Dad's talk about awakening

First, I remember there was a sports meeting in primary school, but I came last and got 50 yuan. I went home and told my mother that I ran the first prize of 50 yuan. As a result, my mother didn't believe me and took me to the class teacher. The head teacher not only said that I came last, but also said that she lost 50 yuan. .

Me: Xiaoming, how did you feel when you kissed a girl for the first time? Xiaoming: I blushed and burned all day ~ Me: Xiaoming, you are so funny. Do you still know how embarrassed you are? After a long time, Xiao Ming came over and said: Her husband hit a dozen big face twice!

My family is a democratic family. Since my son entered a small class, he has cried every morning, refused to eat breakfast and refused to go to school. Grandma always persuades him earnestly. Grandpa sat helplessly reading the newspaper, and mother quickly cleaned it up. I am winking at my son. Recently, the whole family had a meeting and felt that this was not the way. The final result is: fight!

My girlfriend asked me, "If we break up, will you hate me?" I said no, and she immediately slapped me: "You really want to break up. You should answer that I never wanted to break up with you. " I cried and nodded. .

My friend took a deep breath of his cigarette and told me thoughtfully that he would quit smoking after smoking this cigarette. . . (My friend has been smoking for five years), I don't believe it. Later I found out that he really started to borrow cigarettes. . . . I didn't buy any more.

6. Question "Why do socks fall off one by one?" It has been bothering me for many years, and today I finally know: I don't know anything without two socks. . .

7. My cousin's boyfriend was robbed by his colleague's fiancee. Cousin found a colleague and said: Your fiancee kidnapped my boyfriend, and you accompany me as a boyfriend. Her colleague scratched his head and said helplessly, Why don't you give it back to me ... Yesterday, their son held a full moon wine ...

Chatting with my buddy ... My buddy looked at me and suddenly said, Brother, I suggest my sister-in-law change careers ... Me: Well done, what should I do? He: Let's raise pigs. Raising pigs can definitely make a lot of money ... Me: What do you say? He smiled contemptuously: Good trick! Listen, if I feed you fatter than a pig, I'm afraid I can't feed a fat pig. How expensive pork is now ... er ... rabbit.

Nine, the last time I took a bus behind a sister, the bus braked and my center of gravity was unstable and I hit my sister. My sister's backhand is a slap. I touched my face and stood silently in front of my sister. Sure enough, it didn't take long for the car to hit me again, so I slapped him decisively. The people in the car came with admiring eyes, hiding their achievements and fame!

It is said that bungee jumping is very exciting. I went bungee jumping with my wife today. Unexpectedly, she regretted it when she got on the high platform and didn't want to jump. I was angry: "I have spent all my money. How can I not jump?" Then I pushed her down, and then I looked at the rope in the hand of the security officer next to me and asked, "What is this for?"

Eleven, today's physical examination took blood, and it was my turn for a long time. The nurse sister looked at my right arm and couldn't find blood vessels. She also said that eldest brother didn't exercise much at ordinary times. . . I changed my left arm. Sister nurse came over and said, hey, big brother used to like to use his left hand!

Twelve, a young man on the bus saw a beautiful woman with a low collar, and the spring scenery leaked out. She joked that this is really a place where a hundred flowers blossom. Hearing this, the beauty lifted her skirt and said,' There is still room for you to have children and support you!

My roommate used my washing powder without my permission. This kind of person is really boring. He promised to help me wash clothes, so he couldn't do it well and buy his own washing powder?

14. Next to the university selling clothes, a female college student timidly asked, "Sister, can I discuss something with you?" I bought a dozen boxes of oranges the other day and sold a lot. Can you sell them here? "I decisively refused:" No, no "Girl:" Sister, all my money is on the goods, and I have no money to eat. It is said that women with big breasts are the kindest, so I chose yours in so many stores ~ "Forget it, I am just soft-hearted.

15. Be sure to put a key in your pocket when you go out to do business in the future, so when you want to leave, you can just say, "Sorry, I have the key, you go first ~"

Sixteen years old, just on the bus, I sat next to a little girl. I watched her eat three packs of spicy strips. The whole car smells of spicy strips. I felt that she was particularly rude and didn't ask me if I had eaten all the way.

17. Stir-fry at noon. Chop the dried red pepper in the last course. I didn't wash my hands after cooking, and I have an urgent need to urinate. Take it out and pee. You can't feel the spicy feeling.

The goddess asked me why I kissed her secretly. I said you let me kiss. When did I let you kiss? Don't you always call me "pro" when you chat with me? I will grant your wish today.

Nineteen, when I was in high school, the classmate next door did a wonderful thing. There is a teacher in their class who teaches badly. He raised his hand: "Teacher, I'm going to make a phone call ..." ~ "What should I call in class?" The teacher said unhappily. "I want to call the police! Someone here is cheating money on the podium! ~ the whole class laughed wildly, and the teacher was so angry that he couldn't speak ~

Last night, I took a shower and got a change of underwear. Come back from the shower, call your girlfriend and wash your underwear. While chatting happily, I looked at the underwear in the basin and suddenly realized that I was still wearing the dirty one and washed the clean one.