Long jokes

School starts today, and the class introduces itself. A male classmate walked up to the podium: "My name is You Yong, from Beijing. I love playing chess!" After saying that, he went down. The next person was a girl. The girl shyly walked onto the podium and introduced herself uneasily: "I...I My name is Xia Qi...I like swimming..." The whole class fainted.

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Freshman year: Found a worm and dumped the whole bowl of rice; sophomore year: picked out the worms and continued to eat; junior year: ate it as if there were no worms; senior year: found no worms, protested, How can we eat without insects?

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The wife went out to collect debts, but returned empty-handed a few months later.

The husband said angrily: "You are so incompetent!"

The wife said dissatisfiedly: "Although I didn't ask for the money, I brought the boss's child back!"< /p>

The husband was overjoyed and asked: "Where are the people?"

The wife patted her belly and said: "Don't worry, it's locked up in here!"

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< p>One afternoon one month before graduating from high school, the school beauty of our class, who had always been very quiet, stood on the podium and faced us and said loudly to us: Love is not something you think about! Love is made!~` The whole class fell down first, and then burst into applause... I will never forget this scene in my life! `

There was a girl who scolded me: Why didn’t your dad shoot you into the wall? ! !

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Tang Monk and his disciples were going to the West to learn Buddhist scriptures again. Tang Monk wanted to take a shortcut, so he asked Wukong. Wukong replied: "I heard that airplanes are faster than white dragon horses. "More." Bajie suggested, "Master, I heard that the Shenzhou VI is faster." Then Sha Seng took out four train tickets, pointed at Tang Seng, and said, "Master, I heard that riding on this thing can take you to the West immediately. ! ”

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A woman couldn't get married because of her small breasts. One day during a blind date, she said to a man: "Do you dislike my small breasts?" The man said: "Are they as big as steamed buns?" The woman said yes! On the night of the bridal chamber, the man rushed out of the bridal chamber, knelt down and looked up to the sky and shouted: "Oh my god, Wangzai little steamed bun!"

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A man feels discomfort in his lower body , Western medicine diagnosed the disease as having to be removed, and the man couldn’t bear to lose his treasure and turned to traditional Chinese medicine.

The Chinese medicine doctor looked, smelled, inquired and prescribed a pair of Chinese medicine.

The man was overjoyed. He said: Traditional Chinese medicine is so effective, and there is no need for surgery!

The Chinese medicine doctor calmly replied: It will fall off automatically after two days! !

The African black girl traveled to Shanghai and stayed in a hotel. Fire broke out in the middle of the night. The African woman ran out quickly. A firefighter was surprised when he saw it and said: My mother is burnt and she is still running so fast!!

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A suicidal person described the reasons for his suicide in his suicide note, which sounds really disturbing. Headache. The suicide note reads:

I am married to a widow who has an adult daughter. My father is married to the daughter my wife brought here. So my father became my son-in-law, and my daughter became my stepmother. I called my father daddy, and my father also called me daddy. My daughter called me daddy, but I called her mommy. I also called her daddy. You have to call my wife grandma, because she is my stepmother’s mother. Soon my daughter, my stepmother, gave birth to a son. He was my half-brother, and he had to call me grandpa, because he was also my grandson.

Later, my wife, my grandmother, gave birth to a son. He was my stepmother’s younger brother and I was his nephew, so my son called me daddy and I called my son uncle.

In addition, I am my wife, my grandma’s grandson, and my grandma’s husband, so I am also my maternal grandfather. And because my wife is my grandmother, my son, my uncle, is my brother and my daughter’s brother, so I... Oh my gosh, such a complicated relationship really breaks my mind, I Only death can provide relief.

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My husband likes to hide at home and let me find him, but the house is too small and I can easily find him every time. One time before going to bed, he went to turn off the light (the light switch was a certain distance from the bed). After turning it off, I saw him squatting on the ground quickly. Although I could see clearly (night vision is very good), I couldn't make any sound. ring. I saw him squatting for a while, then crawling over to the bed. I couldn't help but laugh. When he carefully and laboriously climbed to the bed and stuck his head out, I pounced on him, scaring him! Haha, laugh wildly!

In the eyes of my husband, I am famously short-sighted and have a low IQ. But sometimes, he falls for me. We were on the street the day before yesterday, and we got separated in front of a busy shopping mall, but I turned around and spotted him, and saw him looking nervously behind him.

I walked up behind him and yelled his name. He turned around sharply. I pretended not to see him and yelled anyway, acting like I was scared and anxious. He smiled happily and hugged me. Say "Oh, stupid!" Oh, it's so sweet!

Another thing came to mind: I was walking in the yard with my husband after dinner last night. Suddenly I saw a cockroach on the road. I shouted, "Husband, step on it, step on it, step on it!" Then I stretched out my feet. When I was about to step on it, my husband said, "Oh, it's Xiaoqiang, let it go." It made me feel like I was cruel and unloving.

My husband took the shuttle bus home and the road was blocked, so he sent me a text message asking me to take a detour home. I texted him back and said, if there is a traffic jam, just take a nap in the car. He replied: No! How scary it would be to dream about you!

One day when I saw the Chinese team losing again in a sports competition on TV, I vowed: "In the future, I will let my children practice sports and bring glory to the country!!" My husband looked up at me while reading the book and said. : "Then let him practice weightlifting, let's see what the hell he can do!" Woo hoo hoo...

One day I was discussing with my husband that silly topic that everyone would discuss: "Is it better to be a man in the next life?" Woman", I thought for a long time and said, "I will be a man in my next life, and I will let you serve me as a woman!" My husband turned his face and looked at me and said, "You said the same thing in your last life"...

Yesterday, my husband and I were hunting mice at home. My husband was very brave and crushed the mouse to death. I praised him for his bravery, but he said sadly, "Hey, I remembered the "Shuke and Beta" I watched when I was a child, and I felt so uncomfortable!"

It was my first time to cook for my husband. , I’m really not good at my craftsmanship, and the food I cook doesn’t have the same flavor or flavor. My husband is so cute while immersing himself in eating, while comforting me and saying, it doesn’t matter, my wife, just give me food and clothing, I don’t ask for a well-off life