Funny quotes that make you laugh out loud

1. I want to make those who love me proud, those who abandon me regretful, those who hate me unhappy, and those who laugh at me dumbfounded

2. Dear Yes, it was your flirtatiousness that made me learn to give up. 3. Just because my sister is silent doesn’t mean I don’t care, and my sister’s speech doesn’t mean I have to care. 4. As long as I am willing to work hard, what can I do? I can learn all kinds of things

5. My heart is a tomb, and those who are afraid of death cannot be the protagonist

6. We must be like the sun, so proud

7. I am who I am, I don’t feel comfortable standing aside

8. If my love hurts you, then I will give up

9. 1. When I talk to you, I will laugh like an idiot

10. Don’t use my tolerance as your shameless capital

11. There is no reason why anyone owes anyone, nor There is no saying that no one can live without the other

12. If you betray me, I will be violent to you

13. Those who are barefoot are not afraid of those who wear shoes. Do you think I will be afraid of you

14. Don’t say goodbye, we will meet again forever

15. The oath is just a momentary slip of the tongue

16. If you are happy, just laugh, if you are not happy, just wait for a while. Laugh

17. Beauties are everywhere, and wives are irreplaceable

18. Every month, there are always 30 days when I don’t want to go to work

19. Don’t When it comes to running away, this is the tune that my sister sings

20. Facing gangsters, I am a scholar; facing scholars, I am a gangster

21. Sleeping is nothing, you have the ability Don't wake up

22. I do have a conscience, but it's usually kept in a safe

23. The so-called "fighting" is the scene where the mistress and the real one are challenging each other. Very harmonious

24. Your indifferent attitude and complete denial of my decision. Leaving now is my only choice

25. Time travel is a comedy, and deep love is a tragedy; Qingchuan is infinitely good, but almost perfect

26. The posture is still cool even if you hit a big tree on a bicycle

27. The end of get out of class bell as an alarm clock is actually the most effective way to wake up

28. For the sake of the next generation of the motherland, no matter how ugly they are, they must fall in love and talk about the world being full of love

29. When friends hang out outside, they should have a strong heart

30 , People are tired when they live, otherwise how can they be called human beings

31. Your love is too cheap, I will not participate in activities like buy one, get one free

32. You may not know, when When you cry, my tears also overflow

33. If you want to test me, then prepare your patience

34. If you don’t like me, you can Choose suicide, or you can choose to pretend to be blind

35. Please stay away from me with sadness, I don’t want to be infected by you

36. Looking up to the future with a proud attitude, my world also has Happiness

37. There is only one me in the world, and no one can replace it

38. I am not great enough to wait until you get tired of her to love me

39. Don’t be obsessed with sister, she is just your legend

40. Don’t wait until I leave before you can taste what true love is

41. I am not your shadow , I can’t be inseparable from you

42. Don’t use your self-righteous life rules to control my life

43. I never suffer, because people who can make me suffer , I have returned it tenfold

44. In this dream-like life, I have suffered from insomnia and can no longer sleep

45. What’s so great about making friends? If you have the ability, Wear a pair of pants

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46. Is it that difficult for me to just say "I love you" after so many vows of eachother?

47. When I get rich, I will show off my wealth and let you, the pretentious one, Rich people watch

48. I can’t see the future, but I never stop

49. As long as you have a strong heart, nothing in the world can knock you down

50. Don’t show off to your brother, show off to others. Show off your abdominal muscles with funny sentences

1. I have a heavy mouth, so I plan to give up Coca-Cola and drink Keke instead. syrup.

2. What are you doing, Lao Meng? Don’t you know I’m busy?

3. If your wife and your lover fall into the water at the same time, will you look for her again? A plump one or a petite one? Also look for someone who can’t swim.

4. No news can be believed until it is officially denied.

5. I’m going to get a haircut, but I’m shaking my bangs so much that my neck feels crooked.

6. I once believed that I could turn my life into a joke, but now I just hope that my life will not turn into a case.

7. Women from good families are also women.

8. Listen to your words and hang yourself on the southeast branch.

9. My greatest skill is to use cheap things to produce expensive effects. Such as camera, microphone, yourself.

10. I am so busy that I don’t even know what to do.

11. The chicken’s resistance is to make its own meat unpalatable.

12. I am not a misanthrope, but I look down upon many despicable behaviors.

13. I have always scorned all pseudo-hooliganism. It’s not like you don’t know that.

14. I saw a car on the road, and there were six words posted on the back of the car: If you are in a hurry, fly over.

15. Kindness means not complaining when I eat meat when others are hungry.

16. It is not a tragedy that Durex goes bankrupt; it is a tragedy that Durex goes bankrupt.

17. The difference between leaders and us is that they walk on the red carpet, while we walk on the zebra crossing.

18. Money is a good medicine, with blatant effects.

19. When cooking, a crab pushes out the lid of the pot and says to you: I am hot! The answer is: If you want to be red, just bear with it

20. Hello, aunt, I He's your son's boyfriend.

21. Problems that can be solved with money are not problems, but the problem is that I am poor.

22. A gentleman pretends to be dead to be a confidant, and a woman undergoes plastic surgery to please someone.

23. A tailor who doesn’t want to be a cook is not a good driver.

24. Lao Tzu can help you solve problems that Confucius cannot solve.

25. There is no wall that is airtight, and there is no beam that cannot be hung.

26. Before I had time to pick up the flowers, I was plucked out.

27. Don’t thank me! How can I have the nerve to collect money from you after thanking you?

28. I’m too embarrassed to catch you, so how can you still have the nerve to steal?

29. My heart is so broken that it looks like dumpling stuffing when I hold it out.

30. God will definitely forgive me, because that is his profession.

31. Urination and defecation are prohibited here. Violators will have their tools confiscated.

32. I climbed to the top of the ladder with great difficulty, but found that the ladder was placed on the wrong wall

33. When I came home at night, my husband took the key for a long time without inserting it into the keyhole. Son. The daughter-in-law said angrily next to her: If the door were a woman, she would die in a hurry.

34. The peacock tried its best to open its tail, but its butthole was exposed!

35. It is difficult for a rich man to be a poor man.

36. Theoretically, I have two kinds of smiles, a toothy smile, which is vulgar, and a grin, which is very vulgar. In fact, people say my smile is extremely obscene.

37. Looking at a pretty girl, I have no idea how to strike up a conversation. I pick up a brick on the side of the road and come forward. Classmate, did you drop this?

38. Give it to my brother. Taking the bus home, I asked him: Do you have money to take the bus? The guy actually said to me: How can a man not carry a card on his body? You are the only one who can say that the bus card is fresh and refined.

39. Please do not disturb while taking a bath. Please buy tickets for peeping, 40% off for individuals, 20% off for groups!

40. Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately it is the last He killed all the students

41. They all drowned when they were playing in the water; they all fell to death when they flew together!

42. We can change the teachers. A teaching method? For example, dreaming.

43. Having breasts does not necessarily mean you are a mother, but having money must mean you are a father!

44. The father-in-law and the mother-in-law quarreled, and the mother-in-law was very angry: I will take my grandson back to my parents’ house tomorrow, and I will never see her again. Not coming back. At this time, the daughter-in-law heard: What a beautiful idea, keep my son and take your son with you! The whole family was immediately happy, what a humorous daughter-in-law!

45. Handsomeness has no use! In the end, he was eaten by the pawns!

46. What is tolerance? After Xiao Ming finished the exam, he went home and showed the exam papers to his father. Dad: 0 points for math! Xiao Ming is frightened... Dad: 1 point for Chinese! Xiao Ming nodded, trembling... The air condensed and the atmosphere was extremely scary. Xiao Ming felt that a bloody storm was about to happen to him. . Dad took a deep breath and said slowly: Ming! You, you are a bit biased!

47. When looking for a girlfriend, you should find someone who doesn’t like makeup! Apply it once in a while! It will make you feel pounding. I'm so excited, if I find someone who always puts on makeup! If I don't put on makeup once in a while, I'll die suddenly!

48. Due to long-term separation, the Cowherd and His Cow's show has been canceled during the Chinese Valentine's Day. I hope everyone knows.

49. My brother shouted on Chinese Valentine's Day: Is the Cowherd as miserable as me? He can at least see his wife once. I have lived for 25 years and have never seen my wife once!

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50. Don’t ask me how I spend this Chinese Valentine’s Day this year. I’d love to skip, skip, muddle along. But I still cowardly admit that I am only sad.

51. How can you have love and refuse to be hurt at the same time? Don’t forget, Cupid shoots arrows, not roses. Funny Talk - The easiest prank text message to think wrong

You are kind like a cat, you are loyal like a dog, you are cute like a bird, you know the way like a horse, you are wonderful like a butterfly, you You are as industrious as a bee, and you are similar in everything. No wonder everyone calls you...a beast.

The first time I saw you, I said to myself: You are my goal in this life, I want to pursue you and embrace you. I want to declare: I love you...RMB

Life becomes uncomfortable without you. I hate that hateful third party for taking you away. Do you and he have a relationship? New relationship? I really want you to come back to me - money.

Don’t ask me why I cry, my tears flow for you and my heart breaks for you. I hate that man, why did he take you away from me... dead thief.

I am shy and have never dared to express my feelings to you, but today I finally mustered up the courage: When will you treat me to dinner?

If there is no wind, the clouds will not move. ;If there is no water, fish cannot swim; if there is no sun, the moon will not have light; if it is not you... stupid people will not exist

Diner: How much does it cost to sleep a night? ?(How much does a bowl of dumplings cost?) Waiter: Rogue! (Six cents) Businessman: Six cents? So cheap. I'll come for three nights

Because it happens too often (sometimes twice a day), your hair is all messed up, and you lose the pleasure during penetration. Let's break up... ..toothbrush.

When I was poor, you were by my side; when I was sick and injured, you were by my side; when I was frustrated in love, you were by my side... ...I'm so unlucky to be with you.

Is it tight?" "Not tight!" "Can you go in a little more?" "Be careful, it should be OK!" "Does it hurt?" "No! It feels so good! Just buy this pair. .

Looking at your streamlined body, I was filled with desire. I opened your unopened cover, inserted my own stick, and absorbed your crystal liquid. It was so cool! Sprite.

I thought about it, two pieces were itchy, I took a stick and inserted it in the middle. The stick was short, the two pieces were no longer itchy, and I didn’t think about it anymore... The craving for cigarettes came again. Let's do it

Late at night, walking alone on the desolate street, with a lonely heart and nowhere to go, I am always thinking of you, thinking about you, looking forward to you, and really want to say to you loudly... ....Will you treat me to dinner?

How many times have your smooth body pressed against mine, and your gentle and considerate caress made me enjoy bursts of pleasure, but after I enjoyed it, you But it's getting thinner...poor soap. . . . .

I have always been by your side and worried about you again and again. Did you eat enough today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I have always known that you just don’t know how to take care of yourself. As soon as I walk away, you jump out of the pig pen.

You lean against me gently, touch my tender skin with your slender hands, and suck my body fluids with your gentle mouth until you are very satisfied and leave! Oh damn mosquitoes

You A flash passed by, making my blood boil and my heart surge. Looking at your back, I really want to keep you. I told myself that I can never let you leave again, and I will never...catch the thief

A man was riding a bicycle and met a traffic policeman at a fork in the road. The traffic policeman shouted to him: Good palm. The man happily replied: Comrades, thank you for your hard work.

I dreamed of you last night: we were walking by the river, cuddling with each other. You look up into my eyes and say three words affectionately... woof woof woof

Hot girl calls for a taxi. Other person: Miss, what are you wearing later? Hot girl: Red miniskirt! Other person: Where are you going? Hot girl: Up to your thighs

I am so horny that I can’t resist your temptation. When I was in close contact with you, you gave me bursts of indescribable pleasure. I felt like the earth was spinning. I wanted to have sex with you but was afraid of making my belly bigger... Dear Beer

In the vast sea of ??people, my heart beats for you. Your seemingly indifferent expression makes me feel a faint pain. Your indifference makes me dare not express my feelings, but I can't help myself. Now I want you to understand... ..You stepped on my feet

I dreamed of you yesterday. Really, the sky was so clear and quiet, the sun was so bright, and the sea was so vast. You were standing on the blue seaside, and I Poke you with a stick, hey, this little bastard has a pretty hard shell.

I like to crawl around on you, like to touch every inch of your skin, and like to lie in your arms. I can’t live without you for a moment, I love you--sofa

Sometimes you can't see me beside you on our journey of friendship. It's not that I forget you or let you walk alone. It's that I choose to walk behind you. When you accidentally fall, I will run away. Go up... and step on your feet

Next time I meet you, I will pull you to the bedroom, lock the door, quickly push you down on the bed, cover your head with the quilt, and stretch out my Big hand... Look, my phone has a blue screen.

I have always had a soft spot for you, and your face appears in front of my eyes all the time! But I am too poor to hope for it, but now I have money! I can say loudly: Boss, cut that pig head in half for me.

Since these days, I have been wanting to say three words to you, but I am afraid that if I say it, I will not be able to become an ordinary friend, but I can’t control it, so I still want to say: borrow some money

Ah! Your skin is so shiny, and your fragrance is so irresistible. Let me bite you hard, my dear - braised pork.

How can I bear to watch you leave? We have spent so many warm and happy times together, but we are breaking up today! Looking at your sad eyes, I shouted: Wait a minute, this dog I’m not selling it anymore

Someone saw you today. You are still so charming, wearing a plaid vest, walking slowly, with a detached and comfortable look. You are so cute. I really don’t know what you were like back then. Better than a rabbit

That day, I looked at your sexy body infatuatedly, twisting naked in front of me, gently touching your skin. I couldn't resist your temptation: Boss, I want it. This fish

You are happy because I am happy, I am happy because you are happy, I am sad because you have lost weight, I have lost weight because you are sick, I am smiling because you are strong and I am rich. Because I sold you... pig

I was very nervous the first time. He kept asking me to relax gently, and then he penetrated me, and there was bleeding. , I was so painful that I couldn't cry out, and then I realized... This is what blood donation is like

That night I held you and told you to put on that thing in your ear, you said It feels good when you don’t wear it. It’s the safety period now. It’s okay... But what if the traffic police catch you without wearing a helmet?

I am a person who has a crush on you. The first time I saw you I decided that you are the person I should wait for in this life, but my only regret is...Sorry, I sent the message to the wrong person.

When you left me silently, I was in great pain and didn’t know what to do. Watching your back go away, I hated myself. It was all my fault... Get up early and rush Got on the bus.

Do you know? I miss you every day and miss you every night. I think about it when I eat, when I sleep, and when I work. I really want to say to you... Pay the money back quickly

I really love you and don’t want to leave you, It hurts that you got me so deep.

If you really don’t want to make me sad, please rise quickly... The post-00s stock market is so funny that it makes your nose bleed with laughter

1. There are more and more billionaires now. And I only have 100 million, it’s just memories

2. My strengths: courage to admit my mistakes; weaknesses: determined not to change

3. I plan to get a haircut, and the bangs shake my neck. Weird

4. Bajie, don’t think that you are a Ye Mingzhu standing under the streetlight

5. You can’t even look down on a good girl like me, young man, could it be that Do you like men?

6. I don’t like doing homework during the holidays. I didn’t realize there were so many homeworks until school was about to start

7. How many harmonious homes have been destroyed by one report card?

8. I don’t care about everything, because I am thick-skinned and always go my own way

9. A lover who can be taken away is not a lover

10. Don't give away your cheap love, I have never cared about it

11. You don't need to pretend to be innocent, you are just an egg in my eyes

12. Don't underestimate any fool , the level of intelligence with higher IQ

13. Don’t say I have changed, as if you know me well

14. Don’t treat yourself as waste if you are not dead

15. It’s you who are too idiotic, it’s not that I don’t recognize you

16. My tears are also valuable, you just reduced the price

17. No I miss you because of love, but just because you are too mean

18. My friend, if you are not strong, who will show you if you are weak?

19. You are so dirty that I don’t want to look directly at you.

20. You don’t have to say hello to me when you leave. Who are you to me?

21. Since you have chosen to give up this love, then I will see you leave with my own eyes

22. Whether they are friends or sisters, there is only this life and no next life

23. My mother once said to me: The early worm gets eaten by the bird

24. Why am I short of money? It's better than your lack of conscience

25. Since you have chosen to give up on me, I have nothing to keep you

26. I will love you with my life, But you abandoned me desperately

27. It’s better to be sick than to go to the doctor indiscriminately

28. There is nothing I can’t think of, only what I don’t want to do.

29. I have good eyesight, but I can’t see you clearly

30. What’s wrong with me not being able to win against you? At least I don’t feel inferior to you

31. I don’t want to let down your kindness, so I have to put the banana peel at your feet

32. Please stay away from me and don’t infect me with your sadness

33. You Get out of my world, get out of my world without stopping

34. One day we will also die, just live like this and slowly wait for si

35. Since you are willing to do it for me Go through fire and water, I will break my heart for you

36. You are famous for being mean, so no one can compare with you

37. You are an administrator and you can mess up Kick people, aren't you just being careless?

38. On this thorny road, there are still beauties who have not yet met

39. Get out is just one word, I only say it once, I'm afraid Those who hear it will not disappear

40. Are you a chameleon? Do one thing in front of others and another behind others

41. I am quitting smoking. Smoking affects my image as a good citizen

42. My love is not big, it is what I love. You are the only one

43. Don’t say what I have said, don’t redo what I have done, and don’t love those I have loved again

44. It will only make women cry. Men are big losers

p> 45. People who are treacherous are not brothers, don’t tarnish this word

46. There is only one me in the world, you must love me well

47. Give me time and I can Beyond all, but who is willing to give me time

48. Love has nothing to do with you. My love for you means that I still love you now

49. If you give If you don’t get results, don’t make any lifelong promises

50. Just live like this, without passion and reason