I finally convinced myself.

I am unhappy too often, because I have been pursuing what I call happiness. I ask myself all day, is this the life you want? Are you doing something you like and think is meaningful? I will answer it myself, no.

Why? Because I am doing what I want to do, but I doubt whether I should stick to it.

Some people will say that this topic is too annoying, so why don't you stick to your favorite topic? What the hell are you talking about? But I have some ideas that I have to say.

In fact, in the true sense, I am unhappy because what I do doesn't like or is meaningless. Because I've been fucking asking myself, does this make sense? Too much questioning and searching made me ignore the present and didn't do it well. Because I can't do what I do now, the more I hate it, the less I can find meaning, and finally I fall into a vicious circle.

Meaning is not discovered but created. When you really do a good job, the meaning will emerge from it, and you will have more fun.

Why do I keep asking myself if what I do is meaningful? Why have I been looking for it? Because I'm never sure. I never believe it. I'm not sure if I want to continue doing those things I still like, because I'm full of doubts about the value and rewards of these things and can't see where the results are.

But today, I finally convinced myself. I see the value of what I do from another mentality. This is the value of what we do, not only from the outside, but also from ourselves.

For example, we spend a lot of time reading, and after busy studying or working every day, we sacrifice part of our sleep time to devote ourselves to it. From the outside world, it is really useless to read books such as literature and psychology that have little to do with one's career.

Because for most people, has reading changed your destiny? Did reading make you a lot of money? No. Only a few poor people became writers and writers and made money. These people, reading may really change their lives. What about ordinary people like us who love reading? From the outside, it seems that the books we read are really useless. Is it so difficult to turn knowledge into wealth? Yes, it is.

But for yourself? Reading is a double enjoyment of body and mind. It is our inner comfort, the growth of the soul, the pleasure of the soul and the pleasure of exploration. So when we get this physical and emotional experience, can we still use it to measure it?

Just like many people can't be musicians and sing songs, why do they still press the beating black and white keys with their slender fingers and carry their guitars to the cold streets to sing touching songs?

I will think, you pay so much, if others can't see it and no one gives you money, what are you doing with it? Do you have feelings, pursuits and lives? Oh, I really hope I am right. That's it. I don't care about other people's attitude towards this matter. I do it only because it is a part of my life, not to get anything, but for my inner growth and my spiritual needs for life.

If you keep thinking about value, meaning and how much you can get, then many things have not been done. I hope that's enough. Don't forget your innovative spirit. Just like I went to learn spoken English, before I learned it well, I was already thinking, what can I do after learning it well? Being an English teacher? I'm not in this major! The truth is that I think too much and am insatiable. I don't even need to think about it. Just ask my initial heart.

What is my initial intention? It's simple. I have no clear purpose. I just don't need subtitles when I want to watch American TV. When I sing English songs, I feel cool. When I watch the original English, I feel very interesting. When I communicate with foreigners, I may make friends ... I can see a slightly different and wider world. That's enough. If you add something else to this matter, it may be meaningless.

Reading, music, English, oral English ... many things that others can't see are things that deepen within yourself. No one may give you affirmation or gain anything, so shall we do it or not? Do it! Because this is a part of our life, no matter what others think, I know that only in this way can our life be complete. Just as some people need girlfriends and boyfriends, so does our life.

When you persist in doing it, meaning may naturally appear.

Not all efforts have to calculate the rate of return. If it is for some kind of reward, when you can't get it, you will lose, shrink back and give up a lot of things. If you do a lot of things, you don't have to get what everyone in the secular world wants. If doing these things makes you feel happy and you enjoy it, then your income is emotion, experience, precious and can't be measured by price.

Therefore, you don't need to worry about whether you should do something or not and how much you will get in return. Many things are not for money, but for life, which makes you feel alive, live high.

When I want to understand this, I know I finally convinced myself. You don't need to be so tired, you don't need to pursue meaning all the time, you don't need to consider whether it is useful or not, you don't need to consider how much income you have, and you don't need to doubt the value of doing these things. Many things are just a part of our lives, and we don't even need others' affirmation. We insist that life is complete because of them.

I think it is best to live in your own way as much as possible and do what you want under the realistic living conditions, just like "Living up to High Expectations".