Grandma living in the crevice of history: hard, but trying to live in the sun.

Sometimes, people's fate is a passive choice. Once crushed by the wheel of history, they can only survive in the cracks. However, in line with the unwillingness in my heart, even in the cracks, we must strive to live in the sun.

The grandmother in this article is her husband's grandmother. She was born in 1928, died on a cold winter night in 20 17, and lived for nearly a century.

Her life is a microcosm of history, and she has been displaced with the changes of the times. Finally, all the drift from place to place, from the river to the sea, is calm.

She left quietly like this, as if life had come to an end naturally.

Perhaps, the final peace is a gift from God to grandma to compensate her for this hard but hard life.

Before marrying her husband's grandfather, grandma was also the "daughter" of a famous landlord in their village, just like grandpa's family.

At that time, my husband, the old lady and the old lady laid a very thick family business. It is said that most of the village was their property at that time.

1949, my grandmother married my grandfather and gave birth to a son the next year, that is, my father-in-law. I thought happy days were waiting for my grandmother, but I didn't expect the wheel of the times to roll out and stop.

Not long after, the land and property of the old lady's house were confiscated and the old lady's house was labeled. At that time, once it was labeled, it was a lifetime thing.

My husband's grandfather suddenly changed from a former "rich boy" to a "street mouse" that everyone shouted. He couldn't stand the supercilious look and contempt of his neighbors and the huge psychological gap, so he left the village to make a living elsewhere. Once you leave, you will often come back for a long time.

Grandma lives in the village with her young father-in-law and old lady. However, it seems that the harder it is, the worse the old lady's situation will be.

Isolation and abuse from neighbors and repression from the whole environment make the proud old lady depressed day by day. Until one day, the old lady couldn't bear this depression and ended her life with a white silk.

At that time, it was 1959, and my father-in-law had just turned 9.

At that time, grandma took her young son and had no money to buy a coffin at home, so she buried the old lady with a straw mat.

Grandpa, my husband, has rarely come back since he went out to make a living. This family, for him, has long existed in name only.

He later heard that his father hanged himself and sent 50 yuan home, but the 50 yuan failed to reach the orphans and widows and was intercepted by the village.

I also heard that at that time, he had already had another woman in other places.

The death of the old lady, the betrayal and abandonment of her husband and grandfather, and the burden of life fell on her shoulders.

She was originally a weak and good girl. She thought she had found a destination for the rest of her life, but she was helpless. Life played a big joke on her.

After three years of famine, grandma and her young father-in-law lived extremely hard, and they were really lucky to survive.

Several times, women are starving to death. Fortunately, one or two enthusiastic neighbors really sympathize with their orphans and widows and help them at a critical moment.

My father-in-law told me that he remembered that sweet potato leaves were the most eaten at that time. When there are no sweet potato leaves to eat, he goes to the fields to dig bark and weeds. Besides being hungry, the worst thing is being bullied by others. Children often throw things at him, play tricks on him and shout ugly words.

The labels on them completely isolated them.

Because of this, grandma didn't remarry. For living in her, there is no extra taste to taste, as long as the children are brought up.

During the ten-year turmoil, grandma and her father-in-law naturally could not escape the trial of "fate".

The old man in the village said that once grandma stood among a group of people with a white towel wrapped in her head, and a person in charge of slapping stood in front of her. You can't drop the towel, or you will continue to fight.

I don't know how many times I was beaten. Finally, grandma covered her red and swollen face, her mouth was bleeding and she left in tears.

It is estimated that the tears have dried up, because at that time, the most useless thing was tears.

Others discriminate against her with colored glasses, and she has no time to take care of it; She has no time to think about others pointing and cursing behind her back. The only reason she is alive is to raise her son and let the old man inherit her.

During this period, my husband's grandfather came back once and heard that he had a gun, but he left soon.

About 1976, my hometown was flooded once, and my grandmother's mud house fell down. It rained heavily again, and it kept going underground, so they had no place to live, so they temporarily set up a hut to take refuge.

I don't know how long it has been raining. My father-in-law only said that they were hungry and cold at that time, because there was water leaking around the hut.

Later, when the rain subsided, NianLia had no fixed place to live. When the weather is good, live in a straw shed; When it is windy and rainy, we will move to the commune canteen to make do. The floor is their bed.

At that time, my father-in-law was already an adult boy in his twenties and became the pillar of the family. He worked hard, trying to change his predicament with his own hands and give his hard-working mother and himself a stable home.

In this way, I was displaced for several years and relied on others for several years. In the 1980s, grandma and her father-in-law finally built three brick houses with their savings and had a decent home.

When my father-in-law is old, getting married and having children has become the first major event. Although the environment was better at that time, no one in the village was willing to be his matchmaker because of composition and economic problems.

"There are more bachelors in our village!" People in the village often say my father-in-law behind my back.

Grandma is naturally very anxious. A child who has been brought up with great difficulty cannot be allowed to marry a wife. How can the family's old incense continue?

I asked this relative for help and let that relative worry. Finally, I found that my grandmother's aunt had a daughter who was five years younger than her father-in-law. Because of composition problems, I couldn't find her husband's family. With grandma's efforts, my father-in-law finally married his wife.

1983, my 33-year-old father-in-law married my 28-year-old mother-in-law, and gave birth to my sister the following year and my husband two years later.

That year, grandma was 55 years old and she endured it all her life. She finally saw her son get married. How happy she should be!

If there had been a photo of Zhang Zhengui at that time, I really wanted to see my grandmother's expression and feel her feelings and thoughts at that time.

When my father-in-law got married, she took her mother-in-law to see her husband and grandfather once, because both of them wanted to meet their parents. Although my husband and grandpa don't come back, there are occasional letters and contacts between them.

I guess, at that time, my father-in-law went all the way to see his father. Is his resentment greater than his love, or has he forgiven him?

With the company of granddaughters and grandsons, once orphans and widows finally realized the excitement and warmth of home.

When my husband was a child, he was naughty, skinny and couldn't eat well. Grandma often eats after his ass.

It's time for dinner. Grandma shouted her husband's real name in the yard and called him back for dinner. Shouts can be heard throughout the stockade.

At that time, the communication tools were all "big speakers" with high decibels. Especially at the meal, a "baby name contest" will be staged one after another!

Perhaps because of overwork when she was young, grandma began to hunch over in her sixties and went from bad to worse. When I was a child, my grandmother was also a famous tall girl in the village, but she couldn't resist the relentless waste of time.

By 20 13, I married my husband's family. When I first met my grandmother, I was frightened by her bending range of nearly 160 degrees. She can only see the ground, and it takes a lot of effort to look up at people.

May be felt a mutual appreciation of the fate of the same body, mother-in-law and father-in-law relationship has always been very good. The biggest problem is that both of them feel inferior and pessimistic. This is related to their loveless family background and their living environment in the village.

Married, still bullied and despised by neighbors. Neighbors wanted to maliciously occupy my father-in-law's land, and the two families quarreled and my father-in-law was beaten.

My husband witnessed how a poor and weak family was bullied by its neighbors, how to submit to humiliation and how to tolerate perfection. His heart gradually became inferior and lonely. Until now, so has he.

Later, both husband and mother-in-law borrowed money to go to college, and they walked out of the village that had been suppressed for more than ten years. Grandma has been following her parents-in-law in her hometown, but when she is old, her waist is getting more and more bent and her words are getting less and less.

In 2007, my husband just graduated from college, and my father-in-law got a cerebral infarction because of years of overwork, and suddenly fell into a coma. I stayed in the hospital for nearly 2 months before I went home to recover. However, since then, he has been disabled, half of his body is weak and he can't walk steadily. He can hardly take care of himself, but he can't work any more.

The burden of family fell on another woman-mother-in-law. Grandma has finished her mission and retired.

20 13 When I married my husband, my mother-in-law took my hand and said, "Our family is in a bad condition and can't help you. You will have a heavy burden in the future. " At that time, I was interested in my husband's personality and ambition, not his family.

20 14 after we got Dabao, my mother-in-law followed us to live in other places, and my grandmother and father-in-law stayed at home. My father-in-law can only cook simple meals, but fortunately, my grandmother is never picky about food and has never been sick. She has an excellent appetite, a meal, a steamed bun, a bowl of rice soup and an egg. She won't even get bored.

My husband and I are also very guilty. It's really helpless to leave my parents-in-law at home and let them live alone. Who doesn't want to be filial? But life does not give us a choice.

Only when you have a holiday will you have time to go back for a while.

Although every time my mother-in-law told me on the phone, don't make the house like a garbage dump, my father-in-law always replied with a smile. But every time I go back, it's still a mess and stinks.

My father-in-law has been served by her mother-in-law since she became ill, and she is used to being passive.

My sister-in-law occasionally goes back to her hometown for a few days, and it is very uncomfortable to see two old people living such a "sloppy" life. I discussed with my sister that at least it would be cleaner to send my grandmother to the nursing home in the county. We'll pay.

Sister-in-law went to a nearby nursing home to find out about the situation, and felt good, so she took her grandmother. Before taking the bus, my sister told my grandmother about the situation. Grandma was not very confused at that time, but she also understood a little.

Who knows, at the entrance of the nursing home, grandma never got off the bus and kept saying, "I want to go home!" " I want to go home! "

The old woman was so distressed that her tears fell, and she pulled her grandmother back. My mother-in-law, who is far away from home, and I listened to her description, and tears suddenly fell out.

Confused grandma is not confused at all. She would rather die untidy at home than leave the place that hurt her all her life.

Grandma is sometimes confused, but sometimes she is sober.

At the age of 87, she always remembered Dabao and said, "This is the son of Holly (my husband's real name)".

Dabao was very naughty when he was more than 2 years old. He often teased his grandmother's headscarf. Grandma cherishes her headscarf the most and fights with Dabao. There were several fights between them, and grandma pushed Dabao to the ground. Dabao was in tears.

Mother-in-law said grandma: "why did you fight with a child?" So ignorant? "

Watching an "old child" fight with a 2-year-old child makes me feel that "watching the excitement is not too big". I don't know why, but I'm happy for my grandmother.

If grandma can express it clearly, she will say with satisfaction, "I succeeded, met my great-grandson and had a fight with him."

In 20 17, my mother-in-law had a sudden cerebral infarction and had to go home to recuperate. I quit my job and raised two children by myself. At that time, Dabao was three and a half years old, and Bao Xiao 1 year and a half.

When I walked around the house around the children, I had a feeling of deja vu:

I seem to have received the baton from my mother-in-law, and the burden of life has shifted to another woman's shoulder-that is me.

My mother-in-law also retired.

Is this a female family inheritance?

My mother-in-law has been recuperating at home for more than a year, but my grandmother is even more confused. She often has incontinence, often urinating and pulling indoors.

She doesn't know anyone at all. Sometimes she scolds her mother-in-law, sometimes her father-in-law, and sometimes she suddenly curses in the middle of the night, but she just can't hear anyone.

Grandma often takes scissors, cuts her own clothes and quilts, throws things at home, and sometimes throws them outside.

Although she can't walk, she can walk very slowly. She always takes a small stool and sits wherever she goes. Several times, she actually pulled out the vegetables in her neighbor's garden, so her mother-in-law had to apologize to others.

Her old man doesn't change clothes, but her mother-in-law changes her clean clothes. She threw them all away and sometimes cut them on purpose.

Her old man's waist is bent, and she can't lie down and sleep at all. She sits and sleeps every night, even in winter.

Give her an extra quilt in winter, and she will take it out and throw it on the ground. In such a cold day, I only sleep on a thin mat. Strangely, grandma has never been sick or even caught a cold. In recent years, my grandmother hasn't taken any medicine once.

Perhaps, this is God's blessing to the poor old man, so that she will suffer less from medicine stone in her later years. After all, she suffered too much when she was young.

When we got home, she didn't know me and once asked, "Who are you?" But she knows her husband and her two great-grandchildren and often says, "These are Holly's two sons."

My mother-in-law has not fully recovered. When she is impatient, she always complains, "If I get old and become like her, I might as well die."

My mother-in-law is also filial. Although I have complaints in my heart, I have never treated my grandmother badly in my actions.

In the winter of 20 17, my mother-in-law called and said that grandma had not eaten much in recent days, fearing that she might not survive this winter. Let my mother-in-law see grandma. Mother-in-law said grandma didn't look ill because she didn't have any disease. She just sat quietly on the bed.

We thought grandma's condition would gradually improve, because every winter, we are worried about such things.

But that winter, on a quiet night, grandma's life really came to an end and she left.

Fortunately, I will take some family photos every time I go back to my hometown. Sometimes my sister-in-law also goes back for reunion, so I specially take some photos. If nothing else, just to keep grandma's voice and smile, don't let her old man's house be forgotten so soon.

On the household registration book at home, grandma's page reads: Liu Yu. I asked everyone in my family, and no one knew grandma's real name. Grandma's old people died one by one.

Tell me more about my husband's grandfather.

In 2000, my husband went back once in the third grade. In 2003, my husband was admitted to the university, and he also went back once. I heard that I gave my husband a red envelope from school. However, my husband can't remember my grandmother's attitude at that time.

That year, the last time the two old people met, they were both 75 years old.

Then, the old man is estimated to be old, not far away, and never came back.

In her husband's eyes, his grandfather is a real heartbreaker and he really hates him. If it weren't for his wrong choice, grandma and her father-in-law wouldn't have had such a miserable life in their early years.

He has his own home and adopted a daughter. My sister will visit him once in a while and tell him about his descendants.

Once, my aunt dialed my video, and the other end of the video was my husband's grandfather. He is white-haired, but energetic, unlike his grandmother at all, bent over by years.

On that occasion, my sister-in-law went back to her mother's house first, and then took her father-in-law to find him. My father-in-law asked me to go. He said: "I am getting older and older, and I can't walk. Let's go and see him while I still have time. "

According to the truth, the father-in-law hates him the most, and now he is the most assured.

My husband and grandpa opened the video to see his two great-grandchildren, which was the only time.

In grandma's most confused year, her husband and grandfather had the idea of returning to their roots.

As a result, of course, no one agreed, because my mother-in-law no longer has the energy to serve another old man, let alone a person who made a big mistake in her family.

After grandma died, I wonder if my sister told him. But even if I know, it doesn't make any sense. After all, grandma's death had no effect on him.

Now, it has been two and a half years since my grandmother died, and my husband and grandfather are still alive. He is 92 years old this year.

I often think, at the moment before grandma died, will he be the person I want to see most?

If he hadn't fled this home, would grandma's life fate have been rewritten?

If he goes home again and again and makes up his mind not to leave, will my father-in-law have a more loving childhood?

If he was like a real man, guarding the small family that was black and blue, then now he should really enjoy family happiness.

In 90 years of life, I have tasted the ups and downs, tasted the love, hate and regret, and washed away the lead. Only these thousands of words fell on the paper.

I would like to give this document to my grandmother, a woman who lived a miserable life and lived in the cracks of history. She works hard, but she works hard to live in the sun!

Attached is a little poem written by my husband to grandma:

This is a rich woman who used to embroider shoes.

Marry a well-connected family in a neighboring village.

But the world is cold and the family is unfortunate, forcing people to score three points.

My family was scattered, leaving me alone to be bullied.

I used to have no fixed place and lived under the wall.

I didn't eat before, but I was saved.

Despite all the hardships, I am not seriously ill, taking care of my children and helping them get married.

Children have children, four generations live under one roof.

Eighty years old and nine years old, the end of life.