The plane was blown up. It's funny.

Whitehorse ... where the hell are you! Did you lose your prince and dare not come to see me?

Did your mother throw someone away and raise the placenta when she gave birth to you?

The man riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

This year! Prices are in line with Europe, house prices are in line with the moon and wages are in line with Africa!

Now I know that the original "ATM" on ATM is the initial capital of Altman English.

I just got a text message from my girlfriend, and she said she was going to break up with me. When I was sad, she sent another short message: Sorry, I sent it wrong.

I was unhappy when I first started studying. If I am unhappy, I will stop studying. If I don't study, I will be very happy. If I am happy, the day will pass.

Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well.

My friend's name in his girlfriend's mobile phone is "he", and then they broke up and became "it" ...

I am for sale: smart, lively and lovely, youthful and energetic, cheap and childlike.

Yesterday at noon, I received a short message: Please deposit the money into this account XXX. I'll come back in half an hour: I have credited 5000 yuan, please check it. The next day, I received: "I have been to the bank three times, you liar."

A woman redder than a red diamond fell in love with a man redder than a yellow diamond. Finally, a mistress who is greener than a green diamond came and gave birth to a son called a member.

People who say good night to bed are often still showing off in an ostentatious manner after half an hour.

If you use a honey trap, I'll play along.

Baidu, I heard you know everything. Let me ask you, do you know me?

Someone sent a note in class, and I really wanted to beat him when I saw the content. It said: Are you there?

The beauty was robbed by the post-80s, the status was occupied by the post-70s, and the money was earned by the post-60s. What do we have after 90?

W: What do you think about sex? M: No, but there are many ways to do it.

In order to attract business, Hot Pot City wrote such a sentence on the billboard: "Self-help hot pot, children under the height of 1 meter, 30 yuan is free for everyone." My aunt in kindergarten was very excited after reading it. With money from 30 yuan, she led 50 children in her class to Hotpot City.

There is a very tall coconut tree. There are four kinds of animals, orangutans, apes, monkeys and king kong. Who do you think will pick bananas first? Test your character. The answer is: 1, and the monkey is the most typical 250; 2. Orangutans have low intelligence and few tendons; 3. Ape is the predecessor of Alzheimer's disease; 4. King Kong is a fool whose head is caught in the door; Have you ever seen a coconut tree grow bananas?

Once a little girl said to me: Brother, you are so handsome! I immediately replied: not handsome, not handsome, just long.

The flower of the motherland, I stepped on one when it bloomed.

Please don't harass, because I am harassing others.

No house, no money, no car, no looks, no figure, no temperament, no education, no diploma, no talent, no woman, no experience, no grades, no identity, no background, no creativity, no career and no death.

The teacher always told us not to lie, and taught us to lie as soon as we came to check.

It's not that I'm dissolute, but that I can't find the direction to keep.

There is no speed these days, and even eating shit can't keep up with the heat.

Whether it is sunny or rainy, it is a good day to sleep in a cage.

My girlfriend asked me to give her more private space, so I registered her with an extra QQ.

The geese fly south, forming a "one" for a while and a "person" for a while. I want to cry, even these stupid birds are laughing at my being single.

I can't find you in Baidu, so I have to go to sogou!

There is no windtight wall, no hanging beam.

Time raped the past, leaving the seeds of evil, called memories!

The snowman's greatest wish is to eat hot pot once.

When one 250 meets another 250, it will suddenly become self.

The most shocking talk about appreciation: boy, wait for me, I must appear in your household registration book. If I can't be your wife, I will be your stepmother.

Missing is a disease. Fortunately, you are ill, and so is he; It's a pity that he recovered, and you can't afford to cure a disease.

If one day I fall down. Remember, I'll come up for you.

I think the earth is too dangerous. I want to go back to Mars.

When I get married and hold a wedding reception, I will make a table for my husband's ex-girlfriend and women I don't know, and then propose a toast one by one.

Psychological activities of underage pregnant girls; My mother will kill me! Psychological activities of the fetus; My mother will kill me!

Yue Lao, can Nima stop using inferior red lines to help me get married? It breaks down from time to time. What the hell?

You told me to get out, I got out, you told me to come back, sorry, I got out!

I have a background, and I have a background.

The ideal of meat is the life of Chinese cabbage.

I think the earth is too dangerous. I miss Mars.

1, whoever delays me for a while, I will let him regret it for the rest of his life.

I am a rogue in thought and a good man in life.

The sweet words you told me are nothing but a lie that was cashed by chance.

4. Why do I always feel unhappy? Is it because I wasn't at home when I was chasing Happyness?

5. Silence is golden. I was silent for so long, but I didn't see the gold.

6. I don't talk easily because I have a golden mouth and jade teeth.

Even if my love is cheap, I can't give you a discount

8. It doesn't make me feel that we are all rolling with the earth, which is true. Roll further and further.

9. I keep a low profile because I can't keep a high profile.

10, if you use a honey trap, I'll play along.

1 1. Give me a can of spinach and I will beat all my opponents.

12, a woman with amorous feelings is a lighter, and a woman who doesn't know amorous feelings is a fire extinguisher.

13, the woman wearing high heels is a stunner, and the woman wearing canvas shoes is the best.

14 When my friends were on guard against San Xiao, Xiao Si was also busy there.

15, when I want to receive a red envelope, I open it and write another one.

16, the most attractive is Master Kong. Thousands of people accost him every day.

17, the left eye jumps for money, the right eye jumps for disaster, and the eyes jump. Does this mean that I am about to fall into a big hole full of money?

18, throw it into the tiger cage for you, and the tiger won't dare/eat you. You are too jealous.

19, I'm relieved to know that you are not doing well.

20. If there is an earthquake, I will die with you. You were smashed to death. I smiled when I saw you die.

2 1, if one day I fall down. Remember, I'll come up for you.

22. No one has died in life since ancient times. Early death and late death are different!

Don't call me a bridesmaid, because maybe I will rob your groom.

24. I don't have to eat for you, so can you not drink for me?

25. There are more and more monsters in this world, but fewer and fewer Taoist priests in Tang Dynasty.

26. I think the earth is too dangerous. I miss Mars.

Ren Lei is very interesting. Tell me about it.

1, the hair is gone and dandruff is more prominent! 2, you will die soon, don't just bask in the sun.

Follow your footsteps and travel around the world.

I said I love you to the sky, and it thundered.

Never say: I'm hungry before eating!

6. You are like a pug. Whoever has food will go with you.

7. There is no end to learning, so I have never graduated.

8. It is not necessarily a monk who burns incense, but also a panda!

If I don't beat you, I will fall out with you.

10, so handsome, but you can't kiss my face, so sad!

1 1, I watched too many movies, and I was afraid of blowing myself up when I turned on the gas.

12, boys should show their teeth instead of pouting.

13. Use perfume if you have money, and toilet water if you have no money.

14, you pretend you can't hear anything, including my heartbroken voice.

15, I've been keeping a low profile, but you have to give me applause and scream.

16, the woman who can't cry is a monster, and the woman who can only cry is a waste.

17, don't think you can bite just because you are a dog without a strong owner!

18, after listening to thousands of songs, the real life is still a person.

19, Sunday morning is white, and Li who collects secondhand goods queues up.

20. Familiarity with mobile phones has really reached an inseparable level.

2 1, my mother said: the prodigal son will not exchange gold, whoever gives me gold, I will exchange it.

22. Summer is not good. When I was poor, I didn't even have to drink the northwest wind.

Remember to smile when you meet lightning, because that's the sky taking pictures of you.

24. A blind cat may not be able to meet a dead mouse, but a scholar has long been a soldier.

25. The so-called enemies are just those who force themselves to become strong.

26. Actually, I have never left the Jianghu. I just dive in the Jianghu for a long time.

Teacher, there are no beautiful women in our class. How can I have the motivation to come to school?

28. I planted girlfriends in spring and harvested a bunch of men in autumn.

29. Grandma said: The power is out, light candles, and then watch TV.

30. I lose weight every day except during meals. You still say I have no perseverance?

3 1, the emperor died and died, the civil servant died and died, and the mistress died and died.

32, on a whim, take your photo as a desktop, and TMD actually got a computer virus.

Don't be depressed, son, you should be as lively and cheerful as a psychopath!

Don't scare my parents with my grades. I'm too embarrassed to let my family know.

35. I long for freedom, but the human body doesn't know how to climb out of the dog hole!

Do you know how long I have been waiting for you? Hmm? Xuanmai is boring!

37. What is pleasure? The pleasure is that you eat fish, I eat meat and watch others chew bones.

38. I'd rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.

39. What's your specialty? My boiled water is not bad

40, since I can play QQ, I found that my pinyin is getting better and better, and reading has no such effect.

4 1. Who is releasing pi, polluting the air and releasing hydrogen sulfide? It turned out to be the secretary of the Youth League branch.

Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we really realize that we are descendants of the dragon.

43. If I have the chance to go back to the past, I won't go back because I still have you.

There is no need to study next semester. I bombed the school. Don't ask me who I am. I'm Lei Feng.

45. If you don't show your teachers anything in the final exam, they really think they teach well.

46. When my hair reaches my waist, I will cover my body fat. You should be cold and arrogant, even if you are a tiger's back.

47. In the future, I hope you can go alone. How about taking a bus?

Experts say that you should never stare at your mobile phone for more than two hours, because it will run out of power.

49. I just want you to take me with you. Don't tell me to let you go. I can't do it. I just want you, believe it or not.

As a girl, the most unbearable thing is that when running, my stomach shakes worse than my chest.

5 1, two people who love each other, how to keep it? Kill each other and bury them in one place.

52. Don't think that I am out of reach because I am handsome. In fact, I am a sea of rivers.

53. When we are rich. I want to buy two lollipops. Look, I'll eat one and I'll show you one.

54. Who says being single is not good? Love is precious, and the free price is higher. If you are single, you can throw both.

You girls still wear bras in hot weather. Isn't it hot? If we don't wear bras, you will be very hot.

56. At school, I can only do three things: watch the results of Xueba Show, watch couples show their love, and watch local tyrants show off their wealth.

57. The pupil changed from a brat to a goddess, and I changed from a brat to a big boy.

58. unpacking a courier is similar to unpacking a girl's bra. Look at the box. It's quite big. After opening it, I found that there were very few things inside.

59. Other classes have good grades and good discipline, and are liked by teachers, while our class is nothing more than high value.

At the moment when you walk out of my sight, I will extend my powerful middle finger and praise your correct decision.

6 1, as long as you are willing, tell me when you are frustrated and need a shoulder most, and I will appear immediately. .

62. If one day, I can't continue to breathe, it can only show that my world lacks air and you.

63. The wife is a big tree, and the lover is a grass. Planting a big tree is good for enjoying the cool, and raising a piece of grass is good for walking birds, which is a harmonious society and environmental protection.

64. In junior high school, a math teacher talked about equation transformation. On the podium, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change!

65. In high school, I spent enough money, but I didn't feel enough sleep. In college, I felt I had enough sleep, but I didn't spend enough money. I don't feel enough sleep and spend enough money after work.

66. I am always so worthless. I come to your space every day, and then delete my visit record affectedly. I want to slap myself.

67. I don't know if I am awesome, but when people tell me that the earth is still turning after your death, I feel that the earth is persisting.

You should know that no matter what troubles or difficulties you encounter, you should tell me at the first time, and I will praise you at the first time.

69. There is always a constant waiting in the dusk, an eternal expectation in the evening breeze, a lonely figure when you are lonely, and tears when you miss you.

70. If you like a handsome guy, please don't take immediate measures. You should get to know him first. Soon, you will find that his friends are more handsome.

7 1, the weather is hot in summer, reminding the elderly: It's okay. leg press, leg press, drink plenty of water in hot weather, don't drink for health, talk about what to eat, and people will be happy when they are old.

72. I am worried about the English exam, and I am worried about my teenage head; Standing next to the invigilator, I was scared into a cold sweat; I wanted to look around, but all the plans were upset!

73. What TV did we watch? At the end, the hero and heroine get married and the TV ends. What does this mean? Explanation: It's over as soon as you get married.

74. Every minute is clear and precious. Only you can give me this feeling. No matter how tired my heart is and how far my dream is, it doesn't matter as long as you are with me!

75. Since childhood, three people have been childhood friends. I thought when I grew up, they would chase me like in TV series. Unexpectedly, they are now preparing to get married abroad.

76. Life is bread, love is cheese, and bread without cheese can be full, but it doesn't taste very good; Life without love goes on, but it's not so beautiful.

77. The teacher asked Xiao Amin a question in class, but Xiao Ming stood up without saying a word. Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know! Xiao Ming: Zhi ~

78. I dreamed of you yesterday. Really, the sky is so quiet, the sun is so bright, and the sea is so boundless. You stand by the blue sea, and I will stab you with a stick. Hey, this little bastard has a hard shell.

79. Dad, what is a girlfriend? When you grow up, if you are a good person, then you have a girlfriend ~ what if I am a bad person? Then you will have several or even more girlfriends ~

80. The moon is round and the sea is salty. I made a friend and stayed abroad. Sweet mouth, long legs, small hands, empty pockets and itchy heart. It costs money to touch that little hand.

8 1, the tour guide should have the mother-in-law's mouth and mother's heart, treat the guests, learn from A Qing's wife, laugh when you meet, and don't think much afterwards; All the guests came, all with one mouth. As soon as people leave, the tea gets cold, everything at home is thriving, and the family never stops.

Tell a shocking classic joke.

Tell a shocking classic joke.

1. It's not terrible to be lovelorn for 33 days. The terrible thing is that I have been lovelorn for 33 days and my period has not come yet.

2. In the afternoon, I went to ask for a Buddha's bead, and the young monk told me that the abbot had purchased the goods.

In ancient times, I roamed the world with a sword, but now it is a dissolute world.

4. Someone: What to eat today? Me: whatever, someone: ... whatever this dish is.

It is said that women like to listen to sweet words, in fact, men prefer to listen.

6. Sanlu and Mengniu tell us a truth: animals are unreliable.

7. The big chest is just a fig leaf for fat people, and the thin legs are just flat-chested figs.

8. Once you learn to break the jar, you will find that the world will suddenly open up.

9. That man looks, I don't know. The pixels are relatively low!

10. Will you stop talking? You exposed your IQ as soon as you opened your mouth.

1 1. Without you around, time is simply slower than my computer.

12. Don't think you are a lazy sheep with shit on your head.

13. Yuanyang played with water and was fucking drowned; Fly with me, you fucking fell dead.

14. Ass is the easiest place to get dirty, because there is a word called falling dust.

15. "Uncle policeman, I lost my bag." "Don't worry, it's on me." Then you can give it back to me. "

16. The school doesn't want us to fall in love, just wants us to wear lovers' clothes.

17. Losing weight is not that easy. Every piece of meat has its temper.

18. Just because you are tanned, you can cover up the fact that you are an idiot.

19. Look at this photo of you, and you will know that your parents were not serious when they made you.

20. In fact, the first thing I want to do when I get up in the morning is "I can sleep for a while.

2 1. Now I don't even believe in punctuation.

22. A confident woman is not necessarily beautiful, such as Xifeng.

23. If something goes wrong, find the reason from yourself. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when TM is constipated.

24. Young girls are precious, while young women are more expensive. If there are rich women, you can throw them away.

25. When dry wood meets fire, it is called Ming Sao. Wet wood meets fire, that's a man's performance.

26. Smoking is an art of life; Looking for a cigarette is an attitude towards life.

27. In this day and age, I have no sense of hooliganism.

28. Where I fall, I will lie down.

29. Books are the ladder of human progress, and e-books are the elevator of human progress.

30. Everything will be fine. All shall be well, jack shall have Jill, but no lover goes home to grow potatoes.

3 1. People want faces, trees want skins, and telephone poles want cement.

32. The sky is shining, another ice cream.