Goodbye, my "best friend"

I recently sorted out the files on my computer and found an article I wrote three years ago. I wrote it to myself, and also to my former "best friend". To be more precise, this is an article used to say goodbye and forget, but the only person reading it is myself. The writing time is April 26, 2017. At the same time, I found an email she wrote to me seven months later.

Three years have passed, and I saw this article I wrote again. Although I was a little touched in my heart, it was just a touch, and I didn’t have too many feelings. Because from then on, I really never looked back and started to become more indifferent and ruthless. Looking back, all my enthusiasm and sincerity may have been exhausted long ago.

The following is what I wrote to myself:

Thank you for accompanying me throughout my childhood and youth. From now on, I will not have a "best friend" because this name only belongs to you.

I wrote a similar article as early as February 10, 2016. In fact, at that time, I should have been cruel. If I had been more cruel at that time, maybe things like this that would cause me more pain and regret would not have happened.

I thank you for accompanying me throughout my childhood and youth. We talked about everything and had many beautiful memories. But now, I have to make a decision that is extremely cruel to you and myself, that is, to take the initiative to end our sixteen-year friendship.

It was very difficult to make this decision, but it was not just a whim, but an idea that I had had for a long time. I used to always chase after you. No matter how many things you did to me that made me sad or angry, I chose to forgive in the end because I think you are my friend (forgive me because I don’t want to use the term “best friend” anymore). (Words, I still can’t really understand the true meaning of these two words. What does it mean?) I think friends should not care too much, so every time because of your bad temper, our friendship When I was about to collapse, I chose to bow my head first, because I know you will never admit your mistakes, because you always feel that you are right and others are wrong. Because I know that if I don't take the initiative to bow my head, our friendship will come to an end. I used to rely on you a lot and thought that a lifetime would be easy, but I was wrong. I shouldn't have relied on you so much that you thought I would never, let alone leave you. Because of my cowardice, soft-heartedness, nostalgia, and reluctance, I lowered my posture time and time again, and even cried and begged you not to ignore me. I was once very afraid of losing you, so I tried my best to maintain the long and lasting relationship between us. An incredibly fragile friendship. You didn't want to talk to me when you were in a bad mood, and you didn't answer my calls or text messages. I wanted to know the reason for your bad mood, and I hoped I could help you, so I kept calling until you shut down your phone and pretended to be missing. Keep calling until you are willing to answer the phone. This happens so often that I am used to it. You always quarreled with your mother, and when we quarreled, you turned off your phone and disappeared again. We had made an appointment to meet, but when the time came, not only did you not see you, but we couldn't even contact you. There was no warning or explanation. You failed to meet me again and again. It has become commonplace to say it. I feel that I am so worthless in your eyes. To you, I am an existence that can come and go at a moment's notice. No matter how hard you try, I will always be waiting where you are. You like to sing and be lively, and I like to be quiet, but in order to be happy with you, I keep doing things against my will, which is really painful. You like playing games, but I don’t understand and don’t know what it means. Every time you pull me to tell me how fun games are, I listen quietly and watch you play. And I like animation comics and Japanese culture. You But they always slandered me in all kinds of ways, which made me feel very uncomfortable. I think you don’t have to like it, but there’s no need to deny what I like in front of me, right? The more I hate mentioning things and the less I want to think of things, but you just like to joke with me about those things from time to time and keep exposing my scars. Even if I am not happy in my heart, I just tell you not to talk about it anymore, because I I don’t want to mention it, but you take pleasure in it. I used to think that this was the case between "best friends", as if this was the definition of "best friends" in the world, so I tolerated all this, because we are "friends", it should be said that we used to be friends.

I believe too much in the bonds between people, thinking that friendships established in childhood can last forever. However, I ignore the changes that time and space bring to people. Looking back, we Our life trajectories have long since separated. It was me who forcibly wanted to bring two people who had no intersection at all together. I naively thought that we could overcome everything and be friends for life. In fact, I have already discovered it. There are no more common topics between us. You have more and more friends. When we sit face to face in the name of chatting, you are more willing to chat with others on your phone, while I am quietly chatting with others. Sitting and watching you chat, I know that I am a boring person. You can't hear anything interesting from my mouth. All I can do is listen. We no longer even have the pleasure of chatting. I discovered a long time ago that due to the different growth environment and the different people we met, our three views are no longer consistent. Therefore, many times I choose to hide my true thoughts because the fragile friendship between us has Can't afford to argue.

From the moment I decided not to look back, it was really easy. There is really no need for two people whose life trajectories no longer overlap to be tied together. I deleted all her contact information and took the initiative to let her leave my life. This time, I didn't say anything to her because I felt there was no need to say anything. Some words are useless no matter how much you say them. Leaving quietly is the best way. On November 7 of the same year, I suddenly received an email from her. At that time, I had decided to drop everything and study abroad. When I saw her email, I wasn't moved. My first reaction was that it was a bit funny. I laughed as I read it, and ended up laughing out loud. It turned out that from beginning to end, she didn't know what she had done wrong. Sure enough, as I thought, she is such a person. Thinking of the last text message she sent me, it was also the text message that made me decide to give up on her. She said, you are too selfish. Yes, I am selfish. Since you say I am selfish, then as you wish, I will be an extremely selfish person from now on. I will live for myself. For this reason, I choose to forget, forget all unpleasant memories, and forget all pleasant memories. Three years have passed, and I only think of her occasionally, of that once important person. But her appearance, voice, and many things they did together are all very vague. It turns out that people can actually selectively forget.

The email she wrote to me is also attached:

I don’t know if I can still call you that, maybe it’s no longer allowed.

From now on From the end of April to now, I often miss you, miss us eating, drinking, chatting and bragging together.

During the period when I broke up with you, how many times did I pick up my phone and scroll through your Weibo, thinking Greetings to you, I want to say sorry to you, I want to ask you out, but I never have the courage.

Today I finally mustered up the courage. Maybe you will not accept me again, but I still want to work hard for friendship. This time I will turn back first, and this time I will go find you.

You said you would not wait for me where you are

It doesn’t matter, I will rely on you.

< p>You are right that the length of time is not the criterion for measuring friendship, but feelings are the criterion for measuring friendship.

How many best friends can we have in our lifetime? We are all each other’s only ones.

I have many friends, but I only have one best friend, you. No one can replace your place in my heart.

These seventeen years are like an hourglass, but the hourglass holds the The glass bottle is filled with our memories.

For you, I can’t afford to put it down, and I don’t want to let it go.

You said that our friendship has broken down many times, so be careful. Carefully maintain our friendship, you have sacrificed too much, and you are tired.

When I saw what you posted, I was very sad.

To be honest, I don’t know you. Why should we be careful to maintain our friendship?

In my opinion, everything between us is normal. The moment you sent me the message, I had let go of all the previous things.

That time also made me more sure that you are the domineering girl who appeared in my life.

The moment I met you, it seemed that the laughter and anger between us in this life were bound. scold.

You said your kindness was unnecessary and you were hurt.

I reflect and reflect on what I said that was wrong and hurt you.

But I don’t remember...

Only because I treat you as my best friend, I can speak without any scruples, let alone say so many superficial words to you.

You are I am a small piece of the puzzle of my life, but without you, my life would not be complete.

You said that we should have severed contact as early as February last year

I was completely confused when I saw this sentence.

I have been thinking about it What happened in February last year, of course you know me, I can’t think of anything.

If I did anything wrong or hurt you in any way, please tell me at the time.< /p>

This is not a cautious friendship, it will only make the problem sour.

About him

I don’t believe at all that we would be over a man. Falling out.

Even if many people tell me that there is no chance of you and her in this life, this friend will be lost.

I think you will bless me if I am happy, and you will be happy too. I will also bless you, and we are the ones who want each other to be better.

Whenever I drive out to play on November and May Day, I think of you.

< p> The girl who promised to see all the scenery in the world with me, where are you now and why can’t we be together.

There is still a picture of your little cow hanging on the car, taking you to see the whole world.< /p>

I can’t let go of you, I can’t let go of my godmother, I can’t let go of my uncle.

When I was in the most difficult and sad times, you all were my strong backing and made me feel like home.

p>

Aren’t we a family? Don’t I have a last name?

We once promised to be each other's bridesmaids, no matter who gets married first.

You are wearing a wedding dress, and I am beside you, witnessing your happiness.

I'm wearing a wedding dress, and you stand next to me, witnessing my happiness.

Together we become a yellow-faced woman, and then slowly...

Little by little, we lose our childishness and become You have to mature.

I believe there is a kind of feeling that will never be lost to time in a lifetime.

Whenever you feel uncomfortable, don’t bear it alone. Please believe me. Tell me and I will accompany you!

If I make you uncomfortable, please tell me immediately.

Maybe the more you accommodate me, the more I will push you further.

Life The true meaning of breathing is not the number of breaths, but the moments that take your breath away.

Then you can say with a smile, I have a very good girlfriend, we are not lovers, we are not LES, but I Love her.

And most importantly, I'm sorry, I love you, forgive me.

My old friend, I miss you very much, how have you been recently... .....

Do you want to make a date? My WeChat number has not been deleted. I will harass you from time to time, old friend.