Why are the standards for "parents choosing daughters-in-law" and "men choosing wives" different?

Introduction: Some time ago, the piano prince Lang Lang got married. The marriage partner was a girl of mixed Korean and German descent, with a good background, sweet appearance and young age. Lang Lang finally found his Alice, and his parents finally agreed with this daughter-in-law. So are the marriage partner requirements of elders and juniors really the same?

01

I heard something recently. My mother has a friend, Aunt Zhang. Aunt Zhang and her husband have retired for several years. Although they live a relatively good life, there is one problem. The more worrying thing is that my only son, who is over thirty years old, is still single.

Aunt Zhang’s greatest energy and time now is on exchanging information with old friends, and the focus of exchanging information is to find out if there is a suitable girl.

Aunt Zhang’s son works in Shenzhen. He is of good height and good looks, with an annual salary of about 300,000 yuan. He has a two-bedroom house in Shenzhen. In short, he has good conditions in all aspects.

Due to the nature of Aunt Zhang’s son’s work, he often travels on business and is very busy, so he always has no time to worry about major life events, so Aunt Zhang, as a mother, began to do it for him.

Aunt Zhang’s requirements are very simple. She requires the woman to have a bachelor’s degree, have a legitimate job, be able to do housework, and have a good personality.

Under Aunt Zhang's long eyes, she fell in love with a girl. The girl is twenty-seven years old. She is said to be pretty good-looking. She also works in Shenzhen and cooks good food.

Aunt Zhang was very satisfied and arranged a blind date for her son.

Who knew that after the two met, the woman was very satisfied with the man, but Aunt Zhang's son was lukewarm.

Aunt Zhang was puzzled. She thought that the girl had very good conditions in all aspects and could do housework. Why didn't her son agree? !

Aunt Zhang listed the girl’s benefits to her son one by one, praising the girl for being able to cook. As a result, the son said, “What kind of age is this? When looking for a wife, you still have to find someone who can do housework. You said, just find a nanny to live with.”

Aunt Zhang choked to death.

02

This incident also reminds everyone why the mother-in-law’s choice for daughter-in-law is different from the son’s choice for wife?

What kind of daughter-in-law do mothers-in-law usually like?

Of course he is capable. Not only must he be competent in his career and help his son reduce his financial burden, but he must also be competent in his family. It is best to serve his son like an uncle.

In addition, the mother-in-law also likes daughters-in-law who don’t spend money and are relatively frugal, but she also doesn’t like daughters-in-law who like to spend money and buy things.

My mother-in-law also likes a relatively simple daughter-in-law. The simpler, the better. Don’t put on makeup and makeup all day long and dress up like a fairy. What’s so good about her?

But are the mother-in-law’s standards the same as those of her son?

Definitely different. The son hopes that his wife will speak the same language and be emotionally compatible, and every man hopes that his wife will be as beautiful as a flower.

After all, who wants his wife to look sloppy?

For a man, the key point is to find a girl that makes him excited. If the girl has a clean family background and has a decent job, that would be great.

So when I heard my mother say that Aunt Zhang was very satisfied with that girl, I reminded my mother that this blind date may not be successful, because usually if the mother is satisfied, the son may not be satisfied. The reason is that the judgment standards of both parties are different.

03

I have a cousin who was unable to get married because my aunt did not agree with my cousin’s marriage partner.

My aunt likes simple and unpretentious girls. She likes her future daughter-in-law to listen to her and her son. As for whether she has a job or income, she doesn't think it matters. The important thing is that a girl should be able to live a good life and spend every penny in half.

But my cousin disagreed. He felt that he wanted to find someone who had the same goals and was capable of working. As for whether he could live a good life, his cousin said, " Money is earned, not saved. The more you save, the poorer you become." Later, my cousin resisted the pressure and married a city girl with similar conditions to him, but the conflict between his aunt and his daughter-in-law was very serious.

One time they had a conflict again. My cousin-in-law said to her cousin, "How about we divorce? Your mother doesn't like me at all. She thinks it's aggrieved that you have to go to work and have to do housework." You, but I don’t have to go to work or do housework? Your mother just wants you to marry a rural wife and flatter her all day long. I want to flatter her too, but I really don’t have time to flatter her. I have more and more important things. There are things to do."

My cousin had a good talk with my aunt, and the general meaning was, "You just want your own life, and what kind of daughter-in-law you want to marry can suit your needs. , but I am the one who lives my life, and only I know what kind of wife I want.

If you do what you want and marry a rural girl who does not go to work all day and only does housework, they are certainly very good. I am economical, good at living, and get along well with you, but those are not the life I want.

What I want is a wife who can bear the pressure of life with me and grow and progress together. , instead of being entangled in family conflicts all day long.”

After my cousin negotiated with my aunt very carefully and calmly, my aunt didn’t know whether she was persuaded by her cousin or if she really had no choice.

It didn’t take long for me to discover that my aunt recovered on her own, but her relationship with my daughter-in-law was just a casual acquaintance.

04

So you see, sometimes the requirements of elders, especially the requirements of parents, and the requirements of sons are really different. It is precisely because they are different that some contradictions arise.

But if everyone analyzes it reasonably, there should be a solution.

For example, Lang Lang’s parents had publicly requested conditions for their future daughter-in-law, such as education, family background, work, personality, etc. However, Lang Lang himself did not have too complicated conditions. The condition is that the woman must be gentle and good-looking.

The current wife has education, a good family background, and is proficient in multiple languages. She can meet the conditions of his parents, and the girl is also quite good-looking, and can also meet Lang Lang's own conditions. It’s pretty good to get the best of both worlds.

As an elder, one thing you need to know is that although you are doing it for your son’s good, you hope that your son will have a smooth and happy marriage in the future. However, whether a marriage is happy or not depends on the son himself, not on what is "good" in the eyes of his parents.

It is not the parents who help men and women live their lives. Ultimately, this is a matter between the son and his daughter-in-law.

Otherwise, even if you make the decision and worry about your marriage, many years later, your son and daughter-in-law may still be unhappy, or they may get divorced.

So it is better to let nature take its course when it comes to your children's marriage. As long as it is not a matter of character, it is best not to interfere too much.