you can take him to the stomatology department, listen to what the doctor says and help him untie these knots.