Accomplishment is here, and skills are here.

I have an acquaintance who has always been famous for his popularity in the circle of friends. Why is she popular? Because she has many friends. From the parturient who gave birth in the same hospital on the same day to the colleague who came to Beijing for a meeting from other provinces, they can hit it off and become friends. On weekends, she often calls her friends and goes out to eat, which is very lively. Good popularity brings good reputation. She has always had a warm, generous and generous reputation among her friends, and everyone is willing to communicate with her.

I don't want to write this because I want to explain the vulgar success of "how to build your contacts", but the feeling after reading the first book of "Practice Eloquence". This book is not intended to impart speech skills, nor is it an eloquent book for salesmen. The focus is on the very important and easily overlooked content in oral communication-the art of speaking well. Many things about my friend can be used as positive cases. Speaking well is an important reason for her winning good popularity.

What is a good word? The author says that a good word is something that makes people happy and beneficial. Good words can make the listener happy, enhance self-confidence and boost energy. As the saying goes, criticism makes people progress. In fact, praise is the most effective way to correct shortcomings. Speaking well can also improve the health of the listener. But in fact, the biggest beneficiary of saying good things is the speaker himself, because "what you pay for appreciating others is far less than what you get from being praised." This is a golden inequality in interpersonal communication.

Many of us have a misunderstanding that people who are "sweet-mouthed" may not be kind. "Good people have a mean mouth, but bad people have a sweet mouth". Honest and frank people often offend people by telling the truth, while villains are usually full of sweet words. In fact, good words do not mean lies, but advice is not bad. A person who can talk, even criticism, will say it in a clever way so as not to embarrass the other party. Yes, when we look at a person, we should listen to his words and observe his actions, but there is no contradiction between saying and doing. Saying good words and doing good deeds is the principle of being a man. Can a cynical and hurtful person be a good person? Similarly, if you have a kind heart, why use bad words to cover it up?

Someone is puzzled. I am a person with a good personality, but why is it difficult to establish a good relationship with others? That's because I can't say good things. Language is the most direct tool for interpersonal communication. If you can't express yourself, your kindness, loyalty and integrity will be hard to understand. Those who say good things are not necessarily good people, but good people must learn to say good things. As the old saying goes, others will look at you for a long time, but in this fast-paced society, others may have lost interest in interacting with you before they realize everything about you.

What is a good word?

The author divides good words into twelve kinds.

First, praise others. The most important thing of a good word is to praise others, which can stimulate fighting spirit and narrow the distance.

Second, respect what people say. Respect others, don't say hurtful words, regardless of age or seniority.

Third, thank you. Express gratitude, touch others and turn enemies into friends.

Fourth, words of thanks. Buddhists say: the more grateful you are, the more help you get and the greater your achievements.

Fifth, care about people. "Guan" means concern, "heart" means mood, and caring for others means caring for others' mood and feelings.

6. Thoughtful words. It is empathy, putting yourself in each other's shoes, saying that you forgive each other's mistakes and care about each other's face.

Seven, words of encouragement. Be good at encouraging others to build confidence and get out of the trough.

Eight, agree with people. Agreeing with others will make you a winner. Although you lost the truth, you won the other person's heart.

Nine, trust people. Express trust and communicate with your heart.

Ten, modest words. Modesty is an essential quality for successful people. The more successful people are, the more they will say modest words.

1 1. If we discuss it. When talking to others, don't use the tone of command, but use the tone of expressing opinions to let the other person make the final decision.

Twelve, if you don't lose your temper. When ordinary people are angry, it is a good word that you can not get angry and vent your anger.

These twelve kinds of good words are summed up in one sentence as positive energy. It looks simple, but it's hard to last a lifetime. Besides being related to everyone's cultivation, there are many ways to help us master the skills of saying good things.

How to say it well?

1. Smile.

If you want to say yes, you must first learn to smile. Some people always talk to others with a straight face, and some people look serious as long as they speak seriously. This is a big taboo in interpersonal communication. A smiling face can bring people a kind feeling and add charm to your language. The author of the first book "Practice Eloquence" thinks: "Smile is the core method to achieve good communication and the method with the highest input-output ratio." The friend I wrote at the beginning of the article always smiles when she speaks, which is one of the secrets of her popularity.

Second, four ways to praise others

With the awareness of saying yes, the next step is to practice saying yes. Many people don't know where to start, so they might as well start by learning to praise others.

Realm: Primary realm: People praise me and I praise others. Intermediate realm: people don't praise me, I praise others. Advanced realm: people belittle me and I praise others.

Order: praise first: praise as soon as you meet. Compliment: When to compliment in conversation. After praise: praise after listening to words and deeds.

Depth: praise appearance: praise people's external image. Boasting ability: boasting about people's expertise and skills. Praise quality: praise people's thought, morality and understanding.

Object: Shan Zan: Two people get along and praise each other. Double praise: one to two, by praising one person, make both people happy, such as praising children in front of parents. Praise a group of people.

The friend mentioned above is very boastful. She will praise and bless the progress and achievements of others. If you help her, in addition to thanking her, she is full of praise for your ability and people. She can see many bright spots around her and seize them in time, which makes her a more popular person.

It must be noted that praising others does not make you insincere, flattering or boastful. Praise should follow the principles of kindness, accuracy, equality and consistency. The principle of kindness means that people should be kind, specifically kindness, gratitude, altruism, tolerance and empathy. The principle of accuracy is no exaggeration and no mistakes; The principle of equality is that praise should be treated equally, regardless of rank or personal relationship, and everyone can say good things, not favoritism; The principle of consistency is to be consistent before and after, and not to praise in person and belittle behind. These four points are about the speaker's mentality, so we should communicate sincerely. Everyone around us has his own advantages. People who are good at praising others are not "hypocritical", but have a pair of eyes that are good at discovering the advantages of others.

Third, the practice method of saying good things.

1, step by step method.

Say yes from family and mature population. There is no pressure in front of these people, even if they are wrong, they will not be laughed at.

2, "one simple and two live" training method. It is a training method to praise people's opinions and examples. "One Jane" means to say the advantages in two or three words first; The "second activity" is followed by vivid examples. For example: "You have a beautiful voice! Especially the high notes are particularly clean. " It is "simple" to say that the voice is good, and it is "two jobs" to say that the treble is clean.

3. "Shuang Yi" training method. It is the first time to say your first impression of each other. For example, your voice is really beautiful. Your skin is really good. The first impression is fresh, accurate and concrete, which can quickly create a harmonious conversation atmosphere.

4. "Sanzan" practice method. Praise three people, record the dialogue of praise and write down your feelings.

5. Every new compliment method. All the new changes of the other party should be grasped and praised in time. For example, this skirt of yours is really beautiful. Where did you buy it?

6, "setter" praise method. Is to praise others indirectly. First, when you are a setter, pass on the compliments of others; Second, someone else should be a setter and pass on your praise.

7. Forced praise method. That is to say, for two people with contradictions, they force their superiors to find the shortcomings of each other and talk to each other directly.

8, commonly used good words to recite. Recite praise words and sentences over and over again, and let them occupy your brain instead of negative words and sentences.

9, body language praise method. Compliment others with gestures, expressions and other body language. Including: thumbs up, patting shoulders, nodding, clapping, etc.

The author said that if you don't have time to say something nice, it depends on whether you can say it; No one doesn't like being praised, but whether the way you praise is suitable for him. A good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts June. It is very kind to say a good word and make yourself a source of positive energy. An elder I respect very much once said to me: the problem of speaking is not a problem of skill, but a problem of cultivation. When you practice here, your skills will naturally arrive. Wechat sweep