Dragon Boat Festival humorous jokes make you happy.

Dragon Boat Festival humorous jokes make you happy.

The following are the humorous jokes I arranged for you to make you happy during the Dragon Boat Festival. I hope you like them. For more jokes, please pay attention to cold jokes, hilarious jokes, humorous jokes, adult jokes and 100,000 cold jokes.

1. Late at night on Christmas Eve, Santa Claus came to my house!

I can't believe my eyes. Although the light is dim, I can still see that he is stuffing RMB into his socks!

Wow, Santa Claus sent money directly, so excited!

In order not to disturb him, I pretended to sleep for a long time in bed and thought a lot about how to spend money.

With the drumming of footsteps, Santa Claus finally left, and I couldn't wait to jump out of bed and turn on the light. ......

Shit, the $5,000 I put in the nightstand is gone! !

2. What's the matter with you, listless all day?

B: it's all because I got married. ....

Answer: Don't marry a wife, do everything possible to marry a wife. If you marry a wife, call it a disaster. It's not that serious, is it

B: well, people are unpredictable. Before I got married, I saw my father often kneeling and rubbing the washboard. I also told my girlfriend this embarrassing story and asked her if she would let me kneel down in the future. Girlfriend vowed: it's too late to hurt you, how can I make you kneel down and rub the washboard ... I didn't expect to get married a month ago. .....

A: Kneel and rub the washboard?

B: Yes, what annoys me most is that my mother and my daughter-in-law have recently started a competition to kneel and rub the washboard. . .

Wife: Honey, another year has passed. When will your goal be achieved?

Husband: I have realized it. I have a car, a house and money. What do you want?

Wife: There's one more thing that hasn't come true.

Husband: What is it?

Wife: It can make women want to die.

Husband: Nima, I won't let you take drugs.

Wife: Honey, what do you mean by saying goodbye to the old and welcoming the new?

Husband: Throw away the old ones and welcome the new ones!

Wife: Really? Great. Should I change my mobile phone?

Husband: Sure ... I'll buy you an apple tomorrow!

Wife: thank you, husband ... should I change this gold necklace, too?

Husband: OK ... I want to change it into diamonds. .....

Wife: thank you ... thank you ... honey, don't you have anything to change?

Husband: honey, you should ... washboard? .....

Wife: Yes ... but ... it's time to switch to glass slag. ....

Husband: You .......

When A Dai entered the operating room for operation, he heard the doctor talking. Is this at least100000?

? Well, this is at least150,000. ?

? Here, here, and here, there is no 800,000 that cannot be obtained. ?

? Doctor, does the operation cost so much? A Dai asked.

? No, there is no rule of law for your illness. We are calculating how much your useful organs can sell. ?

A Dai suddenly fainted.

? Well, the problem of no anesthetic has finally been solved, so hurry up with the operation! ?

6. There are two beggars stationed on the roadside downstairs in my house. One of them is going to meet people with a broken bowl, and the other is playing erhu on the ground with a broken bowl.

When I pass by work, I always ask a beggar with a bowl for money. I think I should say to him: Look, the erhu player is not out of tune, but what else can he do! ?

My inspiration is very useful. The next day, the beggar with a bowl pushed the speaker with a microphone and shouted out of tune next to the erhu.

Damn it, there's noise downstairs again because of my big mouth.

7. A greedy man gave birth to three daughters. When the eldest daughter got married, he asked the man for a bride price of 200 thousand, on the grounds that her daughter's high academic qualifications were worth it. When his second daughter got married, he asked the man for a bride price of 250 thousand on the grounds that her daughter was beautiful, surpassing the four beautiful women in history.

When the third daughter got married, the neighbor asked him: How much does this cost?

The greedy man thought for a moment and said, 300 thousand?

Neighbors keep asking:? Your third daughter's education is not high, and she is not beautiful. Why so many?

Money fans say loudly: With what, with weight

The neighbor smiled:? Hey mom, it's really worth it! ?

8, the rice is windy and dew, the beasts and demons are infested, and there are many difficulties on the westbound road.

Wukong scolded:? I'll report to Tathagata, ask him to give us a hand, and go to the Western Heaven. ?

Tang Yan said with a smile. Wukong, number?

Wukong asked. Master, why not?

The Tang Priest said that there are horses on the road, food on the spot, and banshees at night, and immortals are hard to save. What a green and exciting long-distance trip! Once in the Western Heaven, there will be no such days. ?

9. The husband is a civil servant and the wife is a taxi driver. The couple's income is well-fed, but they can't do anything big.

This day, the husband teased his wife and said, I have a classmate who also drives a taxi. He earns more than twice as much money as you do in a month. ?

When the wife heard her husband say this, she obviously said that her income was too low and she was very unhappy.

The wife said: Yes, your classmate is very capable, but I am incompetent. ?

The husband went on to say, the reason for this situation is not that your total income is low, but that your cost is higher than his. ?

My wife doesn't understand. My wife drives carefully every day. She has never had an accident or repaired a car, but the money paid to the company is the same. How can my cost be so much higher than his? The wife said loudly:? No ?

The husband smiled and said, it's true, you spend more on gas than he does. If you go to lose weight, you can reduce the cost.

10, my colleague summoned up the courage to confess to his girlfriend.

I asked with concern: Did she agree?

Colleagues said happily:? She answered my message today. ?

I'm happy for him, saying? What did she say?

Colleagues whispered mysteriously: She answered four words and went in and out. You can let me in and out, doesn't that mean you promised to marry me?

As soon as I heard it, I was anxious and said, what? You are wrong! ?

Colleagues don't believe me and ask: I thought I said yes. What does that mean?

I said:? There's no way in or out. Meaning! ?

Mom: Son, did you talk about someone?

Son: Not yet.

Mom: Oh, son, if you do, you must tell mom? You must not be stingy with your mother's financial allocation, right?

The son is very excited: Mom?

Mom: Hey, looks alone are definitely not enough. Can only rely on money?

Son?

12, A: What happened to your face?

Oh, forget it. What a pity! Can't you make fun of your wife?

A: Why? Hit so hard?

B: When I came home and saw that she was unhappy, I teased her that she had found 1000 yuan. As a result, she insisted that I hand it over. I said it was just a joke. She didn't believe me, slapped her, took 20 pocket money, and forced me to write an iou and owe her 980?

13, I heard that there is a company engaged in optical disc operation, and the effect is very good. In order to catch the typical example, the reporter rushed to interview. When he got there, he saw an aunt standing at the door of the company canteen.

Reporter: Auntie, I heard that your company's CD operation is particularly good?

Aunt: Sure, good?

Reporter: Auntie, tell me, is this CD action good?

Aunt: First, save food?

Reporter: What are the benefits?

Aunt: Second, reduce the labor burden?

Reporter: Reduce the labor burden?

Aunt: Can't you see I'm fine now, standing here? If I had to wash dishes before, how could I have time to chat with you?

14, Wife: Honey, today is your birthday. Here, give you a present? Said and took out a brand-new wallet and handed it to her husband?

My husband took a look. He took out a few dollars in his pocket and said, wife, what kind of wallet do you want for these dollars?

Wife: Oh, wait a minute. After that, he took out a stack of great men's heads from his pocket and gave them to you.

Husband: Ah! Poof, get some saliva and light the money. Ah, ten. Honey, are you so smart?

Wife: Today is your birthday. Do you want to be happy? But remember, give me a lot of tickets tomorrow, okay?

Husband: Ah, wife, do you want it back?

Wife: Nima, have fun on your birthday today. Will you celebrate your birthday tomorrow? Are you still happy?

15, my wife shouted as soon as she entered the room: Hungry, hungry? Why didn't I cook when I was watching in the kitchen?

Husband: Wife, I've heard of it. What do you mean, do it yourself and have plenty of food and clothing?

Wife: Oh? Come on up, it's scratching. Can you cook?

Husband covers his face: wife, I do it, I do it?

Soon, the food was ready. Wife: Honey, now I finally know what it means to do it yourself and have plenty of food and clothing.

Husband:?

16, Husband: Wife, it's hard to watch you do housework. When I get rich, I'll find you a nanny and let you do nothing?

Wife: Really? Do nothing?

Husband: Of course?

My wife came up and snapped: Nima, let her do the work of going to bed, too? You need a nanny to have a baby.

17, husband is going out, wife: Why?

Husband: Brother Xiao Li invites you to dinner?

Wife: Oh, drink less?

Husband: Honey, don't worry. You won't drink too much, will you?

Wife: Nima, you always say that. Which time is short?

Husband: Absolutely not. Just the pocket money that Xiao Li's wife gave him was less than mine. How much wine can I buy?

18, a mother took her daughter to see a psychiatrist. Mother said to the doctor: Is my daughter ill? Why does she always take off her clothes in public?

Hearing this, the doctor asked: Does she have any other symptoms?

Mom added: There are no other symptoms, that is, the more people there are, the more clothes she takes off!

At this time, the psychologist quickly replied: Your daughter's situation is very complicated, and I can't draw a conclusion myself. Wait till I call other doctors in the hospital for consultation!

19, I have a friend who works in a troupe and specializes in singing dirty faces. Once, he went on a blind date and met a beautiful woman. He introduced himself: My job is to play a showy actor.

After listening to this, the beauty was a little unhappy and replied: Your career must be a playboy!

The friend asked strangely: Why do you say that?

Beauty explained: because my mother told me what men think, it's all written on their faces!

20. Walking down the street with friends today, I saw a man kneeling down to confess to a woman.

Then I said to my friend: What a romantic scene!

The friend replied: romantic fart, before marriage, men should kneel to women on one knee, and after marriage, men should kneel to women on both knees.

After listening, I asked my friend: Is there a difference between kneeling on one knee and kneeling on both knees?

The friend said: Of course there is a difference. A man kneeling on one knee is courtship, and kneeling on both knees is begging for mercy!

2 1, A: Why is this dog following you all the time?

B: Nonsense, this is my dog. Who won't follow me? !

A: Then why did it just follow me and follow the ground so happily? Is it because I am more approachable?

B: it's hard to find the same kind. Can you be unhappy?

22. The tiger pestered his younger brother Xiaolong to tell him a story. Xiaolong had to say, let me tell you a story about a crow drinking water. It is said that a crow is thirsty and looks for water everywhere. He searched and searched, and found a bottle with water on the side of the road. He flew over with joy and put his mouth into the bottle. He's in big trouble. There is not much water in the bottle, and the mouth of the bottle is very small, so the crow can't drink water.

What shall we do? The crow sees many pebbles beside him. I had a brainwave and came up with an idea.

The crow put pebbles into the bottle one by one, and the water in the bottle gradually rose.

After a long time, I finally saw that the water was near the bottle mouth, and the crow happily put his mouth in.

At the moment of drinking water, the crow shouted, guess what he said?

Tiger said with a smile, he must have shouted, it's so cool. ?

Xiaolong shook his head. NONONO, he roared, which bastard has nothing to pee in the bottle?

23. a:? The Monkey King works miracles, so-called seventy-two changes. I never understood that after the Tang Priest got the Monkey King, he could let the Monkey King steal into the sutra depository and send it to him electronically. Why did he go to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures himself?

b:？ You are really stupid on the Internet. People cannot travel abroad at public expense for thirteen years. What do you do in the temple all day?

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