Wechat humorous sentences?

Laugh and cry, and laugh and cry. The story is for others to see, and the bitterness is your own. The following humorous paragraphs and sentences on WeChat are very popular. Welcome to read them!

1. Humorous jokes

1. When a little girl got on the bus at night, she said, Master, drive quickly. Some pervert is chasing me. Then I heard someone shouting at the back: Nana, wait for me. Listen to me. As soon as I was happy, the car dumped the man when I stepped on the gas pedal.

2. The stewardess on the train had a bad attitude, and opened a hot spot with her mobile phone called "Ask the stewardess for the free WIFI password" ... She was bored to death ...

3. On the bus, I saw a couple as soon as I got on the bus, and I went up to the man and said, "I'm pregnant." The man looked at me in amazement, and the woman stared at me.

4. It is said that the learning degradation of the two people at the same table can be divided into four stages. "Did you do your homework?" "Did we do it?" "Ok" "Did you do your homework?" "Lend me a copy" "Here you are" "Did you do your homework?" "Of course not" "I didn't do it either" "Hehe, I'm going to die" " I don't know.

5. On the wine table, some ignorant people often say to me, "Brother, if you don't drink this glass of wine, you will look down on me!" At this time, I usually drink the wine and say to him, "I drank it, but I still look down on you."

6. I was woken up by the alarm clock in the morning, and an angel and a demon appeared in my head. The demon said, "It's so warm under the covers, so why bother to get up for work?" The angel said, "What's the noise in the early morning? Let people not sleep!" "

7. At the Chinese New Year reunion, just one person didn't arrive, so we ordered first, and the restaurant quickly served all the dishes. When the classmate didn't come for a long time, we ate first until all the plates bottomed out, and the waiter's secret service quickly collected all the empty plates. At this time, my classmates arrived. He looked at the empty table and said, I'm sorry to keep you waiting so long. Let's order! This meal is on me! After hearing this, we didn't explain it, but silently picked up the menu again.

8. The goddess said, "I dreamed about you last night." I asked in surprise, "What did you dream about me?" "I dreamed that my male god proposed to me, and you applauded and shouted: marry him, marry him."

9. My mother always urges me to get married. I said, "Don't worry, you have to believe that there will always be someone waiting for me." My mother thought for a moment and asked, "How terrible?" I was speechless

1. Today, I took the bus and saw a boy and a girl sitting together. The girl fell asleep by the window. The boy looked at the girl and kissed her gently on the face. The girl woke up. What a beautiful picture it would be if they knew each other.

11. I accompanied my wife back to my parents' home and stopped a taxi. I asked, how much is the master going to the train station? The driver said 1 yuan, and the idiot wife said, is 15 for two? When I go to your mother's house, I must ask my father-in-law to return it!

12. A new girl has a happy name. Colleagues say how happy your family was when you were born. My sister said, my surname is Bai, and the world suddenly became quiet

13. My mother's youngest nephew just complained to her, Aunt, why don't girls want to associate with me? I am actually very kind. The old lady replied, good boy, kindness is invisible, but ugliness is visible.

14. To test whether a boy likes you, you can stare at him for 18 seconds to see if he will kiss you. To test whether a girl likes you, you can stare at her for 18 seconds to see if she will laugh. I don't think this experiment can succeed at all in Northeast China, because it is estimated that the following dialogue will take place in less than 5 seconds: "What are you staring at?" "See you zha of!

15. Brother-in-law, if you don't buy me an iphone6, I will tell my sister about us. Haha, aunt, you are so naive. Your sister has already said that if I buy her an iPhone6, she will let bygones be bygones!

16. A classmate fell asleep in class, had a nightmare and suddenly slapped the table and stood up. The teacher cast a kind look and asked, "What's the matter?" The classmate said, "Teacher, I just had a nightmare." The teacher said, "Don't be afraid, son, the nightmare has just begun.

17. A man came to the divination booth, and the fortune teller asked the man: Is Mr. Wang a fortune teller or a diviner?

The man silently wrote down a word for money, and the old man read it and said, Sir, is it for money?

The man nodded silently, and wrote another word "rob". After reading it, the old man silently took out all the money and gave it to the man. . .

The man exclaimed: Amazing! You must be the legendary half fairy.

18. I went to the supermarket to buy things today, and I was waiting in line to check out. There was an aunt in front of me. Because there was no change of fifty cents, she gave her five sweets. My aunt left impatiently, and it was my turn. I didn't have enough money on me. The cashier said that I was five cents short. My aunt heard this and took out five sweets from her bag and put them on the table. The cashier's face turned green.

2. Funny sentences

1. Reporter: According to a recent opinion poll, people are very low-minded about current affairs at home and abroad. Mr. Congressman, what do you think of this? Congressman: I don't care if I have no opinion.

second, do experiments on two bugs. The one in the whisky died, which proves that there are no worms in the stomach when drinking whisky.

Third, "Is it sad to walk with tea?" "It's not sad. What's sad is that people left and cheated me of my teacup."

Fourth, when your tears can't help but flow out, keep your eyes open and don't blink, and you will see the whole process of the world from clear to fuzzy

Fifth, they all say that I am actually stupid and would rather wait for a man who will never come back than accept someone who loves me and loves me

Sixth, I worked hard to figure out the answer, but there are only seven options,

Do it.

8. What can I do to kill you, my love?

9. Who understands the fragility behind a man's strength

1. If Beethoven is the father of symphony, does it mean that Beethoven's father is the master of symphony?

eleven, you should know that the future of Telunsu will not be too bright, so we don't have to be so pure.

12. Everything is just a cloud, so now I begin to believe in donkeys.

XIII. Every time I feel sad, I don't want to let you see it, and I am afraid that I will go against my wishes. I only have silence.

14. I'll hit you if I hit you. Do you still have to choose a date?

15. I wish I could get a master of learning and take me to self-study for a day to brush thousands of questions.

16. Similarly, you will never see my loneliest time

17. Every time I accidentally drop my melon seeds, I feel that there is nothing in life that I can't let go of

18. I want to go, but I don't want to die.

XIX. He is a relief without me, and he will live a good life.

twenty, people should have a longing for tomorrow and a vision for the future, otherwise how can they take the steps of today?

twenty-one, everything is the difference between one thought and another. Why sacrifice yourself to be me?

22. When you crawl on the ground and look up at others, you can't blame them for standing straight and looking down at you.

Twenty-three, you don't know who you love most until you are drunk, and you don't know who you love most until you are sick. . .

Twenty-four, I am an angel, and I can't go back to heaven because of my weight.

Twenty-five, I'm sorry to myself, because it was hard for me to do it for others.