Why should the monument be erected three years later?

Three years later, the monument will be erected, because many people have not recovered from the pain of losing their loved ones. Once the monument is erected, they can't deceive the illusion that their loved ones are still alive.

Many places have the custom of erecting a monument three years after death. Perhaps many people will be puzzled by this custom. Why does it take three years to erect a monument? Today, Bian Xiao compiled some information for you. Let's have a look!

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"Disciples Rules" mentioned: "After three years of mourning, I often grieve and live in a different place. In particular, the last sentence expresses that in the past three years, we should treat our dead parents like living parents. How to treat them like living people? The ancients thought that it was enough not to erect a monument. Here, I want to talk about the function of setting up a monument. The purpose of erecting a monument is to set up a memorial tablet for future generations to worship their dead parents. Once the tombstone is erected, there is no way to "get things done", which breaks the rules.

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The culture of setting up a monument for three years comes from this passage of Confucius in The Analects of Confucius Yang Huo: "Kill me and ask: Three years have been lost for a long time! If a gentleman doesn't do it for three years, his manners will be bad. He didn't do it for three years, and the music collapsed. The old valley has gone, the new valley is rising, and the time has passed. Confucius said: the husband eats, Kim, and the woman? Say: Ann. Women are peaceful for it. Husband and wife are in mourning and don't want to eat, listen to music and live, so they don't do it. This woman is safe, so do it! Kill me, Confucius said: it is not kind to give! My son was born three years ago, and then he broke away from his parents. My husband was lost for three years, and the whole world was lost. Come on, have three years of love for your parents? "

The simple understanding of this sentence is that it takes three years for parents to raise us from birth to being able to walk independently and get rid of their parents' arms. Parents lost their children for three years. We should repay our parents for their kindness in these three years, and we need to be as grateful to them as our parents took care of us.

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The performance of not "making trouble" is reflected in the following aspects:

One: Once the monument is erected, the father's name will be engraved into the word "Kao" on the tombstone, and the mother's name will be engraved into the word "Cong". This title is a courtesy title for father and mother after death. These two words must be on the tombstone and cannot be matched by parents, otherwise it is a practice of "folding life" and "folding happiness".

Two: once the monument is erected, the dates of birth and death become fixed formulas, and naturally you can't deceive yourself, and your parents are still alive. Can't achieve the purpose of filial piety.

Three: Tombstones are memorial tablets that record merits and demerits. The merits and demerits of parents can't be understood overnight. In three years, we will constantly recall the bits and pieces we got along with them, and then find out their merits and demerits, so that after three years, we can write a detailed epitaph and bury it with the tombstone for future generations to pay tribute to.

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Whether it is filial piety or personal feelings, three years is too short, because there is no way to repay the kindness of parents in just three years. Three years is too long, because modern people don't have much time to remember their ancestors. The dead are gone, so are the living. Living well every day is our best filial piety to our ancestors.

Looking back now, the custom of not erecting a monument for three years is unfilial. If you put off erecting the monument for three years, you will be worried. Missing is the best filial piety. I think they should be able to feel the spirit in heaven.

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These are the reasons why the monument can't be erected for three years, but in addition to these reasons, it is also influenced by China's traditional culture, such as ghost culture, religious culture, folk customs, etc., which will affect this custom more or less.