Faced with his wife's accusation against his mother, the man asked, what did you say last time your mother almost burned down the kitchen?

I have a friend who put forward a new viewpoint when she met the contradiction between her mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law after marriage.

First, talk about her marriage.

A friend met her husband on a blind date. I met at the age of 28 and got married at the age of 29. Along the way, it is the common appearance of many people dating.

Before they met, they knew each other a lot, but they didn't like each other. When they met, they were able to chat, although they didn't have the feeling of meeting each other after a brief encounter.

My friend said that at this age, I don't want to pursue any more affairs. Only plain is true.

After two months together, it can be said that it is in tune. Although we both have shortcomings, we can bear them, so we got married naturally.

After getting married, they moved into a house in the city alone. This house was bought two years ago. It's a relatively small apartment with three bedrooms and one living room. Rao is like this, almost spending her husband's parents' life savings.

Originally, my in-laws lived in the countryside, and everything was peaceful. Come to see them once in a while, or go back on vacation. Going back is a guest, and the new couple is also a guest, so she didn't face the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law at first.

Yes, the real disagreement with her mother-in-law is that after she gives birth, her mother-in-law will take care of her and help with the children by the way.

The first thing we face is naturally the difference of views. Mother-in-law has her own parenting style and different views.

For example, my mother-in-law likes to dress her children a lot and make them sweat in winter. When the hat was taken off, her hair was wet. She couldn't understand it, but she wouldn't listen and put it on when she took it off.

My mother-in-law likes to take her previous experience as all the basis for raising children now. Some things are wrong, but the mother-in-law has reason to fight back all her dissatisfaction: "I brought two children like this, and I didn't see anything wrong with the children!"

She stopped talking, so she had to let her mother-in-law toss and eat less snacks.

02

Have you ever found that in life, it is easy to have differences when you get along with anyone?

This is what friends do. I used to share a room with a friend who had a good time. After half a year, there was a contradiction. Things accumulate because of small things. After separation, our relationship is still very good.

The same is true between relatives. I remember when I was in college, a few days before I went home, my mother was still looking forward to it day and night. After only three days at home, my mother was completely disgusted.

That kind of dislike is true, but love is also true, so after eliminating two or two, love still prevails.

However, there is no love between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and even there is no tolerance and tacit understanding between friends. For example, if there is a conflict with a good friend, the sadness in my heart must be greater than anger.

Once the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law arises, this disharmony really exists, and it is a kind of 100% dissatisfaction that no other emotion can offset.

This is a friend's point of view, because when she found that she didn't like her mother-in-law, she couldn't get everything back, and her dissatisfaction accumulated quickly, which surprised her.

Less than two months after her mother-in-law died, she has developed to the point where her mother-in-law is not pleasing to the eye.

She said, "Let's just say that when I went out shopping and came back to see my mother-in-law lying on the sofa, I was angry for no reason. But think about it carefully, what am I angry about?" I can't say it, I'm just angry. "

To tell the truth, my friend has always been a good-tempered person and tolerant, but he can't let go as usual when facing his mother-in-law.

She can talk a lot about her mother-in-law's problems with her mouth open. Finally, when she couldn't help it, she told her husband that it was better to let her mother-in-law go home, and she could take care of the children alone.

When the husband asked why, she thought about it, but still told the reason and expressed her dissatisfaction with her mother-in-law.

03

Since she realized that she was married, she and her husband have always had a good relationship. They can respect each other's opinions and decisions. It never occurred to her that she had chosen the wrong person.

But this time, her husband was not on her side. Facing her criticism of her mother, he asked, "Last time your mother almost burned down the kitchen, what did you say?"

She didn't react at that time, but after thinking for a long time, she understood what her husband said.

I didn't understand at first, but she said four words first: empathy.

She said: "I thought about it all night, and my mother-in-law came to take care of it. There is a big contradiction with me, but if this contradiction is caused by me and my mother, how will I react? "

Besides, "I may be angry, but I will still take care of my mother's emotions, and I won't make her unhappy or hold grudges." Maybe I'll be all right after a while. "

Let's go back to the previous topic.

She continued: "I later assumed that if I came back from outside and saw my mother lying on my sofa, not washing clothes or mopping the floor, my first reaction would be to be worried to death." Is my mother sick? Are you not used to it here and bored? Should I take her out for a walk? "

For her mother-in-law, she said that she wouldn't think so much, but she felt that such a big person was lying idle and uncomfortable.

So while complaining that her mother-in-law didn't regard herself as her own daughter, she didn't treat her mother-in-law as a mother at all. So, we are even.

There is nothing to be angry about when she thinks like this: "After all, it costs money to hire people, and people may not be able to take care of them."

It's actually the same as what her husband said about "burning the kitchen".

04

The last time her own mother came over, there was actually no similar problem. My mother has lived in the countryside for a long time, and she uses the kind of stove that burns firewood at home, so her mother is not good at using natural gas stoves.

At that time, her mother was cooking in the kitchen and came to watch TV on the way. She had a bad memory when she was old. She was so absorbed in watching TV that she forgot the burning pot in the kitchen.

The consequences can be imagined. Later, they simplified the kitchen, and mom felt guilty.

At that time, she had been persuading her mother that it was all right, and she specifically said to her husband, "My mother is old, so she should understand tolerance and not make them angry when she makes some small mistakes. You can't say much about this, just turn it over. "

Her husband agreed at once, but didn't say anything later. In turn, he helped comfort her mother.

She added: "If it were my mother-in-law, I would be so angry that I would never remember it." What her husband said was to remind her that they were both mothers, and the last time was too far away from this time.

She said: "Although my mother-in-law was also at fault, in fact, I put my mother-in-law on my opposite side from the beginning and regarded her as an enemy, so I quickly accumulated so much dissatisfaction."

So understanding, she also relieved everything, saying that if you can put yourself in the other person's shoes, you can solve it well.

Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is naturally impossible to be as close as mother and daughter. This is really rare.

However, don't treat your mother-in-law as an imaginary enemy from the beginning. In this case, your initial dissatisfaction is actually your own inner rejection. When you have this idea, it is easy for your mother-in-law to do everything wrong like a friend.

Therefore, in the face of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, as a woman, we should not wronged ourselves, but also reflect on whether our mentality is correct. This is the real fairness.