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Advantages and disadvantages of college students falling in love

Let's talk about shortcomings first:

First, the psychological characteristics of college students in love

1, with strong autonomy

On the issue of love, college students have outstanding personality, emotional impulse and are not limited by traditional customs. They generally don't ask their parents' opinions before or even after the relationship is established.

2. The motivation of love is simplified. Many college students don't consider their future marriage in love, and they don't consciously realize that they should choose a lifelong partner. They love each other only because they need to love and be loved.

3. Self-control and frustration resistance are weak.

Once in love, college students are not always good at controlling their emotions, letting them indulge at will, lacking rational control ability, relying too much on the object of love, and suffering from a little twists and turns. Once love is frustrated, it will be out of control and unable to extricate itself, which will have a serious impact on learning.

4. Immature and unstable

At present, college students' love is younger and the number is on the rise. People begin to fall in love in the first grade, which is not an isolated phenomenon. Some students even fall in love as soon as they enter school. These junior students, because of their shallow social experience and simple thoughts, many students don't have a clear concept of their life goals and needs, which leads to their simplicity, naivety and immaturity in treating love. In terms of mate selection criteria, appearance is often emphasized, while internal factors are ignored. In the way of love, the form is often emphasized, while the content is ignored. In love behavior, the process is often emphasized and the result is ignored; Value pleasure over responsibility. This kind of immaturity in love, coupled with their economic independence during school, changeable feelings and ideas in the process of love, and lack of ability to properly handle emotional entanglements in love, can easily lead to periodic interruption of love, or uncertain choice of love objects, and the success rate of love is very low.

Second, the problems of college students' love

1, unrequited love and love illusion

Secret love and illusion of love are both cognitive and emotional errors in love psychology. Unrequited love makes some students fall into a painful situation, in emptiness, trouble and even despair. Improper handling will have a negative impact on future love and marriage life. Therefore, college students who fall into unrequited love should stop as soon as possible and choose again. In order to overcome the secret love and illusion of love, it is important to correctly understand the profound meaning of love, and at the same time control emotions with reason, respect each other's choices, and not be emotional.

2. The love motive is incorrect

The motivation of some college students is not love itself, but to make up for their inner emptiness, loneliness or conformity. This kind of students seldom combine love behavior with marriage when choosing a spouse, and lack a sense of responsibility. There are also a few students who, in order to show their charm, associate with several opposite-sex students at the same time, engage in multi-angle love, and are not even sure about their relationship.

Immoral polyandry can easily lead to disputes, misfortunes and disasters, as well as contradictions and tragedies, which will eventually have adverse consequences for all parties.

3. Emotional entanglements in love

Love triangle, parents' opposition, or criticism from people around, contradictions, misunderstandings and suspicions between lovers.

4. The standard of mate selection is unrealistic, the object of choice is idealized and vanity is strong.

5, lovelorn

The sadness, pain, despair, melancholy, anxiety, nothingness and other emotions brought by lovelorn make the parties very hurt. It is one of the most serious psychological setbacks in life. If the negative emotions caused by lovelorn love are not resolved in time, it will lead to physical and mental diseases.

So what can we do to achieve our goal?

Have a correct view of love and behavior habits;

(1) Advocate like-minded love.

The most important conditions in lovers' choice should be like-minded, and their ideological and moral qualities, professional ideals and interests in life are basically the same. It should be an organic combination of ideal, morality, obligation, career and sex.

In general, the development of heterosexual feelings is along the clue of acquaintance-friend-good friend-confidant-lover. When a man becomes an irreplaceable role in a girl's heart, love may come. In the process of sharing weal and woe and growing together, love will come into being and develop.

(2) Correcting the relationship between love and career.

College students should put their career first, handle the relationship between love and career well, and can't spend all their precious time on love and relax their study. Because learning is the main pillar of college students' values. When women's universities regard love as the only thing in life, love is a flower in a greenhouse, delicate and beautiful but can't stand any blow. When love becomes a woman's only existence value, she will lose her independence and charm, and it is easy to lose the reason to be loved.

(3) Knowing that love is a kind of mutual understanding, mutual trust, responsibility and dedication.

Mutual understanding is to create a relaxed and happy atmosphere for individuals and each other, and no one pursues love just to be bound; Mutual trust is a sign of self-confidence. If you don't want to believe that you are worthy of others' love, will others love him wholeheartedly? Responsibility and dedication mean personal moral cultivation, which is the basis of obtaining lofty love.

2. Develop healthy love behavior.

(1) Love words should be elegant and beautiful. Talk sincerely, frankly and naturally, and don't put on airs and show yourself affectedly; Don't be rude, abusive or rude; Get to know each other and don't ask each other endlessly, which will damage each other's self-esteem. Otherwise, it will only disgust them and hurt their feelings.

(2) Love behavior should be generous. Generally speaking, when men and women fall in love for the first time, they often feel shy and nervous at first, and with the increase of communication, they will gradually become natural and generous. Pay attention to the behavior in this period. Some people are impulsive and make intimate moves too early, which makes the other party disgusted and affects the normal development of their feelings.

(3) Intimate movements should be elegant and avoid vulgarization. Elegant intimate action exerts the pleasure and psychological effect of love, while vulgar intimate action often causes the negative psychological effect of emotional separation, which is detrimental to the purity and dignity of love, the image of college students and a bad psychological stimulus to others.

(4) Treat each other as equals and respect each other. Don't compare each other's shortcomings with your own advantages, so as to show off and raise yourself and tease and belittle each other. It is also inappropriate to try to test each other or put on airs, which may dampen each other's self-esteem and affect their feelings.

(5) Be good at controlling emotions and acting rationally. On the one hand, we should pay attention to restrain and adjust the sexual impulse caused by love, on the other hand, we should pay attention to transfer and sublimation, participate in various entertainment activities, talk more about study and work with lovers, limit love behavior within social norms, and make love develop along a healthy road.

3. Cultivate the ability and responsibility of love.

(1) The ability to meet love. Including the ability to give love and the ability to receive love. There is love in your heart. After rational analysis, you should dare to express it and be good at expressing it. This is a kind of love ability. People who have no love are selfish people. In the face of others' love, one can judge love in time and accurately, and make the choice of accepting, rejecting or re-observing, which is also a kind of love ability. People who lack this ability either act in a hurry or are not sure. If college students want to have the ability to meet love, they must know what love is, have a healthy view of love, and know what they like, need and suit. You should be sensitive and enthusiastic about yourself, others and everything, and you should take the initiative to care for and love others. When others express their love to you, you can timely and accurately judge the information of love and make a choice calmly. Can bear the psychological troubles caused by refusing to woo or refusing to woo.

(2) the ability to refuse love. Love that you don't want or deserve should have the courage to refuse. When rejecting love, we should pay attention to two aspects: first, when unwanted love comes, we should say "no" decisively and bravely, because love can't be forced and will. If you are indecisive or give in to each other's pursuit, it will be detrimental to the development of both sides. Second, we must master the appropriate way of refusal. Although everyone has the right to refuse love, cherishing every sincere feeling is a kind of respect for others, a kind of self-esteem and a test of one's moral sentiments. It is very inappropriate to treat each other's feelings and self-esteem simply and rashly without considering each other's feelings, and even add harsh words.

(3) Develop the ability of love and cultivate the responsibility of love. Makarenko, a famous educator in the former Soviet Union, said: "The power of love can only exist in the non-sexual quality of human beings. The wider the scope of his non-sex, the nobler his sex life will be. " The ability to develop love is not necessarily specific to the love of a certain opposite sex, but can be a broader love. Our relatives, classmates, friends, motherland and people all deserve our love. Cultivating the ability of love is to cultivate the character of selfless dedication, cultivate the ability to deal with contradictions, effectively resolve and eliminate contradictions and disputes in love and family life, and be responsible for the lover and society, thus creating a happy marriage.

4. Improve the endurance of love setbacks.

The love of college students is restricted by many factors, so it is inevitable that they will encounter various twists and turns in the process of pursuing love. Mentioned unrequited love, love illusion, lovelorn and other psychological setbacks in love are all tests of college students' psychological endurance. If you have a strong tolerance, you can better cope with setbacks, otherwise it may have adverse consequences. Therefore, it is very important to improve the endurance of love frustration for college students' mental health.

When love is frustrated, control your feelings with reason. By strengthening rational consciousness, analyzing reasons, summing up experiences and lessons, we can find ways to solve problems, confirm and realize our own values in new pursuits, and thus improve our psychological endurance and ideological level.

Through proper emotional adjustment, catharsis and transfer, the pain can be alleviated.

People's coping style of lovelorn reflects a person's psychological maturity level and love view. A person can rationally extricate himself from lovelorn love, which often makes him mature.