I'll kill you if you don't obey me!

Some time ago, my mother-in-law and I had a little disagreement, but it was actually not a big deal. My mother-in-law was not unhappy at all, but I was a little worried that she would mind at first.

The reason for the incident is this: Douzi is nearly two years old and has reached the first rebellious period in his life. He is sometimes naughty, often mischievous and disobedient, and insists on playing with things he cannot play with. He often forgets to squat down when peeing, getting his pants and shoes wet, and changes his clothes one after another.

I didn’t know this before, and I even played beans. Later, through reading, I understood that not all children must learn to control peeing when they are two years old. Guide them slowly. Children will naturally get better at it as they get older. This has nothing to do with IQ, so I can face this matter calmly now. His grandma, on the other hand, was a little anxious. Among her grandchildren, Douzi was obviously lacking in this aspect.

One time when I was busy, Douzi seemed to have caused some trouble and made my mother-in-law angry. While she was cleaning up, she scolded, "I'll beat you to death if you don't obey me!" I was a little shocked and a little angry when I heard that. The child is getting older, how can he be scolded like this? For the sake of face, I didn't tell my husband face to face. I just told my husband privately at night that he should stop scolding my children like this in the future. Although the words were unintentional, they were just words, but the child didn't understand. What did he think? Isn’t this verbal violence? My husband said, "Oh, it's been decades. It's a common saying that the old people used to scold us when we got into trouble when we were young." I said to him seriously: I know that my mother (my mother-in-law) loves her grandson very much, and scolding her like this is just a term of endearment, but Douzi is just at the stage of being sensible and learning languages. He will be confused about the love of adults, and he will also There will be lessons learned. Seeing that I was so serious, my husband didn’t say anything, maybe because he thought what I said was reasonable.

Another day, Douzi was naughty and dragged the small rice pot out of the kitchen to play with. Her mother-in-law stopped her from playing. Douzi tried her best to protect her in her arms and refused to let her take it. Her mother-in-law casually said, "Hit me." Die!"

I was not happy when I heard that. I said, "Mom, don't scold me like that in the future. I don't like to hear you say 'die'!" My mother-in-law smiled and said, "I can really beat him, but I'm just trying to scare him. This is just slang for us to curse people casually." I said, "Of course you can beat him if he disobeys, but don't scold him like this in the future, right?" The child is not good! My mother-in-law didn't say anything. I don't know if she was a little angry.

Actually, I have nothing to say about my mother-in-law. She is diligent and simple, and she is honest to me and my mother. Like my daughter, we have always been relatively harmonious with each other. We just have some minor differences when it comes to educating our children. Of course, it is normal for the older generation to have differences with us. I pointed it out in person. I mean, it’s all for the benefit of the children.

Maybe you will say, it’s just a word, but you are too trivial to make a big deal. That’s not the case. From my own perspective, I hate it very much. There are a lot of words in my words (that is, curse words). In our family, my parents never said insulting and discriminatory words when I was a child, but my husband often said, "Two hundred and five, crazy", which made me very angry. I don't like it. I've told him several times, but he never takes it seriously. Of course, I know he is joking with me sometimes, but I hate it. My temper is also quite stubborn. Sometimes he will say that I " He is stubborn and stubborn.” After many reminders from me of “just words”, he slowly changed.

Why is my husband like this? Ever since I heard my father-in-law and mother-in-law say something like this After saying this, I understood that this was deeply influenced by my family of origin! To put it more deeply, this is a kind of verbal violence! Sometimes people seem to be unable to scare others unless they speak harshly! When you hear words like “If you play with water again, I’ll chop off your hands!” "If you run out to play again, I'll break your legs." "You didn't hear me. You're deaf!" Just cut off the ears if they are no longer useful! "You can't even do something so simple. You are a pig!" "Have you? Have you ever experienced such verbal violence when you were a child?

Children have the shadow of their parents.

Children are a mirror of adults. Every word, deed, and move of adults will be seen in their eyes, remembered in their hearts, and expressed when appropriate.

For a while, Douzi had a bad temper and yelled loudly at all times. I was very angry and yelled at him. Unexpectedly, he yelled at me too, which had no effect at all. Later, I reflected on it and realized that during that time, I was also very impatient. I was busy and had no time to take care of him, so I yelled at him at every turn, which may have affected him. Slowly, I adjusted my mentality and stopped scolding and yelling at him. Later, the situation became much better.

There is another thing that makes me feel this deeply. For a while, Douzi always liked to throw all the pillows, pajamas, and dolls on the bed on the floor after going to bed at night. We scolded him many times, but it still happened. He always threw things on the floor when we weren't paying attention. I can't wait to turn him over and slap his ass!

Suddenly one time, when his father was changing clothes, I immediately understood what was going on. It turns out that his father has a habit of always going to the bedroom to change his underwear after taking a shower, and then throwing the dirty clothes on the floor! The little guy obviously learned it! I explained this reason to my husband, and he agreed. Later, we agreed to take the dirty clothes to the bathroom and stop throwing them on the floor. Slowly, the beans stopped being thrown around. It was really "effective once you change it". It was much more effective than your adults saying it a thousand times or ten thousand times!

Adults are role models in children’s minds, and their words and deeds will be imitated and absorbed by children, regardless of whether they are right or wrong, good or bad. If we want our children to obey order, then we should first ask ourselves whether we strictly follow every order that should be followed? Children won’t listen to what we say, children will watch what we do!

So there will be such a situation: parents who ask their children to do their homework well and play mahjong at the table will never learn to study well; Watch TV and watch a lot of books, while you are on the sofa watching dramas; while educating your children to be civilized and polite, while you keep swearing, their children will not be much better; while educating your children to be honest and trustworthy, you will make promises to your children at will and fail to keep them. , or even coaxing the child, the child will never learn to be honest and trustworthy...

Fortunately, I never heard my mother-in-law say "beat you to death" again, which made me sad I couldn't be more relieved. Educating children has never been an easy task, it is reflected in every little thing and every sentence in daily life. The whole family also needs to cooperate and stay consistent!

The road to parenting is long and long, and I will explore it from top to bottom! Moms are also welcome to come and discuss. I know that being a parent has a heavy responsibility, so I will work hard to learn, improve, and make progress!

***Teach all mothers!