My child doesn’t do any housework, is it because he is lazy? The reason may lie with the parents

Usually, it is customary to believe that children who do not do housework are accustomed to it by their parents. Parents are too doting on their children and are reluctant to let them lose weight, let alone let them do housework.

However, our expressions are often too intense, causing indelible trauma to their young minds: They are so young, they can wipe it clean; look at the food you ate, and it was all over the floor, hurry up Go away and play...

This series of accusations have a subtle impact on the child's psychology. He will think like this, "Am I unable to do anything well? I can do everything well." Being scolded"

At this time, parents have fallen into the "misunderstanding of love"

At this time, the child is no longer "lazy" and "diligent", but a person who should be Full of energy, self-confidence and the gradual loss of self-care ability.

Let’s talk about my sister’s children. Once I went to her house for dinner and saw this scene:

“Food "It's done, my daughter will come out to eat"

"Right away" she replied!

When she came to the dining table, her eyes widened and she asked, "Where is my food?"

Along with it was an indignant expression.

Her expression and questioning are telling us: You should serve me the rice and place it in front of me waiting for me to eat!

She has a pair of 7-year-old little hands and can serve food by herself. Why do you think it’s natural for my sister to serve her food?

I quickly found the reason. As parents, we all want to give our children more love, and even doting on them, but it only causes harm to the children invisibly!

Because my niece went to school early, she entered first grade at the age of 7. Once she failed in a math test, her eldest sister punished him by copying arithmetic problems 20 times and made the child do housework.

My niece cried and carried her schoolbag into the room to carry out the "punishment" that was part of her "obligation".

I asked my eldest sister, these are obviously her children. How come the things that students should do are turned into punishments and imposed on the children? The eldest sister said: I can’t help it! How can she have a long memory if she doesn’t do this?

Yes, my sister not only He has a deep doting on his children, and has wrong concepts of educating children, which makes his children have no sense of responsibility and lose the confidence to achieve good results next time.

It even makes the child feel that I am learning for you and doing it to make you happy. Doing housework was originally a happy thing, but now it has become my punishment! Who would be happy to do it? Huh~

Many parents’ wrong guidance in life has led to children’s cognitive bias

Xiaolin’s family of three took their children to Disneyland to play, and they always thought I wanted to let my child see the world at the youngest age, but unexpectedly, while buying ice cream for the child, I got separated from the child in the crowd.

Xiaolin and his wife must be extremely anxious, because the child is only 5 years old! What should they do? In the anxious moment, they forgot to call the police, so they kept asking passers-by if they had seen a man in blue. The little boy in the colorful vest...

Fortunately, they called the police after being reminded by passers-by. Interestingly, when the police found the little boy, his words made the police present dumbfounded.

The policeman wanted to reveal his identity and gain the little boy's trust, but in return he burst into tears,

"Uncle policeman, please don't arrest me."

The police are supposed to protect the family and the country and maintain social order, but every time a child makes a mistake, he "terrorizes" the police uncle to arrest him if he disobeys.

Although the matter has been solved very well, it is very worthy of our reflection. Your wrong guidance is the child’s understanding of the world

I have always believed in the starting point of all parents They are all good, and they all want their children to be diligent and obedient. They just use the wrong method to make their children hate doing housework, hate the police uncle, and even hate studying from now on.

This is actually a sign of potential rebellion!

One of the influencing factors: always denying the child's approach

Chinese parents have always been self-centered and autocratic in educating their children.

This leads to many problems being handled and solved in a one-sided manner, without ever listening to the child’s opinions and understanding his own thoughts.

The only reason is that they feel that the children are not mature enough and lack a sense of autonomy. This also makes the children feel that their parents are domineering, and they will naturally not treat you as someone to talk to. Whenever they make a mistake, They will become timid, evade, or even shirk responsibility, which is called "blaming" in psychology. Adult children lack the courage to take responsibility.

The second influencing factor: high expectations for children

Speaking of this, there is a very common phenomenon. Whenever the holidays come, parents start to compete with each other to give their children various grades. "Interest classes" are afraid that children will lose at the starting line. Taking up a lot of time for the child every day is said to be a consideration for the child's future, hoping that he will become a high-achieving person in the future.

But you must know that if a child shows talent and desire for music every day, don’t let him sign up for a painting class. If you want to be a painter yourself, don’t force it on your child. It’s clearly moral kidnapping!

The third influencing factor: more accusations than encouragement!

If you ask your child to do something, and once the child does it but fails to do it well, do not blame or shame him, but first affirm his efforts and positive aspects, and then guide and encourage him. Keep doing it so that he feels that his continued efforts will bring comfort to his parents, and their parents will love him more.

How do we deal with a child who doesn’t like to do housework?

1. Clarify our needs and tell him

Doing housework is not To complete a task for you, you must participate with him or her so that everyone has a strong sense of participation. Before starting, hold a family meeting to clarify everyone's division of labor and it must be completed

The child will definitely reject it at the beginning, but after your strict implementation, the child will gradually get used to it. It should be noted that ordering the child to do housework and putting forward your needs are two completely different voices. Do not cause discomfort to the child. Necessary misdirection.

2. The time of work must be fixed to allow children to form inertia

The power of habit is powerful. When children do something, once they form a certain If there is inertia, it will be carried out involuntarily, so we should clarify the time when we first divide the work. It can be a time period in the day or one day in each week.

When working During the process, we can also keep asking the children if they need help, because some children are unwilling to do housework because they feel that they cannot do it well.

3. Encourage the children and express gratitude

Encouragement is the best way to enhance children's self-confidence. Every time a task is completed, praise it in time. This is equivalent to the child learning a new skill, but don't forget to encourage it.

Parents must Don't underestimate something as simple as doing housework. This will greatly promote the child's future personality development. It can not only enhance the child's sense of responsibility, but also cultivate the child's ability to divide labor and collaborate.

Therefore, we must slowly let go of the role of parents, calm down, get involved, participate in his growth, and appreciate the joy that our children bring to us!