As a new father, I feel that my time has been deprived by my children. How should I adjust my mentality?

Let me talk about the negative emotions after the birth of a child and the ways to overcome them.

The first negative emotion is worry. Is she full? Why is she crying? Is she sick? The baby cried for half an hour for no reason, didn't eat milk or sleep. Did something in her clothes hurt her? I didn't even look. Is she scared? It's no use hugging and coaxing. It seems that children always have a period of time. I don't know why she collapsed, but it's useless to coax, hug, sleep and eat, only to be stiff. At this time, the mood of worry and even guilt is very turbulent.

The second negative is boredom, which is the feeling of the landlord. He has no time at all. When he woke up, he just ate, fed, changed diapers and took a shower. When the baby is asleep, just sleep for a while and want to read for a while. The baby cried. If you are older, you can crawl, roll and walk, so you have to adopt a man-to-man strategy. You can't look at her mobile phone in front of him yet, or she will look at it, and you will worry about her bad eyes. You can only play a few very, very childish games with her over and over again, and keep repeating them. She enjoys it, and you yawn repeatedly.

I took my baby to the park to watch her climb. If someone takes a photo, their eyes must be in a state of dementia. . . It is similar to telling a story of 15 minutes with a baby in her arms. After repeating this story for an hour, your eyes began to become dementia.

How to overcome it? My experience is as follows:

1. Never bring a baby with more than one person, but give another person enough recovery time.

As long as mom and dad have a baby, for example, it's mom's time before lunch and dad's time after lunch, and when this person takes it, unless the baby is dying, the other party must not make any noise, just like there is no baby at home. It's time to play games and watch movies. This charging time is very important. Of course, people with babies should not be jealous of each other, and let them come and give a hand. . . Usually, the baby can definitely be taken alone. When taking the baby, try to go out as much as possible, and don't be under the same roof with another person (this is inefficient for both parties). In this way, the one without the baby has a full rest and is more energetic when taking the baby. Otherwise, two people will take it together and watch a family of three together. In fact, both husband and wife are absent-minded, have no time to do their own things, and time will be wasted.

2. Try to talk normally when taking care of the baby, not that kind of baby. Look at this, baby, look at that ... I once told my baby the meaning of Normandy landing to the allies, but she didn't understand it anyway. Not so boring will not make you sleepy, and you will think, oh, I know a lot, it doesn't matter if I am wrong, anyway, baby. . . Yes . . Listen. . . No. . I see. Imagine Eva is alone. . . Well, he's alone, but you know), you can say whatever you want. Eva and I discussed the meaning of marriage, the present situation of Hitler's victory in World War II, and whether people evolved from fish. If you don't mind, let's have a beer and chat with Eva in the park. I think my mood will be very peaceful. . . Usually this trick can't be used until the baby can talk. Now use it quickly.

When a person takes care of the baby, you must never lower your intelligence level for a long time. I wonder why you feel bored and sleepy. Not physically tired, but mentally really relaxed. You should try to treat the baby as a person. . . In any case, you should try not to communicate with the baby in his voice. When you communicate with Eva, your tone becomes more and more normal, and you will feel that this boredom will decrease.

Then when the baby is older, you start to communicate with him. Now mom wants to play for a while, and you can play for a while. Of course, you should give her proper guidance, such as reading pictorial and building blocks when she was very young, and really play with her when playing with him. Now that my baby is over three years old, I always want my father or mother to play with her at night, and I have to watch movies on Sunday afternoon. When her father takes a nap, she can basically play quietly by herself. It's a pity that she doesn't like me telling stories anymore. . . I'm embarrassed to talk about that. I am back to the honest and happy prince, the little match girl and the ugly duckling. . . Alas. . . I asked her if she knew what the Normandy landing was, and she said, no. )

3. Work and rest rules. This is very important. Don't let the baby go to bed too late and sleep late in the morning, so you will find that the day passes quickly and nothing is done at the weekend. When we were young, she went to bed after seven o'clock, and adults didn't sleep with her. Since childhood, she has developed the habit of telling stories in bed and sleeping by herself, so that she has time at night. Now she usually goes to bed at half past eight, so at least she will have free time after nine. She gets up from 6: 30 to 7: 30 in the morning. If adults with fitness hobbies can exercise by themselves from 9: 00 to 10: 00 in the evening, or from 5: 30 to 6: 30 in the morning, I suggest it is in the morning, and it is easy to fall asleep after exercising at night. . . . Regular work and rest can ensure that adults are full of energy. No matter at night or during the day, there is always an hour or two of free time.

4, of course, parents and nannies come to help, so that couples have their own entertainment time. At present, the arrangement of our family is to have dinner everywhere on Saturday, and the three of us will eat together from Sunday to Tuesday. Then I will take it alone on Wednesday, and my husband will go out to play. My husband will take it alone on Thursday, and I will go out to play. I gave it to my mother on Friday, and my husband and I went out to play together! Pick her up at noon on Saturday and take her everywhere to eat. . . In this way, the husband and wife have at least two nights of separate activities every week, and friends who used to have good relationships can still keep the habit of getting together 1-2 times a month, and will not feel that they have lost their friends when they have children.

5. When the baby can communicate, let her know who has reason to listen to whom. It is useless to roll around and cry. I think I insist on this most in our family, with my husband second and my mother third. . . Ahem. So I also feel that I am more efficient in taking care of my baby. I don't want to hug when I go out to play, but I will collect toys when I say play. It's easy for adults and children. But at this time, you should also grasp the principle that there is only one person to take care of the baby. For example, the baby is at my mother's house. As long as she is alive, I won't care if she lifts the roof, because my mother will be soft and I can't compete with my baby. Listen to my mother and deal with her when I get home. . . Adults never have internal friction, and everyone thinks they are right, so adults must take care of their babies separately and never have internal friction.

In short, let the baby know that mom and dad should have their own lives, and you should learn to play by yourself. You should have your own life and try to make friends with peers. . . So, baby, let's go, let's go! Son! Garden! La! hahaha. I am very happy at the thought of living a collective life in kindergarten during the day, hahaha.

The above is a little experience, hoping to help the landlord adjust his mentality. . .

PS, two years old is a very productive age, there will be all kinds of hysterical struggles that need to control power, and the landlord will resist! Just pass it on!

First of all, we have to admit that this is an inevitable objective fact. Personal space and time are occupied by children, which will inevitably lead to discomfort. My family used to have a study full of books, and the bedroom, bathroom, dining table, computer, balcony and other places were also full of books. After Ma Xiaowan was born, I packed these books one by one and put them in another house. At the same time, there are game machines, board games, models, and all the spaces in the house are covered with all kinds of baby products. It took me a long time to get used to raising my hand to take diapers instead of books in any corner of the house.

Secondly, there are many solutions. For example, be considerate of your wife. What you are deprived of is only time, and your wife is infringed on half her life and health. For example, cultivate a strong fatherly love; For example, the sense of responsibility for family and children and so on. When you really start to pay attention to these things, you will feel that your psychological problems are not important at all.

But these are external solutions, which suppress psychological problems and cannot really solve the new father's troubles from the inside.

Let a newborn father cut off his hobbies in tears, suppress his feelings that his children are very troublesome, and sadly devote himself to the great cause of parenting. In fact, it is not to solve the problem, but to suppress it.

It is the root to solve the problem that the newborn father becomes a wet dad happily and resolutely.

I am not a big psychologist, so I can only share my practical experience.

My method is to try to make myself better.

There are different opinions about the definition of Secondary Two. As far as my personal understanding is concerned, it is a state of being divorced from reality and falling into fantasy anytime and anywhere, as a benchmark for thinking and behavior patterns. For example, in the face of a slowly opening elevator, reach out and learn to wave a wand and shout "open"! Another example is walking on the road and suddenly falling down, casually saying to himself: "Ah, this new body is really not used to it." In short, in reality, I will involuntarily imitate some scenes in fantasy works and completely immerse myself in them. It is said that because most children in the second grade of junior high school in Japan will do this, they are called second grade.

Generally speaking, this kind of behavior is considered negative, but on this psychological issue, I think it helps to dispel the fear and rejection of newborn fathers on parenting.

No, no, you misunderstood. Secondary two should not escape from reality through secondary two, but should take the initiative to turn it into reality and dilute the troubles.

When Ma Xiaowan was just full moon, he had a habit of being held, held vertically, standing or walking all the time, as if there was a precise balance gyroscope in his body, and he would howl as soon as he sat down. One night, I held him on the balcony, carefully exhausted. It happened to rain that day, and the weather was fine. The night outside the window is dark, and a few bright stars are faintly visible in the sky. In the distance, the dark and tall outline of CBD building seems to be a giant standing guard.

I looked down at Ma Xiaofan's face, and my brain hole opened at this moment. I feel like a king who has just returned to the castle from the war, just in time for the birth of the prince. I carried him to the top of the castle and happily pointed to the darkness and said, "son, look at the direction where my fingertips are pointing, see?" The vast world you can see, the brightly lit and prosperous country, the solemn horizon and the mountains like white elephants in the distance, I promise you, these will be your territory and your rule, so can we stop crying now? "

These words were not blurted out, but conceived when I was holding him for a walk on the balcony. It should be epic, not too melodramatic, with a Shakespearean accent, not limited to the Lion King and Arthas. I was completely immersed in the dying ambition and hope of the old king, and my fatigue temporarily subsided, and Ma Xiaofan was less annoyed. This is the face of a future prince. Maybe he will have an evil uncle, well, what is it?

Zhu Jiayin

still

@ Luo Siwei

Let's play. Besides, Fan Xiao should have a loyal partner. It's better to be Xiao Guai Huang or Xi Xi. The mobster seems to have a calm temper, and his parents are richer ... thinking endlessly, he is not bored at all. I have not finished my words yet. Ma Xiaofan was completely asleep, and I still refused to leave the balcony.

Later, when Ma Xiaofan was three months old, crying at night was still an annoying problem. He woke up in the middle of the night and cried with his eyes closed for no reason. I was once desperate. Because of lack of sleep, I can't concentrate during the day and can't write anything.

Later, I thought of a way to get a photo of Tongtianhe carp essence and Zhang Liao in xiaoyaojin, print it out and post it behind the bedroom door. My daughter-in-law asked me what I meant, and I solemnly said that carp essence is the patron saint of writers because it is called the king of empathy; Zhang Liao Zhang Wenyuan is the patron saint of newborn parents, because he can stop children from crying at night. I must worship. Later, Ma Xiaofan cried all night. I got out of bed, went to the door first, and paid a few respects respectfully. I also got an electronic incense burner. My daughter-in-law couldn't help laughing when she saw my earnest worship, and her troubles suddenly eased. From then on, Ma Xiaofan should cry and we should be sleepy, but every time we worship carp essence and Zhang Liao first, it becomes a fixed laughing stalk.

There are follow-ups. I taught my friend this method, but he said it was unreasonable. It is clearly written in The Romance of the Three Kingdoms that Zhang Liao's fame is to frighten Wu Dong children to cry at night, which only works in Jiangsu, Zhejiang and Shanghai. You are a poor Man Zi. What's the use of worshipping him?

There are many similar things. I sometimes write these cases of secondary diseases in Weibo:

These Weibo are some second-year flashes and brain holes when I was taking care of Ma Xiaofan. They are long and short. In fact, these imaginations have no influence on Ma Xiaowan and will not reduce the workload of taking care of him. However, using this kind of second-dimensional thinking to raise children can at least make you enjoy yourself, hypnotize yourself, and bring back the good times that you were deprived of a little bit, and get some comfort.

Just try it. It works.

More importantly, please do it with your wife. Because for the sake of children, mothers always pay more than fathers. Any psychological problems that my father encounters, my mother has to multiply by three times.

Finally, I recommend a children's song by Xian Yi, which is very nice. Children will be very happy when they listen to it, and adults in Grade Two will be … very happy when they listen to it, although the reasons for being happy are different.

Song of Little Heep-Video Watch Online