Why are there so many “empty nesters” in Chinese cities?

Of course, I think "empty nesters" cannot be generalized. They should be divided into at least two categories, namely urban and rural. I don’t know much about the situation in rural areas. I can only talk about the “empty nesters” in the city. I don’t think it’s right to say that this is an inevitable problem that will arise when social and economic development reaches a certain stage. Many developed countries have faced and are facing a serious aging crisis, but they have not coined the term "empty nesters". This is another invention and creation of the Chinese people. Compared with "aging", "empty nesters" has a strong sense of tragedy, and it sounds like a "bleak evening". So why are there so many "empty nesters" in Chinese cities? I only speak from a subjective perspective. Objective aspects such as social security and so on are the government's business. In fact, no matter what the government does, only by changing our own concepts can we truly prevent the "empty nest" from being "empty". From the parents' perspective, many parents pay so much for their children that they completely lose themselves. When their children grow up and fly away, their parents suddenly feel that their lives have lost pursuit and direction, and that they have accomplished everything they wanted to do in their lives. There is no other way but to continue to be attached to the children. I think this is the most important reason. We often say that Chinese parents are the greatest. They sacrificed so much for their children. But if you compare what they did for their children when they were young with the loneliness they felt in their later years, this sacrifice seems not to be proportional to the rewards they get. I have recently watched a CCTV TV series "The Case of the Orphans of Zhao" on and off. Although it is about something that happened thousands of years ago, it is actually of great practical significance. There was a period when Tu Anjia had been working hard all his life and wanted to seize the throne of Jin for his son Tu Anwujiang. Finally, when the king couldn't bear it and wanted to kill him, Tu Anwujiang asked to go to Rongdi with his father to stay away from the hustle and bustle. Stay away from strife and live peacefully. Tu'anjia suddenly realized that although he was still alive, he sighed: "So this is the kind of life you want to live!" In order for his son to usurp power, he killed so many people and did so many unscrupulous things. My son just wants to be a village man in the mountains. You said his life was meaningless! For the sake of their children, parents can do anything and sacrifice anything. We promote this kind of love and respect this kind of love. But loving too much can sometimes be twisted. Many mothers, some gave up their careers when they were young, some gave up their studies, and some simply became stay-at-home mothers. At the same time, I also lost my social circle. In their later years, they suddenly discovered that they had no friends. They have no one to talk to except their children. Chinese parents are the most powerful and the humblest. Many Chinese parents have a fixed mindset, thinking that their children should listen to me when they are young, and everything I arrange for you is right. Moreover, I have paid so much for you, what reasons and leverage do you have for not listening to me? This is why we rarely hear parents apologize to their children, even if sometimes they realize that they are indeed wrong. Their greatest wish is for their children to succeed. However, when their children grow up and really stand out, they realize that they have children of their own and are busy running around every day and have no time to accompany them at all. They neither want to disturb their children's lives, nor can they bear the loneliness all day long. In this life, the joys and sorrows of parents change with the joys and sorrows of their children. In the end, they no longer know what else to laugh or cry for themselves. From the children's perspective, they always think "I am busy" is a good reason. It is said that parents do not know what their children want to do, but in fact, children do not know what their parents are thinking either. They have never spent long days waiting and watching, so they don't understand. Being away from home for a long time makes them neglect contact with their parents. Chinese parents are not good at communicating with their children. They rarely talk to their children when they are young. Although they want to understand their children when they grow up, they also refrain from talking. As time goes by, we become more and more strangers to each other. I once saw an article called "We Absent the Most Important Ten Years of Each Other's Lives", which talked about the huge differences between the author and his parents many years after they left home. Most young people who are separated from their parents leave home at the age of eighteen after graduating from high school. If one day you live together again, for example, a common situation is that you give birth to a child and your parents help you take care of it, or one parent dies, and you don’t want the other one to live alone. By this time you should be almost thirty years old or older. From the age of eighteen to thirty are the most important years of your life.

Your parents won't know the tears and sweat you put in working hard outside alone, and you won't know their expectation at home waiting for you to come back every day. When you live together again, you will be surprised to find that your living habits are completely different, and you don't like each other. There is a situation that everyone may have encountered at some point. Children who have a little bit of conscience basically report good things to their parents but not bad things. This seems to be a very abnormal way of expressing "filial piety". In order to be considerate of their children, parents would not tell them anything about their illnesses. To give the simplest example, in the past five years, my father and I were sent to the hospital for rescue once each, but we only learned about each other's experiences from others afterwards. We are not separated by thousands of miles, and it takes three to five hours to fly.