Women who arouse possessiveness in men, how to stimulate men’s possessiveness

"As long as you don't cry, I will promise you anything. As long as you smile, my life will be yours." This sentence is probably the envy of many women. It contains a man's love for you. The extent and power of loving you.

But as long as it is a relationship, it will never be smooth sailing. Love will definitely be full of all kinds of thorns.

Before I got the consultation, I was a novice in relationships. When faced with a broken relationship, I was confused and sad. I felt like I couldn’t get out of the pain of being dumped. Until now when I think about it, I still feel overwhelmed.

I believe that many people are like me in the past. They feel that the probability of breaking up and getting back together is too small. However, after I started working in this industry and helped so many people get back together, I discovered that it turns out that getting back together is a real possibility. This thing is really not difficult, but many people use it the wrong way.

Then why did your recovery fail?

There is a concept in psychology called "herding effect". To put it simply, you listen to what others say, and you do what others teach you. In your heart , the opinions of others are the life-saving straw for your reconciliation, so you have completely lost your self-judgment. To put it bluntly, you are just following the trend.

Therefore, under this effect, most people will appear in three states: following the trend, messing up formulas, and wrong recovery methods.

I believe that after a breakup, most women will be in a hurry and seek medical treatment. They will ask their best friends or even read many articles on the Internet to tell you to cut off contact and so on.

Why don’t I suggest that you seek less information like this? That's because when you fall out of love, your whole person will fall into negative emotions, and you will not be able to look at the breakup objectively, nor will you be able to calmly analyze the real problems in this relationship.

This will lead to a series of situations where you will push the other person away again.

There are many people like this around me. When I attended a party a few days ago, I heard a friend next to me say: "I broke up with my boyfriend. What do you think I should do?" Another friend replied. : "After I was broken up, I would squat in front of his house. After a long time, he was moved by me." After hearing this, another friend said unwillingly: "I just call him every day. , then I had the key to his house, and I helped him clean up the housework and cook meals before he came home, and then I retreated and finally got back together."

After I heard this, my most direct feeling was: other people’s methods may be useful for other people’s situations, but they may not be suitable for you. If you mess up the formula and use something that is not suitable for you, way, it will cause things to be reversed.

Let’s use an analogy:

If you are clingy, clingy, and always occupy the other person’s time, and if you break up because of this, then you will cook for others, or spend time with others. If someone squats in front of his house, what will be the consequences? It just makes this person hate you more and more.

For another example, because your emotional value is not high, and the other person cannot get high-value emotions from you during the relationship, then if you call them every day, won’t the other person hate you even more? Because you didn’t do anything to improve the emotional value, you made countless phone calls and were still in a low-value emotion, right?

Why do I often say in class that recovery must be targeted? Everyone, I am not just talking about the three words "targeted". The so-called targeted means that you broke up because of why, so focus on this breakup. The reason is to perform recovery operations instead of breaking up because of low value, but you are improving your attractiveness. Recovery that goes exactly the same way will only be ineffective.

What is the correct way to start compounding?

In fact, there are too many ways to get back together, such as ice-breaking, reconnection, in-depth communication, value enhancement, etc.

Today I will tell you a true story about myself. When I was still a novice in relationships, how did I win back my boyfriend and successfully get married.

My boyfriend is a relatively "off-kilter" person. We are not a long-term relationship type, but a love-at-first-sight type. We were introduced at home, saw each other's eyes, and then started dating together.

We have been in a stumbling relationship for more than three years. Needless to say, the relationship must be very deep. He is also very tolerant of me. But as a person, maybe because I grew up in a privileged family, I am more arrogant. She is a bit overconfident, so it is inevitable that she will feel a bit powerful when getting along with her.

Because I was relatively young at the time, some of my ideas and practices were not very mature. Moreover, before I became an emotional counselor, my character was flawed and I was not very mellow.

My boyfriend is a relatively mature person, and he is the leader of the company. He is consistent in his opinions and is a bit upright. Therefore, few people can change the things he decides, but he can say that he is very tolerant of me. This is unprecedented.

In the words of his friend: "He has never done this to any woman." After hearing this, I felt very proud, so I felt even more confident. In the words of my friend, we are a love-and-kill couple, but we have always gotten along pretty well.

But like everyone else, we also have conflicts and fierce quarrels.

Let me give you a few examples:

I don’t like the gifts he secretly bought for me. I will accuse him and say: “You can’t buy something I like. What’s this? thing".

When he is busy and does not reply to my messages, I will directly get angry and ask him if his phone has exploded and he cannot receive messages.

When we are communicating, I am the kind of talker who talks about everything, but he listens quietly. I get unhappy and say, "You are trying to make a fortune by keeping quiet." "?" He was forced to retreat every time by me.

It is in this kind of daily conflict that we keep accumulating negative emotions, but they are not resolved in time, and finally they explode.

The reason was that after he worked overtime, he went out drinking with his colleagues. As a result, I couldn’t find him all night. He apologized to me the next day. No matter what he said, I didn’t accept it. In the end, I kept saying I intensified the conflict and criticized him from the moral high ground. Maybe he couldn't bear it anymore and broke up with me.

I am a rather stubborn person, so even though I regretted the breakup, I did not pester him, saying something like please forgive me, I was wrong, etc. If I get back together, because I know him, if I do this, not only will he not listen, but he will also hate me even more.

During the time when we broke up, I kept reflecting on my own problems. I found that in the past relationship, he was the most tolerant. He was always tolerant of me. He kept accommodating me and really made a lot of changes for me, but I, relying on his love for me, became even worse.

It really corresponds to the saying: Those who are loved are always confident.

I failed to understand the efforts he put into this relationship, nor did I see the adjustments he made for me. Thinking about it now, if we had said goodbye to each other at that time, maybe I would have really Regret for life.

But based on my understanding of him, ordinary methods can't impress him at all. But for me, a strong professional, I am not easy on the emotional side. In the end, I only used one method, and he He came back to me obediently.

Resilience.

Of course, before I started to recover, I realized my shortcomings and the areas that needed to be corrected. I also understood that a balance is needed in an intimate relationship, which means that I cannot always wait. He came to "love me" and he had to learn to give before he could get anything.

Let me first talk about how I used my resilience to conquer his heart.

Resilience: Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte wrote in the book "The Factors of Resilience": "Resilience refers to It is the ability to recover from setbacks, learn from failures, gain motivation from challenges, and believe that you can overcome any pressure and difficulty in life."

Why do so many people become mentally depressed at every turn? , and is it difficult to get out of negative emotions? It is because you do not have the resilience to face setbacks, your heart is fragile, you are easily defeated, and you do not have the ability to recover.

He likes women who are independent and free and easy. If I am full of negative emotions and depressed, I may really lose him forever, because I think back to why he fell in love with her in the first place. I just feel that I meet his criteria for choosing a mate.

What should I use my resilience for? Of course, I want to attract him again with my original value, and let him see that I am not sluggish because of a broken love, but rather face life and him more positively, right?

Diane L. Coutu mentioned in her article "Facing Difficulties: The Code of Resilience" that resilience has three characteristics:

① Face reality: Calmly accept the facts of the moment.

② Looking for meaning: With firm values, you can still find the meaning of life in difficult times.

③ Flexible: Has amazing ability to adapt to situations and is good at utilizing all resources at hand.

① Face reality: Calmly accept the facts of the moment.

I sent him two messages:

"I am very grateful to you for being together for so long. I think back to everything you did to me, from the small details. , I can feel that you love me very much. It was all because of my willfulness that I lost you. But after reflecting on it during this period, I found that maybe there is a problem in getting along with us. Maybe my problem is more serious. More, if I can be calmer and look at the problems we have encountered objectively, I will not let things evolve to this point, and you will not have so many negative emotions. If I can communicate with you well, instead of using the so-called A radical approach will not let this matter become the trigger for our breakup."

"From the time we broke up to now, I found that I am really used to having you by my side, so I hope we can. I don’t want to disturb you by being my friend. I just want to use my time to weaken my habit of you. As you know, I still have to ask you about many work issues. Of course, I respect your choice. If you don’t If you like, I won’t bother you anymore.”

This kind of rationalized text message is actually a way of retreating to advance, so as to reconnect emotionally with the other party in another identity and angle.

I would also like to tell the majority of female friends here that it is not you who make up for it, the other party has to respond to you. You must know that the negative emotions of breaking up are still there, so you only need to do your best. That's all. Leave the rest to time. Who says drops of water can't penetrate stone? Right?

② Looking for meaning: With firm values, you can still find the meaning of life in difficult times.

I did not immerse myself in the pain of falling out of love and lose my self-worth, nor did I cry bitterly and go out to bars and drink like other women after falling out of love.

Instead, I transformed the pain after a broken relationship into career motivation. I spent most of my time at work, constantly improving my business capabilities at work.

Because of what I know about him, one of his needs in a partner is ability and competence.

Therefore, when I achieved success in my career, I deliberately told my friends through my circle of friends to let him know that I did not regard falling out of love as a major event in my life, but after falling out of love, Create more self-worth and strive to achieve self-realization actively.

What is my motivation? It's not to prove to him that I'm living well without you, but to let him understand that without you, I didn't immerse myself in pain. Instead, I grew up in adversity and lived a better self. Instead of being depressed, I became more positive.

③ Flexible: Has amazing ability to adapt to situations and is good at utilizing all resources at hand.

In fact, after I did the above two things, he started to interact with me. He would take the initiative to like my circle of friends, send me WeChat messages, and even tease me, "Girl, let me break up with you." Becoming stronger, more attractive, and better.”

This was his feedback to me. I no longer replied to him arrogantly like before, "You see, you are so good." Instead, I replied to him, "I think I can still do it." Better, we are working hard, I hope we can be better, let’s work together”

Then in the following life, we began to have good communication, share some happy things at the moment, and also Let's listen to each other's opinions on work matters. In short, our chat is comfortable and relaxed. But even if it was good, I didn't bring up the matter of getting back together.

He didn’t mention getting back together. I was anxious inside, so how could I break the situation? Take advantage of every resource available. Because of business dealings, his friend and I needed to sign a contract together. During the dinner, I told his friend that a man was chasing me recently, and I was very confused whether I should agree or not.

Sure enough, after he found out, he started to take the initiative and said to me: "Are you free tonight? Let's have a meal." This was our first date. I didn't hesitate to go there.

During the meal, he began to ask me, should I agree to the suitor? I pretended to be single, but I haven’t decided yet, so I’ll think about it again.

A man’s possessiveness is really his weakness. From then on, he began to ask me out frequently. I sometimes refused and sometimes agreed. In short, it was a bad hand and I was beaten to death. In the end The ending can be imagined, we got back together, and it was him who proposed it.

In this game of redemption, I found the ultimate destination of life, and also found the direction of happiness. I also understood that a relationship needs to be managed by each other, and I also learned how to cherish it.

It was not until later that I worked as an emotional counselor that I realized that many people were drowning in the pain of broken love, so I really want to tell you that breaking up is not terrible, and recovery is not terrible either. Don't be afraid of the hardships of this process and resist getting back together, because if it is a worthy person, we should have the courage to have it again, right?

Psychological test: Test what your ex most wants to say to you

1. Do you quarrel over small things when you are together?

Yes, I often feel tired - 2

Rarely quarrel over small things - 2

Occasionally, but they can reconcile quickly - 3

2. Do you think you are a person who likes self-reflection and is willing to correct mistakes?

Yes —3

No —4

3. Will he take the initiative to tell you about his troubles?

Often - 5

Not very often - 4

4. Will you tell your parents about your relationship?

Always complains to my parents about everything - 6

Occasionally, they will talk about it when they ask - 5

Hardly talks, has nothing to say. —5

5. How much energy are you willing to spend to get what you want?

Everything is left to chance, what is mine will eventually be mine - 7

Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6

Try your best, what I want Everyone gets it - B

6. Did you break up because of the appearance of a third party?

Yes - A

No - 7

7. Has the other party taken the initiative to contact you after the breakup?

Yes - D

No - C

The full version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private message. I am a koi, an emotional counselor, there is no analysis by me People who can't. If you have any emotional confusion, you can send a private message or comment for consultation.