Even if I am a piece of shit, I am also a piece of thinking shit.

1, Tinker bell always lives in the dark because it can't see five fingers.

2. To live is to watch others die and then let others see their own death.

3. Arrogant people can be saved, but people with inferiority can't. I think I can save it!

4. You see how lovely Castle Peak is. Castle Peak will probably collapse when it sees you!

5, I want to be a stinky tofu-like man, smelling stinky and eating fragrant, which is called connotation.

6. Women now: Looking back, the weather is good. Looking forward to the future, no grain will be harvested.

7. Do you have no talent or virtue? Congratulations. You have a bright future.

8. If you drag, you will be kicked to the South Pole to waltz with penguins.

9. If one day men all over the world have their period, I will sell hygiene classics.

10, wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find it!

1 1. Last night, I was bitten by mosquitoes all night. The next day, I found that I lost weight.

12, maybe it wasn't a meteor that fell from the sky, but a crashed plane.

13, stop touching it! I can't even find my own breasts.

14, honey, are you dead? Hold me tight when you die, and let the corpse collector know that we are a couple!

15, even if I am a piece of shit, I am also a piece of thinking shit!

16, everyone is original at birth. Sadly, many people have gradually become pirates!

17, I was sad for several days to see you smile; I am very happy to see you cry for several years!

18, a blind cat may not see a dead mouse, but a scholar played early and saw a soldier.

19, they all say that "a woman without talent is virtue", and I think I should be respected.

20. When you fall down with only one drop of blood left, call Brother Zeng three times to come back to life.

2 1. This is the road to success, but it is still under construction. Remember to wear a helmet.

22, gorging, obviously wolves and tigers, and swallows.

24. I have made up my mind. When I grow up, I want to start an Internet company, and its name is Muer, just like Thunder.

25. Every woman can only be a girl for two years, while every man can, uncle, for a long time.

Olympic referees are full of shit, so be sure to wake up.

Bai: I really can't say that Horton is an asshole, because it is probably an insult to an asshole.

Horton caused public outrage by smearing Sun Yang (calling him a "liar taking medicine"). In response, Bai stabbed him in the chest mercilessly.

CCTV: Horton is the slowest swimmer.

In the men's 4 * 200m relay race, the gap between Australia and the top three is getting bigger and bigger. CCTV explained that Zhou Yafei said, "Australian Horton may be the slowest swimmer in his team. It used to be in the front row, but now it is getting back. "

Zhang: The referee has shit in his head!

In the men's weightlifting 77kg class, China's Lv Xiaojun was criticized and attacked by his opponent and finally won the silver medal. The former Olympic gold medal advocate angered the referee: "What's the matter? I found shit in the referee's head. The rule of weightlifting is standing, which makes no sense. Look at this slow motion, he didn't stand firm at all, and he fell down before he stood firm. "

Sun Yang: I am the king of 1500, and I am the new world.

Facing Horton's provocation, Sun Yang responded in English in the interview: "Horton? I don't know him, there is nothing to say. "

When the reporter asked, "Can you beat Horton in 1500m freestyle?", Sun Yang responded domineering, "I am the king of 1500m, and I am the new world."

Fu: I swim so fast!

Fu, a new network celebrity, swam out in the women's 100 meter backstroke semi-final with a time of 58.95 seconds. Hearing his achievements, Fu suddenly became surprised: "I thought it was 59 seconds! Am I that fast? I am very satisfied! "

Zhang Yining: Sometimes when shaking hands like this, that person feels that he has lost.

There are many "golden sentences" written by the great demon king Zhang Yining, but the domineering value of this sentence is definitely a drop of leverage!

Liu Xiang: Asia has me! China has me!

In the men's 1 10 meter hurdles final of Athens Olympic Games, Liu Xiang tied with12second 9 1, becoming the first yellow race to win the world series. Liu Xiang, who was only 2 1 year-old at that time, told the foreign reporters present: "Please don't think that the short-distance events of Asian or China athletes are inferior to those of European and American athletes. I will prove with practical actions that Asia has me and China has me. "

Liu told Zhang Jike: "You can't fight like this, you must wake up! The Olympic Games have begun, understand? "

ZhangJike lost to Japanese player yuriko koike in the first game of men's table tennis 1/4 final in Rio Olympic Games. During the intermission, Liu reminded the couple to wake up. Subsequently, ZhangJike made an easy comeback in straight sets and reached the semi-finals.

Written summary of women's football dissatisfaction: why didn't the men's football team lose so shamefully?

China was eliminated by the Japanese team in the women's football quarterfinals of the Beijing Olympic Games. Women's football girls were asked to write a written summary, which caused some players to be dissatisfied: "The men's football team lost so shamefully, why not write a review?" Instead, let's sum up. "

Brazil's bid statement: "I believe that the era that belongs to Brazil is coming, and Rio is ready. Give us a chance and you will never regret it. I'm sure of that. Nothing will bother you in Rio, and I promise that we will hold a safe and reliable Olympic Games. "

As a result, Olympic venues and Olympic infrastructure have been repeatedly spit out, theft and robbery have occurred constantly, media buses have been attacked, and reporters have just heard gunshots when they left the airport ... Today, the security of the Rio Olympic Games is still the most concerned issue.

Laughing and embarrassed, scared me to death, killed three people on the bench.

Lead: I went to take a shower that day and saw a paw tattooed on my buddy's waist. I am curious. Ask him: Your tattoo is quite distinctive. What does it mean? He said: Nothing interesting. I think my wife is the big boss. I watch too much. I also want to tattoo a domineering dragon on my back. As a result, I can't stand just tattooing a paw. It hurts too much.

1, my family has three raccoons, and I like them very much! One day some buddies came to my house to play! A buddy came back from the toilet and told me, damn it, your mouse is too big, which scared me to death. Fortunately, Lao Tzu was quick-witted and killed three people on a bench!

2. When I was a child, I stole 100 yuan from home and bought a bag of crispy noodles with 50 cents. The remaining 99.5 yuan was secretly put back. I thought I wouldn't be found if I stole fifty cents, and suddenly I felt so smart!

3. On the bus, a girl is playing cool running every day, and probably wants a bird uncle when she draws a lottery. Give me a chicken ... give me a chicken. ...

I drank too much last night and found an idiot laughing at me. Suffered a lot from childhood, and the mirror was broken with one punch. ...

5. When the customer registered to write, the sister praised the customer for his beautiful handwriting, and the customer politely said, "Where?" Sister pointed to the customer's handwriting and said, "Here, right here."

6. I remember when I was a child, a buddy was beaten by his father, which was very fierce. Our two brothers went to persuade him: "A dutiful son will be born under the stick, and your father will grow up for you." My buddy has tears in his eyes: "Look at his strength and tools. It seems that he never thought I could grow up! " "

Seven years ago, I failed in the college entrance examination and he was admitted to a prestigious school. Now his mother is showing off to me that he is going to be a manager in a very good company, and I am considering whether to hire him or not. ...

8. I just saw my roommate fall asleep and turned on the flashlight at his bedside. Don't blame me. I'm helpless. There are too many fucking mosquitoes.

9. Friends are misers. Let me bring it to him every time I go out to buy things, without paying. Let me take it for him today. I had no choice but to ask him: What do you want to eat? He said: salty, bring more. I went to the supermarket and bought a packet of salt directly. ...

10, before the college entrance examination, my mother said to me at dinner, "son, do well in the exam." Look at your father. You have such an excellent daughter-in-law if you do well in the exam. " "What if I fail the exam?" "If you don't do well in the exam, just look at me and finally marry a loser like your dad!"

1 1, a girl said shyly, honey, I don't want to be a virgin! Man: You are sick. I don't want to be a Pisces yet! Thunder is rolling, damn it, it serves you right. You are single and have no girlfriend. We really don't understand the world of diaosi. ...

12, my wife said that the business of selling steamed buns downstairs is very good recently, and I don't know why. I bought it once today, I see. It turns out that the boss of steamed buns has just come to sell steamed buns in confinement, and there is a stroller next to him, occasionally feeding!

13, my classmate came back from the shower and asked my classmate a very serious question, "If you were taking a shower in the bathroom and suddenly a woman came in, where would you cover it first?" Classmate A said: Brother Crotch didn't say anything. Classmate B said, "Cover your eyes." My brother kept silent. Classmate A asked, "Where did you build it?" My brother said calmly, "I covered her mouth!" " " ……

14, once in probability theory, she is a female teacher. As soon as the bell rang, she said, "I'm a little obsessive-compulsive. I always feel uncomfortable when this content is not finished. " At this moment, a faint voice came from the back row, "Laughing awkwardly,

15, the daughter plays with her husband, as if her husband won. When I was lying in bed watching TV, I felt a hand grab my ankle. Then she heard her daughter say to her father, "don't move, or I will crush your wife." This child will not be held by mistake in the hospital. " .

16, playing with my brother this morning, I suddenly got a call from my father saying that his shoes were broken, so let's send them to him. My brother said yes, but you have to tip me 100! Dad readily agreed. When he got to the place, his smiling face changed immediately. He greeted his brother with his shoes and said, "I told you to cheat, I told you to cheat."

17. Listen to the radio in the morning and contact the audience. A gentle male voice called and said, "The water on xx Road is very deep. I bought a hot steamed stuffed bun, which is too hot for my mouth. While I was hesitating, a car suddenly drove by, splashing a lot of water and cooling my steamed stuffed bun. Please be sure to thank this kind driver for me. His license plate number is xxxxx. "

18. Today, I played with my 7-year-old nephew. He said that there was a fat girl in his class, and her academic performance was poor. During the break, the teacher criticized her and said that she was holding the class back. She thought for a moment and said, "I just gained a little weight, so I have such great strength!" "

19, the idiot roommate gave me and the head a beautiful face, the head was 9.4 and I was 9.3. Oh, I thought, I just have bigger eyes and a better nose. Oh, why is the score so high? As a result, the idiot roommate accidentally took a photo of the trash can, and the result was 9.7. I'm worse than a trash can! ! !

20.Lz wants to go downstairs to get the courier, grab a T-shirt and put it on. I didn't notice it was on backwards. My mother pointed at me and shouted, "backwards!" Dad struck the table: "Somebody! Drag it out and smash it! " You two go down and buy yourself something!

2 1, a grumpy buddy, the school is not allowed to use a hair dryer, so he steals it. One day, she was taken away by a nursing home. When she came back, she heard that she had been taken away by a nursing home. At that time, she lost her temper and went to the nursing home with a machete. She came back soon and the knife was confiscated.

22. A criminal gang targeted an escort car with tires and finally took down the safe for escort after paying a heavy price. After the boss opened it excitedly, he sighed: "Shit! The college entrance examination paper! "

23. While waiting for the elevator, a girl broke the water bottle and it leaked. Her father told her daughter, "Go back and dump the water. I'll put it where your mother can easily touch it, and then say she broke it! " "At that time, I thought it must be her biological father, but it is a bit difficult to determine whether her mother is her own!

24. My aunt suddenly came. I didn't bring my menstrual towel. I went to my male colleague's desk to smoke paper towels and fold them one by one. My male colleague was curious and asked me why. He quickly said, "Make my aunt's bed."

25. In an open-air ballroom, I took my girlfriend to play. My girlfriend wouldn't jump on the edge to eat melon seeds. A man gracefully extended a hand to her, and then she gave someone a handful of melon seeds. ...

26. I met a younger father in the hospital today and brought his son to the hospital for medical treatment. The doctor just said that an injection was needed. The child cried badly at once. Dad said, damn it, cry before you fight. What do you mean? The baby will stop crying soon. Two minutes later, the child came out crying. I only heard from his father, damn it, the needles are all finished. Why are you crying? What do you mean? As a result, the child stopped crying immediately. I suddenly felt in my heart. This father is a pawn. He's amazing.

27. Hall's daughter-in-law is a gourmet and will take her to a banquet this weekend. She suddenly asked me to give her more food at the dinner table last night. She is embarrassed to eat too much food. The world of eating goods turned out to be like this

28. Outside the school gate, he begged the doorman for mercy: "Ah … I lost my ID card. Please let me into the examination room! " ! I don't want to miss this opportunity! "The doorman said coldly," no, rules are rules. You can't enter without an ID card. " He suddenly collapsed to the ground and burst into tears. So, all the students in his examination room completed the first exam without the invigilator.

29. One day, my boyfriend and friends went to work to play chess. The next place was just discovered by the factory director, so he ordered them to review it in public at the staff meeting. After a sincere review by my boyfriend, it was his friend's turn, only to hear his friend say: I was wrong, I really made an irreparable mistake. The factory director was very pleased and asked, What's the matter? His friend replied, I shouldn't vault.

30. Women with stories often say: Men, there is nothing good ... For this kind of woman, I just want to ask silently: "Is business bad recently?"

Editor's note: I want to study abroad, and my parents will send me out together. Before leaving, my mother said, "If you are ugly, read more." I gave my mother a white look. "I'm not like this because of you." At this time, my father cleared his throat, and I thought he was supporting me. "Whatever your mother ..." "Whatever your father ..."

Funny sentence: I fed you with a handful of shit and urine. Do you think it is easy for me?

1, it is said that handsome guys are unreliable, so why are many single people not handsome?

2, a hundred years to repair the same boat crossing, a thousand years to repair bunk beds.

3. The mentality of the standard female diaosi is: I don't have a man, so I am fat for the winter.

I am so happy to see the news that you are lovelorn and that there is an earthquake in Japan.

I pretend to work for the boss, and the boss pretends to pay me.

Forgiving him is God's business. All I can do is send him to God.

7. I like you so much that you will die.

You have the right to remain silent, but everything you say will be your last words.

9. Can you stop talking? You exposed your IQ as soon as you opened your mouth.

10, without us students with poor grades, how can we set off students' grades?

1 1, people lose weight, waist and buttocks, why do they have to start with brain cells?

12, the children of poor families are in charge early, and the children of rich families are in charge early.

13, I thought I was decadent. Today, I realized that my morning paper was scrapped.

14. After studying martial arts for so long, I finally hope to make a fool of myself!

15, life is a bowl of hot and sour soup, find balance and happiness in the hot and sour.

16, if you can be meticulous with me, I will be naked with you!

17, if one day I become a pervert, please don't forget that I am innocent.

18, not hate school, but hate some people and things in school.

19, I have been fighting for single girls; I never give up married women.

20. Happiness is in your own hands, not someone else's mouth!

2 1. The poor monk came to the Tang Dynasty from the east and made a special trip to the Western Heaven to worship Buddha and find relatives.

22. I love you until the news broadcast finale.

23. Men can't be heroes without color, and women can't laugh without spending money.

24. Turn off the mobile phone computer. If anyone can find me, I'll go with her to get a marriage certificate.

25. During the onset of intermittent depression, strangers should not disturb and acquaintances should not find out.

26, not full, people only have one worry; There are countless troubles when you are full.

27, but in the blink of an eye, everything has become the past.

28. Because I don't like to tidy my room, they all call me a room-messy hero.

29. I fed you a handful of shit and urine. Do you think it is easy for me?

30. Drink some water. Nongfu Spring is growing. Have some meat. Bajie is more expensive than Tang Priest.

3 1, dormitory lunch break reminder card: Do not disturb the lunch break, please register next door first.

32. You must have been homeless in your last life, so you will live like this in this life.

You have the right to secretly love me, but you are not destined to be my boyfriend.

34. Beauty can only be used to deceive men, and cleverness can be used to deceive the world.

35. I dreamed that I was in a cold sweat during the exam and woke up to find that I was really taking the exam.

36. Experience tells us that time is the best medicine for acne.

37. I'm a psycho you taught me, and I'll let you have the same fate as me.

38. It used to be as light as a swallow, but now it's too bloated to jump.

39. There are too many 2B in this world, which directly leads to our talents being buried!

40. These days, there are too few bad guys, too many liars and a lot of fools.