Children's emotions are like flash floods. How can parents guide him to restore calm?

Recently, a mother asked me for advice, saying that children are particularly emotional, and if they don't like it, they will make a scene. Children's emotions are like floods, and they can't breathe every time. She feels very tired to raise such a child.

This situation is actually not a case. Children always have headaches at certain special stages, but we can't lose confidence in their education. Learn to guide children's emotions like mountain torrents in the right way.

Learn * * * love, first understand and then solve, children are human beings, and children also have a heart.

Habitual failure to treat children as natural persons is called "survival of the fittest" in the animal kingdom and "China's parents" in the human world. In the animal world, in the face of cubs, females will teach them to be "human beings" by pulling their legs, kicking their shoulders and biting the back of their necks; In the human world, when facing children, mothers in China will severely attack children with such wise words as "I am your mother" and "I am for your own good".

In the eyes of China's parents, all the negative emotions of children come from his ruthlessness and unreasonable troubles. In the face of children's tears and screams, the first reaction is always: "I have apologized for being bigger, I have said I will take you later, and I have advised you." Why are you still making trouble? I am your mother! " How many parents think that apologizing to their children is condescending to lower your price? Apologizing is like winning the Nobel Prize in Mathematics. I can't wait to send 800 friends to announce to the world: "Look, what a great mother I am!" " Please don't be moved by yourself, give yourself gold. Can you stop pretending and really think from the child's point of view?

Children are people, and children have a heart. If they have a heart, they will be sad. In the face of parents who repeatedly fail to fulfill their promises, children will be sad, sad and lose their temper. Is it abnormal? This is normal. When in love, a boyfriend who is five minutes late will be watched for half a day. If he doesn't agree, he will say "I don't listen, I don't listen", and you will use him as an attack weapon when you quarrel in the future. How come when you get to the child, you feel that if you break your word, apologize and say Sao Aorui, the child must be put down? You can't be too double-marked.

Therefore, in my opinion, before finding a solution, the first thing to do is to understand the child and his negative emotions.

The most important step in establishing parent-child relationship is to establish emotional relationship. In psychology, * * * emotion refers to feeling each other's feelings from each other's standpoint. The starting point of understanding a child's negative emotions is not that he wants to find fault, but that his parents have not fulfilled their promises. If you think about the problem from this angle and comfort your child, not only will his mood be relieved, but your anxiety will also be reduced.

It should be pointed out that:

First, * * * sympathy, * * love is based on equality and respect. Don't open your mouth and shut up is "I am your mother". Learn to listen. After listening, use your own similar experience to explain and communicate with your children.

Second, the purpose of * * * love is not to control, not to say that it is necessary to * * * love in order to shut up the child, but to have a deeper communication with the child.

You can love, but don't spoil. Set boundaries and constrain behavior

French Lu Xun and Rousseau once really said, "Do you know any way to make your children unhappy?" This method is to be obedient to him. Another way of saying "obedience" is to spoil. The country has the national strength to overcome difficulties, and the family has the strength to support a person. Children have learned the way of "crying children have milk to drink" since childhood, and there is a tendency for ancient shrews to "cry twice and hang themselves three times". Although parents have to learn * * * feelings, blind understanding and compromise may not be the understanding of children in the end.

There is a ratchet effect in psychology, that is, once people's consumption habits are formed, they are irreversible, and it is easy to adjust upwards and difficult to adjust downwards. In short, it is difficult to change from frugality to luxury. The reason why children get angry easily and make a scene when they are not satisfied is because they are used to being satisfied. Under this habit, if you let him settle for second best, of course he won't agree. Coupled with childhood doting, he has long known that "nothing can't be solved by crying once." If you can't solve it once, then cry twice and cry for a long time. " In the long run, this threat of crying and self-harm will inevitably intensify.

For today, all you have to do is draw a line for him, and make sure he knows your principles and bottom line: "I understand your emotions, I understand your dissatisfaction, and I respect your venting, but I will never accept or allow you to take destructive violence such as hitting people and throwing things."

On the issue of educating children, the most popular sentence is: "If you don't teach children now, others, society and law will discipline you in the future." So, instead of waiting for someone else to discipline you later, do it yourself.

The most appropriate way to educate children is actually "carrots and sticks", which is a psychological reward and punishment effect. Praise, encourage and trust children to stimulate their self-esteem and self-motivation; There should also be appropriate and moderate punishment to urge them to correct their mistakes. Only by combining rewards and punishments and paying equal attention to kindness and prestige can children enter the correct growth track.

Correct yourself first, educate others first. Children are the epitome of parents, you can't blame him for being crooked.

Why is the discussion about family background on the Internet getting more and more intense now? It is because people know how powerful family background is to a person's growth. Whether it is American TV series or reality, the pervert killer must have been born in an unhappy family. It is a miracle that a violent father and a weak mother grew up in this family. Similarly, behind every bear Haizi, there must be a bear parent. Parents are modest and gentle as jade, and the possibility of children being cold-blooded and selfish is probably zero.

"He will be you when he grows up" is not just talk. Children are always the epitome of parents. There is a sharpening effect in psychology, which means that in the process of social perception, if people are told their own value before perceiving the object, then this value will greatly promote their perception, which is the so-called concept that affects cognition.

Parents are the first people to come into contact with when children grow up. Parents' words and deeds and their displayed values can easily exert a subtle influence on their children. Therefore, if the child is grumpy, stubborn and inflexible, it is very likely that the parents are also like this.

You said children like to hit people. Is it possible that you usually like to strike the table and stare at people? You said that children often speak ill of each other. Do you always swear? Instead of blaming children first, it is better to reflect on yourself first. If you want to educate and correct children's behavior, you must first change and restrain your own behavior.

As the saying goes, if you want your child to change, parents should first set an example and take the lead, so that he can grow up in a good environment from a family, so that it is difficult for him to grow crooked.

Under the supervision of Mr. Zheng