Missing you like flowers - a letter to my cousin in heaven

My cousin’s nickname is Hua’er, and she is the youngest daughter of my aunt.

When I met my sister, I was in the second grade of elementary school. At that time, my parents brought seven of us sisters back from the Northeast. Our family was poor and struggling. We relied on the help of several daughters and sons-in-law of my aunt’s family to get through those difficult years.

In my impression, she is elegant, dignified, and a very refined person. Every time I see her, I will see her with short hair, dressed well and generously, and occasionally wearing small hats of different colors. Decorate with a scarf. My sister was soft-spoken but good at singing and dancing. At that time, she was working in the education committee office in the village.

Every year on the second day of the Lunar New Year, it is the day when the daughter returns to her parents’ home, and it is also the day when the aunt’s family is reunited. Several cousins ??and brothers-in-law will come back with the children, have dinner at the aunt’s house at noon, and stay at my house in the evening reunion. My parents would prepare a large table of meals, and chat and drink with these sisters and brothers-in-law who were so kind to our family. They would talk about the harvest at home and the progress of the children. The sisters and brothers-in-law would never forget to show their appreciation for our mother’s cooking skills. praise and encourage and advise several of our younger brothers and sisters who are studying. This day every year has become my greatest expectation for the Spring Festival in my memory. That day is a grand event for my family. I like to see my sisters’ new clothes and listen to what they say about things outside the village. Sister Huahua is particularly fond of me. She always says to me: "Mingsong, study hard and you will definitely be able to eat national food in the future."

Life goes by like this year after year. As I grew up, I really followed my sister's advice - eating national food. I graduated from a technical secondary school, had an urban household registration, and was assigned to work in my sister’s school, which is also my alma mater, Shai Zi Middle School. From then on, I became colleagues with my sister. From then on, I became a frequent visitor to my sister’s house. My sister often invites me to eat at her house, and she never forgets to bring me whatever delicious food she has made. My sister always says: "Your brother often goes out to eat, and Zhao Kai is not at home. I can't eat, so you can help me eat." , otherwise it will be broken. "I can feel that my sister feels sorry for me not eating well, but she is carefully protecting my self-esteem because of my poor family. Careful like a sister.

Two years later, my sister and her brother-in-law were transferred to Xiaoguan Town. Since teachers’ salaries were paid by the township government at that time, my brother-in-law helped me transfer to Zetou Town, which was more profitable, to teach at Zetou Middle School. This way I am still very close to my sister. My parents are also used to me following my sister. No matter what problem I encounter, they will always say: You discuss it with your sister Huahua and brother Chengze. Later, I found a partner, and the family belonged to Xiaoguan. He would often drive me to my sister's house on his motorcycle after get off work, and he would pick me up the next day. My sister and I were sleeping on the same bed at night. My sister asked me about the person I was looking for. She also said to my brother-in-law, "Go and ask Mingsong. This is the daughter of my old Bi family." My brother-in-law said, "I know her." The director of his family is a very good young man. Apart from being a bit short, there is nothing wrong with him and he can also use a computer. The elder sister smiled reassuringly and said, "Good people are better than anything else." "Every time we talk, it's midnight before I know it. Every time I go, my sister will make dumplings, and while working, she will share every bit of love with her. She listens carefully every time, and even gives me some from time to time. Suggestion. Now that I think about it, many of my ideas are actually influenced by my sister.

There is a yard of fresh vegetables in the courtyard where my sister lives. The professional photographer and her brother-in-law were talking at home. My sister said, "It's rare to meet a professional master. Let's take a picture of Mingsong." "My sister very carefully taught me how to pose beautifully, how to place my hands, where to look, and she even gave me a small flower umbrella. That look is still clearly in my mind.

The years are quiet and peaceful. , so over the years, my sister watched me grow up step by step, and I gradually entered middle age.

Later, my sister moved to the city with my brother-in-law, and I also got married and had children. I was absent from every important moment in my life. I still keep the red leather belt that my sister gave me and my husband when we got married.

I later moved to the city, but my sister and I were busy with work and life. We get together less and stay away more. After my mother passed away, I rarely went back to my hometown. For many years, my sister and I usually met on her birthday. For many years, my sister would invite Sister Cui and Xiao Du to attend her birthday. At her birthday party, she would always open the bouquet of flowers that my brother bought for her and give us a few roses and lilies to take home. And every year on my birthday, my sister is almost the only one who remembers it. I don’t need to remind her. I will receive my sister’s blessings on time.

I once said to my sister: "Sister, you are the only person who will never forget my birthday." My sister replied: "I am loyal to the people I like." Then she sent a hug and a naughty emoticon. . Instant warming.

My sister is a person who pays great attention to ritual. Not only on birthdays, my sister would also send me blessing messages on Teacher’s Day, Women’s Day, New Year’s Day, Spring Festival, and even Valentine’s Day. One year on Valentine’s Day, my sister made an appointment for the four of us to gather at Liangji Porridge Shop and we met. They laughed loudly and said, "The four of us are also going to have some romance. Valentine's Day is a festival for people with feelings to spend together, and it cannot be limited to men and women."

Every year the cherries are ripe. When we were young, my sister would ask us to go eat cherries together, but I often broke the appointment; the four of us would occasionally go shopping for clothes together, visit Jindu, Liqun and Galaxy Shopping Plaza, go to restaurants together, and sit down together. Take Brother Jinlong’s car to Shouguang Vegetable Greenhouse. At that time, I didn't think it was that difficult to meet. Although the times were few, I always felt that my sister was by my side, never far away, never leaving.

My sister and I both like words. Over the years, we have communicated more through QQ and WeChat, and learned about each other’s lives and current status through changes in Moments and QQ space. We pay attention to each other's every dynamic update, respond to each other's every change, and leave messages on each other's QQ logs.

My sister told me that she named herself "Shuyue" online, which means comfortable and joyful. Maybe that's how I feel about life. I really feel the comfort and joy of life. Every time my sister writes an article, she will send it to me to read. It expresses her mood, her indignation against bad phenomena, or her sympathy for the weak. I always sigh that her writing style is delicate and sincere, and I can see her through these words. of justice and kindness. I will also write down my feelings of joy, emotion, excitement or excitement in writing. No matter how long or short the article is, I will patiently read it and then comment on it seriously. In the comment area, my sister still did not change her encouragement to me. Every time I won a prize in a competition, my sister would read my competition experience carefully and tell me how difficult it was, and even shed tears. My sister once told me that she listened to Fan Deng Reading Club and thought it was very good. She hoped to become a member. Later, we became members together. My sister once recommended that I read Zhang Defen's "Life Will Eventually Meet Loneliness". Later, I After buying all Zhang Defen's books, her words can arouse our excitement and we will find ourselves in a certain moment. My sister and I are the kind of people who communicate more spiritually. We understand each other in a way that others cannot. No matter what topic we talk about, we can see ourselves reflected in each other. This kind of communication will help us relieve the worries of life, cherish the friendship along the way, and cherish the happy life now.

In addition to both liking words, my sister and I communicate more about health care. My sister often told me: "Women must not be angry, keep warm, and don't show their knees or ankles when wearing pants." Later, my sister told me: Talking too much will waste your energy. Every time I talk to my sister on the phone, within ten minutes, she will say, "Mingsong, I won't talk anymore, I'm so tired." I quickly put down the phone, but she will still continue chatting with me on WeChat. Ten minutes. My sister lives a very careful life and never eats randomly, but she is still weak and heart-wrenching. Maybe it’s due to a long illness, but my sister knows a lot of traditional Chinese medicine remedies. She often takes me to take baths and steams, introduces me to good massage parlors, does moxibustion with me, and gives me several moxibustion boxes. She said that moxibustion has many benefits and can dispel cold and dampness... My sister shared all the beautiful things in her life with me without reservation, just like she had shown her preference for me when she was a child. Sister is a warm existence to me...

The last time I saw my sister was at Dakai’s wedding. My sister who became Xi’s mother-in-law was dressed very beautifully. Although she was very thin, her face was I am still in high spirits; the last time I messaged me, my sister told me: For reasons that are inconvenient to explain, comments and likes cannot be made in the circle of friends, so please understand. I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew she must have her reasons, so I didn’t ask any more questions. The last phone call was on August 15, 2018, and it lasted 80 minutes. My sister’s voice was loud, and her tone was calm and filled with joy. She chatted with me about many people and things, the past, the future, life and work. My sister also said that she likes to sing and has sang many songs in national karaoke. I happily said: "Sister, do you know? I haven't heard you speak so loudly and talk so much for a long time. Can we consider having a party?"

"My sister said to wait a little longer, waiting for her to contact me, but this wait was like goodbye forever. What's more unexpected is that it was only ten days since this chat.

People may automatically block some Impermanence happens to the people you love, thinking that they will always be around and never leave. I never thought that my sister would leave, let alone such a promising and sensible daughter-in-law. My granddaughter and my brother-in-law are about to retire. The days of truly enjoying life and enjoying life have just begun. How can I bear to leave them behind?

I looked through the WeChat chat records with my sister over and over again. Listening to my sister's voice, reading her comments in the diary, holding the calendar that my sister made for me with my photos, and looking at our group photos, I burst into tears countless times. I couldn't believe it, and I didn't want to believe it. I dare to face such bad news. From the age of nine to more than 40 years old, my sister was not only a relative, but also a confidant, the most loyal and considerate friend, and my best friend who talked about everything. Deeply integrated into my life. However, I can no longer enjoy my sister's preference for me. My sister's WeChat name is "Autumn Leaves Qingpiao", and she really floated away like an autumn leaf, quietly. I don’t want to hurt others. I didn’t even know that my sister was hospitalized. I didn’t bring her a glass of water and didn’t stay with her for the last minute. I only asked for things from her, but didn’t give anything in return. This is a deep regret in my life. and guilt.

The day my sister left happened to be the day before the first anniversary of my father’s death. When relatives left one after another and no external force could stop it, I felt even more sad. Come. Over the years, my heart has been soaked in tears for too long due to the death of my parents. Will they take good care of each other if they meet there? Yes, there will be no pain in that world, there will be no pain!

Every year during Qingming Festival, I would squat in front of my sister’s grave and talk to her, just like we used to chat. Although she didn’t respond, I I know she can feel it. I believe that my sister just changed her existence in time and space. Although I can't see her, she must still be there. Some people say: A person's true death is not to leave, but to be forgotten. Will always live in our hearts. My sister's kindness, thrift, carefulness, love for my relatives, and sincerity to my friends will continue in my life. I believe that I can feel the happiness and joy of my relatives, and I can also feel the sadness and sadness of my relatives. It’s sad, so we who are deeply loved by my sister should work hard and live well, cherish the people we love most around us, and live the way she wants us to live, because one day, every one of us will be alive. , I will eventually grow old.

I hope everything goes well in my sister’s world! I hope we can still be sisters in the next life!

2021.8