Recommend some good jokes to me! ! !

Today is my birthday. My girlfriend called early and said that she would come home for my birthday at night. Give me a surprise! Hear the good news! I began to look forward to this wonderful evening. I worked hard and ran away from more than a dozen customers at once! Back to the company. It is three o'clock in the afternoon. When I went to the canteen, I found only one miserable dish and one soup, three beans fried with meat (fried soybeans, green beans and peas) and radish soup. No way, after running all morning, the customer's stomach has been growling for a long time, so he had to order a big plate of meat, fried three beans and a big plate of radish soup to eat! Unexpectedly, after work, my stomach is like the engine of a cross-country jeep-I started a violent piston movement! In a flash, puffs of gas rushed out of my body! I rushed to the place where no one was there, and my stomach began to sing softly, but it immediately turned into a rapid-fire poop-poop! My stomach is so swollen! While sleeping, my girlfriend called and said she had arrived home. Let me hurry home. Alas! I have no choice but to go home. I hope she won't see me in such a mess. . . . .

I farted a lot on my way home Almost home, my stomach feels much better. I think there should be no more problems. I saw my girlfriend waiting at the door from a distance. She looks a little excited. She shouted, "honey, I have prepared a wonderful gift for you tonight, which will definitely surprise you."

Before entering the door, my girlfriend covered my eyes tightly with a piece of cloth and said that she would give me a surprise! He took me to the chair in front of the dining table and made me swear not to peek. Suddenly, I want to fart again. Just then, my girlfriend's cell phone rang. This saved my life! I made an excuse that it was too messy and asked her to answer the phone in the other room! She insisted that I couldn't open the blindfold and made me swear! Then I ran to the other room to answer the phone. As soon as she left, I seized the opportunity, put all my weight on one leg and let my fart out. This fart not only rings, but also smells like rotten eggs. I could hardly breathe, so I touched the chair cushion and fanned it hard to get rid of the bad smell. Just when my mood improved, another fart came again. I raised my leg again and started to release it! It sounds like the rapid rotation of a diesel engine, and the smell is even worse this time. In order not to suffocate myself, I climbed up with my arm waving the chair cushion, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible. When everything is going back to normal, another fart can't wait to rush out. So I stood up, bent down, pursed my ass and leaned back! Let it out. This fart is really first-class, and even the newspapers behind it are blown to the ground. . . . .

I listened to my girlfriend's voice in the other room, and I was afraid to open the blindfold because I had to keep my promise not to peek. I can only fart in the dark, in order to quickly expel the gas from my stomach without making the room worse! I unbuttoned my trousers, took off my underwear and pants under my mourning clothes, exposed my ass, groped for the door of the balcony behind me, almost extended my whole ass to the balcony and began to fart wildly. . . . . . Ah! I feel much better. After that, I jumped around the room with a mat and prayed that the stench would dissipate quickly. . . . In this way, for the next ten minutes, I kept farting and fanning the chair cushions. Finally, when I heard her say goodbye on the phone, the air in the room and my stomach were much better! I quickly tied my pants and arranged my hair, and began to wait for my dear girl to surprise me gracefully and with a smile.

When she approached, my face showed a satisfied smile and warm eyes. My girlfriend first apologized for calling me for so long, and then asked me if I had secretly opened the cloth. After I assured her that I didn't peek, my girlfriend took off the cloth that covered my eyes and said to me, "What a surprise! My girl friends insisted that I bring them to see you today. They say you are very graceful and handsome in the photo! You see, the five people sitting at the table are my good sisters, and the six people standing on the balcony are my best friends at school! " At this time, I was extremely shocked and horrified to find that there were a lot of girls sitting on the table opposite me, while there was another pile standing on the balcony behind me. They all came to this birthday party that surprised me very much.

Now, every one of them is looking at me with a speechless expression. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

How to tell the authenticity of RMB?

Prepare 100 yuan. Fold in half and then fold in half, put it on the ground and step on it n times. Pick it up and see if the people above have nosebleeds. If it is, it is true. If not, it's fake.

One day, several officials and his men came to the restaurant for dinner. A waiter (female) in the shop just arrived 18 years old, and she is an inexperienced dog. After entering the restaurant.

The leader said, "Miss! Tea! "

Miss: "1234567" (originally he thought he was told to check the number of people and had no experience)

Leader: pour the tea! !

Miss: "765432 1"

Leader: "You count!"

Miss: "I am a dog"

1, long adventure ... creative.

2. Were you kissed by a pig when you were a child?

3. You are patriotic, dedicated and have backbone.

4, really creative, really brave to live!

5. You are so fucking postmodern.

6. You look like a car accident scene.

7. Your appearance is out of proportion.

8. Why cover your face with your ass?

9. I think there are only two kinds of people in the world who can attract people. One is beautiful, the other is you.

10, you look very relaxed! !

1 1, which needs to be rebuilt.

How can they call you a pig? This is outrageous! You can't judge a book by its cover! How can you say you look like a pig? That's an insult to pigs.

13, shit, you are so fucking easy to recognize.

14, it looks very sci-fi and abstract!

15, I've seen ugly ones, never seen such ugly ones. It's ugly at first glance, but it's even uglier when you look closely!

16, looks innocent, looks sorry for the people and the party.

17, your growth slows down the network speed, and your growth consumes too much memory.

18, you chased me naked for two kilometers, so I'll be lucky to go back!

19, brother, can you lower the resolution on your face?

20. You broke the rules!

2 1, international face universal.

22. I looked at him sadly and said, "Can the operation be cured?"

23. Your appearance has broken through human imagination. ...

24. You look very fauvism! !

25, you haven't fully evolved, elephant man is really hard for you.

26. I want to see you talk, but why do you bury your face in your ass? ... oh? Sorry, I didn't know it was your face. What about your ass?

I don't want to hurt you either. Go to the zoo to see if there is a job suitable for you. If you run around the street like this, it's easy for the police to shoot you.