How to cultivate children’s high emotional intelligence Xiaotang Micro Course

How to cultivate children's high emotional intelligence

When mothers chat together, they often lament the injustice of God: They are also mothers, why are some mothers so relaxed, and their children will shiver at random? Dianpidian followed; some mothers work so hard, urging their babies behind but doing nothing...

Don't worry, when a mother talks to her baby, she really doesn't just "move her mouth casually" "It's so simple - your child's emotional intelligence may be revealed by you, or it may be silenced by you.

The life drama of three mothers

These three mothers are all my neighbors, and these scenes restore their real lives.

Scenario 1: The baby plays more and more as it comes to bedtime

It’s time to go to bed, but the baby has a lot of fun playing. What should I do?

Three mothers use their tricks——

Chenchen’s mother: “Baby, it’s time to go to bed, go to bed, hurry up! Don’t let your mother rush you all the time!”

Xiao Rui's mother: "Mom is so sleepy. Can the baby come and stay with her? If you don't come, mother will have to hold your stuffed bear to sleep..."

Linlin's mother: "Baby, what are you playing? Show it to mommy... It's so fun, let's play together? Come on, let's go to the bed and play, and then mommy can tell you a story..."

Scenario 2: The baby refused to give in when facing the dinner plate

It was time to eat. The baby sat on the dining chair and looked at the food. His mood was obviously not high. He barely fed him a few mouthfuls and then started to dodge and cry. He knocked the spoon away with a wave of his hand.

The three mothers enlarged their tactics——

Chenchen’s mother slapped the table and stood up: "I have worked so hard to get you food, and this is your attitude! You don’t want to eat, you don’t? Don’t eat until you’re hungry!”

Xiao Rui’s mother: “Don’t get angry, baby. How about we watch a cartoon on the iPad?”

< p>Linlin's mother: "Baby, mommy thinks this is delicious. Try it again...are you sure you don't like it? Mommy understands, you are a little angry because this is not what you want. Can you tell mommy what you want? How about we roll rice balls with seaweed and eat them like this... Do you want to give it a try?"

Scene 3: The baby is crying and fussing about shopping

She had been vaccinated before going out: "Baby, we are just going for a walk today, not buying anything." But when passing by the gaudy stalls, the baby immediately couldn't move, asking for this or that, and crying if he didn't buy anything.

Three mothers enlarged their tactics——

Chenchen’s mother turned around and left: “I won’t buy it if I say I won’t buy it. If you keep your word, you have no reason to be angry.”

Xiao Rui's mother: "Don't cry, don't cry. The quality of this thing is not good. We don't want it. Let's buy a better one later..."

Linlin's mother: "Baby, you want it very much." You feel disappointed that you can't buy this thing, right? But we agreed before we went out that we won't buy anything today, and my mother is willing to abide by this agreement with you... You are sad and want to cry, right? You... how about we go to the bookstore to read you a story, or go to the park to play on the swings, would you like to choose one?"

Which one do you prefer?

< p>Chenchen’s mother is the mother who often laments that other people’s children are easy to take care of. She felt that Chenchen was really ignorant, struggled to do anything, and had very low self-control.

Xiao Rui’s mother is a “master of coaxing” her children, and she can basically solve any problems with her children through “coaxing” her. However, as Xiao Rui entered the age of 3, she began to become more and more difficult to coax, and she was always dubious about her mother's words.

Linlin’s mother is a “lucky mother” in everyone’s eyes. Linlin is more sensible than children of the same age, with good expression, understanding and self-control abilities. She is already proactively taking care of those around her when she is less than 3 years old, and her emotional intelligence is not a little high.

The three mothers represent three types of parenting attitudes. Different parenting attitudes affect the emotional intelligence of their children.

Chenchen’s mother is a typical hard-liner. She has strict requirements for her children and tells the truth. Although everything makes sense, her children refuse to listen. As the mother's attitude becomes more and more simple and rude, the child also believes that the mother does not understand him, and the conflicts between mother and son become more and more frequent.

Xiao Rui’s mother is good at finding tricks and rarely solves problems head-on. She always takes advantage of her children’s characteristics to stir up their jealousy, divert their attention, and even pretend to compromise to induce them to complete tasks. .

This approach is very effective for babies, but as the child's independent thinking ability becomes stronger and stronger, the mother's little tricks are easily seen through, and the most important thing in the parent-child relationship-trust is seriously affected.

Linlin’s mother is good at caring and can consider things from the child’s point of view and try her best to meet the child’s reasonable needs. She is willing to accept her children's negative emotions, while helping them understand their own emotions and helping them find ways to solve problems. With such a high emotional intelligence mother, no wonder Linlin is so "easy to take care of".

How to develop children with high emotional intelligence

Children under 3 years old have not fully developed neural circuits in the cerebral cortex and do not have the ability to control emotions. At this stage, the feelings parents give their children through language and demeanor affect the development direction of the child's brain circuits. It can be said that emotions are innate, and emotional intelligence is developed by us to help our children.

To cultivate children's emotional intelligence, we must first treat children's emotions correctly. They are not using their emotions to fight against their parents, but to communicate with them. When a child loses his temper, he is not here to annoy us, but to seek help from us.

1. Does your child lose his temper?

Don’t worry if your child loses his temper. We can try to help the child name his emotions first, “Don’t you feel comfortable staying like this?” “Daddy just took away your toy. , so you are unhappy?" Under this kind of guidance, the child will slowly understand his own emotions: "Yes, I feel unhappy because of this."

When the child feels his own emotions. Once his emotions are understood and accepted, he will slowly calm down. On the contrary, if we use tantrums to deal with children's emotions, the child will only feel that the adult does not understand his thoughts, and he will continue to lose his temper until we understand what he means.

If the child can already speak, we can also ask him to try to talk about his feelings and give him the right to express his emotions. Deal with the child's mood first, and then deal with things. What we have to do is not to prevent children from losing their temper, but to prevent children from losing their temper.

2. The child is not confident?

Nowadays, "appreciation education" is popular, praising children constantly. In fact, blindly praising and never criticizing can easily make children arrogant and turn to low self-esteem after frustration. Both praise and criticism are needed, but the correct method must be mastered.

When a child gets a little red flower in kindergarten, when he returns home, his parents may say: "You are great! You are so smart!" This kind of empty praise cannot strengthen the child's understanding of his own behavior. We should not Ask your baby what he did to receive a special reward? If it is because you help children, then we can say, great, you like to help others, and being helpful is a virtue... This will help the child understand his own behavior. When he thinks that he is helpful, he will Keep helping others.

If a child has a conflict with a child and pushes the child down, what the mother wants to say is not "Why are you so violent?" but "Baby, you reached out and pushed the child. This is wrong." , the child will get hurt. Next time you encounter this kind of situation, don’t push others, you can tell the child what you think..." Such criticism can let the child clearly know which behavior of his is wrong and the correct way to do it. What is it? Mom is angry not because she doesn’t like herself, but because she doesn’t like what she just did. This awareness helps develop a child's self-esteem, confidence, and security.

3. Does the child have poor self-control?

When the child was crying and fussing to buy something, Chenchen’s mother took an attitude of not caring and ignoring the child. This will make children feel that it is wrong for them to have emotions. Children who grow up in this state are accustomed to suppressing and ignoring emotions. They will neither express their own feelings nor notice the mood of others.

Xiao Rui’s mother blindly appeases and compromises with her children’s dissatisfaction, without helping her children learn what to do under any circumstances, thus depriving her children of the opportunity to grow. And unprincipled compromise is most likely to breed children without self-control.

Only Linlin’s mother was able to accept her children’s emotions while setting rules for them. And she wisely offers her children other options: reading a story or playing on the swing. Children under 4 years old have very weak self-control. Even if they know what to do, they will still be sad. This "choose one" approach allows children to regain the initiative and is also a good way to help children train their self-control.

Do you need to feel anxious about your child’s emotional intelligence?

Children of different ages have different emotional intelligence development goals.

Children aged 0 to 2 need comfort from their parents to help them recognize and understand their emotions, and then understand their relationship with the world.

Children aged 2 to 3 years old need their parents to help them understand various emotions while integrating into the surrounding environment, and can get along calmly with people they do not know.

Children aged 3 to 4 years old need to start developing self-confidence, independence, and emotional abilities. Children aged 4 to 5 years old need to enhance their ability to resist frustration and self-control. Children aged 5 to 6 need to establish a spirit of cooperation and an optimistic attitude.

We don’t have to worry about children not having the emotional intelligence of older children. Talk to him well every day as he grows up, and you will definitely help him develop his emotional intelligence.

How to raise a child with high emotional intelligence

To be a good person, high emotional intelligence is also necessary. If you want your baby to have high emotional intelligence, you have to start from an early age. The following methods can be used Help you raise a child with high emotional intelligence.

How to cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence

Steps/methods

Help children identify their own emotions.

A child comes back from school and tells you: A classmate hit me at school today! His father answered tactfully: Are you okay? A classmate hit you, so you felt aggrieved?

This answer not only helps children identify their own emotional states, but also brings two huge benefits. First of all, children can understand from it that what they have to deal with next is their own emotions, not the other party. In other words, what you should really do now is not to argue with the other party because you feel wronged, but to realize that the real trouble is actually your own emotional reaction. Then what you should work on next is how to adjust your emotions and make Appropriate response.

Secondly, children can learn the ability to think from others’ perspective. The beating this time made me feel psychologically uncomfortable. I will know later that if I hit others, others will feel the same way. This profound emotional experience helps improve children's ability to think from others' perspective. So from the perspective of emotional intelligence education, this will kill two birds with one stone.

After helping children identify emotions, parents can then ask: Do you want to tell me what happened? This is a very important way of parent-child communication. When parents learn to ask questions and listen, children will be willing to speak and develop good parent-child communication habits, which will make communication between each other smooth.

How to cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence

Help your child build self-confidence.

Confidence is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence capabilities. Confident children can respond calmly when faced with malicious attacks from others, have good resistance to frustration and stress, and are also good at interpersonal relationships.

Parents’ evaluation of their children has a direct impact on their self-confidence. Therefore, if they only criticize and rarely give praise, parents will unknowingly shape their children’s minds. good self-image. Therefore, it is recommended that parents sit down and write down the merits of their children that are worthy of appreciation. What I would like to remind parents here is that these advantages should not be the result of comparing children with others, but the characteristics of the child itself.

For example, personality traits such as being very caring, being good to small animals, being very polite, and taking the initiative to greet friends, etc. are not the results based on comparison such as being at the top every time. If you want to praise your child's academic performance, it would be a better reason if he studies seriously, is responsible, and can self-supervise his studies. Encouraging and affirming children more so that they have appropriate confidence in themselves will greatly improve their emotional intelligence.

How to cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence

Help children develop negative emotion management skills.

In some primary and secondary schools in the United States, meditation exercises are added to the curriculum, allowing children to sit down, close their eyes, and concentrate on meditation for 20 minutes. Recent experiments have found that meditation can help reduce a person's anxiety, strengthen concentration, and further improve learning efficiency. Well-designed and suitable relaxation techniques for children, such as these, if learned early, will help their ability to withstand stress in the future.

Parents can encourage their children to develop healthy interests and hobbies to help them relieve stress, such as taking their children to do physical exercises, painting, singing, etc. Psychological research shows that doing exercise is one of the best ways to relieve stress. Continuously doing aerobic exercise for more than 20 minutes will promote the secretion of endorphins in the brain, thus playing a physiological role in relieving stress.

How to cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence

Develop children's interpersonal interaction skills.

Today’s children are all only children, so parents should arrange more opportunities to welcome their children’s playmates to come home to play, study, and spend important moments in life with their children. moments (such as birthdays, etc.). Parents who value emotional intelligence will not focus on their children's comparisons with others when their children participate in these group activities.

What parents should observe is that in their children's interactions with others, he is Take the initiative to talk to others? Or are you too shy to speak? How does he react when others talk to him? And if there is a conflict with others, how does he respond? In order to prevent themselves from falling into the habitual thinking of competing with others, parents may wish to prepare a small notebook to remind themselves of the key points of observation and take notes.

How to cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence

Cultivate a child with an optimistic and positive attitude.

Psychological research has found that as long as a child has a positive view of himself and an optimistic attitude towards the future, parents can rest assured that the child will not be too far away from happiness in this life.

You must know how to think positively about things. There was a child whose teacher once criticized his history scores in public. Most children will feel embarrassed and resent this. However, he made a mental adjustment and said to his mother with a smile: Fortunately, the teacher criticized my worst subject. If my best subject was criticized by him, then I would be even worse.

Having such a positive thinking ability is a wonderful display of optimism. Because he knows how to see the good side of things in any environment, thereby avoiding the inappropriate interference of negative emotions and finding the motivation to motivate himself.

In order to help children learn to see the positive side of things, parents should often use positive questions to inspire their children's thinking, such as ^. What do you think are the advantages of this new classmate you met today?

When encountering setbacks, for example, when a child performs poorly on stage, parents should not say: What happened to you today? Your performance was a mess. You may have disappointed yourself this time. Then Do you think there is anything worthy of recognition? In this way, children will have the ability to think about positive answers, for example, they have made slight progress compared to last time, or they have learned important lessons and should be better prepared next time they go on stage.

Positive thinking ability is formed over time. As long as parents pay more attention to it, parents can help their children develop optimistic and positive thinking habits.

Four tips to cultivate children’s high emotional intelligence

Sometimes, they are like happy angels, and the world is their playground; sometimes, they are like angry little ones. The lion sometimes cries, makes fuss, throws toys, and even wants to bite... At the age of two or three, the main problem that parents need to face shifts from feeding to education. How to help children learn to deal with their emotions and how to help children establish a healthy emotional awareness may be more important to a child's life than learning children's songs and listening to music.

Give your child a true and sympathetic listening

"Mom!" Xiaobo, who was obviously not very happy, was sitting among a pile of toys and shouted, "Mom! Come here!" Just now The mother who sent away her aunt and little cousin answered while cleaning up the house: "Huh? What's the matter?" "I don't like my cousin!" The mother knew that Xiaobo was jealous: "Don't be so petty, baby! Mom will give me some tonight You make braised pork!" Mom disappeared in the kitchen in the noise. That night, Mom and Dad kept wondering why Xiaobo didn't eat a bite of his favorite braised pork? No one expected that this was the direct result of Xiaobo feeling "left out".

When your child confides his feelings to you, you should use your sympathy to give him a feeling like looking in a mirror, so that his little mind seeking comfort can be fully understood and valued. and caring.

If you know that he is jealous of his cousin who distracts adults from paying attention to him, then you should express his feelings clearly for him (because two or three-year-old children may not be able to express their inner feelings. Express it clearly in words) and ask him if this is the case. If he agrees, you can tell him: "Yes, mom may pay less attention to you during the day!" Then, use some examples from your life to tell him that you understand his feelings.

Tell him that when his mother was young, she would feel unhappy if her aunt went to the park with her father but she did not; tell her that she also likes her parents to give all their attention to herself. Your genuine understanding will teach your children that everyone can have these feelings or emotions and that they will eventually get through them.

Helping children understand their own emotions

When dad didn’t notice, Feifei, who was playing on the slide, came towards him crying. "What's wrong?" Dad didn't know the reason. "It fell!" Looking at Feifei's injured leg, which was not serious, his father wanted to give him a manly encouragement: "It's okay! This little injury is nothing!" "Kids push!" Feifei cried. Gradually. "This..." Although the father felt a little distressed, he still hoped that his child would not be embarrassed. "It's okay! It's okay!" Feifei cried louder! The cry attracted everyone's attention to Fei Fei's dad. Fei Fei's dad felt embarrassed and had no choice but to drag Fei Fei home angrily. As a result, Feifei kept crying, which made the whole family panic...

Children aged two or three have too few vocabulary and have a very simple understanding of the relationship between cause and effect. and limited, they often cannot describe their moods and feelings clearly. When he himself is confused by this emotion, he will be at a loss what to do.

Therefore, you need to help your children build a collection of "emotional words". For example, if he falls and cries, you ask him, "Does it hurt? The baby has a bruise and it hurts, so he cries! Isn't it?" The child "hurts". If you are pushed down by a child, not only will your leg be bruised and painful, but you will also feel aggrieved. At this time, you have to tell your child: "Do you feel a little aggrieved by the child's push, so you feel uncomfortable? Dad understands you! But! , everyone is playing together, it is inevitable that there will be bumps and minor injuries, boys must be strong! Dad, cheer for the baby!" In this way, the child will not only be comforted by your understanding of his "pain", but also understand his own. I felt uncomfortable because of the "grievance" in my heart. At the same time, I got the understanding and support of my father, and he was also trying to learn what it means to be "strong".

Teach children how to deal with emotions in specific conflicts

"Hateful!!" Chenchen couldn't help but pointed at the person who always made trouble for him and crushed him. The child shouted, "Yuck!" Chenchen was furious and seemed to have the urge to go up and beat him, but he felt more aggrieved and felt sorry for his "rice ball". Of course, he was also a little afraid of the unreasonable man. of troublemakers. Chenchen was so angry that he stood there and stared at the child fiercely. He was so angry that he didn't know what he should do except shouting "hate"...

When the conflict makes the child reach When a child reaches the limit of an emotion, what parents should do most at this time is to help him relieve this tense state, and use this specific situation to teach the child the correct way to deal with emotions or solve problems.

Comfort and ask the child: "Did he crush your rice ball, making you sad? Angry? However, you can't hit, because hitting is a worse behavior. . So, what do you think you should do? "Children aged two or three are too young after all, and they don't know what to do. American anger control expert Lynne Namka suggests that parents can do this next: first try to ask the child to check his abdomen, chin and fists to see if they are tense or tight. If so, let the child take a deep breath to make these Relax the area and let out the anger. After that, let the child speak out his dissatisfaction seriously and loudly, such as "He keeps crushing the rice balls I finally made, and I am so angry!..." In such venting, the child can understand : My emotions have some normal logic. It prevents children from becoming more troubled by their emotions. At the same time, with your analysis and explanation, the child will no longer regard this anger as a legitimate reason to fight back or hit someone.

Parent self-examination: How do I control my emotions?

The family sat together and discussed Xixi’s recent behavior: she would cry when she encountered something she was powerless to do; she would lose her temper when she encountered something she was not satisfied with; those things that made her resentful She always talked about it and kept it in mind...Suddenly, everyone wanted to look at each other, and if they realized something - Mom and Dad always cried in front of Xixi when they had a fight; Dad brought home the troubles at work. At home, we often get angry over trivial matters; as for grandma, she murmurs all day about whose old lady didn’t call her while playing cards...

A child is a mirror, and he reflects the family to a great extent. The members’ personalities, qualities, habits and the culture of the entire family. Including, of course, the emotional intelligence responses of each of you.

When you are angry because your child has done something wrong, try to say "What you did (specific thing) made me so angry!" rather than "You are so annoying! It's so annoying." I can't stand it anymore!" In this way, the child will understand that you are dissatisfied because of his behavior, not because of him. We must try our best to avoid such words that will hurt the child's self-esteem and self-confidence, and at the same time avoid giving the child an influence that "targets people" instead of "targets things."

On the other hand, parents sometimes hide their emotions. He was obviously unhappy, but he didn't explain it clearly. He behaved strangely and lost his temper. This can also cause distress for children. The best way is to tell your child so that he can feel your emotions and watch how you get through the emotional difficulties.

How to cultivate children with high emotional intelligence? Teach you to cultivate high emotional intelligence in your children

Emotional intelligence is the key to better contact with people around you in life. For children, how to improve their emotional intelligence? How to cultivate "emotional intelligence"?

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence refers to emotional intelligence, which is the ability of human beings to understand, control and regulate their own emotions. In short, it is the ability to feel and feel.

Is emotional intelligence innate?

Emotional intelligence has much less genetic component than IQ. However, part of the ability of emotional intelligence is still related to genetics. For example, some children are very quiet when they are born, and some children are easily awakened and lose their temper. IQ is probably set in adolescence and is difficult to improve. Emotional intelligence is more about nurture than innate inheritance. You can learn and improve as you grow older.

Before the age of 6 is a critical period for cultivating children’s emotional intelligence.

Parents’ emotional intelligence can be conveyed to their children. The tenderness and deep affection shown between parents is bound to have a positive impact on their children. In order to improve children's emotional intelligence, psychologists have made the following suggestions:

Express love frequently. Physical touch and eye contact both help improve your child's emotional intelligence. Frequent expressions of affection during play, meals, and conversations can cultivate healthy emotions in children.

Help children express their emotions. It is also important to help children understand and recognize various emotional expressions. Many times children show anger because they don't know how to control their emotions.

Teach children to make their own decisions. Independence is the most important aspect of emotional intelligence. Only by letting them learn to make their own decisions from an early age can they develop an independent character.

Acknowledge your child’s emotions. Allow children to express their anger rather than telling them to "not be angry." Additionally, asking them why they are angry is important to help them manage their emotions. Remember not to try to suppress your child’s emotions when they are angry.

Recognize their achievements. Always affirm children's intelligence and avoid belittling their achievements, otherwise they will lose the ability to accept failure. Teach children to actively cope with and overcome negative emotions when they encounter setbacks.

Give your children more positive encouragement. The philosopher James said, "The most ardent requirement in human nature is: the desire to be affirmed." Appreciation, praise, and encouragement are the specific performance of affirming a person (especially a child) and are necessary to help children build self-confidence. . In daily life, we should be good at discovering the advantages and strengths of our children. For example, to show confidence in your child, you can say to him: "I believe you can do it"; when pointing out the child's strengths, parents can say: "I think your math ability is very good", "You will take the initiative to organize your own The room is a very good advantage." "Your handwriting is neat and looks very comfortable."

The ability to manage emotions. The ability to manage emotions is commonly referred to as letting children be the masters of their emotions.

Managing emotions includes two aspects. One is to be able to fully express one's emotions without suppressing them. The second aspect is to be good at restraining your emotions and being good at expressing your emotions appropriately. Let’s take a child’s expression of anger as an example. When some parents criticize and punish their children, they do not allow their children to defend themselves, cry, or even express some dissatisfaction. Over time, such children will become either submissive, depressed, or submissive in person, but vent their anger behind their backs by breaking discipline and destroying things in extreme ways, which are not conducive to the cultivation of children's emotional intelligence.

The appropriate approach is that when criticizing a child, allow the child to defend and tell his own truth. When the child is punished, he should also be allowed to cry, and he should also be allowed to be dissatisfied and allowed to He was angry. Both parents and teachers must put away their teacher's dignity and allow their children to fully express their emotions without suppressing them. We don’t want our children to be free of anger, but we just want to teach them how to express anger appropriately. Only through constant expression can children gradually learn reasonable ways to express emotions.