Joke Collection Website - Mood Talk - Women still have to be there. What if my wife leaks it one day?

Women still have to be there. What if my wife leaks it one day?

Lead: A buddy said as if he had discovered a new continent: "In the new edition of The Condor Heroes, Chen Xiao will play Yang Guo. What do you think? " The person in charge of the room said, "Why is there always something missing from him?"

1, a buddy didn't know where he heard the gossip: "I heard that women have been together for a long time, and my period will come?" ..... It was useless to find three wives and four concubines in ancient times. "I looked at him with disdain and said," Idiot, otherwise how could you let them sleep in the East Palace and the West Palace? "

2. One day, a turtle was chatting with a mouse. The tortoise said, "I am working in a five-star hotel now!" " ""blow it ""don't believe you, they took my bath and boiled soup again! "

3. The unit leader just got divorced, and a buddy asked, "How did you get divorced?" I smiled and said, "I don't want to do it!" "

One day, your mother and I went to the park to play, and your mother accidentally fell into the water. I called the police,' Your mother fell into the water!' The policeman said, "should you be beaten!" " I need a beating and say,' I just need a beating!' '

5. The teacher gave a question and asked everyone to have a strange answer. The question is as follows: "() is still needed. What if it is ()?" See whose answer is the best? One or two shopkeepers: "Women still need it. What if my wife leaks?"

6. I talked to my colleagues about the price of inflatable dolls today (I don't want to buy them, just talk about them). A female colleague heard this and asked: Is there a difference between cheap and expensive inflatable dolls? A colleague said: Yes, the main reason is that the reality is unrealistic. After a second, we all laughed. Reality and illusion ...

7. True story: lz lives in the countryside and raises pigs at home. The toilet is next to the pigsty. ~ ~ lz went home to go to the toilet two days ago. After that, he put his mobile phone on the wall and was looking for paper. That guy took it away in one bite, ……MD then he heard a bang ................................................................................................................................................................ My heart is broken without a trace.

8. The history teacher asked the students, "What was the fuse of the May 4th Movement?" Niu X student: "Three days off on May Day ..."

9. A buddy is over 30. One day, he said with emotion, "I'm almost 40, and there are still many things I don't understand. Who do you ask?" I jokingly said, "Look at what you are worried about; This is really easy to handle. Foreign affairs ask Google, internal affairs ask Baidu, and sexual affairs ask Tianya! "

10, M: I want to keep you? W: How much did you pay? Male: 10000 yuan a year. W: It's too little. M: How much is it? Woman: At least add another 0. Man: OK, 10 10000 Woman: Gun.

1 1, a buddy in the dormitory said: "Everything in the world can be answered with' none of your business' and' none of my business', and no one has cracked it yet!" I smiled and said, "Hehe! Is it? What if:' I fucked your wife'? "

12, my friend gave birth to twins! A 4-year-old child went to a friend's house to play and saw two Xiong Haizi fighting. He tried to stop it, but his friend stopped him At first glance, they are betting on which one will win. You two didn't pick up these tires, did you?

13. Go with friends to play with former colleagues. And then there are a few I don't know. One of them is my favorite. We had dinner together. I want to ask my sister for a phone number, but my heart ... after hearing her words, she said with a broken heart. I'm not interested in men at all now ... my heart, go to sleep!

14, one day after class, let junior two students recite the multiplication table ~ everyone has recited it! Then a group of third-grade friends watched, and there were troubles around, lz shouted: Get out! As a result, everyone retreated Traditionally, this is not an orgasm. I saw one of the wonderful flowers lying quietly on the ground and rolling a few times. Just when I was dumbfounded, Qiqi stood up and said, teacher, I "go away". Let lz be messy in the wind ...

15, hey! I'm impressed. Hearing this early in the morning, my mother was shouting that a beautiful woman was looking for me, and I didn't wear a coat, so I rushed out to find me. Grandma hey hey smile, I find you, have a meal.

16, a girl in the class complained, I asked what happened? She said that someone called her King Kong gourd doll. As soon as I heard that it was good, Huluwa stood for justice ... She cried and said that because of her big breasts and big ass, she was called King Kong Huluwa. I was drunk when I listened. Children nowadays can't understand it.

A child downstairs in my house has been singing Lu's songs recently. Hiccup ~ ~ I just suddenly heard him singing "Stars in the sky ..." I had a brainwave and shouted "Join Beidou!" That kid hasn't found a callback yet!

18, a buddy in the dormitory has been in love with his girlfriend for 3 years. Seeing others go to the hotel in pairs, my heart is very entangled. Ask everyone in the dormitory: "I have been with my girlfriend for a long time and have a good relationship." Should I have sex before marriage? " The person in charge of the room said, "Good morning …" This guy still doesn't understand. I said, "Translate it into Chinese." Good morning. Dude, it dawned on me. I see.

19, several buddies in the university dormitory said, "Valentine's Day and Lantern Festival are the same day this year." A buddy suddenly realized: "No wonder my girlfriend asked me that day:' How can I be romantic'? Guys, give me a move. " The person in charge of the room said, "It's a piece of cake. When you check in, she will wave a little, and if you slow down ... it will be fine. "

20. Go to the supermarket with my girlfriend. She wants to eat spicy strips. I don't think junk food can be eaten, so she has to eat it I broke her body and said, do you think there is murderous look in my eyes? So I heard the clerk in the canteen say that Shaqima and Shaqima are on the shelf in the second row.

2 1, at the end of driving school, the coach said to all the students, "I have taught everything I can, and everyone has worked hard once." "A student stood up." Coach, you didn't teach us anything. You haven't taught us how to escape. "

22. There was a villain in the village who quarreled with his parents because he disliked their parents being too poor and had no money. The village party secretary came to mediate and said that children can't do this. After all, your parents raised you. As the old saying goes, children don't think their mothers are ugly and dogs don't think their families are poor. Who knows the villain said, yes, the dog doesn't feel poor at home, but he didn't say I can't feel poor at home. The village party secretary kicked up, damn it, aren't you worse than an animal?

23. My girlfriend suddenly said: Husband, I am pregnant. I casually said: whose kind? Girlfriend: Of course it's mine, but it's not necessarily yours. I growled, who else could it be? Girlfriend: I gave you my first love. Brain hole wide open: can you get pregnant by holding hands and kissing?

24. Leading my son shopping, I taught him on the roadside: "When a vehicle passes by, you should keep a distance of one meter from the vehicle so that you won't be hit!" Then a sprinkler came and my son consciously ran into its water curtain!

25. I saw a good friend clearing the table ... "Huh? Why did you pour the remaining peanuts and fish into a plate? " "They are the same dishes. Can't you see it? When I was still in a mess, he said, "stir-fry!" 」

26. I got up and waited for the bus by the roadside. As a result, a funeral procession came from the corner, with cars in front and buses in the middle. I'm still depressed. It's not full, but it's a funeral.

27. I listened to a girl at the next table eating. I broke up with my sisters a few days ago and made a circle of friends, thinking that they would all comfort me and say don't be sad, we will accompany you. Who knows, the reply should have been divided a long time ago. Congratulations, I'm not tired of it for such a long time, so I replied, I don't know you, I want to be quiet! As a result, my cousin (nicknamed Jingjing) replied: Sister, come to me if you want me, and I will give you a celebration dinner! gala dinner ...

28. My colleague told me that he went to eat mutton rice noodles that day and suddenly remembered that he didn't have his wallet. I don't know what smart readers will do when they encounter such a thing. Anyway, these two goods continued to eat calmly, even drank the soup, and finally paid the bill. He suddenly shouted, "Mom, where's my wallet? Who stole my wallet, boss, my wallet was stolen ... "Finally, because there was no monitoring in the store, the boss not only confiscated his rice noodle money, but also gave him five yuan to go home by car!

I heard that you broke up with your girlfriend? B: Yes. A: Why did you break up? B: My girlfriend has a bad stomach! A: What's the relationship between stomach and love? Of course it matters. She said she felt sick at the sight of me.

Uncle at 30,10,60, is lucky to marry a girl who can't pass10,30! When I came to the hospital pregnant, my uncle asked, "Doctor, I am 60 years old. Is my daughter-in-law pregnant? " The doctor didn't answer the story. He said, "Once upon a time, there was a hunter who never missed hunting. Once he made a mistake and took the umbrella as a gun! " ! The standard bear disappeared, and the bear died ... Grandpa couldn't wait to say, "No way, I'm sure someone else shot him." ... "then there was no more.

Editor's note: Get up in the morning, intense ideological struggle: Do I have a car? Do you have a room? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you have a lot of savings? None, then get up quickly! Just as I was about to get up, I asked myself again: am I handsome? The result fell short and fell asleep again. Boss, this is why I'm late.

You scared the crap out of me. I thought you leaked it.

Man: "I will promise you anything, but please promise me one request." Woman: "Go ahead, what are your requirements?" Man: "Never ask me anything."

Three years ago, when I finished the college entrance examination, I knew I was hopeless. My mother was silent for a long time. Finally, she took out her mobile phone and called a best friend: Ah, I tell you, my child only took three exams, and the tuition fee was 28,000 more. I can't play mahjong with you for ten dollars in the future. Let's play mahjong for five yuan next time. . .

There are only a handful of truly awesome martial arts names. Think about it, such as Duan Yu's Six-pulse Excalibur, Qiao Feng's Eighteen Dragons, and my wife's crying, and she hanged herself twice.

Talking with colleagues If you could be invisible, what would you do? Some rob banks, some kiss goddesses, some peeping tom, and some go to bathhouses. . . . . A 2B colleague: I put a hundred dollars in the square. Whoever picks it up will step on his hand!

Going out to play with my husband, I carefully put on makeup and asked him shyly, "Am I particularly beautiful today?" He gently lifted my chin and told me to close my eyes. When I feel this romantic atmosphere, time seems to stand still. He even tore off my double eyelid stickers! ! "What the hell is this?"

Girlfriend: Why are other girls so hot when they beg for a hug? Why did you hide when I begged for a hug? Me: Other girls hold naive girls, while you, Dapeng, spread your wings. ...

The class teacher arranged the matters needing attention in traveling. He asked, "What if my math teacher and English teacher fall into the water?" Xiao Ming said loudly, "I want to push the Chinese teacher into the water!" " "Head teacher:" ... "

A little brother went to the hospital for a spanking injection. Little brother is afraid. The doctor said, "Don't be afraid! ! Just relax。 It's okay. It doesn't hurt at all. Just relax。 . . "At this time, my little brother farted, and the doctor said," This is embarrassing. . . "The buddy said," It's so relaxing. . . "The doctor is even funnier. He said," You scared me to death. I thought you had a loophole. " . . . "

Today, I ate apricots, thinking of stealing others' apricots on my way to school when I was a child, and taking them to school to share with you, saying that they belonged to my family. The news reached the ears of the PE teacher and said to bring him some. I got up early the next day and went to steal apricots for my teacher. I walked under the tree and found a sign next to it: I just finished spraying pesticides. Still crustily skin of head picked some, take it to the school water room and give it to the teacher. After lunch break, I'm afraid to skip class. The next day, I saw that the teacher was still there, and I was finally relieved.

I remember when I was in the first grade, I went to the hospital for intravenous drip when I was sick. An old uncle next to me asked me, "Don't you cry?" I tried to say, "No!" That uncle said that he was the principal of our school and that I was smart, and I was rewarded as the monitor by the head teacher at the beginning of school. The thief was very happy. I didn't know that I believed in his evil until the teacher announced the list of class cadres! !

On the way to get the scriptures, it was freezing, and the Tang priest tucked Bajie in and reminded him to put on more clothes. The Monkey King was unbalanced and asked the master, "Master, why are you so kind to that idiot?" The Tang Priest smiled and whispered, "Don't you understand that you can't eat dead pork? ! "

Interesting talk: you still have to dream, otherwise what will you talk to when you drink too much one day?

1. Many people say that I am beautiful and lovely, and I really want to slap her in the past. Who knows? I want you to talk about it everywhere.

Chatting with a girl, she always likes to write me as me. Is this a hint to me?

3. Each commenter will pay the phone bill of 100 yuan. Unicom, Mobile and Telecom are optional. Don't ask me why, I'm just kidding.

I hate it when people tell me how many times The Journey to the West has watched it, and I have memorized it. You're amazing. Tell me, what is the spell that Tang Yan recited?

There are fish in the north, named Kun, which is so big that I don't know how many miles it is. It can feed tens of thousands of people by cooking grilled fish.

6. A hot question on the Internet recently: What if someone you like falls into a cesspit? I think, then let him die. Anyone who can fall into a cesspit is too stupid to deserve me.

7. What is the most crowded bus you have ever taken? I just passed the bus stop and was squeezed into the bus.

8. When you get married in the future, and it's not me, I'll move in next door and be a quiet old king.

9. I bought a ticket at the subway station today and accidentally threw up. At this moment, a beautiful foreign girl looked at me contemptuously. In order not to lose the face of China people, I said a word.

10. If you like someone, you don't have to fall in love with her, just get married.

1 1. Be sure to save money well this month, go to bed early and get up early, and have nothing to run. By the way, I have to change my bad temper. If not, send it again next month.

12. still dream, or you will talk to people if you drink too much. Tell me something interesting. Tell me something complete.

13. Have you heard of it? Looking back 500 times in previous lives, I brushed it in this life. Close friends like you and me, it seems that they didn't do anything in their last life, so they fucking turned back!

14. Don't trust any girl with a nice voice. Why? Because I'm a courier.

15. When I took a taxi, I found that the driver made a detour and suddenly my tears came out. Maybe he is the only person in the world who wants to spend some time with me.

16. I caught a mosquito alive yesterday, probably because it was too hot. I feel very sorry for it. After thinking for a long time, I put the mosquito in my roommate's mosquito net.

17. I have given up on you. I won 5 million! Step on the ground

18. A man wanted to jump off a building, and his wife shouted: Husband, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go! Hearing this, the man swooped down. The policeman said, you really shouldn't threaten him like this!

19. Traffic raped the phone bill and gave birth to a son of a bitch called stop.

20. Your X-ray shows that your ribs are broken. What should we do, doctor? It's okay. I've fixed it for you and Mito Xiu Xiu.

2 1. A few years ago, a relative came to my house with a box of milk and borrowed 10,000 yuan from me. A few years later, I took ten cases of milk to his house, and I didn't get the 10 thousand yuan back.

22. One day, I told you that you were a pig, and you said: I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally, one day you can't help but announce loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

23. The prisoner was shot. Because of the poor quality of the bullet, the first shot didn't go off, and then the second shot and the third shot were fired. At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, brother, you strangled me! It's fucking scary!

24. In my twenties, some people lost their jobs, others lost their poverty, but I lost the reins and ran on the stupid road like a husky.

Tell a funny sentence mood: still dream, or what will you talk to when you drink too much one day?