3 underlying logics of persuasion

Why is it so hard for you to convince others?

Do you really need a reason to convince others?

What are you thinking about when you are being persuaded by others?

Share Huang Zhizhong’s three underlying logics of persuasion.

1. No one likes to be changed

Many people think that knowing how to communicate and persuade is like magic, and the other party will think that what you say is right. it's out of the question.

I was convinced, which meant I was defeated.

I chose to believe what I believe in my mind now, and I chose the stance and values ??that will produce the ideas in my mind now. If you change that about me, I consider myself challenged.

① Zhu Yingtai Trap

② You should VS I need

Preaching, leaving people with no choice.

The most common is "You should XXX".

Chunjiao and Zhiming are a couple. Valentine's Day is coming soon, Chunjiao thought, Zhiming should express his feelings. In the first year of dating, we should have a Valentine's Day dinner and have a more romantic night.

As a result, Zhiming was unlucky and had to go to work.

He told Chunjiao, who was very angry: You should think about me.

Zhiming was also very angry: You should be considerate of me, who wants to work.

This is called "you should", which is always easy to make people quarrel.

However, if all conversations are changed to "I need XXX", the entire atmosphere will be different.

Valentine's Day happened in the first year of our relationship. I need you to make some romantic gestures to me. I really need to feel that you value me.

Zhiming has to go to work and has no choice. I don’t want to go to work either, but it’s very difficult for me because I know you will be angry, and I really need your understanding at this time.

"I need" means the choice is yours.

You can choose to satisfy me or not. This is the time when people are most easily persuaded.

③ Why not VS Why

Question: Do you have the habit of smoking?

Answer: Yes.

Question: Why don’t you quit smoking?

Answer: I have never thought about quitting smoking.

Question: Why don’t you think carefully and quit smoking?

Answer: Never thought about it.

Question: Don’t you think health is important?

Answer: Quitting smoking does not seem to be connected with health.

Question: Don’t you think smoking is annoying?

Answer: It’s because others hate it.

If I ask you why you don’t quit drinking, you might tell me that it’s because of work requirements and because it’s my own little hobby.

Let me say it again, drinking is not necessary for work. At this point, I'm attacking your opinion. You have to be defensive and constantly strengthen your objections.

However, if you change "why not" into "why should":

Question: Have you ever thought about giving up drinking in your life?

Answer: I have thought about it.

Question: On a scale of 10, how strongly do you want to quit drinking?

Answer: 6 to 7.

Q: I'm very surprised that this is quite high. Generally, people who drink don’t pay much attention to this matter. I thought it was only 2 to 3. Why?

Answer: Because after drinking, I lost consciousness and couldn’t remember what happened the day before.

Question: It’s not a big deal to drink alcohol. Will this matter be serious? I often have this experience.

Answer: It would be embarrassing.

Question: Those are other people’s ideas, but do you care about them?

Answer: No, it’s very embarrassing.

Question: When everyone is drinking, they are occasionally embarrassed or make a scandal. This is also a sign of affinity. Why does it cause trouble to you?

Answer: But in front of many colleagues, having such an impression will be very annoying.

What’s interesting is that he didn’t originally want to quit drinking, but when I asked him what his reason was for wanting to quit drinking, he would defend that reason and reinforce it.

Humans are such interesting creatures.

2. No one likes to be ignorant

When a person does not understand the situation, he will rarely cooperate.

When I got on the plane, the plane was not flying. I was sorry because I had to wait for a while because of air traffic control. At this time, how to reduce violence on duty?

A grandma was very unhappy after encountering air traffic control. She scolded the flight attendant: "Don't let us get on the plane if we don't want to fly. It was more spacious and comfortable in the waiting room, but now we are shrinking in this small position." , one hour without flying, two hours without flying, everyone suffers here, what does it count?

Flight Attendant: Sorry, please wait a moment, air traffic control is now in place.

Grandma: Why did you let us get on the plane?

Flight Attendant: Sorry, air traffic control, please wait a moment and they will let us fly soon. What is "right away"? Is one hour also called "right away"? I listened to it many times and immediately heard it.

A very common situation, right?

Later, because grandma was making such a fuss, the cockpit commander came over and said to grandma, "Madam, let me explain the situation to you. It's like this. All our planes have to line up to take off."

"According to the regulations of the aviation tower, you must register before you will be listed in the queue. When you arrive, you will take off. Now because we don’t know when the weather will improve and when the control will end , so we are all waiting in line.

If I let everyone off the plane now, we will fall to the last place on the queue. So, for the sake of good weather, let everyone take off immediately. We will choose to let everyone wait for a while.

If you want to go down now, you will not be on the queue and may have to wait longer. ”

He. After the talk, the grandma's mood changed obviously. She was still dissatisfied, but not angry.

The most stupid and unfortunate conversation is: "Miss, let me explain to you, this is called a rule."

You don't need to know why, and I'm not going to explain it to you. Why, I'll just tell you the result. But it doesn't work, it just makes people angrier.

Everyone wants to know why. Telling others reasons is the easiest way to persuade.

3. Everyone hopes to have a way out

"It doesn't matter, you can regret it at any time" is also the most convincing sentence.

If you buy something and you are told that you can get a refund at any time if you are not satisfied, it will be easier for you to make a decision.

If I tell you, no, once the goods are shipped, as long as the money is in my hands, it will not be refunded. You may not necessarily fall out, but when you decide whether to buy it, you will think about it over and over again.

The biggest worry for girls about dating is that they are afraid that once they agree, they will not be able to go back on their word midway, which is very stressful.

So basically there is a tendency not to say yes at the beginning. Unless you are 100% sure you are a good fit.

But who can be 100% sure before contacting them? So boys miss out on a lot of opportunities.

There is a dating expert in Taiwan who tells girls:

Let’s meet on the subway. If you think I’m OK after meeting, just continue taking two or three stops to get there. Go to a restaurant to eat; if you are not satisfied in the middle, you will get off at the subway station immediately. Of course, I can too.

In this way, the girl has a very high chance of agreeing, because for her, there is almost no loss. Giving people a way out is highly persuasive.

Emotions are powerful when we communicate. Because most people's preferences and decisions are not determined by reason, but by emotions.

For example, when I read "Qi Pa Shuo", I thought that this person was good at speaking and could talk people movingly. What was said to be "moving" was emotion, not reason.

For communication, the most troublesome thing is not negative emotions, but chaotic emotions.

1. The problem is the gap between expectation and reality

There is nothing in the world called a problem.

The reality is here, expectations rise, and problems arise.

What is problem solving?

The first is to enhance reality and meet expectations.

The second is to lower expectations and meet reality.

For example, a girl said, I don’t know how to choose between two boys.

Why can’t my boyfriend of 5 years be as rich as others?

Why didn’t you meet that rich blind date earlier and have enough emotional foundation?

What does she expect?

That is a very greedy expectation, expecting the happiest.

Actually, did you and your boyfriend have any problems before? No.

That’s great. Maybe that blind date is really great, but what does that have to do with you? Why do you want to be a happy person in the world? Why are you so narcissistic?

2. The problem in your eyes is the solution in the eyes of others

My boyfriend keeps playing video games at home. This problem is very troublesome. How can I solve it?

This is not a problem, this is your boyfriend's solution, the solution to the problem of having nothing to say when meeting you. Very interesting.

Why smoke alone?

Smoking is bad for your health. This is not smoke, this is a solution, a solution to my other problem - boredom.

A student skipping class is a very serious problem. This is the solution this boy thought of - to solve the problem of being bullied in school.

All the problems you see are the solutions that that person has been thinking about for a long time. It's just you who thinks it's a problem.

This is the reason why trying to talk to him about things has no effect. You take away the solution and he has to face the real problem, which would be too painful.

3. Whose problem can this be?

A real estate salesman asked: Customers often don’t trust me, which bothers me. How can I win their trust? How to solve this problem?

Whose problem is it if your customers don’t trust you?

Of course it’s your problem? not necessarily. If the customer doesn't trust you, this problem can be the customer's.

You can go and talk to him:

Mr. Zhao, let me communicate with you. During the process of serving you, I found that you have a very serious problem, that is, you don’t Trust me.

You know this will cause great harm to you.

Because you don’t trust me, every time I communicate or propose a plan to you, I have to pay more cost and time.

Therefore, you may want to find a way to solve the problem of you not trusting me, because this problem is very serious and you will prevent me from providing you with the most professional services.

So Mr. Zhao, how do you think we can cooperate?

Whether I can think about this in other ways is not my problem. This does not refer to moral responsibility, but to whom this issue can belong.

It can also be from the company:

Boss, I’m sorry, let me report to you. I think our company has a very serious problem, that is, I am the intermediary of a certain house. , when I go out, I generally don’t get the trust of customers.

I think our company has encountered big problems in promoting this aspect or establishing its image. So let’s see if the company wants to solve this problem.

If we assume that the problem belongs to only one person, then there is only one solution.

If you can figure out that this problem can be owned by different people, then there is more than one solution.

4. Correctly describe a problem

① Initiative

Some people tell a story called "things happened to me", and I was the passive one. people.

What happened to you last weekend?

It’s nothing. Last weekend, some friends invited me to go out and have a drink together. When I came back, it was too late, so my wife scolded me.

Just finished. My friends came to see me and we all played together. When I came home late, I was scolded.

Mature people take the initiative in this story:

There were a few classmates last week, and I felt like we haven’t seen each other for a long time. It’s rare for everyone. I mean we went out together. Let's go and have a drink. I think it's great too.

I looked at it later and saw that the time was almost up and I seemed to be going home. However, I thought at that time that it is rare for everyone to get together. Today is such a rare opportunity. It would be too disappointing to leave now.

So, I thought forget it, never mind it, and just drink together late. When I got home, I was scolded by my wife.

All of this is the result of my choice. As mentioned before, it is actually my preference and choice.

② Interactivity

Your wife has ideas, your friends have ideas, everyone has his own ideas, and you can understand, Know and further state it.

③ Exploratory

Everyone has heard of "Snow White". But what happens next in this story?

For Snow White, this is not her country. All attention and praise come from the prince's love for her and her beauty.

So she often checks in front of the mirror to see if there is an extra wrinkle or gray hair, and is also curious about whether there is a younger and more beautiful girl? Until one day she couldn't help but ask, mirror, mirror, who is the most beautiful woman in the world?

Isn’t this the psychology of the queen in "Snow White"! She also married into this country alone.

If you had said from the beginning that the queen was not a bad person, you would have started to resist. But surprise can make you shake your original opinion.