Any funny jokes?

1 How did the ant die after falling from the Himalayas?

Answer: Starved to death. Because it is too light, it takes a long time to float down...

2 Zhang Fei: "Don't leave, old thief!"

Yan Yan: "Thief with ring eyes! Dismount and die!"

p>

Police car: "Listen, two thieves~~~You have been surrounded~~~Put down your weapons..."

3 An investigation company just called me,

< p>Mandarin MM said: Excuse me, sir, do you have children under two years old at home?

I said: Yes.

Mandarin MM: How many are there?

I said: Damn, I have family planning, how many more are there?

Mandarin MM: Boy or girl?

Me: Boy.

Mandarin MM: Are you the child’s father?

Me: No.

Mandarin MM: Can you ask the child’s parents to answer the phone?

Me: My parents are not at home,,,,,,

4 Haha

When the Mandarin MM heard this, she realized it after a few seconds and hung up the phone. . I didn't hear clearly what investigation company she was talking about.

5 Which of the ancient figures is considered a white-collar worker?

Meng Mu moved three times (thousands)

6 A netizen asked: Who can teach you how to make vegetables that are convenient, strange and delicious?

Answer: Put Grind the vegetables into sauce. Then buy a big fried chicken leg, pour the sauce on it, and then add it. You can't eat chicken. You can continue to use it next time~~~

Another netizen answered:

Take 10 stones and add 5 kilograms of water. Note that it must be 5 kilograms and weighed well. If you don’t understand, you can also buy a 5 kilogram bottle of white wine, then pour out the white wine and fill it with water. It is guaranteed to be 5 pounds.

Then put it in the pot, first turn on high heat and simmer for 20 minutes, then turn on low heat and simmer for 3 hours.

Then sprinkle a little chopped green onion into the boiling water and that’s it.

Note that during the cooking process, do not put anything else except stones.

7 Once upon a time, there was a piece of bread, and it felt hungry, so it ate it.

Once upon a time, there was a glass of beer, and it felt thirsty, so it drank it..

p>

There once was a virgin who felt tired, so she fell asleep...

8 There was a fat man...

Jumped from the top of the 20th floor ….

The result became…..

Damn Fatty!!

9 People ask me what a man should pursue? I answer: money and beautiful women. So, everyone began to despise me...

Everyone asked me what a man should pursue? I say: career and love! So, everyone began to worship me...

10 It is said that in 2058, five Fuwa got together to chat again.

Beibei: Let’s talk about my nickname again. People respect me very much and call me “Master Beibei”!

Huanhuan: People call me "Master Huan"!

Nini: People call me "Niye"!

Yingying: People call me "Yingye"!

Jingjing stood up and said: You guys chat, I have something to do, I have to leave first...

11 Five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang, so I called the hundred-yuan note :

"Hey! Your son is here. If you don't want us to rip it off, you can exchange it for him with yourself!"

The hundred-yuan bill thought for a moment and said:

" Tear it up, you won’t even have 5 yuan if you tear it up!”

12 A man was starving to death in the desert, when he picked up the magic lamp.

Magic Lamp: "I can only grant you one wish, tell me quickly, I'm in a hurry."

Man: "I want a wife..."

The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully: "You are almost starving to death and you still covet beauty! How sad!" After that, she disappeared.

Man: "...cake."

13 The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and went to play badminton.

Earthworm’s mother thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong.

Earthworm’s father thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.

The mother earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? If you cut it into pieces like this, you will die!"

The father earthworm said weakly: "...Suddenly I want to play football."

14 The tortoise and the hare race...The hare quickly ran to the front...

The tortoise saw a snail crawling very slowly. ...Said to him: Come up, I will carry you...

Then... the snail came up...

After a while... the turtle saw an ant again... and said to him: Come up too...

So the ant Came up too.

After the ant came up... saw the snail above... and said to him: Hello

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said: Hurry up, this turtle is so fast...

15 A man and a woman were having dinner

The girl kept asking That boy: Do you love me?

The boy glanced at the girl and continued to eat dinner.

The girl was very angry and asked again: Do you love me?

The boy finally said: Love

The girl asked again: How do you prove it?

Suddenly the boy took out thirty yuan from his pocket.

Ask the girl: Do you have ten yuan?

The girl took ten yuan and gave it to the boy...

The boy put forty yuan on the table

After a while... ...

The girl asked the boy angrily: Do you want to prove that you love me?

The boy said: I have proved it! Forty is right in front of you!

16 I went to the snack street one day

I found a shop selling egg tarts

Every kind looks very delicious, I want to buy one to try< /p>

I asked the clerk: Is this sold individually?

Shop clerk: No, this is Japanese.

17 One day, a fire broke out in the house.

The parents escaped, except for one son who was still inside.

My mother shouted nervously outside the house:

"Son...what are you doing...it's already on fire and you haven't come out yet... ."

The son replied: "I am wearing socks..."

The mother said again, "Why should I wear socks if there is a fire..."

p>

Five minutes later, the son still hasn’t come out...

The mother shouted nervously, "Son, what are you doing? Come out quickly~ It’s all on fire, still waiting Inside..."

The son said, "I'm taking off my socks..."

18 I put on a leaf first ~ no fish for a long time Taking the bait, he changed the piece of bread again, and again no fish took the bait for a long time~

He had no choice but to change to earthworms, and again no fish took the bait for a long time~~

He was angry~ He took out 100rmb, threw it into the water and cursed:

“*—%#% What do you want to eat! Buy it yourself!!!”

19 A German, a Frenchman, and A Japanese is going to work in a mine.

The boss is an American. He said to the German: You have a good physique and you are responsible for the coolies.

To the French: You said you are an engineer and you are responsible for the mining plan.

To the Japanese, he said: You are very thin. You are responsible for supplies.

Then the next week, they started working.

A few days later, the Germans and French discovered that the Japanese were missing. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work.

When the Germans started working, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted:

"Surprise!"

20. "I can't see clearly. Something far away,” the patient told the ophthalmologist.

"Please follow me," the doctor took the patient outside, pointed at the sun in the sky, and asked, "What do you think that is?"

"The sun.

"The patient replied.

" Then how far do you want to see! ”