Confessions of a female doctor

The Millennium can't sleep. She tossed and turned, and it was always difficult to sleep.

The resolute departure of the south wind caught her off guard and closed her eyes. The Millennium doesn't know why Nanfeng left, and left her surgeon in this county hospital.

The Millennium thought of giving Nanfeng a surprise and didn't call Nanfeng to tell him where he was going. At noon 12, the Millennium came to Nanfeng's dormitory (a rented house in a certain district of Longcheng County) with confidence. From the moment I walked out of the county hospital, the Millennium thought about what the south wind would do. She thought beautifully and finally found a boyfriend who can cook-"This south wind cooks in different ways every day."

The Millennium knocked on the door a few times, and the heavily closed security door was as motionless as a boulder. The Millennium took out his mobile phone from his bag and called Nanfeng. Nanfeng's mobile phone was turned off. The Millennium was shot down with joy, and she glanced coldly at the security door in front of her. When he turned and went downstairs, a middle-aged man poked his head out of another rented room and said, "That Yi left yesterday afternoon."

"Do you know where he moved?" The Millennium asked eagerly. She doesn't believe that the south wind will go.

"I don't know, bang!" Middle-aged people haven't finished yet, so they dumped the Millennium. "Who is afraid that I will eat you?" The Millennium cursed in my heart, and suddenly a scene flashed before my eyes. In the morning, a patient asked her, "Doctor, where is the burn department?" Without looking up, she casually said, "Which way, the third floor." The patient gave her the same cold and disappointed eyes, as if she were coldly rejected at the moment. In fact, she can tell the patient to go left, next to the third floor of the inpatient building.

On the way back, the Millennium called Nanfeng's mobile phone several times. Nanfeng's mobile phone is like a patient who will never wake up. The Millennium hurried into a noodle restaurant and ordered a bowl of Lamian Noodles. On the third day after work, the Millennium knocked on the door of Nanfeng's rented house again, but no one opened the door for her. Looking at the familiar gate, the Millennium left in despair.

In the evening, the Millennium felt that she had slept on the kang for a while, and her whole body was damp and hot. Then I feel like I'm sleeping on the ice, cold all over. A moon shines on the earth, a crescent moon, like a crucified nun. Under the quiet night, the tall and short houses in the county town are like a group of patients waiting for medical treatment, full of anxiety, anxiety and pain.

The Millennium can't understand why this happened and how he got to where he is today. In her own words, how did she become like this? The Millennium gawked at the roof and lay on the bed that she couldn't stand. At this time, the Millennium felt that she was sealed with many spells. These spells attacked her as violently as a man's palm, making her feel sick and uncomfortable.

The Millennium just looked at the roof, and the white roof appeared in front of her like a blank sheet of paper. Tears of a thousand years flowed out involuntarily, and tears ran down her eyes and rushed out of the riverbed for two years on her cheeks. In this river, the Millennium struggled in it again and again, and sank in it again and again.

I met the south wind on a late autumn night. Bailu and a female colleague visited a Yi village. After dinner, the hospitable Yi people lit a bonfire in an open space, and then everyone, men, women and children, joined hands and formed a circle around the bonfire, jumping up the left foot of the Yi people. The south wind can blow the flute perfectly, and the cheerful flute is like an invisible silk thread pulling everyone present. The white dew, which never dances with the left foot of the Yi people, can be like a cheerful deer under a flute in the south wind, with flames shining in its pupils. That night, every dancer's hand was scattered and then pulled again. After several rounds, the hand of the Millennium and the hand of the south wind were held together. Until the end, the south wind stopped playing the flute, and they kept holding hands.

The south wind brought the Millennium to a pine forest not far from the campfire. In the pine forest, Nanfeng's friends had a barbecue there. It's really cool in the autumn wind, and a round of bright moon water spreads out; The mountain wind is blowing coolly. The smell of barbecue wafts everywhere, just like a sweet glass of wine. This scene makes every beating heart indulge in it and linger. When the south wind reminded them to go home, they were already drunk on the lawn under the pine tree. In the whole pine forest, there are still some weak flames. The Millennium is a little drunk. She looked at the south wind dimly, and the more she looked, the more beautiful she became.

A month later, Nanfeng came to the county to find the Millennium, and the Millennium brought Nanfeng to her dormitory. Since then, Nanfeng has worked as a salesman in a real estate company in the county.

2

Like a monsoon, the south wind disappeared without a trace.

One afternoon a month after the south wind disappeared, Bailu and his friend Lao Peng went to a mobile phone shop to buy a mobile phone. After shopping a few streets, the Millennium chose a favorite mobile phone. When the mobile phone was bought home, Bailu found that the microphone of the mobile phone was low, so Bailu asked his good friend Lao Peng to go to the mobile phone store to ask for a refund. The owner of the mobile phone shop disagreed. His best friend Lao Peng walked out of the mobile phone shop and made a phone call. In a short time, four motorcycles stopped at the door of the mobile phone shop. Six men were sitting on a motorcycle, smoking cigarettes with their mouths tilted, and their eyes were all looking at the signs on the shutter door of the mobile phone shop, looking arrogant. When the owner of the mobile phone shop saw it, he quickly returned the money to Millennium. Bailu and his best friend Lao Peng then got on the motorcycles of six men and disappeared into the street. That night, the Millennium met a local ruffian named Fire Monkey.

The Millennium decided to take two sleeping pills so that she could have a good sleep. This medicine was taken from the pharmacy after work. When Bailu went to the pharmacy to get medicine, her best friend Lao Peng motioned her to go out to play at night, but Bailu declined politely. Chun Qing, a close friend, was full of pity and said, "Go to Xiaoliangwan Villa for dinner after work." Seeing the symptoms of my best friend Lao Peng, Bailu guessed something. It must be another person in Lao Peng's business trip. The manager of this county telecom company, the man of my best friend Lao Peng, has met the Millennium several times, a man with a big belly and smooth hair.

"Is he not on duty tonight?"

"Not worth it."

"You go to play, I feel uncomfortable these days, insomnia every night, ah! It hurts. "

"Hey hey! Lack of ..., love fire for life, it's no big deal, men are everywhere. "

"oh! I surrendered and dared not look for it. A fire monkey almost sent me away. "

"Ha ha! Fire monkey, this gangster, heard that he ate wine at the barbecue stall the other night and hit someone again. The man who was hit by him is still sleeping in the hospital. Two months ago, he was entangled with several local ruffians and gangsters. He hopes that vegetable dealers will raise the market price so that they can make a profit from it. Later, when the vegetable dealer quit, he started fighting. "

"Let's go! If you don't go, it won't be fun for both of us. " My girlfriend Lao Peng begged again.

"Don't go, the next time your old man is on a business trip, you two will be brilliant! In addition, I will rest tomorrow and want to go back to my hometown next time. " The Millennium smiled wittily and withdrew from the pharmacy. My best friend Lao Peng gave her a hard finger and made a face. The "he" mentioned by the Millennium is the lover of his best friend Lao Peng. He drives an ambulance in the county hospital. His name is Zhang Guihua. Because his uncle is the leader of the county hospital, he was recruited into the county hospital to drive an ambulance. Lao Peng and Bailu often joke about Zhang Gui Huawei's childhood dog. The implication is that they keep a day and only work for an hour or two. Later, Zhang Guihua was rude. Lao Peng simply changed the puppy into a small stone dog, which shows that Zhang Guihua is very useful. Zhang Guihua is very proud of this nickname. Later, Xiaoshigou was called away in the county hospital. Later, even many people outside knew that the driver of the county hospital ambulance was Xiaoshigou.

After taking two pills, the Millennium soon fell into a trance. In the Millennium of my sleep, I dreamed that I was eating in the hospital with my best friend Lao Peng and two sisters, and four people were in a restaurant called Blue Bridge. The four of them frequently raised their glasses and ate happily. At this time, three policemen came in, showed their papers and wanted to take them away. The four of them were surprised and wanted to ask why. One of the policemen said that we received a report from the fire monkey that you were taking drugs here.

In the dimly lit interrogation room, a policeman interrogating the Millennium said sternly, "We know that you are a doctor. Why did you study medicine at the beginning? " ? Saving lives? Or for a decent job? What was your original intention of studying medicine? As a doctor, how can you take drugs? Don't you know how harmful drugs are? ",in the face of a dignified trial, the Millennium passive Nuo Nuo said.

"I didn't take drugs, really."

"Then why did someone report you?"

"The man named Fire Monkey is my boyfriend a month ago. He is a local ruffian, and I don't want to associate with him anymore, so I hold a grudge and report me for taking drugs. I really didn't. "

"Now, tell me honestly about your situation over the years and tell me when you started smoking."

In the face of police interrogation, the Millennium was annoyed, angry and bitter. She felt that she had been greatly wronged, and her hatred for the fire monkey went deep into her bone marrow. But what can she do? Sitting in the interrogation room, she can only look flattering and humble in front of the doctor like a patient waiting for the doctor.

"My name is the Millennium, female, Han nationality, 30 years old this year. From primary school to junior high school, and then from junior high school to university, my academic performance has always been among the best. Since I was a child, I have always been the darling of my parents and teachers. After graduating from college, I was assigned to work in a remote township health center, but not far from home. In the first year, the township did not give me a formal establishment, and I could only get 60% of my salary. In the second year, the official establishment was reluctantly given, and the salary could be more than 1000. In the third year, with the help of others, I married a man ten years older than me and had a girl after marriage. The days that followed were quite calm. But there seems to be a kind of unwilling lonely blood in my bone marrow. I betrayed my husband in that remote and barren town. I hooked up with a man from a female colleague, the head of our hospital, for four years. The man working in the county didn't find any clues, but my female colleague found them. She endured it. During this time, I didn't feel sorry for anyone, including my husband and my female colleague. On the contrary, after every affair, I have a sense of victory. During that time, I spent a very dark time, often drinking with some men in the town, and sometimes surfing the internet and making online dating. I don't think I'm wasting my time. I think life should be like this. This kind of life is interesting. For a while, I felt very fulfilled. However, my lover broke out and he couldn't bear to hit me. He felt humiliated and depressed, and he didn't allow me to have anything to do with other men. But his woman wouldn't divorce him. I still go my own way. I need sweet words from men. Finally, he was disappointed in me and finally returned to his woman. In order to maintain the family, he found a relationship and transferred me to the county hospital. I finally left that barren town. Soon, I fell in love with a young Yi named Nanfeng, and I followed him without hesitation, asking for nothing more. After my husband found out about us, I filed for divorce. My husband was heartbroken. After the painful ordeal, he chose forbearance and tolerance. I turned a blind eye to my husband's actions. On the contrary, I regard his forbearance as his incompetence. The more he tolerates me, the more I despise him. Sometimes, I wish he could beat me up, but he didn't. After that Yi youth named Nanfeng broke up with me, I fell in love with the fire monkey again, and I broke up with him again just because he scolded me. On March 8, 2007, several female colleagues in our unit had a dinner party. Just after dinner, he called me to find him. I said that several of our female colleagues are going to sing in the karaoke bar tonight. He said that if you want to die, you should come here obediently as long as the master calls you, which deeply hurts me. "

"You can go, please remember your identity, you are a doctor, with these facts you just told, even if you don't take drugs, we can give you a fair trial. You can imagine how you treat patients and save lives. I can't believe that someone like you will become a doctor. You could have lived a happy life. What makes you indulge yourself? What blinded your shame? Go back and reflect. We have registered for you. You these misdeeds, we can summon and interrogate you at any time ... "

The Millennium breathed a sigh of relief. She was afraid to look up at the policeman who questioned her. She carefully withdrew from the interrogation room. Her behavior reminds her of her patient. Usually, her patient leaves her diagnosis room passively in this way.

The Millennium came to a hillside in the chaos. Looking at the hillside in front of her, the Millennium shed tears with excitement, and she saw the way home. Seeing the way home, she thought she was safe, and no one questioned her again. The Millennium walked and saw his father driving a group of cattle and sheep over the mountain at the entrance to the village. The Millennium ran to his father and threw herself into his arms. The father of the Millennium grinned and said that he had given birth to two more calves. The Millennium cried and said, "Dad! I feel sorry for you. I've been studying for nothing these years. I have learned more knowledge, but I am a self-indulgent person. How many cows have you raised for me over the years? "

"The book was read for nothing, Niu ..." The Millennium's father said with a simple and honest smile, and then disappeared with a smile. Finally, even the cattle and sheep on the hillside disappeared, leaving only one road to the village.

The Millennium walked on, and soon she came home. Only when she opened the door did she see her mother crying. The Millennium stepped forward to help her mother and asked, "Why are you crying? Where's dad? " The Millennium's mother cried and said that she had been taken away by the police. A man named fire monkey came with two policemen, saying that your father stole somebody else's cattle. The police took your father away without saying anything. Who's that fire monkey? How can you falsely accuse your father of stealing cattle? The Millennium cried and said, "Mom! It's all my fault. Didn't listen to your advice, set yourself on fire, and hurt others and yourself. As a woman, I didn't do what a woman should do. I ruined many people's families. I broke up those families and made those women miserable. I know those women hate my guts, and the more they hate me, the more comfortable I am. I could have lived a happy life because I didn't do my duty. You work hard and scrimp so that I can study. When I was admitted to college, you and my dad aged a lot overnight to make up for my tuition. During that time, you were looked down upon by many people, and many relatives avoided you two like the plague. I thought graduating from college would give you a good life. As a result, after work, my salary of more than one month 1000 is not enough for me, and sometimes I need your subsidy.

"Have a good life, cow! ..... "The Millennium Niang said, gradually blurred in front of the Millennium, and finally disappeared.

In his sleep, the Millennium was heartbroken and cried till dawn in his dream. Wake up the Millennium, a weak, she touched the pillow with her hand, and the pillow was half wet. All the dreams, the Millennium still remembers, and the Millennium reconsiders in her mind. She turned over and seemed to have forgotten half of all her dreams. My best friend Lao Peng called. On the phone, Lao Peng said, "It scared the baby to death. Last night, the police came to make rounds and asked Xiaoshi what his name was, how old he was and where his home was. Xiaoshigou said, and then they checked my ID card. Hey hey! There is no danger. "

"I will come to the ward round at this time. I haven't heard of any meetings or important activities."

"Last night, I dreamed of the police. I dreamed that we were eating at Blue Bridge Restaurant. Three policemen came and took us away, saying that the fire monkey reported that we were taking drugs. "

"Taking drugs? Ah! It's disgusting, it's horrible, the body immunity of drug addicts will be destroyed, and the whole body will rot little by little, "Lao Peng said wittily in a tone of disgust.

"I'm going back to the country to see my girl today. Do you want to go to the country with me? " The Millennium asked.

"No, Xiaoshigou, we are going to Tianchi Villa to soak in hot springs. How about we go together? "

"You really know how to play, so I won't go."

"Life is short, while you can play, just play once less. When you climb the chimney that day, there will be nothing, and it will be too late to regret it. I just want to squander my desires while I am still young. These days, everything is fake, and I regret it a little. Earlier years ago, I should have played like this, "Lao Peng said with a smile.

Lao Peng's words evoked a thousand-year dream. The Millennium heart faintly rises a feeling of pain. Lao Peng's words, to Millennium Voice, were an invisible irony and humiliation to himself, because he wanted to start over when he was scarred and terminally ill. What Lao Peng said came from his own mouth ten years ago. 10 years ago, who dared to say such shocking madness, and people like Lao Peng were still talking about their ideals, life and morality. What heinous people would be sent to the eighteenth floor of hell after death. Only she dares to be blatant, overbearing and do whatever she wants. The Millennium wants to say that it will be returned after all. There is a limit to everything, and no one can surpass it, including today's extravagance. The Millennium didn't say anything, she couldn't say it, and saying it doesn't mean hitting her mouth.

three

When the Millennium approached the village, she went to the hillside at the entrance of the village to have a look. She wants to see if her father is herding cattle on the hillside. She thinks her dream is too realistic. The Millennium climbed the hillside and didn't see his father. On the hillside, some graves caught her attention. All graves presented in front of the Millennium are just bare tombstones, to be precise, just a stone. There is no epitaph on the tombstone, and there is no name and surname. As a result, the Millennium is also associated with the graves of deceased grandparents, and it is also nameless and nameless. Their village never visited graves and offered flowers in Tomb-Sweeping Day, never burned paper money to worship their ancestors, and there was no memorial hall in every household. There were no couplets for Chinese New Year, weddings and funerals, and there were never wedding couplets or elegiac couplets. In short, it is difficult to see a word in the village.

"What kind of village is this?" The Millennium asks questions in my mind. "No wonder people fight in the village every day. In short, if something goes wrong, they will do it; No wonder people in the village are rude. The ruder they are in the village, the more prestige they have in the village. Most of the girls in the village 15 and 16 are mothers, and those who are not mothers at the age of 20 will be gossiped in the village. Boys and girls in the village ride motorcycles in the village all day, and every year someone falls or is slapped to death. How terrible a village without cultural heritage and culture is. "

With this in mind, the Millennium entered the village. For the first time, she felt the villagers' eyes a little cold and dull, which reminded her of a scene in a ghost film. Thinking of the Millennium, he quickened his pace and walked home.

The Millennium opened the door and saw her daughter doing her homework under the grape trellis in the yard. The Millennium quietly approached her daughter. "hey!" Crying and shouting. "mom! You are back! " The Millennium's daughter cried happily and jumped at the Millennium. The Millennium bent down, picked up her daughter and kissed her face. "Do you miss your mother?" "Yes!" The daughter in the arms of the Millennium said happily and immature. "How cute!" The Millennium smiled sweetly. "mom! Today, the teacher praised me, and I got a hundred points for my composition. " "oh! Good boy! Show it to mom, "the Millennium said happily.

"here! Hey! " Bailu's daughter found an exercise book from her schoolbag and handed it to Bailu. The Millennium opened the book and found full marks in the composition. An essay, "I have a good mother", jumped out of sight. The Millennium's heart tightened-"This is a familiar composition topic, but now it is so eye-catching and uncomfortable." The Millennium seems a little unwilling to look down. Subconsciously, she was avoiding her daughter's searching eyes. The Millennium's daughter is looking up at her, expecting her praise, and the Millennium has to pretend to read the composition.

"I have a good mother, the Millennium, thirty years old this year, she is angels in white. According to my grandmother, my mother has been an obedient and sensible child since she was a child. When she was the same age as me, she was repeatedly rated as a top three student in the school. My mother is a doctor now. She takes saving lives as her duty. She often takes patients home and cooks for them. I am proud that I have such a good mother ... "Reading the composition here has mixed feelings for thousands of years. It's like she was slapped hard. She once cheated everyone, including her daughter. Once she took the fire monkey home for the night, and her daughter asked her where she came from and how she came to our house. She lied to her daughter that she was one of her patients and had no one to take care of her in the hospital, so she had to take it home.

The Millennium handed the composition book to her daughter, not knowing what to say to her. But she can't help talking to her daughter. The Millennium thought for a moment and said, "Well written. I don't ask you to get a hundred points in the exam, but you should write well. Writing is like being a man. I didn't write well since I was a child. " Looking at her daughter who was doing her homework carefully under the grape trellis, Bailu bent down and said to her daughter, "Mom will take you to see something. Will you go?"

"What is it?" The Millennium's daughter asked with snowflake eyes.

"A mound, a bare stone tablet," the Millennium said airily.

"I don't know," the Millennium's daughter shook her head and said with a smile.

"What if people's names are written on stone tablets?" The Millennium lovingly asked her daughter.

"ah! Mom, you are exaggerating. You're taking me to see the grave. I dare not go, "said the Millennium's daughter, pretending to be afraid.

As the sun sets, the Millennium and her daughter walk out of the village. The mountains around the village are bare, and the mountains are all dry thatch. A single spark can be lit. The Millennium pointed to a nearby hillside and said, "When I was your age, I often went there to pick firewood."

"But there is not a tree on the mountain! Mom, "the Millennium's daughter shook her head and said she didn't believe it.

"This village is too poor. The people who moved there a long time ago are all uneducated people. They refused to study and looked down on scholars. They don't know how to build their own villages. They are all selfish. In order to release their own cattle and sheep, some people deliberately set Yamakaji free and let the mountains grow grass. When these mountains burn, there will be no trees on them, "Millennium said.

"How do you know?" The Millennium's daughter asked.

"here! Look at those mounds. They are so simple that they don't even have a decent tombstone, and the houses in the village are built in a patchwork way. It seems that I have to pick you up, and I can't let you study here anymore. "

"Why, Mom?"

"I don't know, my mother has taken you away. I studied as well as you when I was a child, but when my mother grew up, she took many detours and went the wrong way. It's too late to regret now. "

"mom! Grandpa said to burn a mountain first, and then plant walnut trees, so that no one will take care of it, "said Bailu's daughter." "

"Nonsense, don't talk nonsense. The police will arrest your grandfather if they know. " The Millennium quickly blocked her daughter's words.

"mom! You see, the fire is smoking ... "

Following her daughter's direction, the Millennium saw a mountain bay, where smoke billowed and filled the whole of Shan Ye, and the weeds on the mountain instantly turned to ashes. Those earth graves without tombstones and epitaphs are as dazzling as burnt steamed bread. The Millennium quickly took her daughter back. When he entered the village, he saw some men and women standing at the entrance of the village, watching the mountain fire with great interest. They seem to be watching a wonderful performance, and they are very happy and excited.

The Millennium searched the crowd, but didn't see her father. The Millennium hurried home with her daughter. On the way, she said angrily to her daughter, "We will go back to the city tomorrow morning, and don't stay in this hellhole. Who the hell are these people? The fire has burned to the door, and they are still interested in watching the fire here. "

The Millennium's cell phone rang. On the phone, Lao Peng said eagerly: "White deer! The two of us are finished. The fire monkey was arrested by the police this afternoon. The man who was beaten by him at the barbecue the other day was transferred to the intensive care unit today. The fire monkey is finished this time. This fire monkey, will he jump over the wall and give up everything I have and have nothing? " Hung up Lao Peng's phone, the Millennium felt heavy, and his legs couldn't walk away. Her thoughts returned to the dream of being interrogated. "We have registered for you. We can summon and interrogate your misdeeds at any time ... "The policeman's words pierced her heart like a knife. At present, she is not sure whether she has ever taken drugs or what kind of drugs she has taken. The Millennium feels uncomfortable. She bent down to vomit and retched a few times, but nothing came out. Behind her, there was a faint cry of confusion: "burn the house, burn the house." Come and put out the fire ... "

Someone clamored to escape from the village, and it happened again in a thousand years. Finally, she vomited a lump, bloody, like a baby's placenta.