What should I do if I have a conflict with the elderly on the issue of children?

Many families have experienced the contradiction between parents and grandparents taking care of their children. And it is easy for children to like grandparents.

When my grandmother came to America to take care of the children, my mother was basically a decoration, and the children clearly knew who loved him more. Sing "Only Grandma is Good in the World" every day. Why are grandparents so loving?

Dr. Leon F. Seltzer, a doctor of clinical psychology, specifically talked about why grandparents are inconsistent with their parents' discipline and parents' education of their children (parents) when they treat their grandchildren in "Four Key Causes of Behavior Differences between Grandmothers and Grandchildren".

Some people may think, isn't this China's problem? Why does the United States also study this? I will write an article in the future, focusing on the significance of grandparents to grandchildren. That is a topic related to human evolution.

Get to the point, four reasons are:

(1) The older you get, the softer you get (the older you get, the more alcohol you get. ) Many things don't matter when you are old. What you didn't like before doesn't matter when you get old. Therefore, if it is not good for children, it is connivance and doting.

Let me give you an example. My grandmother often says, "He is too young to know anything" and accepts all the mistakes made by children.

(2) Taking care of children is definitely a chore (the chore of parenting is indisputable). It is illegal to discipline children. Grandparents should not be unhappy and let their children suffer, cry and make trouble.

Let me give you an example. My grandmother, in order to save trouble, often takes her children to watch TV and watch ipad. It can be said that it has everything.

(3) Grandparents strive for close relationship with their children, but they can only get the second place. (Grandmothers work hard (after all, they are only the second child)) So in order to please their children, the elderly will do a lot of "foul" and "cross the border" things, that is, the rules set by their parents, and the elderly will not abide by them.

Let me give you an example: Have you ever heard Xiong Haizi go home and complain to his parents, "Grandma says yes, why can't you?" "If you don't buy it for me, I'll find my grandmother."

(4) Strive for a second chance. When many old people see their grandchildren, they will reflect on what their children looked like when they were young. How do you take care of your children? Some will also reflect on what they did wrong at the beginning and don't want this kind of mistake to happen to children again. So they are more patient, more devoted and, to some extent, smarter.

Let me give you an example. Have you ever heard your old man say, "This is just like when you were a child"? Have you heard from the old man? For example, it is smart to eat eggs, and for example, you should wear socks, and you can't let your child freeze his feet. ......

2

These four articles cover and explain the "psychological and external performance" of almost all grandparents. We should understand and realize their desire for their beloved son. What if there is a contradiction? What if I don't like it?

There is such a story:

There is a comedy program in America, which is broadcast every Saturday night. The name of this program is "Saturday Night". This column can be said to be enduring. Their team is very successful. But this team is full of contradictions. For example, some people are impatient when waiting for others, so they just say I'm leaving first; When everyone brainstorms, an authority makes a suggestion, and a newcomer dares to give it; Some people don't even like someone's point of view, or some jokes at work ... well, speaking of which, do you have any questions, why do such teams still have ratings and what do leaders do?

The truth may surprise you. The leader of this team has never suppressed anyone. He let everyone be himself, let them express their opinions and let them do what they think is right. Therefore, players can be dissatisfied with each other, or they can seem to go their own way, but they all have to serve the column and take the prosperity of the team as the highest interest. After all, the audience's own tastes are varied, and the reason for their survival is the audience's recognition.

Speaking of which, I wonder if anyone understands my intention. Yes, parents and grandparents form a parenting team. Children are that column and the audience is this society.

So where did the team win? Psychological safety! All you have to do is be yourself. Even the pillar is the pillar itself.

Team members can disagree or dislike, but they all have to serve one goal, make the column red, let the children grow up and get social recognition.

Parents have parents' views, grandparents have grandparents' ways of doing things, and children have their growth needs. These can all be discussed. The most important thing is that no matter what happens, I accept that you are you, which is unnecessary and not conducive to the growth of children.

3.

That's all. Let's talk about how to do it.

As a team, we can sit down and make some rules to restrain children and each other's behavior according to their growth. Once confirmed, the player must abide by it.

For example, don't give inconsistent education in front of children, don't make verbal attacks on each other ... When children sleep and get up, do things by themselves, and don't speak loudly in public, criticizing when to teach something ... Should I write them down?

I think it is necessary to ensure collective approval and collective voting.

The flowers in the greenhouse can't stand the wind, frost and rain. Everyone's road is his own. No matter how hard the family tries to pave the way, there will be choices and setbacks in his life, which no one can replace. Society will change, and so will the standards of success.

The child can be recognized by the society, not by what famous school he has been admitted to, but by whether he can make himself meaningful to others and feel the joy of life. The sooner you train yourself to solve problems, the better, and the sooner you understand the truth of being a man, the better. ...

For example, children should be trained to be responsible for the results of their actions and decisions from an early age, so that children can understand their influence and significance on others. For the growth of children, family members should be sure in time. Moreover, we should supervise each other and try to avoid "doting" behavior.

Children belong to this family from birth, and the contact with grandparents and parents should be frequent, complementary and irreplaceable. Defining everyone's responsibilities helps children understand what to look for and who to look for. From the team's point of view, it will be very efficient and avoid unnecessary contradictions and misunderstandings.

For example, who picks up children from school, who leads them to participate in activities, how to allocate weekend time, and how to do housework. ......

There will always be contradictions in the team, and it is not uncommon to rely on the old to sell the old. Even if communication may be difficult, communicate in time. Whether the old people can accept it depends mainly on the attitude and reasons of communication. Many old people are very clever and wise. Even if you don't answer on the surface, you will consider your child's opinion. After all, everyone's goal is the same, and everyone wants their children to grow up happily and healthily.

If watching TV for a long time is not good for children's health, then parents and grandparents can't do it; If it is too late at night and eating is not good for your health, then don't eat; If a child makes a mistake, and the mistake is not knocking over milk, but stealing, then the mistake about personal quality will have a bad influence on society, which is unforgivable. ......

This is also a risk management and response measure, which can be written into rules. It's just hard to predict what children will be like when they grow up.

4.

I've heard that there is a study that children brought up by grandparents lag behind their peers in growth and development, because in general, grandparents are too "safe" and there are many things that children are not allowed to do. However, some studies believe that children brought up by grandparents have high emotional intelligence and are more likely to adapt to society.

In fact, parents born after 1980s and 1990s are still eager to learn after becoming grandparents. For example, my parents often see good articles on WeChat and forward them to me. It keeps pace with the times.

Only when parents and grandparents work together to serve the team and let the children adapt to the needs of society and their own growth can they maintain their own opinions and not amplify the contradictions between them.

In this process, children also learned rules, self-cultivation, responsibility, decision-making, filial piety and communication. ......

Every family has its own specific situation, and this article is just a brick to attract jade.

Still an old saying goes, home is everything, and home is the team!