How to Manage the Relationship between Husband and Wife —— Teacher Liu Suyun's Questions and Answers on Learning Buddhism

Question 1 1: Yesterday, you said that you wanted to be a good example for the world, a good example for Buddhist practitioners and a good example for becoming a Buddha. Now the relationship between husband and wife in society is not very good. Please talk about how to manage the relationship between husband and wife and set an example for the people all over the world. What is important in the relationship between husband and wife? What is taboo? Please ask teacher Liu to explain, thank you. A: I'm short of this and I'm not good at it. It is said that there is a popular saying on the streets of Beijing now. When I used to live in our northeast, there was a saying that we often said when we met: Have you eaten? Later, everyone said, you can't say this anytime, anywhere. For example, you were an outdoor toilet, and the person who went to the toilet came out. You want to go to the opposite side of the toilet. Did you also say that you had eaten? I can't say at this time, I just want to, too, where to score. What does it matter to you whether people eat or not? If you ask me, I'm a bit of a procrastinator. If someone asks me and I say I didn't eat, will you invite me to dinner? I can't help it, just like ordinary polite expressions. What is a popular saying on the streets of Beijing now? Are you divorced? This has become a fashion, that is, are you divorced or not? I haven't seen my classmates and colleagues for some time. The first sentence when we met was, are you divorced? It's pathetic. So I think you have the courage to get married now, young man! If I went back decades, I wouldn't get married. I learned to get married once in my life. It's true. If you have entered the marriage hall, or are about to enter this hall, you must have a sense of responsibility, be responsible for yourself and each other. However, if the relationship between husband and wife encounters some obstacles, I advise you to understand that you can't do stupid things, you can't do stupid things, you can't commit suicide, you can't have so much affection, and no one can live without anyone. That's not true. Master, will you stop? It's all fake. I love you, how much I love you in good times. The moon represents my heart. Fake, not real. When there is a new love, then the moon represents the heart and has nothing to do with you. Isn't there a Buddhist friend? She married a husband, and his ex-wife ran away with someone else, leaving her husband and son. Our fellow initiates are very friendly, so we take care of the father and son. 18 years have passed, my son has grown up, and my husband has served him well. Three people are in harmony. The ex-wife came back, regardless of her husband and son. The Buddhist friend was very sad and asked me, "Aunt Liu, what do you say?" I said, "If you ask me, I will tell you, give it back to her, her husband will give it back to her, and her son will give it back to her." She said, "So my eighteen years of hard work have not been in vain?" I said, "It's not in vain. This is your advantage. If you fight with her, you will lose the credit and Ford will lose. If you want my advice, you can give it back to her, or a complete family of three. This fellow initiate asked me, Aunt Liu, what should I do? I said, "It's rare for you to read Buddha cleanly. Someone is waiting on him, so I don't need you, do I? You can honestly read Buddha and live in pure land. How nice! So I explained to her at that time, what do I mean by husband? They said, "It's the husband!" I said, "Husband is a new term, and I'm not good at it yet." I said that the husband I explained was so far away, ten feet away, and the husband was the husband. According to the current words, it is called husband. I said that within ten feet is your husband, your husband, who wants to be ten feet away? I said, why do you care so much? I met such a Buddhist friend who came to my house and cried that her husband was having an affair outside. I check his cell phone every day. I don't know his cell phone. How can she find the secret when she checks? Because until now, I can't use my mobile phone. I don't have a cellphone. I don't know what the function of that mobile phone is. She said, "I check his cell phone every day." I said, "What do you mean by checking his cell phone?" She said, "Who do you think he called and texted? What was the content of the message?" I said, "How many times have you read Amitabha this day? They are all used on this mobile phone. " I want to sleep, steal my mobile phone and check it in another room. I said, how much sleep can you sleep this night? It's too difficult. It's really too difficult. Why do you care about so many things? Do you think you can stand it if you don't have his feelings? Let him go, okay? Which way he goes, that's what he deserves. You can persuade him, but you can't If he wants to go his own way, he will! So you didn't say anything when Master gave a lecture this morning? That searing, what is searing? The punishment of hell is that copper pillars burn red. If a man commits adultery, he thinks this pillar is a beauty, so hug it. When he hugged him, it disappeared and burned to ashes. Then when the wind blew, he came back to life and became an adult. He still looked so beautiful. Otherwise, such people have no face and no memory. As long as you hug him once, he still hugs him, so his life will be endless. If it's a woman, she thinks the pillar is handsome, and if it's a man, she will hug it. So didn't Zhang Taiyan say that? This punishment is too cruel. Can I cancel? Isn't that boy coming to carry him to work every day? He works on earth during the day and in the underworld at night. He is a secretary, trying litigation cases. So later he suggested to Yan, can you cancel this punishment? The terrifying sent two little devils to accompany him and take him to see it. When two kids took him to a place, they told him what they said. But Zhang Taiyan can't see anything. Why? You didn't inspire this. You can't see it. So who can see going to hell, going to the hungry ghost road and going to three roads? You set up this business yourself, you can see that you can't set up this business, and you can't see it if you want to. Go to hell, go to Hungry Ghost Road. Who is it? One is a bodhisattva and the other is an entrepreneur. Both kinds of people can go. You didn't build this hell industry, and you can't see hell. So everything is what you want and you made it yourself. Therefore, Master told us that this was caused by himself and had nothing to do with others. How to manage the relationship between husband and wife? I don't have any experience and I don't know how to manage. Anyway, I think we should trust each other. Now everyone is talking about AA system, and I have also learned some new terms. At first, I didn't know what AA system was. Later, I said that the husband and wife are economically independent, and the money you earn belongs to you, and the money I earn belongs to me. That is, the husband doesn't know how much money is in his wife's passbook, and the wife doesn't know in which bank the husband has opened an account or how much money he has. Spend money, such as this month's living expenses. If you spend 1000 yuan, it's called AA system in 500 yuan. When I heard that my family has always been AA, when did my family become AA? About 1997, if I remember correctly, it was 1997. Me and my wife, we are not pure AA system. My wife retired from the enterprise and her salary was relatively low. I am in the office, and my salary is relatively high. My wife is insane. Later, my girl said to me, "Mom, this is how our family's problems are solved. My dad's salary is his pocket money, and then you are responsible for the consumption of food, clothing, housing and transportation. " So my wife and I have such an AA system at home. From 1997 to now, I haven't seen my wife's salary card or salary slip, that's all. So his salary is just his pocket money, and my salary is used for daily life, so I think this is also good. Because I have a big heart, I have never taken this money seriously, and now I can't count it. If you want to give me 1000 yuan, I have to count it several times. Maybe I can count it correctly. I can't count it once or twice. Therefore, my good thing is that I am not interested in two things, one is money and the other is an official. 1998 resigned, which was quite difficult. People buy and ask for officials. I resigned and asked for help. I'm not cut out to be an official. Why? Because officials always have meetings, and I am always in the general meeting, and the general meeting is often indispensable. You have to make a statement. I have two characteristics in a meeting, one is that I can't hear the leader clearly, and the other is to sleep. Fall asleep first in the meeting. Once, I slept in any meeting, which was a raise. Before my meeting, my subordinates told me that you should remember when you take your notebook and pen, so that you can convey your spirit when you come back. If I don't let it take up space, I have to go first, so I left. I fell asleep as soon as the leader talked about raising my salary. I woke up when the meeting was over. My paper is blank. I didn't write anything down. When I came back, my people asked me, what will happen today? I said a raise. What spirit? I said, you can read it after the personnel department sends a document. They said you recorded it for us. I took a blank sheet of paper. I said I recorded it, but I didn't write a word. They were angry and said that such an important meeting was so close to us. How can you fall asleep? I said I didn't understand either. Why don't I sleep? That's it. Later, I got a raise, which was a mistake. The personnel department sent such a big note to each of us, which is your original salary. How high should you be now? You sent such a note to check for yourself. I don't understand this thing. I sat across the table with an old man, the deputy secretary of the Party Committee of our organization, so I put the bill here. The deputy secretary looked at his own and asked me after reading it: "Suyun, do you understand?" "I said," I don't watch. He said, "I knew you wouldn't read it. Let me show you. He took a look. He said, "Suyun, you are wrong. I will demote you two levels. " I said, "No way, the personnel department made a mistake, that's all." He said, "I'll look for it. What if I get it back? " I said, "Then you can take it back. "Later, he went to the personnel department to ask me. When he came back, the old man went over and said, "Why? Wrong, it is really that you are missing two levels. " I said, "I'll give you what you found on these two levels. "So I'm really not interested in money and officials. People say that if you are more flexible, you will rise again. Have you surpassed the division level? I said that all the big officials should be given to others, and I don't want to be a small official. Because of what? Some people say that you have to know how to look at the leader's face. If you express that opinion, you have to be careful about the mind of the leader. I said it was too difficult for me. I can't understand my expression. We appointed seven or eight leaders. I said you show me your face. I have to read it from the beginning. The first leader must analyze what he wants to hear. After reading one, I read two more. I said the sun has set, and I haven't finished reading seven or eight books. I'm exhausted. I told you I wouldn't do such a stupid thing. I don't look at the face of the leader. If you let me, I'll say my own opinion. If you don't let me talk, you don't owe me a mouth. That's it. So what kind of law was formed later? As soon as I was allowed to speak, I asked the leader if he was serious. The leader said that it is very serious. When I say it's true, I will say, I don't know if it's true or not. Don't come to me if you say it's false. You can find whoever you want. That's it. So I think you should be sincere first. You are honest with each other like a husband and wife. Stop sneaking around. It's not good to sneak around and hide. Everything is open and transparent, isn't it transparent? So there must be transparency between husband and wife. Now everyone is talking about privacy. There seems to be no privacy here anyway. Especially when doing bad things, don't be personal. If you are exposed, it is called confession. It suits you. If you hide it as a private matter, and you don't confess, that's what goes around comes around. Husband and wife should start from me, start from themselves, and don't always ask each other how they are; If you always ask each other how, the relationship is often prone to cracks. After a long time, won't people say anything? They told me that seven years of marriage is a running-in period. You have to run in these seven years, and the rest will be smoother. If you don't get used to it within seven years, you are probably more likely to say goodbye.