Humor, interesting mood, 30 phrases

1, when I was a soldier, I once had dinner and our class sat at a big round table. At that time, in XinBingLian, there was a large amount of training and the food was vegetarian. As soon as the food was served, we began to eat with chopsticks. Next to a person suddenly stood up, chopsticks picked up a piece of meat. Shout: monitor, I found a piece of meat! The monitor grabbed the chopsticks and said, Very well, leave it to me, and you can continue your reconnaissance.

2. A long time ago, there was a group of blind people who described the different looks of elephants according to the different parts they touched. People call it blind people touching elephants. Today, many years later, countless people take selfies according to different parts of others on social networks to identify their goddess. This may be a historical cycle.

3. God knows that you are thirsty and created water; God knew you were hungry, so he created rice. God knows that you have no lovely friends, so he created me; However, God also knows that there are no fools in this world. He created you by the way. There were countless friends in the past, but you are in my heart; Looking for you in the crowd, suddenly looking back, you are in the depths of that shed! Eating grass and leaning against a tree with a mop on his head. Wow! Whose tapir is so cool.

I miss it very much when I was at school. Once the class teacher was absent from the evening self-study, the class exploded. Suddenly the headmaster came in through the back door and scolded us. Suddenly the board was silent. Then he came in from the front door, nodded and said, your class is really good and disciplined, unlike that one just now!

5. A friend moved to a new home, and a group of friends went to visit and celebrate. While enjoying the elegant decoration, everyone kept asking the groom: Who chose this stereo? My wife! Who chose this sofa? My wife! Who saw this mural? My wife! A friend couldn't help asking: which house did you choose? Listen to the groom proudly say: my wife!

6. A person walks into a mobile phone repair shop. Maintenance master: What can I do for you? The man took out his mobile phone and said, master, my mobile phone screen has been shaking badly these two days. Can it be repaired? The master looked at his mobile phone and then at the humanity: Can't you put on more clothes when it's cold? It's cold, send a joke to warm you up and wish you a happy day!

A man is afraid of his wife. One day, his wife quarreled with him in front of the guests and slapped him in the face. To save face, the man boldly shouted, Don't you dare hit me again! Without hesitation, his wife punched again. A man can't scare his wife, so he has to say, since you are so obedient, I will spare you once.

8. Chinese hamburger doesn't care how many China buns you have eaten before it; Pizza won't lose your temper when you are happy or unhappy; They bite an ice cream in one hand and won't be jealous of each other; Jiaozi, who is eating a bowl, thinks there is nothing wrong with the fried food on the next table, so in a word: you don't need love to eat food.

9. I got on the subway with heavy things on my back, and a young couple were joking. The man saw me get up and give up my seat. I refused, but he insisted. I said thank you and sat down. Later, the girl got up and stood with the boy. Woman: There are so many girls standing in the car. Are you afraid I'm jealous? Man: I just knew you were narrow-minded, so I chose an ugly one!

10, I have a little cousin at home, and I haven't had a boyfriend for three years after graduating from college. One day, her father was drunk and asked her: Why don't you fall in love? No one is chasing? My sister replied: No, there are too many people chasing me, so I chose the best one and haven't chosen yet. Her father suddenly smiled and said, I like my daughter's personality. No one is chasing her, but she dares to brag.

1 1. You have a peony-rich appearance, a plum-blossom tough quality, a lotus-like pure heart, a peach-blossom sweet smile and a sunflower-like chic charm. I look left and right, you are a sex maniac! In fact, to be honest, if you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit in the future!

12, a lot of facts have proved that women can't be provoked: Qin Shihuang provoked Meng Jiangnv, and the newly built Great Wall was cried down; Cao Cao provoked Xiao Qiao, and Chibi was burned; Li Shimin provoked Wu Meiniang and Jiangshan was taken away; Xianfeng provoked Cixi, and the Qing Dynasty perished. Huang Shiren provoked the white-haired girl and was knocked down, so respect every woman around you.

13, can't sleep at midnight. I got up and went to the balcony to smoke a cigarette. I found a cockroach and talked with it for a long time. Vent my dissatisfaction with my wife, my dissatisfaction with my boss, and my oppression of my boss. When I finished smoking, I trampled to death. I couldn't help falling asleep. You know too much.

A Dai was born tone deaf, but he likes singing. He practiced his voice in the backyard. When he met a high note, he tried to sing it. At this time, his grandfather said in the front yard: When I get old, my eyes will be bad. I just can't see it when I hear the crow. A Dai's mother said, Dad, you are mistaken. There is no cock crow here! There are guests next door today. Guess he's killing chickens!

15. Actually, I didn't go to college because I failed in the college entrance examination that year. I was poor at school, but I got good grades every time I cheated in a mock exam. Although I also copied the college entrance examination, I didn't expect the other person to be scum. It's terrible that he should answer the question himself without making any progress.

16, the young man asked the Zen master: I have lofty aspirations and can't tolerate this filthy world. The Zen master took out a bag and asked the young man to put the garbage in the house. The young man quickly filled it, and the Zen master took out another bag. The young man suddenly realized: you mean that as long as you have a broad mind, you can tolerate the world? The Zen master shook his head, pointed to the bag and said, pretend, you continue to pretend.

17, I just took the bus, next to which stood a thin sister paper and a fat sister paper. Fat sister paper looked at thin sister paper and asked, where did you cut your eyes? Thin sister paper said it was born! Next, the thin sister paper was surprised to ask the fat man where you cut your double chin! The fat man calmly said something from eating pork! Make me messy in the wind.

18, how much sadness can you have? Worry about life makes it difficult for you to buy a house all your life. I'm worried that I can't prevent cooking oil. I was sick and worried. I saved my life and stayed in the hospital. There is no one to rely on when you are old. The baby is worried that melamine will replace milk. Eat meat and rinse a hot pot of fake mutton. Living in sorrow and working hard all your life are in vain. The sorrow of death, a graveyard and a building.

19, after lunch, I lay in bed. As soon as I turned on my cell phone, I began to burp. Hold your breath 1 minute later, I thought I was going to stop fighting, and I started again. I went to drink water and burped while drinking water. Glug, glug, glug My mother said beside me: drink water like an animal. After that, I stopped calling.

20. The loved one is no longer a blank sheet of paper with deep traces on it. Although we paint with an eraser called time, there will always be traces on it because of love. I believe that men and women who have loved no longer have simple smiles. When they pass by the coffee shop on the corner and have coffee together, when they finally look back and think of the days when they fell in love, there is always a little acid coming up, love, through the intestines.

2 1, I signed an email today and booked a skateboard. I am very dissatisfied. These things seem to be still in use. Talk to the boss, but still ignore me. Suddenly I had an idea, gave me a thumb, and then praised and commented. Thank you very much. I didn't expect a discount. I not only gave a pair of skateboard shoes, but also added three pairs of socks. I really appreciate it． That's so sweet. He called me and agreed to return it. I'm too witty.

22. In the library, I forgot my pen, so I borrowed a pen from a beautiful woman and returned it to her when I left, saying thank you. Then I expected that the beauty would say, Don't you want my phone number? It happened so suddenly that I didn't know what to do. For a long time, I said, what's your bank card number? The beauty turned blue and replied angrily, handsome boy, I'm sorry, we are all cash transactions.

23. When I was a child, I was very enthusiastic about a man named Anonymous and regarded him as a male god. His image appeared in many magazines and newspapers. He has a variety of styles, sometimes serious and sometimes funny. Just when I thought I had to find out who he really was, I saw him saying in a magazine that he was a foot fetish and asked an expert for help. From then on, I no longer believe in love.

24. Why is there no love in fairy tales? Because the prince is fighting against the city management, and the princess is fighting against the mountain wood. Frogs are all cooked in Sichuan cuisine restaurant. The witch failed to compete for posts and was taken away from the broom. Finally, the prince finally defeated Altman and lived happily with the little monster. Seven dwarfs were digging coal in Shanxi and missed the wedding.

25. Once upon a time, there was a village. Suddenly one day, a strange fish with six eyes flying came to the sea, which ate local villagers specially. The villagers call it six-eyed flying fish. Just then, a young man came to the village. His name is very special. Love says he can kill the six-eyed flying fish, but he needs a knife called courage. Everyone is confused. Love says: Love really needs courage to face the flying fish with six eyes.

26. Family education was very good when I was a child. Every time I go out, I will shout, mom, I'm leaving. I'm not leaving until my mother answers. As a result, one day before my mother woke up, I shouted, mom, I'm leaving. No response. Keep shouting, mom, I'm leaving, and there's no response Then he shouted, mom, I'm leaving! My mother got up and rushed to the door. Come on, get out! I, uh, walked steadily.

27. One day, employees suddenly found that their salary increase fell into the well! Everyone was so scared that they hanged themselves and put their hands into the well from the tree to get their wages. Just as they touched the salary, an employee suddenly shouted excitedly: Don't be silly, the salary to be raised is still hanging in the sky!

28. Suddenly I heard someone knocking at the door at midnight. When I opened the door, I saw a young man standing outside with a lot of delicious food. I said, you must be mistaken. I didn't order takeout. I know. The young man said that a friend of yours in Weibo asked me to show you. This is the delicious food he wants to eat tonight. His mobile phone is broken, so he can't send Weibo.

29. My boyfriend has been talking for more than two years, and his relationship has been very stable. Once when I had my period, I was inexplicably upset. I looked at my boyfriend and said to him, I found that I hate you more and more, and I'm tired of watching you! Idiot said, me too! I immediately lost my temper: strike the table and say what you said? To put it mildly, I hate myself more and more.

30. When I was in primary school, I buried myself in playing with a freshly picked gourd and had a good time. The teacher said: So-and-so, stand up and tell me what you just said. As a result, I didn't know which tendon was stuck, so I lifted the gourd directly and said to the teacher, I called your name. Do you dare to promise? Then my father came to school and took me away.

30 humorous mood phrases

Introduction: A classmate has to go to the toilet during the exam. Go back to the classroom and say to the teacher, "There are many ants in the toilet." The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant, so he tested him: "What did the ant say?" The classmate said blankly, "The ant didn't say anything ..."

1. One day, Tom was sitting on the train to Washington. He is the only one in the carriage. When the train stopped at a station, the door opened and a big man came over and threatened Tom with a knife: "Want money or die?" Tom was very scared. He replied, "I have no money on me." The big fellow asked savagely, "Then why are you trembling?" Tom said sadly, "I thought you were a ticket inspector."

2, eating in the restaurant, waiting for a long time, the last two dishes finally came up, we were hungry, so I shouted: waiter! A portion of rice! After waiting for five minutes, the meal came. I tell you: maybe this is the fastest service in this restaurant ... the waiter smiled and said: of course not! The second brother asked: Is there any service faster than meals? Tell me what it is. Two words popped up in the waiter's mouth: pay the bill!

3. Wife: "Husband, I want to buy a dress. I haven't bought clothes for a long time! " Husband: "Wife, look, my ring is a little small and tight!" " "Wife:" What, do you want to change the ring? "Husband:" No, I'm a little short of money! ""Wife: "..."

4. Xiao Li chased your beauty, but the beauty refused. The beauty said, "We have nothing in common, which is inappropriate." Xiao Li said, "Is your father older than you?" Beauty: "Nonsense" Xiao Li: "Your father is older than you, and my father is older than me. Is this different? "

In the interrogation room of the police station, the policeman asked, "Why did you rob Xiaomi's mobile phone? Are you a big fan of Xiaomi mobile phone? " A: "No, because they all say that Xiaomi's mobile phone is not easy to grab. I don't believe it. . . "

6. Teacher: Xiao Ming, tell me about your understanding of home. Xiaoming: Home is the place I really want to go back after I leave for a day. Teacher: Well, good! ! ! Xiao Ming: I'm not finished, teacher. Home is still the place I really want to leave after 5 minutes. Teacher: Why? Xiao Ming: Because we have finished eating. . .

7. Son: Dad, I don't want to go to school. The world is so big, I want to go out and see it! Dad: Sure, Beijing, Shanghai ... You choose! Son: Really, it's very kind of dad ... Dad: What's delicious? Go ahead, where to go first? Son: That. . . . Let's go to Beijing first ... Dad: OK, I'll call your uncle right away ... Son: Is his uncle in Beijing? Dad: Yes, he's building in Beijing, and he just needs a mud ... Son: Ah ... Dad, I'm going to school. ....

8. Teacher: Xiao Ming, why were you full of energy just now and then depressed? Xiaoming: I'm so disappointed! Teacher: Why? I don't speak well? Xiao Ming: As soon as you started class, you said that this class was about' free nudity'. I'm so excited that I'm completely sleepy. After listening for a long time, who knew it was a' free fall'! Alas, teacher: you, get out!

9. My wife is obsessed with cooking and learned to use chopped pepper as her husband's favorite fish head. Husband smacked his lips after tasting it: what a good thing, what a good thing! Wife is happy: since it's all right, eat more. Husband: What a pity! You ruined everything.

10, just entered a company, one of Yi's friends went to the company canteen for lunch, and when he met the leader, he rushed to join in. After eating, the leader quickly took out toilet paper from his pocket and wiped his mouth. The leader praised his carefulness in public. These two goods were modest, and as a result, he said nervously, "Oh, I usually don't bring paper. I put it in my trouser pocket before I use it in the morning!" " The leader's face twitched a few times obviously, and then. . . My friend lost his job.

1 1, I have a problem with this man. I drank too much when I went out for entertainment. When I got home, I went to work and cleaned, and then I fell asleep. When I woke up, I didn't know I cleaned it myself. Every time I say to my daughter-in-law, "You are really capable of cleaning up your home!" " "Once I came back from drinking. I don't know why I fell asleep after cleaning up a room. When I woke up, I found that only one room was clean. I said to my daughter-in-law, "If you want to tidy up the house, just tidy up. Don't make a mess! The daughter-in-law was unhappy when she heard this: "You are really a gentleman who cares about everything! Don't worry about anything in the future, just care about drinking! "

12, the bus was so crowded that my colleagues and I managed to squeeze out a place. I took out my mobile phone, opened qq and began to steal food. After a few stops, I will arrive at the station. My colleague stabbed me: "steal it, we will arrive at the station soon!" " It may be a little loud. I found all the people in the car staring at us. I smiled and took out my mobile phone and waved it in front of them. "I'm stealing food!" However, a white-haired old man brought his basket back and said solemnly, "Stealing is not all from a small place! " "

13, wife: "Husband, you don't love me." Husband: "How?" The wife took a photo of her husband and a girl and asked, "Since this girl appeared, you have been less kind to me than before." Husband: "Stop it!" Wife: "I'm not making trouble." You always buy her food and clothes, and ... you often go to the bathroom to kiss her secretly at night. Don't think I don't know. " Husband: "Ni Mei, even you are jealous of your daughter!" "

14, Ruth lies on the bed and asks Jack to draw a sketch for her. Two hours later, Ruth said discontentedly, "honey, what's the matter?" Didn't you say it only takes an hour to draw? " Jack said, "I think so, too, but as soon as you take off your clothes, I think it will take three hours to finish painting!" " "Ruth asked curiously," why? " Jack said with a bitter face, "you have so much fat on you that it takes a lot of effort to draw!" "

15, police officer: Tell me about the accident. Pedestrian: I'm walking on the road. It's okay. Here comes the car opposite. I hide left and right, and it follows me left and right. I turned wherever I hid, and then I ran into it. Driver: But my car has been parked there for half an hour. . .

16, the leader's house was stolen, and the police quickly solved the case, arrested the thief and asked: What did you steal? Thief: a piece of platinum, 20 thousand dollars, four diamonds ... The police slapped the thief before they finished, saying that the thief was making it up and bragging. The leader said that he only lost 1000 yuan.

17, my friend became a father. After going to the hospital, I picked up the child and was happy. The doctor came over and said, "What are you laughing at? This child is not yours. " My friend's daughter-in-law immediately cried and said, "I'm sorry, I drank too much that night." My friend was dumbfounded. When the doctor saw it, he immediately picked up the clinical child and said, "I'm sorry, this child is yours."

18, Tang Priest: "Wukong, you trampled another ant to death. Monks can't kill! " Wukong: "Master, you walked and stepped on it." Tang Priest: "Didn't you see the teacher riding a horse?"

19. On my birthday, I got a long and exquisite package from the courier. After opening, it is fresh and lovely, an expensive plastic doll. Send a small question: "Do you like it?" I said, "Of course! Thank you for sending me a wife! " Send a novel: "I am interesting enough!" "Be loved! How interesting! " I said with a smile! "Then you should do something interesting. Since I have a daughter-in-law, don't pursue Lili again, let me pursue it alone! " "What-what-"

20. That fat woman is eating hard. Mom scolded: "You are so fat, no man will come near you, and you still eat like this!" " "The fat woman said," That's because I'm not fat enough, so men won't come near me! " "Mother:" What fallacy is this? " Fat woman: "If I were as fat as the earth and the gravity was strong enough, men would not only approach me, but also circle me."

2 1, "You never give up your seat by bus, you never wash dishes when you eat, your work is never out of date, and you never pay for play. What advantages do you think you can have? " "This shows that I am a very persistent person."

22. My husband graduated from home appliance maintenance, and his skills are superb. Basically, all household appliances can be repaired. This morning, when my husband repaired her daughter's "voice loss" for a long time, her daughter gave a thumbs-up admiringly: "Wow, Dad is really amazing, he can fix anything, but why can't Mom?" I was so embarrassed that my smug husband took a look at me and quickly said calmly to my daughter, "Your mother is even worse. She will fix me."

23. My wife and I have been married for more than ten years, and the romantic age has been a long time! This morning, I suddenly said to my wife on a whim: Let's talk about love again and pretend you don't know me. My wife said,' OK, I'll tell her,' Hi! Little bitch, who knows that this product slaps me as soon as it raises its hand, and still curses: I'm tired of harassing my aunt!

24. A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she had to pull the pull ring on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver suddenly braked, and the fat woman pulled off the pull ring and jumped in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull ring on her hand and said angrily, there are three sets. Send the driver an autographed photo!

25. It's not the first time to kiss a girlfriend. This time, she actually said that she felt her first kiss. I said excitedly, "I can give you my first kiss after so long!" " She said disdainfully, "Yes, you always make me feel kissed by an animal." Me. . .

26. In high school, everyone liked to eat snacks and chat in Chinese class. The teacher was angry and stared at us, but there was nothing he could do. . . Later, I changed to a Chinese teacher. He was very honest and never opposed our eating snacks, but everyone gradually got rid of this bad habit. Because every time someone eats snacks, the teacher will come and eat with him.

27. Once on a plane, the lady by the window needed to go to the toilet and I needed to stand up and give up my seat. I was afraid she was in a hurry, so I unfastened my seat belt and stood up suddenly. However, I didn't get up, as if a powerful force had stopped me. I resisted, resisted, resisted, but was firmly locked in my seat. What's going on here? I looked down and my seat belt was tightly tied to my body. What I untied was actually a belt.

28. Who cares about you most in your company? Our director, of course? How does Director A care about you? B Every time I say something wrong or do something wrong, the director will say, Are you sick?

29. Excuse me, Miss, do you like doing sports? I love it! I get up early on time every day and exercise for at least two hours. You are too persistent. What sports do you do? Make up!

30. When the Tang Priest and his disciples came to the daughter country, Bajie wanted to play for a few more days, but he was afraid to say. On this day, Pig said, "Master, I want to find someone here. When I find it, shall we go west again?" The Tang Priest asked, "What do you want with him? Is that person important? " Bajie: "Yes." Tang Priest: "Who is it?" Pig said with a smile, "Alone."

Editor's note: A gentleman often loses his wallet on the bus. One day before getting on the bus, a gentleman folded a thick stack of paper and put it in an envelope. After getting off the bus, he found the envelope stolen. The next day, a gentleman just got on the bus and felt a hard object around his waist. He felt it and saw it. This is the envelope from yesterday. The envelope says: Please don't make such jokes, it will affect his normal work. Thank you.

Humor, funny mood, talking about phrases

At noon on weeding day 65438 +0, mines were buried. Li Bai came to dance and was blown to 250.

No.2 contraceptive effect: if you don't succeed, you will become an adult.

NO.3 time is not for getting up, but for how long you can sleep.

NO.4 love is art, marriage is technology, and divorce is arithmetic.

NO.5 don't look for me if you have nothing to do, and don't look for me if you have anything to do.

NO.6 pretending to be forced is only an instant, and shameless is eternal.

NO.7 there are always 30 days in a month when I don't want to study, and this feeling is strongest in February.

On the 8th, others were holding hands, and I took my dog for a walk and swimming to see who was unhappy with biting.

NO.9 bully me again, and I curse you for buying noodles all your life without a fork.

In the 10 issue, reality tells lies with real names, and the network tells the truth with pseudonyms.

1 1 When I was pursuing Happyness, I was afraid that I would not be at home, so I stayed at home all the time.

NO. 12 lost and found is always second-hand.

13 When I was proud, my friend met you. When you are in trouble, you make friends.

NO. 14 you two, or two, two are right there, no three no four.

NO. 15 Look at a temple from a distance, and look at our alma mater, with more than 300 nuns and more than 10,000 old roads.

NO. 16 Man is a noun expressing meaning, and mean is a verb expressing people.

Interesting humor, talking about mood phrases

1, so my youth was dedicated to the lovely computer.

2. Once upon a time, there was a piece of ice that melted while walking.

3. Picking up girls is like hanging QQ. Pick her up for two hours every day, and it will soon be sunny.

4, everyone looked for him for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looked back and turned to ashes.

5. I want to find a handsome guy quickly! Otherwise, the good cabbage will be arched by pigs!

My future son, tell me where to find your father.

7. When you are happy, I will stare at you and stare at me to be happy.

8. How many people now use their mobile phones as mirrors when they lock the screen?

When my mother turned into a swan, you were still an egg. ...

10, the territory of Russia is dominated by Russia, which shows the degree of "madness" in Russia.

1 1. Brother Xiao Xin, is my cherry your home?

12, don't drag in front of me like 2.58 million, just pose and force!

13, the tiger is not arrogant, you think I am Hello Kitty!

14 and 1G are full of 2G troubles.

15, one day, my mother will appear in your household registration book, so I can't be your wife, but my stepmother.

16, take a shower, blow bubbles, and sleep with a pillow.

17, God gave you a pair of deceptive eyes, but you used them to roll your eyes and waste resources.

18, no matter where we are, we can play our cheeky spirit.

19, holding hands last summer and waving this summer.

My fault is your fault, and your fault is still your fault.

2 1. I was afraid of heights when I was a child, so I am not tall now.

22. What a lovely creature it would be if mosquitoes switched from sucking blood to sucking fat.

23. Fat man's motto is: Where you fall, you will break a hole.

24, a black charcoal said: I am very white and was dragged to a mental hospital.

25. When I am in a bad mood, I will beat you up for free.

In fact, lovelorn people are the most glorious!

27. Rich people hold a money field, and those who have no money go home and get some money to hold a money field.

28, work every year, worry every year, work overtime every day like a monkey, work overtime without pay, and get scolded for no reason every day.

29, the virus fell in love with my computer, I can only help them.

30. You are stupid, and I am more stupid. Let's be stupid together!

3 1, hey. Flat-chested girl, I imitate my dad ~ you tumor man.

32. Some people can still smell the dregs even if they wear perfume.

33. If you love, there must be adultery, and love is purely nerve.

34. Don't cry at my grave, it stains my path of reincarnation.

35. If I don't go to hell, whoever loves me will go to hell.

36. When I grow up, I want to build a school for lovers. Couples enter school, homework is halved, and exams are free.

I wonder how many girls are losing weight this summer vacation.

38. I actually want to say: popcorn! You think I want a hug.

39. I called my date and she answered.

Genius and madness are only one step away. If I were that step, there would be no genius.

4 1, the homework in those years, one person is wrong, the whole class is wrong.

42. Barbers will never understand the concept of cutting it short.

43, school uniforms, throw away; Textbooks, throw away; Throw away your schoolbag! Throw them all away!

44. To avoid excessive drinking, please stay awake when you are drunk.

Looking up at the sky at 45 and 45, I saw a gray machine.