Ask some questions about psychology, personality, troubles and aspects, and then how can we achieve something?

I have to admit that with the encouragement of these 200 points, so many people have answered your questions. I'm afraid I'm confused. I don't know if you are looking for someone else's explanation or the way you want. After all, there are only a few ways to change yourself, and only one dress is dyed in different colors. Besides, you are not the kind of person who doesn't realize what you should and shouldn't do. No matter how good the method is, it will not help if you don't do it. In fact, isn't that what you did? I have no feelings for money, but I want to succeed. How do you balance such contradictory ideas? Although the past has brought us the greatest influence and determined what we are now, the past will not be the whole of a person, and you like to talk about things with the past too much, and your eyes never look forward. You mentioned that you are a young man of literature and art, but you can't understand this book or that one. So from these situations, escape is your biggest feature. Moreover, in order to support your reasonable escape, you think of many reasons and events to prove that you are powerless. However, when determining whether a person is really helpless, we only need to see whether a person has seen himself clearly, realized his own problems, and has been deeply involved. Let me talk about my analysis on the points you mentioned.

Point 1. Very sensitive. Sensitive people have some core assumptions to avoid facing difficulties. In fact, this is the same as the interpersonal problem you mentioned later. However, they are two manifestations of the same problem. A person hurts you and doesn't want to touch anything related to him. This does not imply that you have a tendency to perfection, but that you have no deep psychological ability. We call it absolute concept, which is different from perfect concept. The reason for this is of course related to your previous life experience. The formation of this extreme concept shows that your psychological ability has not been divorced from childhood. In other words, it was not based on your growing experience, and failed to develop in harmony with the environment, thus maintaining a state of psychological ability as a child. How to understand it? Because in childhood, before we are three or four years old, it is easy to judge the nature of things by the absolute nature of good or bad. Good is like, like is good; What is bad is annoying, and what is annoying is bad. Children's preferences are obvious. They never consider the multifaceted nature of a thing, nor do they realize the multiple attributes of the thing itself. They just judge things according to their feelings. This model will not be gradually improved until after the age of five or six. At this time, we will begin to realize that good things have a bad side and bad things have a good side. Relatively speaking, the experience of growing up and the multiplicity of environmental things make us more and more aware that relying on people's simple preferences is more and more incompatible with things. As a result, we began to learn to know things instead of simply focusing on the only feeling standard in our hearts. However, you are now twenty-four, but you still have the characteristics of your psychological ability as a child. I can only consider that your family or your growing environment has not provided much help to the shaping of your psychological ability. Furthermore, you mentioned the following interpersonal problems, and I believe that your interpersonal problems have always been your core problems. You have had problems with others since you were a child. The relatively isolated growth experience prevents you from learning from others, accepting others' new views on things and interpersonal communication, and forming new experiences. Therefore, your psychological ability was sealed in childhood. In fact, it reminds us that you don't have the ability to understand things deeply, because you have no ability, experience and don't know how to do it. You still guide your life and judge things according to your feelings. Now, it still is.

The second point: changing the screen name frequently is not a problem worth analyzing. Because it is common to be dissatisfied with the screen name, you just need to pay attention to those who change their names frequently. Many people on my QQ basically change their names every week, so I can't comment. I used more than a dozen screen names five years ago, and I didn't change them until I found a screen name that sounded good to me. This is the process that everyone gives names to things that are meaningful to them. Only when you are satisfied with that name will you choose to use it for a period of time. The screen name is not like our name, and the process of changing the name is more complicated. If changing the name can be as convenient as changing the screen name, I guess many people will keep changing their names. However, you mentioned a lot of things that reflect your later life, that's for sure. A considerable number of people's online names are related to their mentality at that time and the influence of some experiences on them. The screen name indirectly reflects a lot of information about a person. Here, what you said is right. Change the screen name frequently, just as we often update it, it's the same. This is not worth making a fuss about.

The third point: as I mentioned in the first point, I don't have any friends and I don't want to make friends here. Interpersonal communication ability is a learned ability. We are not natural social types. Our social skills are shaped by our past life experiences. The environment, specifically the family environment, provides us with a model of early communication with others. When our model was shaped by primary school, middle school and society, it gradually formed a relatively fixed style. People's social skills have the shadow of family. Because the social model of family members has been deeply imprinted on us from the beginning, only later did other environments repair our model. Some people really don't want to deal with others. Most people who don't want to deal with others are because they don't know how to establish good social relations with others at all. It was just a simple question of whether we would or not. When we grow up and find that our social skills are poor, we will never become unwilling. Because doing something that we can't or are not good at means that we will face greater failure and feel worse because of such failure. Therefore, it is our potential need to prevent ourselves from feeling more negative because we are not good at something. I mentioned in the first paragraph that what you are facing now is not interpersonal problems, but always interpersonal problems. Because your psychological ability has not changed since childhood, you have no in-depth communication with others. However, people like this are often eager to have sincere friends, intimate friends and friends who can share joys and sorrows with them. They just suffer from being at a loss. However, once such people find someone they can rely on or trust, their degree of emotional specialization is very, very high. This is a high-intensity dependence psychology, often because they can't establish good interpersonal relationships, so that they can only pin all their hopes on one person or a very small number of people.

However, you mentioned how to be generous, happy and easy to associate with people. I think this goal is extremely difficult to achieve. You are twenty-four years old this year. If you want to achieve this goal, it is directly proportional to the time when you have interpersonal problems. You even spent three or four years to improve your interpersonal relationship greatly, but you still can't achieve your emotional goals. Because in the actual process of change, if a person is trying to make himself feel better, then this goal is often difficult to achieve. In the change of interpersonal problems, what can really help a person is not feelings, but gains. Because you lack the ability to deepen interpersonal relationships since childhood, if you take goodwill as the goal of change, you will only fail in the end. At this point, if we really want to change, we must first learn a new interpersonal communication model and learn new knowledge and abilities through gradual attempts. This is not what you think, and it will not be as simple as you think. I can't explain it here. Because this involves the formulation of the plan, it is not a simple answer.

Viewpoint 4: In modern society, money is basically a concept equal to one's achievement expectation. A person has no concept of money, which means that he may have no feelings or expectations for work. Therefore, when you find that you have no hope to achieve something in life, your desire for money is very weak. The concept of literary youth you mentioned later, I have to take into account that you have too many indifferent mentality. For example, I just want to find someone who loves me, live a quiet life in a quiet place, grow flowers in various places, and spend time with my children and wife. Therefore, the desire for money reflects your own expectations of life. When your expectation of life becomes more dull, it will be indirectly reflected in your feelings about money. Use more, use less, and don't use it without it. This is just a superficial phenomenon. You can ask yourself what your attitude and expectations are towards life. If they are too plain, your desire for money will naturally not be much higher. So this question just reflects other aspects of your own mentality.

Fifth point: No matter what kind of youth you are, hobbies are not habits that you suddenly establish. It depends on what we touch. The more things we can touch, the more we can find what we like to do. If a person only digs coal in coal pits all his life, it is hard to imagine that he will be willing to do other things. Because he doesn't know that there are many things in this world. And a person likes painting, he at least needs to know that painting still exists. A sudden interest for no reason can only be called a whim. As for learning, how to arouse interest is actually very simple. That is, reading should have a goal. If it's just to kill time, then when we have something to do, we won't think of reading at all. Generally speaking, people who read books become interested because reading these books helps them to do something. For example, they want to write and create, which is beneficial to their work and to themselves. When reading is just a simple act, it is easy for this act to stop slowly because it is meaningless to the parties concerned. If reading is just to kill time for you, neither to write, nor to help you improve your work ability, or to let yourself know more and help yourself clear your heart, then forcing yourself to read will only become a pain, not a pleasure. Although you say that you are a young man of literature and art, if you have not created any achievements, you can only call yourself a young man of literature and art. For a simple example, an old farmer worked hard on a piece of land all day, but never got anything. So, do you think this old farmer will continue to work? Definitely not. Your situation is similar to this now. Your hobby didn't bring you any gains. Finally, it is no longer my favorite hobby. Everyone likes to continue to do one thing because they have a goal they want to achieve. This goal can be material or spiritual. However, if there is no such goal, in the end, we will neither gain anything nor continue to do it. Therefore, for you, if you want to arouse your interest in reading, you need to find the goal of reading. The establishment of other hobbies is based on what you can get in touch with. In the process of getting in touch with new things, you can find what you like to do. Any interest of anyone, as well as the cultivation and persistence of interest, is such a process.

Point 6: What to do if you want to achieve something. This question is a bit confusing. Why? Because this problem is easy to ignore our reality. To pursue a better goal, we must know where we are bad, where we are good, and what kind of goal we want to pursue. If you want to achieve something, then you must show yourself our real life. You mentioned a core event, which is work. How to achieve success at work? That is the degree of matching between the individual and the job, plus the long-term goal of the individual. This is a process that is based on analysis first and then continues to be implemented. In practice, we all need to know what the characteristics of our work are, what knowledge and skills we need, what the workflow is, and what the biggest development goal it gives us. Because some jobs, no matter how well done, you will only get a few hundred dollars more at most. Others are of little use, such as the work in a textile factory, which just requires you to be familiar with the workflow and precautions. When the workload you can accomplish exceeds the general standard, you can get higher income. But this kind of work is just a general skill job, and it doesn't have much long-term development. Therefore, if you want to succeed in your career, you need to know what the greatest achievement goal your job can provide at this time. When we can see the characteristics of the job clearly, the next step is to analyze ourselves, what I can do, what I want to do, what I am doing now, how I am doing, if I want to do what I want to do, do I know it, what I want to do or what I am doing, and whether I am doing it now. When we analyze the matching degree between our work and ourselves, we may face another new problem. That is, most people are not doing what they want to do, and many people also want to make contributions. So when I analyze my work, I will mention what I want to do, the correlation between my ability and what I want to do, and emphasize whether I am doing it. Finally, the establishment of work goals is generally divided into two parts, one is a long-term goal of two to three years, and the other is a short-term goal of one month or one quarter. In such a goal, we can well see the close point between our progress and the goal, and we can also well adjust our pace to adapt to development.

However, whether you want to do your current job well or build your own career, a core point is to be able to identify the matching degree between your job and yourself and stick to it. Career is not the result of fantasy, but the result of realization. If you want to succeed in your career, you rely on fantasy and just live in self-righteous happiness. What really enables us to achieve is through action. The process of actual implementation is a process of overall development. Because our present ability will not create better results for us, it is often to find our own shortcomings, actively supplement our knowledge and improve our ability to get better results. And the results are accumulated on the basis of step by step improvement. Therefore, accumulation is extremely important.

Personally, from what you mentioned above, interpersonal relationship and cognitive model are your big problems. And interpersonal relationships are related to your cognitive model. It can be said that people with bad interpersonal relationships can hardly achieve anything. And interpersonal relationship is determined by a person's cognitive model. Your unchanging cognitive model has made you suffer a lot. How to change it? Changing cognition is a dual process. It requires both behavioral changes and active participation in consciousness. This process often needs the help of others. Because for yourself, it is very difficult to really see the multiple sides of things, or to accept new things, change your behavior and change yourself. We only have our own relatively closed cognitive system, and it is difficult for us to break through in this relatively stable state. However, you already have the first element to change yourself, that is, you have the will to change yourself. Only those who are willing to change themselves can change themselves. Whether you try to change yourself for a long time or through the help of others, you will get twice the result with half the effort, because you have such a will. In addition, what I want to say is that it is useless to analyze one's psychological state too much. Because it may interfere with our positive changes indefinitely. In this case, it is enough to know what is wrong with you and what needs to be changed. Because we are aware of the problems, we can effectively help ourselves gain new experiences and abilities by trying. From this point of view, do