Children love to show off, what should I do?

Recently, a news that "the daughter of the group shows off her wealth at the construction site and arouses public anger" rushed to the hot search, saying that online celebrity Cao Translator uploaded a video on the social platform with the title "Tired? Tired is right, comfort is exclusive to the rich, showing off a "rich man" identity.

When she entered the construction site, the workers told her that she would be fined 50-200 yuan for not wearing a safety helmet. A grass snickered, "the price of this penalty was discussed before."

Huang Gong talked to her, and Cao translated, "Let me work, where did you get so much bullshit?"

Earned 200 yuan, but also inadvertently saw the balance of 10 million. ......

It is understandable for Cao Translator to show off her sense of existence, but she doesn't respect ordinary workers on the construction site and deliberately shows her sense of superiority everywhere, attracting criticism from netizens.

Show off a little?

In the process of growing up, children have more or less had the experience of "showing off" Many parents don't know whether their children's ostentation is normal or not, and whether they need education and guidance.

A kindergarten boy came to kindergarten first one day and said to the teacher, "Teacher, I am the first today." The teacher praised him. After a while, the child went to tell others: "I came first today, I was the first." I've told everyone, dozens of times, but I'm not tired of it. (The real information of the case has been processed)

There is also a fifth-grade girl with good grades and introverted personality. She seldom plays with her friends, and she likes reading alone best. Children often show off their academic achievements with others and often test others with what they have learned. The child's parents are very proud of her and often praise their children's good grades at relatives and friends' homes. (The real information of the case has been processed)

Other children will show off "my father is a big official" and "your car is not good, my car is a Mercedes-Benz." "My schoolbag is a famous brand bought by my mother from abroad." "Are you only Grade 8 now? I have reached the 10 level. " Wait a minute.

Why do children love to show off?

There is a classic psychological experiment:

Let the students participate in the experiment in pairs, but they can't discuss it. Write down the amount of money they want on paper.

If the sum of two people's money is equal to or less than 100, then two people can get their own money written on paper.

If the sum of two people's money is greater than 100, such as 120, you need to give the money to a psychologist, and each person will pay half.

The result is surprising. None of the students wrote a number equal to or less than 100.

Social psychologists believe that people are born with competitive nature, and everyone wants to be better than others. Therefore, when people face conflicts of interest, they often choose to compete, and sometimes even fight for both sides. Even when the interests of both parties are the same, give priority to competition rather than win-win. This phenomenon is called "competitive advantage effect".

From this perspective, children's ostentation is also understandable and a common phenomenon, aiming at emphasizing their sense of existence and superiority.

Psychologist Zeng Qifeng said: "Living is actually living, and not living is as terrible as death."

It's just that if children love to show off too much, it may have an impact on their psychological growth and interpersonal relationships, so they still need to pay attention.

What should parents do?

First of all, we must understand what the child's intention is to show off.

The vast majority of children want to get more attention, or hope not to be ignored or underestimated, and will only "show off" after being affirmed and recognized.

As we often say, "whatever is lacking will be dried." "You can bask in whatever you care about."

The children in the above two cases, the children in the first kindergarten, lack care and affirmation, so they care about their needs and hope that everyone will pay attention to him.

Because this child's parents are usually very busy, and grandparents are taking care of her. He needs love so much.

In the second case, the fifth-grade girl is the second child in the family, and the younger brother's academic performance is not good. Parents always feel pity. And this girl's grades are very good, so she is the pride of her parents.

She values and shows off her academic achievements. All she needs is affirmation and recognition.

Secondly, pay attention to what children show off.

Some children like to show off their family situation and their food, clothing, housing and transportation, so parents should communicate well with their children, let them know that a good life comes from their parents' efforts and hardships, and avoid their forming too strong vanity.

Those rich second generation who show off their wealth on the Internet just show that they need the attention and affirmation of the outside world, as if to say, "Look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me?"

This situation is essentially because I feel that "I" is not special enough, so I use some external advantages to show that "I" is excellent, thus gaining a sense of existence and superiority.

On the other hand, those who have made great achievements are open-minded. For example, we seldom see people like Zhong Nanshan, Yuan Longping and Tu Youyou showing off their food and clothing. They don't have luxury houses and don't need to wear famous brands, because their achievements are obvious to all, and they don't need to show off these to affirm their value.

Some children show off their achievements. If you don't show off too much, then parents don't have to be too nervous and guide reasonably.

For example, children can "show off" their achievements, praise their learning attitude or learning methods, and affirm that their own efforts have been rewarded.

Of course, parents should praise their children appropriately and reduce comparisons and belittles. For example, their children have a lot of small red flowers and their academic performance is particularly good. Parents can praise their children's performance and efforts instead of saying "you have more little red flowers than others" and "you are the best in the class", which can prevent children from developing the habit of comparing.

The reality is that many parents seldom praise and encourage their children.

A pupil came home and said to his mother, "Mom, I am the monitor!" " "

As a result, his mother curled her lips and said, "What's the little captain to show off? This is the smallest official in China. I was a captain when I was a child. "

The child was particularly disappointed because it was not easy for her to be a monitor. I wanted to surprise my mother, but I didn't expect to attract contempt.

There is also a student who has just been elected as the squadron leader. He is very happy. He went home and told his mother, who asked, "Is there anyone for the brigade committee?"

China's mothers are afraid of their children's pride and constantly raise their demands.

I like playing basketball. 10 scored nine goals, and my parents stared at the one that didn't score.

This perfect tendency puts a lot of pressure on children, and at the same time takes growth and progress as an explanation for mothers.

Some children stop studying when they are admitted to college because they think their tasks have been completed.

There is a girl in Grade Two, who is severely depressed. She doesn't feel warm at home, she can't devote herself to her studies, and she is suicidal. The doctor suggested taking a break from school for a while.

But she said, "No way. My family doesn't approve of my dropping out of school. So I have to go to school. I will try to get into a university. This is a confession to them, and then I can die. "

She also said that no one in the family could listen to her like this. (The real information of the case has been processed)

For children, it is very important to be competitive, which can motivate children to grow and progress, but being too competitive may lead children to accept their own shortcomings and not see others better than themselves.

Finally, we should guide children to realize the consequences of showing off.

Some children can really get the envy of their classmates for showing off, but some may arouse the envy and hostility of others.

There was once a mother who was kicked out of the class by the monitor after receiving the notice that her daughter was admitted to Tsinghua.

At that time, the mother did not understand this practice of her classmates. She thought it was a happy thing and wanted to share it with everyone, but she was so disgusted by everyone.

The netizen said: "The small sun is pleasant and the big sun is sad. Occasionally let friends see the other side of children's growth; However, over-exposure of the baby is not only a disrespect for children's privacy, but also a disrespect for group friends and friends on social platforms. "

Parents should help their children to establish a slightly macroscopic thinking angle and improve their judgment: "When I have something or an achievement to share with others, I need to stop and think about others' feelings. "

If you don't want your child to show off too much, parents should set an example by themselves and set a positive example for their children with humility.

(The main reference books are "Children's Psychological 100,000 Why" and "Cultivating Children into Wealth". )

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About the author:

Big fish teacher, after 70, two baby mothers; National second-level psychological counselor; APPC child psychological counselor; Painting psychoanalyst; Engaged in 12 years. Founder of Big Fish Studio, researcher of Tomorrow Vocational Education Research Institute, psychological counseling teacher of the city's minor growth guidance center, Shanghai Pengfei Zhixin signing psychological counselor, and columnist of Oriental Education Times.