What should you do when faced with your child’s lack of cooperation?

I am a person born in the 1980s. I have done some things, had some identities, and even had some dreams. Now, he is the father of two children.

Here, I would like to record the growth of the two children from the perspective of a father, and share with you all the memorable, reflective, and learning content or cases.

More than a month ago, I came into contact with "Fan Deng Reading Club". I am very grateful to a mother of two children who recommended it to me. So far, I have read nearly 10 books repeatedly, 6 of which are related to children.

Today, let me tell you about "Rebellion is Not the Child's Fault". At the end of the article, I will share with you the real incident of Cat Brother yesterday - in the past, it would often end in "lose-lose", but yesterday through some "effective methods", magical and pleasant results were produced.

Rebellion is not the child’s fault

When I read the title of the book, I kept thinking, is the four-year-old Cat Brother, who is now full of energy and strong personality, in a rebellious stage? After listening to this, I knew the answer in my heart: "Rebellion" will appear at any time during the growth of children. The premise is that when parents find that they have lost control of their children, they will put a "hat" on their children. This "hat" will attribute all the children's "disobedience" and "misbehavior" to "rebellion".

Rebellious children all have some common characteristics: they lose their temper very easily, are moody, and almost always refuse what adults ask them to do. The biggest thing they have in common is their unwillingness to accept adult authority.

In this regard, we have all used the simplest and most direct method: roaring, even more so with extremely serious anger. At first glance, the children appear to be obedient for a moment, but in fact they have "insecurity" in their hearts. They will wonder if their parents still love me? This will lead them to engage in more outrageous and uncontrollable behaviors.

At this time, the simplest way for parents is actually to understand their children! Only by giving up control of your children can you get more communication opportunities; only by not forcing your children to obey will your children begin to listen to you.

In addition to explaining the "unique characteristics of rebellious children", the most important thing in the book is to provide readers with a "ten-day" learning method.

(I will briefly list the learning contents of the "Ten Days" for everyone)

Day 1

·Understand why children are rebellious

·Identify positive behaviors of parents

·Recognizing negative parenting behaviors

Day 2

·Understanding your rebellious child

·Understanding your child’s main obstacles What happened

Day 3

·Avoid yelling

·How to reduce yelling (25 ways)

Day 4

·Avoid power struggles (it is recommended to listen carefully to help unlock the underlying psychology when we are angry)

·16 ways to avoid power struggles Tips (Another 16 useful tips)

Day 5

· Strengthen children’s positive changes

· How to praise children

Chapter Six days

·Rely on discipline

·Things to note when exercising discipline

Day 7

·Mobilize the support of family members ( Mutual support between husband and wife is actively important in helping children’s emotional changes)

Day 8

·Reduce children’s rebellious behavior in school

· 8 Tips for Handling Your Child's Problems at School

Day 9

·Overcoming Stubborn Obstacles

Day 10

·Reduce rebellious behavior in the long run

Suggestion: After listening to it carefully three times, I decided to buy it and read it. Parents who are lazy can click on the small program below to enter.

Brother Cat’s harvest from the Lantern Festival

Yesterday was the Lantern Festival, a day for families to get together and eat Lantern Festival. Cat's mother very enthusiastically invited the friends from Cat Brother's kindergarten to visit her home. There are 5 families, 13 adults and children per day. This is the most lively day in our family after having children.

Cat’s mother’s female premonition is quite accurate. “If Cat knows that her friends are coming to the house after school, she will probably not be happy,” she said to me when I went out to pick up Brother Cat.

On the way, I was preparing my words in response to Brother Cat’s reaction. Kindergarten ended on time. After Brother Cat and his friends said "Happy Lantern Festival" to everyone, he happily threw himself into my arms, "Dad, where is my motorcycle?" (Brother Cat's grandmother gave it to him and his sister. I was given a dump motorcycle as a gift. Brother Cat liked it very much and drove it very well.) "I'm not very good at driving a motorcycle, so when you get home, you can drive it." "Okay, let's go home."

When I entered the elevator, I was ready to tell Brother Cat about the visitor at home.

The first conversation (outside the kindergarten elevator)

Me: Maomao, today is the holiday, and my mother and I invite some of your little friends to our home.

Cat: Our home is so far away, how can we get there?

Me: Everyone is willing to walk together.

Cat: I don’t, I don’t want it!

Brother Cat was a little impatient and ran away quickly on his scooter. As I ran with him, I looked back at the other friends. I had to lead the way.

The second conversation (on the way home, I used some "communication methods")

Cat: I don't let them go to our house. I don't like others to go to our house.

Me: (I squatted down and looked at him) Cat, I wonder if you are worried that everyone will play with your toys when they go?

Cat: Well, they will break my toys. I have so many cars, and they will be gone if they break.

Me: It seems that you care about your toys, which is a good thing. You can play with everyone while protecting your toys.

Cat: I don’t. There are too many of them and I can’t protect them. If the toys break, they will be gone. (Some crying)

Me: (Because I was in a hurry, I asked to go home quickly) You see everyone has caught up, you are the little master today, let’s go home quickly.

(I started running and asked him to chase me. He liked to compete with me on the scooter because he wanted to be the first)

The third conversation ( Elevator hall at home)

Cat: (seeing everyone gathered together, waiting for the elevator) I don’t want it, our elevator is too small, so many people can’t sit in it.

Me: Then let everyone go up separately.

Cat: I don’t! (I completely lost control of my emotions and started to cry loudly, with anxious tears coming out)

(I motioned to other parents to go upstairs first, and I took the cat to the corridor aside. I needed to find a way to calm my emotions) < /p>

(When I got to the other end of the corridor, thinking that it would be a protracted battle, I sat on the ground)

Me: Brother Cat, come sit on the ground with me, it’s so cool.

Cat: (staring at the elevator, stomping towards me)

Me: Dad, let’s discuss it with you. I know you're worried about your toys getting damaged, but if you keep crying like this, we're all going to have a bad day.

Cat: I just don’t want them in the house.

Me: I understand that you are worried about the toys and are very anxious. Then let's think about it together and see if there is any way to help us, okay?

(Brother Cat rolled his eyes and nodded)

(I held him in my arms and pretended to write on my hand)

Me: You Let’s talk first, what can we do?

Cat: Let them all go home.

Me: Okay, I’ve written down the first one. Are there any others?

Cat: No more.

Me: Second, the cat takes everyone to play together and teaches them how to play with toys. Article 3: Cat invites everyone to watch TV, and you distribute toys to everyone. One *** three.

(Brother Cat looked at me writing on my hand seriously and nodded again)

Me: Let’s see which of these three is the most suitable. The first one is a bit unrealistic, because everyone is already at home, and it is a bit rude; the second one shows that cats can share with everyone; the third one is that you are obviously a little master, and everyone has to listen to you.

Cat: Let’s do the third one.

Me: OK! Are you in a good mood now? If we go up, we can't cry anymore, but follow the third option of your choice. OK?

Cat: Yes, I can!

(After saying that, he ran to the elevator)

(The whole conversation lasted about thirty minutes, during which the cat’s mother called to ask about the situation, the cat’s mood and His heart is also changing repeatedly, and he is fighting)

(When we got home, the cat mother was the first to greet us at the door, and carried the cat. Today, the cat is awesome, inviting so many friends to the house)

(At the same time, another mother also came over and said to Brother Cat, "Cat, thank you for inviting us to your home.")

At this time, Brother Cat had completely forgotten As we agreed, we ran over to play with our friends. The whole night was harmonious and happy.

At that time, I was not angry, nor did I blame the child for what he said.

In fact, many times, parents get angry and scold their children because we feel we don’t have enough time and have lost control over them and feel a little frustrated, which then turns into violence against our children.

Judging from this, when dealing with children who are anxious, irritable, and uncooperative, we only need to do the following:

1. Accept the child’s emotions in a kind way: do not blame or deny. , let alone threaten

2. Let the child know that you understand what he thinks: do not laugh at or ignore the child's ideas

3. Find a solution with the child: it is best to squat down or Hold him and search together. If conditions permit, "take a pen and write it on the paper. After discussion, cross out the unfeasible ones and leave the feasible ones."

4. The only way to reconfirm your choice: let Children understand that we have made a decision and must stick to it.

During the whole process, there should be no emotions. We only need to be patient and calm about the child's emotions and behavior, and communicate with them using the calmest tone, eyes and even expressions possible.

Finally:

This is my first time as a father to share my child’s story.

I hope that from the methods I have seen, thought about, and learned, I can bring some of my insights to more families who “have difficulty treating their children.”

That’s it for today. There will be many opportunities to share the story of “My Family” with you in the future.

Many people say that I am a "caring father" (actually, cat mothers are more "caring" about their children than me).

The reason is:

I want to be with my children and watch them grow.

It is never too late to accompany us, as long as we can realize it!

Growth happens at any time. I hope we don’t miss every second of our children!