Hate the teasing way of speaking

Chatting with different people will make you feel different.

Some people talk like they are bathed in the spring breeze, which makes people feel very comfortable and unnecessary. But some people speak either flatly or as hard as a needle for Mammy.

What's more, some people often hurt others without knowing it. When people around you gradually get away from themselves, they don't know why.

Today, we have summarized some details that are most likely to appear in daily chat for your understanding and reference.

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1. Appraisal

When chatting, strangers love to chat, such as "it's too stuffy these days", "it's foggy today, and there are few good days recently" and so on. People who are slightly familiar with it like to gossip and talk about hot events, such as "Xiao Cui has fallen out with Xiaogang Feng and Fan Bingbing, and the entertainment circle is so chaotic".

It is an essential part of us to express our thoughts and opinions on some things when chatting. Ideas and opinions are an evaluation, judging right or wrong, and people instinctively like them.

However, what we need to know is that if you evaluate the external environment or third-party events unrelated to the chatters, then this evaluation is relatively unlikely to cause disgust; However, once you evaluate the person you are chatting with, it is easy to make the chat atmosphere awkward or even tense.

For example, "How can you tell such a joke? Too incompetent! "

We can consider it from your point of view. How would you feel if others commented on you like this? Is there a feeling of being attacked? A gentle person may just feel embarrassed and uncomfortable when hearing such words, but an impatient person is likely to refute and cause a quarrel under the influence of face and self-esteem.

This is why we should not judge others easily, because it is aggressive and easy to cause psychological resistance and dissatisfaction of others.

One way to avoid this is to talk about things, not people.

For example, in the example just now, if it is changed to "telling such a joke in such a crowded situation, others may feel uncomfortable", this way of speaking will not only make the other party aware of their own problems, but also will not directly judge the other party, so it is easier to be accepted.

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Instruct others

In life, some relationships are inherently unequal, such as between parents and children, between bosses and employees. If we carefully observe the dialogues in these unequal relationships, we will find that people often speak in an imperative tone.

For example, parents say to their children, "Stop watching TV and do your homework!" For example, the boss said to his employees, "I need a plan for this project." You go and get ready and give it to me before 3 pm. "

Behind these words is a kind of incitement, but because we psychologically agree with the inequality of this relationship, we don't think there is any problem.

However, if friends and colleagues also speak in this imperative tone, it is very dangerous. We can imagine how you would feel if you got a call from a friend and said, "Come to my place at 8 o'clock tonight, don't be late" and then hung up.

Most people will feel puzzled, and then a little unhappy or even angry.

The relationship between friends is equal, but some controlling people often ignore this point, so they unconsciously talk to others in an imperative tone and hurt others' feelings unconsciously, which is the most deadly.

The way to avoid this situation is to speak in an inquiring tone.

For example, in the example just now, if it is changed to "I am in a bad mood now, are you free tonight?" Can you talk to me for a while ",so that others will feel much better.

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3. Vague speech

Vagueness means that we only say half of what we often say, hiding our true intentions, and making others feel confused and don't know what the speaker really means.

For example, WeChat chat, what we dislike most is receiving such information:

"Are you there?"

Some people say that such sentences are really annoying. Pretend not to see it, what should the other party do if they want to give a red envelope? Please, what if the other party comes to borrow money?

Although this is a kind of ridicule, it really reflects people's psychology: they don't like uncertainty. If we don't know the real intentions and motives of others, we will be alert in our hearts. Moreover, in the face of vague information, people are more likely to speculate from a negative and negative perspective, which will make things more complicated.

The way to avoid this situation is to directly explain your intentions while asking others. In this way, what others receive is some kind of information, which makes them feel more secure and therefore more willing to communicate. Even if you have a request, others may accept it more easily.

For example, after asking "Are you there?", specifically say, "I'm moving at the weekend. Can you help me then?" So that others can decide how to reply to you according to their actual situation.

This way of speaking, whether the request is accepted or not, at least the speaker will not be hated.

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indifferent

In a close relationship, it is inevitable that someone will encounter a bad mood, and at this time, they need comfort and emotional communication from others. However, if you speak in the wrong way, it will not only have no soothing effect, but even affect the relationship between the two.

For example, if a person is lovelorn, if a friend comforts and says, "It's just lovelorn, it's no big deal!" "

It may be well-intentioned to persuade the other party not to take things too seriously, but in the eyes of the lovelorn, such a way of comfort has completely failed to understand his feelings, and his friend can't understand his pain at all, and even thinks that this friend is too indifferent.

Therefore, when comforting others, if you use some emotionless, too rational and neutral words, it will make others feel inhuman. Therefore, rational expression is not appropriate in all cases. For a person who is emotionally in debt, the more rational the words of the people around him, the farther the psychological distance between the two people will be.

The way to avoid this situation is to empathize with other people's situations and communicate emotionally.

Therefore, it is better to face a person who is in the pain of lovelorn, that is to say, "cry if you feel uncomfortable" than to tell the other person that it is no big deal. The former makes people in pain feel that their feelings are seen, thus producing emotional connection effect. Such comfort is effective.

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follow one's own inclinations

"Your idea will never work!"

"If you do this, you will definitely have no chance!"

When a person often speaks in an overly arbitrary tone, he will feel cool, energetic, wise, decisive and courageous, but the other side of the conversation will feel completely different. The other party will feel that their ideas are despised and offended, which will lead to defense and even rejection.

Therefore, too arbitrary way of speaking often has great side effects.

The way to avoid this situation is: don't talk too much, leave room. This will make both sides feel more relaxed. For example, when we say, "I think it may be difficult for you to do this," the other person will sound much more comfortable.

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If we sum up the discussion of the above ways of speaking, there is such a similarity: ignoring the feelings of the other party. There is a saying that what you say to others may be forgotten in a few days, but when you speak with others' feelings, others will remember it for a long time.

Therefore, people who can chat are people who know how to take care of others' feelings. If we ask ourselves every time we speak, what kind of feelings this sentence will bring to others, then you will also become a person with high emotional intelligence.