Five reasons why children have no opinions.

I often hear many parents complain that their sons (daughters) don't have their own opinions, and they can't even tell who to choose as their boyfriend (female).

When these parents complain, they often add: "He (she) has been like this since childhood." Explain that this is nature and has nothing to do with yourself. They may not realize at all that when their children grow up, they have no opinions, and the "credit" of their parents is only the greatest.

The first reason why children don't have their own opinions: against their own wishes, they are required to act according to the requirements of adults.

For example, I have a neighbor here who is a very kind nanny. She obviously wants her children to be as kind and friendly as herself, so she has always insisted that children "learn to share". I remember when her daughter was only two years old, she insisted on giving toys to a child of the same age. But the child obviously didn't want to give it to the other party for a long time, and suddenly came over and said, "This is mine." At this time, my mother will quickly stop her: "Baby, you have to share!" So the child let go to play again, but soon came to grab it and said, "This is mine." Mother patiently stopped again: "Dear, so-and-so is your good friend." You should know how to share ... "

Is this scene familiar to everyone? But you know it's really bad?

There are many sensitive periods in the process of children's growth, one of which can be called "property right" period, which reaches its peak at about three years old. During this period, children are very possessive and always "this is mine". Give the impression of arrogance and irrationality. After this stage, children will learn to share slowly and naturally.

Obviously, this mother doesn't know this. She is eager to make her children "polite" and educate them completely in an adult style. This kind of consequence is very bad, which seriously interferes with children's mental growth. On the one hand, children feel depressed, on the other hand, they become more and more indecisive. Because children will find that no matter how much they want to possess something, they will eventually listen to their mothers, so they are slowly too lazy to insist on their wishes.

The second biggest reason why children don't have their own opinions: they don't have the opportunity to choose.

The same mother always dresses up her daughter. It looks so beautiful, like a little princess. However, this mother only dresses her children according to her own taste, and rarely asks her children what they like. Sometimes when a child says which dress he likes, his mother often thinks it is not good-looking and says, "Baby, the one you chose is not good-looking. Look how beautiful this one is. " After such a long time, the child gradually got dressed for her and never asked for anything again. Later, my mother felt that something was wrong and hoped that her daughter would have some opinions, but the children just played by themselves and refused to express any opinions.

The third reason why children don't have their own opinions is to teach them the "right" method directly without giving them a chance to try and make mistakes. Every time many parents see their children groping for something, they can't help but come and educate them: "How can you do this? You should be like this, you see my ... "

If parents come to "correct me" every time a child wants to do something, the child will gradually lose confidence and think that he can't do anything and it is best to listen to others.

The third or fourth reason why children have no opinions is that some parents always regard their children as a group with low IQ and do not deserve to have a say. If a child says something, it is not the worst thing for parents to be too lazy to pay attention. The worst thing is to look impatient immediately: "What do you know? Is it as simple as you think? " Sometimes he would say, "This idea of yours is really stupid. How can you think that? It's really a pig brain. " How can a child who grew up in such a disrespectful environment be very opinionated!

Of course, this kind of parents are more like the older generation, and there are fewer and fewer young parents like this, which is a good thing. However, lack does not mean extinction. After all, there is another one, so it is also listed.

The fifth reason. Left-behind families, divorced families, or families with a tendency to violence or cold violence, children tend to become indecisive. But these reasons are well known, so we will not analyze them one by one.

In the next article, I will talk in detail about how I cultivate my children's opinions.